What are your best "foot in your mouth" stories? - GoFuckYourself.com

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 03:05 PM

Have you ever stuck your foot in your mouth? What are your stories? You know, when you say something totally inappropriate, etc.

Here are two of mine:

------------------

A couple years back on the fourth of July, we went down to Newport Beach (the cliff area) and posted up to watch fireworks. I set up my camera, tripod and all.

A large crowd gathered. The location is buried within a very wealthy neighborhood, many of the attendees just walked down, however, some drove in and parked like we (my girl and I) did.

While the show was going off, and in between the applause, I said,

"This kind of sucks to be honest. What happened to the big fireworks they used to have."

I said it and it fell into a pit of silence.

When the fireworks ceased, and the applause began to subside, and my tripod was almost put back into my bag, one guy spoke up and said,

"Everyone, lets give a big round of applause to Steve for making this happen. Without him paying for this, as many of you know, the kids would not have had any fireworks this year."

I looked at my girl and felt like an ass.

-------------------

Last year in Phoenix, Gabe found us a modeling agency for the Phoenix Forum. We had them promote our site, Fuck Her Right.com, although the site wasn't launched then (obviously).

But the price of the models concerned me greatly. When Gabe quoted me the price, it was extraordinarily inexpensive. I was concerned the girls would be terrible.

But the opposite happened, the girls turned up on time and they were awesome. Super friendly, cute, interactive, it was awesome. We got tons of compliments. There was one girl in charge, she handled the money, the other girls got cut checks from her.

And then at one of the JBM hooters events, I got approached by someone (damned if I can remember which one of you it was, but if you are reading this, you know). The guy basically told me the models were awesome and that we did great.

I was a little buzzed from the beers, but I turned to him and said,

"Bro, it is amazing. You will never believe how much they cost! Lets just say that 4 of them combined doesn't equate for what most hot models would ask. These girls are cheap man!"

And then one of the models, whom I had no idea was standing behind me, tapped my shoulder,

"Excuse me, but what did you just say?"

I am sure I was bright red. I mean, I think I almost fainted from embarrassment.

Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE · 07-27-2006, 03:07 PM

Interesting stories!

american pervert · 07-27-2006, 03:09 PM

yeah.. never brag about the cost of models unless you are behind closed doors ;-)

Deej · 07-27-2006, 03:12 PM

"Hey, are you pregnant again?"

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by american pervert

yeah.. never brag about the cost of models unless you are behind closed doors ;-)

It was stupid. I was just so baffled at how inexpensive the whole deal was.

Lee · 07-27-2006, 03:16 PM

One of my buddies was dropping off a guy from college. He turned into his street and the guy says "just up there on the left", my buddy jokingly comments "shall I see if I can run that old minger over?", the guy replies "thats my mum".

jayeff · 07-27-2006, 03:42 PM

My own foot in mouth "moment" wasn't funny even if you were there, so one of my father's will have to do...

During my early teens we had a really bad housekeeper, but my father is one of those people who hates firing anyone so we stuck her out for a couple of years until she chose to leave. The details don't matter but the experience was enough to put my father off hiring a replacement for a long time.

However he finally decided to, placed an ad and one evening the telephone rang. He started talking and after a while I heard him say that he felt he should explain that he was being cautious because of our experience with the last housekeeper. The person on the other end must have encouraged further comment, because he began in graphic detail to describe this dreadful women and her equally dreadful daughter.

You can see it coming can't you... but believe me it wasn't obvious at the time that the woman on the 'phone was our former housekeeper

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 07-27-2006, 03:50 PM

a week ro 2 a ago, i went into a gas station and a girl i know was tlaking to the girl behind the counter, and i didn't know what they were talking about, i walked up to pay for my stuff and while walking up i heard only this "he did.." and i jokingly said "yeah, im sure he did!" and the girl looked at me and i was like "what did he do?" and she replied with "he hung himself in the stairway and i saw him when i came home"... right there i went silent and said "well... im out of here now"

insert foot in mouth.

