There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think,

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Montana: At least our cows are sane! sid375

I know what I'm doing.

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More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed! sid375

Just show me somebody naked.


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Multitasking means screwing up several things at once sid375

Instead of getting married again

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My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom. sid375

I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

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My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states. sid375

Woot, you know it.

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Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut sid375

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

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Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. sid375

What's your sex fantasy?

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Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
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Who ya calling?

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Never miss a good chance to shut up. sid375

Power trouble.

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Never test the depth of the water with both feet. sid375

Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?


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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. sid375

don't think I like feet as much as you do.


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No one is listening until you make a mistake. sid375

Oh, Peter, that tickles me in a way, that if Loretta tickled me in that way, I'd say, Oh yea ... that's nice ... that's the spot.


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Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! sid375

Lois, our relationship can not be measured in nipples and dimes ... nickels and boobs ... money.



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Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? sid375

$49.95? Are you sure we can afford this?


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On the other hand, you have different fingers. sid375

Alright that's it!


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Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. sid375

Your wife's hot.


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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. sid375

No problem .

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Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand

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Oh, sorry.


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Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
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I'm holding hooters!


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Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
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Now hold on a second.


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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. sid375

And her hooters aint bad either.


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Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. sid375

I'm holding mellons

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Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.

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Now listen pal!


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Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. sid375

Hey, I love your act! Nice mellons.


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Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again.


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