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"If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences."
William Sunday. sid375 |
Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
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"I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album."
Rita Rudner. |
Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong.
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"Thank God I'm an atheist."
Luis Bunuel. sid375 |
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue
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"The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted."
Brendan Behan. sid375 |
We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us
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"In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it."
Dave Thomas. sid375 |
The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
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They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
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"Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable."
HG Wells. sid375 |
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
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If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?"
George Deacon. sid375 |
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
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"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
Woody Allen. sid375 |
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Emo Philips. sid375 |
you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
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"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
Quentin Crisp. sid375 |
Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.
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"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read."
Hillaire Belloc. sid375 |
Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.
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"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'."
Charlie Brown. sid375 |
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
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"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey. sid375 |
Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality.
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"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett. sid375 |
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole. sid375 |
have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them
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"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
Garrison Kielor. sid375 |
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher."
Linda Evangelista. sid375 |
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
Mariah Carey. sid375 |
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting
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"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."
George Burns. sid375 |
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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"I would have made a good Pope."
Richard Nixon. sid375 |
What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
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Quote:
how do you figure that ? ther is another 11 hours 15 minutes to go :2 cents: sid375 |
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
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"I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night."
Woody Allen. sid375 |
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
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"God is love, but get it in writing."
Gypsy Rose Lee. sid375 |
Quote:
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"I don't pray because I don't want to bore God."
Orson Welles. sid375 |
"As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
Woody Allen. sid375 |
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