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jayeff

My own foot in mouth "moment" wasn't funny even if you were there, so one of my father's will have to do...

During my early teens we had a really bad housekeeper, but my father is one of those people who hates firing anyone so we stuck her out for a couple of years until she chose to leave. The details don't matter but the experience was enough to put my father off hiring a replacement for a long time.

However he finally decided to, placed an ad and one evening the telephone rang. He started talking and after a while I heard him say that he felt he should explain that he was being cautious because of our experience with the last housekeeper. The person on the other end must have encouraged further comment, because he began in graphic detail to describe this dreadful women and her equally dreadful daughter.

You can see it coming can't you... but believe me it wasn't obvious at the time that the woman on the 'phone was our former housekeeper

LOL omg.

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LOL :D

a week ro 2 a ago, i went into a gas station and a girl i know was tlaking to the girl behind the counter, and i didn't know what they were talking about, i walked up to pay for my stuff and while walking up i heard only this "he did.." and i jokingly said "yeah, im sure he did!" and the girl looked at me and i was like "what did he do?" and she replied with "he hung himself in the stairway and i saw him when i came home"... right there i went silent and said "well... im out of here now"

insert foot in mouth.

BusterBunny · 07-27-2006, 04:01 PM

i walked outside of the store the other day, get in the car, stick the key in the ignition look up and there is a lady standing there scared and angry.....turns out it was her car and i was just blazed....not quite foot in mouth but worthy of being told

biftek · 07-27-2006, 05:39 PM

a couple of years ago , i was at a lan party with some other geeks
standing outside having a smoke talking to a few fellow geeks , talking about where we buying computer gear from
so i pipe up and say i wont buy from " x store cause the guy that runs it is a fucking tosser , doesn't know fuck all about computers , i ran him down something savage , a kid pipes up with , that's my dad your talking about he runs/owns the store

Fizzgig · 07-27-2006, 05:40 PM

Oh like I want to relive my most embarassing moments!

Scott McD · 07-27-2006, 05:41 PM

In a conversation, i accidently let slip to my girlfriend that i thought her sister had cracking tits...

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 05:46 PM

When I first was promoted to a management position at the consulting firm I worked for, I was sent to my first tradeshow where I met some "famous names" of the computer industry. I was completely starstruck and impressed. When I came back, during a company meeting, my boss asked me to tell everyone (who didn't get to go) about the tradeshow.

"It was great! You wouldn't believe the people I met! I saw the REAL IMPORTANT PEOPLE, not just the usual bunch of LOSERS and NOBODIES!"

uh, oops....

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 05:49 PM

LOL @ Steve....see man, that is like me, when I get excited I forget to think!

Syl · 07-27-2006, 05:49 PM

LOL. These are great. I remember one time talking shit about my ex via text message, meant to send it to my friend but sent it to him instead.

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syl

LOL. These are great. I remember one time talking shit about my ex via text message, meant to send it to my friend but sent it to him instead.

I have done that. It sucks, you stare at it and your face is totally warm and red.

I do that with icq as well.

Aneros Josh · 07-27-2006, 05:51 PM

One of my ex girlfriends used to like it when I would talk dirty during sex...I used to say all sorts of nasty shit but it all came to an abrupt halt when we were going at it one night and in the middle of all the excitement, I called her a "fucking bitch"...as soon as I said it, I knew she was gonna be pissed...sure enough, I ended up with a foot in mouth and a big pair of blue balls

HAPPYPEEKERS · 07-27-2006, 05:54 PM

One of mine was.. asking your girl to marry you.. and then asking Rajas girl to marry him.. lol

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happypeekers

One of mine was.. asking your girl to marry you.. and then asking Rajas girl to marry him.. lol

Ummmmm......I think you left something out woman!

I think you called my girlfriend my fiance????

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:02 PM

Another terrible one... We were doing training classes for a new credit card system that we developed. When the credit application was completely filled out, our system would "interrogate" the data to generate a credit score.

