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Old 07-02-2004, 03:45 AM   #1901
sid375
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"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."
Brendan Behan sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:45 AM   #1902
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The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:46 AM   #1903
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"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a 'part' of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a 'part' of Europe."
Dan Quayle sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:46 AM   #1904
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Not to be cheered by praise,
Not to be grieved by blame,
But to know thoroughly ones own virtues or powers
Are the characteristics of an excellent man

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:46 AM   #1905
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"I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it."
Spike Milligan. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:47 AM   #1906
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ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:47 AM   #1907
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The most hazardous part of our expedition to Africa was crossing Piccadilly Circus."
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:47 AM   #1908
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:48 AM   #1909
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"I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world."
Malcolm Bradbury. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:48 AM   #1910
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It takes two to speak the truth--one to speak and the other to hear.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:48 AM   #1911
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Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:48 AM   #1912
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Traditionally most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:49 AM   #1913
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Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:49 AM   #1914
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"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi."
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:49 AM   #1915
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In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:50 AM   #1916
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"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."
Billy Connolly. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:50 AM   #1917
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"Wales is the land of my fathers. And my fathers can have it."
Dylan Thomas. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:50 AM   #1918
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Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:51 AM   #1919
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don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:51 AM   #1920
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"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
Oliver Herford. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:52 AM   #1921
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Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."
Yakov Smirnoff. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:52 AM   #1922
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We do what we must, and call it by the best names.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:52 AM   #1923
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name BZJXXLLWCP is pronounced Jackson."
Mark Twain. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:53 AM   #1924
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It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
Dan Quayle. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:53 AM   #1925
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Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier

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Old 07-02-2004, 03:53 AM   #1926
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Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun."
Ashleigh Brilliant. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:53 AM   #1927
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:54 AM   #1928
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"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git."
Alexai Sayle. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:54 AM   #1929
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It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.



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Old 07-02-2004, 03:54 AM   #1930
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"The Middle Eastern states aren't nations, they're quarrels with borders."
PJ O'Rouke. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:54 AM   #1931
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If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.



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Old 07-02-2004, 03:55 AM   #1932
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We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
Dan Quayle. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:55 AM   #1933
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If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.



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Old 07-02-2004, 03:56 AM   #1934
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COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.



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Old 07-02-2004, 03:56 AM   #1935
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"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:57 AM   #1936
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It is not really difficult to construct a series of inferences, each dependent upon its predecessor and each simple in itself. If, after doing so, one simply knocks out all the central inferences and presents one's audience with the starting-point and the conclusion, one may produce a startling, though perhaps a meretricious, effect.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:57 AM   #1937
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"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:58 AM   #1938
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.


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Old 07-02-2004, 03:59 AM   #1939
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"I can speak Esperanto like a native."
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:59 AM   #1940
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What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.



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Old 07-02-2004, 04:00 AM   #1941
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"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
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Old 07-02-2004, 04:00 AM   #1942
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these kinds of threads always make me laugh...
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Old 07-02-2004, 04:00 AM   #1943
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RESIGN, v.t. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

'Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed
A true renunciation
Of title, rank and every kind
Of military station --
Each honorable station.

By his example fired -- inclined
To noble emulation,
The country humbly was resigned
To Leonard's resignation --
His Christian resignation.
Politian Greame


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Old 07-02-2004, 04:00 AM   #1944
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"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
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Old 07-02-2004, 04:01 AM   #1945
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OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.


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Old 07-02-2004, 04:02 AM   #1946
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"If a man is a fool, you don't train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous."
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Old 07-02-2004, 04:02 AM   #1947
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If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your thing.


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Old 07-02-2004, 04:03 AM   #1948
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"There's nothing as stupid as an educated man, if you can get him off the thing he was educated in."
Will Rogers. sid375
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Old 07-02-2004, 04:03 AM   #1949
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One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.


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Old 07-02-2004, 04:04 AM   #1950
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"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years."
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