"In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes."
sid375

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time



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"The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep."
Clinton aide George Stephanopolous. sid375

When I'm inspired, I get excited because I can't wait to see what I'll come up with next.


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"The Internet is a gateway to get on the net."
Bob Dole. sid375

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.


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It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
sid375

Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.


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I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor. sid375

IMMORTALITY, n.
A toy which people cry for,
And on their knees apply for,
Dispute, contend and lie for,
And if allowed
Would be right proud
Eternally to die for.
G.J.


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Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. sid375

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.


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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers We are the president."
Hillary Clinton. sid375

When a man wants to murder a tiger, it's called sport; when the tiger wants to murder him it's called ferocity.


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You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
Al Capone. sid375

Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.


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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
A Congressional Candidate in Texas. sid375

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better


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When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

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"A fool and his money are soon elected."
Will Rogers sid375

Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.


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"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks."
Robin Williams.

FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.


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"Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in."
Harry S. Truman. sid375

Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability

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"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."
Fred Allen sid375

HYPOCHONDRIASIS, n. Depression of one's own spirits.

Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot
Where long the village rubbish had been shot
Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps --
"Hypochondriasis." It meant The Dumps

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"Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"
Tom Lehrer. sid375

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.


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It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
Dan Quayle. sid375

Living in a vacuum sucks.


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Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."
Daniel J. Boorstin. sid375

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.


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"Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so."
Gore Vidal.
sid375

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
Will Rogers. sid375

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes.


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Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle. sid375

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.


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"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Patrick Moore.
sid375

There are more of them than us.


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Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

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"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns. sid375

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.


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"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen. sid375

What's another word for Thesaurus?


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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
Groucho Marx. sid375

What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?


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"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
Oscar Wilde. sid375

SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.



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So my choice is 'Or Death?'."
Eddie Izzard. sid375