I thought the word "interrogate" was funny, so I started into cracking jokes (in my best NAZI GERMAN ACCENT)

"Zo, who are you? How did you get here! Zo, tell us data, ARE YOU A JEW?" -- not thinking about the fact that the company we were at was a well-known Jewish family-owned jewelery company!

Needless to say, I got no laughs, and an ass-chewing from my boss later that day.

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Another terrible one... We were doing training classes for a new credit card system that we developed. When the credit application was completely filled out, our system would "interrogate" the data to generate a credit score.

I thought the word "interrogate" was funny, so I started into cracking jokes (in my best NAZI GERMAN ACCENT)

"Zo, who are you? How did you get here! Zo, tell us data, ARE YOU A JEW?" -- not thinking about the fact that the company we were at was a well-known Jewish family-owned jewelery company!

Needless to say, I got no laughs, and an ass-chewing from my boss later that day.

I love this because now I can envision you as an employee, I have really only known you as an owner haha great stuff.

Kimo · 07-27-2006, 06:11 PM

the jew comment always gets me

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:23 PM

At 19, I worked as a salesman at a small computer store, and it was so slow there sometimes my buddy and I would sneak into the back and get drunk. I heard the door open, so we hid everything away and I came out to greet the customer. But there was no one there, so I assumed they opened the wrong door and left.

So I yelled to my buddy in the back, "Its ok, no idiot customers in sight! Pour me another shot!" --- 10 seconds later my boss walked out of the bathroom... "Idiot customers? And pour you another shot of WHAT?"

uh, oops...

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 06:27 PM

OMG Steve you are the worst employee of all time! haha

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WEG Cory

OMG Steve you are the worst employee of all time! haha

You have no idea, I've got many more stories like those... I admit I'm a shitty employee, that's why I've owned my own company since I was 27.

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:35 PM

During a training class for an AS/400 word processing system, the instructor was bragging about how great its spell checking ability was.

As an example, she wrote "Please come to my office for a meating" -- and the system quickly pointed out the word "meating" was incorrect.

So I said "Well thats great, but what if the first letter of the word is also wrong? Change the "m" in "meating" to a "b" and see what it does...

so without thinking she wrote "Please come to my office for a beating"

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:42 PM

Two more quick ones:

-- Walking up to two customers, asked "May I help you folks?" But as I said "folks", I hiccupped, and it came out "May I help you fucks?"

-- I worked at a gas station in the winter, and to be polite, I would always offer to pump gas for women, even on the self serve island. I walked up behind one woman with beautiful long hair, "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" She turned around and I quickly realized she was actually a guy with long hair. "Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I've been sniffing fumes out here all day and I must have gasoline in my eyes!"

rants · 07-27-2006, 06:44 PM

I accidentally put a carton of to-go food on the hood of my car (I've actually done this a few times with drinks too) and started driving forgetting it was there.

And all these guys were like pointing at me and telling me to stop. And I thought they were checking me out and being perverted so I got pissed off and started giving them dirty looks, I might have flipped them off too but luckily I didn't that time, until I realized that it was because I had shit on top of my car.

HAPPYPEEKERS · 07-27-2006, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WEG Cory

Ummmmm......I think you left something out woman!

I think you called my girlfriend my fiance????

hahaha.. ooopps.. now I remember lol

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 06:57 PM

I gotta tell this one too, about my mother at my brother's wedding night dinner. My mother wasn't too fond of my brother's new wife.

The bride's mother started into a long speech, toasting the newly married couple. "Here's to the new couple, their love is true and will stand forever. They were meant to be together."

Everyone waits silently to see if she is finished, only to hear my mother from across the table, "Pffffffft yeah right"....

Yngwie · 07-27-2006, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Two more quick ones:

-- Walking up to two customers, asked "May I help you folks?" But as I said "folks", I hiccupped, and it came out "May I help you fucks?"

