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"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."
Brendan Behan sid375 |
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
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"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."
Dan Quayle sid375 |
Not to be cheered by praise,
Not to be grieved by blame, But to know thoroughly ones own virtues or powers Are the characteristics of an excellent man I got the sex id for parkyourporn.com |
"I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it."
Spike Milligan. sid375 |
ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.
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The most hazardous part of our expedition to Africa was crossing Piccadilly Circus."
Joseph Thomson sid375 |
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
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"I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world."
Malcolm Bradbury. sid375 |
It takes two to speak the truth--one to speak and the other to hear.
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Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some
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Traditionally most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery. sid375 |
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
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"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi."
Bill Gullickson. sid375 |
In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take.
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"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."
Billy Connolly. sid375 |
"Wales is the land of my fathers. And my fathers can have it."
Dylan Thomas. sid375 |
Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.
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don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody
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"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
Oliver Herford. sid375 |
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."
Yakov Smirnoff. sid375 |
We do what we must, and call it by the best names.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name BZJXXLLWCP is pronounced Jackson."
Mark Twain. sid375 |
It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
Dan Quayle. sid375 |
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier
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Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun."
Ashleigh Brilliant. sid375 |
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle. sid375 |
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
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"The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders."
PJ O'Rouke. sid375 |
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
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We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
Dan Quayle. sid375 |
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
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"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee. sid375 |
It is not really difficult to construct a series of inferences, each dependent upon its predecessor and each simple in itself. If, after doing so, one simply knocks out all the central inferences and presents one's audience with the starting-point and the conclusion, one may produce a startling, though perhaps a meretricious, effect.
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"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace sid375 |
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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"I can speak Esperanto like a native."
Spike Milligan. sid375 |
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
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"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa. sid375 |
these kinds of threads always make me laugh... :1orglaugh
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RESIGN, v.t. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
'Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed A true renunciation Of title, rank and every kind Of military station -- Each honorable station. By his example fired -- inclined To noble emulation, The country humbly was resigned To Leonard's resignation -- His Christian resignation. Politian Greame I got the sex id for parkyourporn.com |
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
Will Rogers. sid375 |
OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
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"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."
Desmond Bagley. sid375 |
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.
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"There's nothing as stupid as an educated man, if you can get him off the thing he was educated in."
Will Rogers. sid375 |
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
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"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."
Paul Merton. sid375 |
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