-- I worked at a gas station in the winter, and to be polite, I would always offer to pump gas for women, even on the self serve island. I walked up behind one woman with beautiful long hair, "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" She turned around and I quickly realized she was actually a guy with long hair. "Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I've been sniffing fumes out here all day and I must have gasoline in my eyes!"

ok, you owe me a new monitor.. There's coke all over the damn place lol

notabook · 07-27-2006, 07:52 PM

I was watching an American football game with one of my high school buds, a 6?3? man of African descent. I blurted out halfway through the game ?You know, those fucking porch monkeys may be lazy as hell but at least they sure know how to run. I guess the spear chuckers got plenty of experience in their youth while stealing white folks shit and running from the cops?. Well what happened next was certainly surprising: I got knocked in the jaw by my 5?8? white friend. When I asked him just what the fuck did he think he was doing he replied: ?Dude, don?t say spear chucker, you have a negroid sitting not five feet away from you!?. I replied back to my friend ?Thank god he?s deaf then huh??. Then we all masturbated.

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 07-27-2006, 07:53 PM

steve, more please, these are hilarious

Varius · 07-27-2006, 07:59 PM

Here's one from recently at iwantU_Sam's wedding...

Oe guy at our table 'fanied' the waitress and we were trying to guess her age. Most guesses fell in the early 20s (this guy was 34). Well after we asked her, she turned out to be only 16.

She went away and we started making fun of him, and without realizing she had already returned and was standing right behidn me, I asked him

"Dude, why don't you open her blouse and see if red flowers fly out" (referencing American Beauty)....she heard it all and I blushed quite a bit heh

J. Falcon · 07-27-2006, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FleshJosh

One of my ex girlfriends used to like it when I would talk dirty during sex...I used to say all sorts of nasty shit but it all came to an abrupt halt when we were going at it one night and in the middle of all the excitement, I called her a "fucking bitch"...as soon as I said it, I knew she was gonna be pissed...sure enough, I ended up with a foot in mouth and a big pair of blue balls

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 08:18 PM

I had a friend that married his girlfriend because she was pregnant and he wanted to "do the right thing".

At their wedding, I was one of the groomsmen and required to be there very early for pictures. While the couple was taking pictures with their families, to kill time we found a beachball and started tapping it back and forth between us.

I grabbed it and stuffed it under my jacket, pretending to be the bride, "I'm Cheryl, I got pregnant so now Dave has to marry me... My Daddy has a big shotgun..."

Everyone turned white and pointed to the side of the room, where the videographer was standing, filiming everything! He gave me a "thumbs up" and just said, "Got it!"

um, oops...

E$_manager · 07-27-2006, 08:19 PM

interesting stories. nice

GTS Mark · 07-27-2006, 08:21 PM

One of my worst when I was working for Sears in college and a kid came in to buy some VCR for his Mom. Apparantly she is bedridden and cannot come into the store but was a good old customer of ours. So I said well I'm sorry but I better call your mom to verify she wanted to buy this. So I pick up the phone infront of him

"Hello Mrs. Brown, this is Mark down at Sears and your son is here and is wanting to buy a VCR, I just wanted to confirm with you that this purchase is alright with you and you want it on your sears card?"

Then the kid says... "I'm not a boy..."

Oh fuck, LOL!

DH

Cory W · 07-27-2006, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrinkingHARDEST

One of my worst when I was working for Sears in college and a kid came in to buy some VCR for his Mom. Apparantly she is bedridden and cannot come into the store but was a good old customer of ours. So I said well I'm sorry but I better call your mom to verify she wanted to buy this. So I pick up the phone infront of him

"Hello Mrs. Brown, this is Mark down at Sears and your son is here and is wanting to buy a VCR, I just wanted to confirm with you that this purchase is alright with you and you want it on your sears card?"

Then the kid says... "I'm not a boy..."

Oh fuck, LOL!

DH

hahaha I just laughed outloud.

When I was 16 my friend did that when we worked the Taco Bell drivethru. Then he asked me to come over for the pull around haha

SteveLightspeed · 07-27-2006, 09:10 PM

When I was maybe 10, we had a family-only membership to a community pool. I had a friend (who happened to be African-American) that wanted to go swimming with me one day. So I went to the front desk and said "My family has a membership here." The attendent said "I'm sorry, but your membership doesn't include friends."

I leaned in close, and whispered, "This IS my brother, but from the side of the family we aren't supposed to talk about."

uh, oops...

Romeo GaySearch4Sex · 07-27-2006, 09:36 PM

LOL Steve great stories!

I get embarassed from just about anything, so pointing out one specific instance of putting my foot in my mouth is too difficult when they all just sort of blur together ;)

CamsLord · 07-27-2006, 10:36 PM

some great stories

tony286 · 07-27-2006, 10:39 PM

My friend handled in new artists in NYC. He introduces me to a new rapper he signed, a nice guy talks about his mother has been such a big part of his life. He shows me one of the copies of his demo, it has a picture of him and a older looking woman on it. I said oh thats your mom with you, he said no its my wife.

PhillipB · 07-27-2006, 10:58 PM

I can't think of one in particular time, but you all know those moments...I call them the "I meant to trip moments"...when you do something embarrassing and try to cover it up?!? But the person that saw you knows very well you're covering it up? And you end up digging a much larger hole...

Michaelious · 07-27-2006, 11:29 PM

we were moving to go and talk to girls last night and i was trying to be all cool and tripped on a stair then my mate did the same thing right behind me wonderful

Cory W · 07-28-2006, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APN Philip

I can't think of one in particular time, but you all know those moments...I call them the "I meant to trip moments"...when you do something embarrassing and try to cover it up?!? But the person that saw you knows very well you're covering it up? And you end up digging a much larger hole...

Pete-KT · 07-28-2006, 10:22 AM

Damm steve those are some funny ass stories

kristin · 07-28-2006, 10:42 AM

I usually have my toes in my mouth at least ...

07-27-2006, 03:05 PM	#1
Cory W Deeply shallow Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Hollywood, Ca. Posts: 9,133	What are your best "foot in your mouth" stories? Have you ever stuck your foot in your mouth? What are your stories? You know, when you say something totally inappropriate, etc. Here are two of mine: ------------------ A couple years back on the fourth of July, we went down to Newport Beach (the cliff area) and posted up to watch fireworks. I set up my camera, tripod and all. A large crowd gathered. The location is buried within a very wealthy neighborhood, many of the attendees just walked down, however, some drove in and parked like we (my girl and I) did. While the show was going off, and in between the applause, I said, "This kind of sucks to be honest. What happened to the big fireworks they used to have." I said it and it fell into a pit of silence. When the fireworks ceased, and the applause began to subside, and my tripod was almost put back into my bag, one guy spoke up and said, "Everyone, lets give a big round of applause to Steve for making this happen. Without him paying for this, as many of you know, the kids would not have had any fireworks this year." I looked at my girl and felt like an ass. ------------------- Last year in Phoenix, Gabe found us a modeling agency for the Phoenix Forum. We had them promote our site, Fuck Her Right.com, although the site wasn't launched then (obviously). But the price of the models concerned me greatly. When Gabe quoted me the price, it was extraordinarily inexpensive. I was concerned the girls would be terrible. But the opposite happened, the girls turned up on time and they were awesome. Super friendly, cute, interactive, it was awesome. We got tons of compliments. There was one girl in charge, she handled the money, the other girls got cut checks from her. And then at one of the JBM hooters events, I got approached by someone (damned if I can remember which one of you it was, but if you are reading this, you know). The guy basically told me the models were awesome and that we did great. I was a little buzzed from the beers, but I turned to him and said, "Bro, it is amazing. You will never believe how much they cost! Lets just say that 4 of them combined doesn't equate for what most hot models would ask. These girls are cheap man!" And then one of the models, whom I had no idea was standing behind me, tapped my shoulder, "Excuse me, but what did you just say?" I am sure I was bright red. I mean, I think I almost fainted from embarrassment. __________________ ICQ: 292310358 Offering writing and content services (mainstream). Marketing for L3 Payments

07-27-2006, 03:09 PM	#3
american pervert Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,830	yeah.. never brag about the cost of models unless you are behind closed doors ;-) __________________ I can resist everything except temptation

07-27-2006, 03:12 PM	#4
Deej I make pixels work Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: I live here... Posts: 24,386	"Hey, are you pregnant again?" __________________ Deej's Designs n' What Not Hit me up for Design, CSS & Photo Retouching Icq#30096880

07-27-2006, 04:01 PM	#11
BusterBunny perverted justice decoy Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: unborn still in the womb connected via blackberry Posts: 19,291	i walked outside of the store the other day, get in the car, stick the key in the ignition look up and there is a lady standing there scared and angry.....turns out it was her car and i was just blazed....not quite foot in mouth but worthy of being told __________________ my sig caught gonoherpasyphilaids and died

07-27-2006, 05:40 PM	#13
Fizzgig Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In Your Dreams Posts: 9,649	Oh like I want to relive my most embarassing moments! __________________ ---'-,-{@ Sassy Grrrl @}-'-,---

07-27-2006, 03:07 PM	#2
Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE North Coast Pimp Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: 304-534-757 Posts: 9,395	Interesting stories!

07-27-2006, 03:16 PM	#6
Lee Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Kernow Posts: 2,977	One of my buddies was dropping off a guy from college. He turned into his street and the guy says "just up there on the left", my buddy jokingly comments "shall I see if I can run that old minger over?", the guy replies "thats my mum".

07-27-2006, 03:42 PM	#7
jayeff Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 2,944	My own foot in mouth "moment" wasn't funny even if you were there, so one of my father's will have to do... During my early teens we had a really bad housekeeper, but my father is one of those people who hates firing anyone so we stuck her out for a couple of years until she chose to leave. The details don't matter but the experience was enough to put my father off hiring a replacement for a long time. However he finally decided to, placed an ad and one evening the telephone rang. He started talking and after a while I heard him say that he felt he should explain that he was being cautious because of our experience with the last housekeeper. The person on the other end must have encouraged further comment, because he began in graphic detail to describe this dreadful women and her equally dreadful daughter. You can see it coming can't you... but believe me it wasn't obvious at the time that the woman on the 'phone was our former housekeeper

07-27-2006, 03:50 PM	#8
Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tinseltown NL Posts: 16,502	a week ro 2 a ago, i went into a gas station and a girl i know was tlaking to the girl behind the counter, and i didn't know what they were talking about, i walked up to pay for my stuff and while walking up i heard only this "he did.." and i jokingly said "yeah, im sure he did!" and the girl looked at me and i was like "what did he do?" and she replied with "he hung himself in the stairway and i saw him when i came home"... right there i went silent and said "well... im out of here now" insert foot in mouth.

07-27-2006, 05:39 PM	#12
biftek So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Victoria, Australia Posts: 1,030	a couple of years ago , i was at a lan party with some other geeks standing outside having a smoke talking to a few fellow geeks , talking about where we buying computer gear from so i pipe up and say i wont buy from " x store cause the guy that runs it is a fucking tosser , doesn't know fuck all about computers , i ran him down something savage , a kid pipes up with , that's my dad your talking about he runs/owns the store

07-27-2006, 05:41 PM	#14
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	In a conversation, i accidently let slip to my girlfriend that i thought her sister had cracking tits... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

07-27-2006, 05:46 PM	#15
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	When I first was promoted to a management position at the consulting firm I worked for, I was sent to my first tradeshow where I met some "famous names" of the computer industry. I was completely starstruck and impressed. When I came back, during a company meeting, my boss asked me to tell everyone (who didn't get to go) about the tradeshow. "It was great! You wouldn't believe the people I met! I saw the REAL IMPORTANT PEOPLE, not just the usual bunch of LOSERS and NOBODIES!" uh, oops.... __________________ Abra-cadabra! Last edited by SteveLightspeed; 07-27-2006 at 05:47 PM..

07-27-2006, 05:49 PM	#16
Cory W Deeply shallow Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Hollywood, Ca. Posts: 9,133	LOL @ Steve....see man, that is like me, when I get excited I forget to think! __________________ ICQ: 292310358 Offering writing and content services (mainstream). Marketing for L3 Payments

07-27-2006, 05:49 PM	#17
Syl Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: AZ Posts: 1,953	LOL. These are great. I remember one time talking shit about my ex via text message, meant to send it to my friend but sent it to him instead. __________________ Syl ICQ 304 908 973 [email protected]

07-27-2006, 05:51 PM	#19
Aneros Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,038	One of my ex girlfriends used to like it when I would talk dirty during sex...I used to say all sorts of nasty shit but it all came to an abrupt halt when we were going at it one night and in the middle of all the excitement, I called her a "fucking bitch"...as soon as I said it, I knew she was gonna be pissed...sure enough, I ended up with a foot in mouth and a big pair of blue balls

07-27-2006, 05:54 PM	#20
HAPPYPEEKERS Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 7,562	One of mine was.. asking your girl to marry you.. and then asking Rajas girl to marry him.. lol __________________ Please Read All Of My Posts In A Sarcastic Tone So You Get The Full Effect!! HappyPeekers - April

07-27-2006, 06:02 PM	#22
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Another terrible one... We were doing training classes for a new credit card system that we developed. When the credit application was completely filled out, our system would "interrogate" the data to generate a credit score. I thought the word "interrogate" was funny, so I started into cracking jokes (in my best NAZI GERMAN ACCENT) "Zo, who are you? How did you get here! Zo, tell us data, ARE YOU A JEW?" -- not thinking about the fact that the company we were at was a well-known Jewish family-owned jewelery company! Needless to say, I got no laughs, and an ass-chewing from my boss later that day. __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 06:11 PM	#24
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	the jew comment always gets me __________________ ...

07-27-2006, 06:23 PM	#25
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	At 19, I worked as a salesman at a small computer store, and it was so slow there sometimes my buddy and I would sneak into the back and get drunk. I heard the door open, so we hid everything away and I came out to greet the customer. But there was no one there, so I assumed they opened the wrong door and left. So I yelled to my buddy in the back, "Its ok, no idiot customers in sight! Pour me another shot!" --- 10 seconds later my boss walked out of the bathroom... "Idiot customers? And pour you another shot of WHAT?" uh, oops... __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 06:27 PM	#26
Cory W Deeply shallow Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Hollywood, Ca. Posts: 9,133	OMG Steve you are the worst employee of all time! haha __________________ ICQ: 292310358 Offering writing and content services (mainstream). Marketing for L3 Payments

07-27-2006, 06:35 PM	#28
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	During a training class for an AS/400 word processing system, the instructor was bragging about how great its spell checking ability was. As an example, she wrote "Please come to my office for a meating" -- and the system quickly pointed out the word "meating" was incorrect. So I said "Well thats great, but what if the first letter of the word is also wrong? Change the "m" in "meating" to a "b" and see what it does... so without thinking she wrote "Please come to my office for a beating" __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 06:42 PM	#29
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Two more quick ones: -- Walking up to two customers, asked "May I help you folks?" But as I said "folks", I hiccupped, and it came out "May I help you fucks?" -- I worked at a gas station in the winter, and to be polite, I would always offer to pump gas for women, even on the self serve island. I walked up behind one woman with beautiful long hair, "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" She turned around and I quickly realized she was actually a guy with long hair. "Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I've been sniffing fumes out here all day and I must have gasoline in my eyes!" __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 06:44 PM	#30
rants Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 654	I accidentally put a carton of to-go food on the hood of my car (I've actually done this a few times with drinks too) and started driving forgetting it was there. And all these guys were like pointing at me and telling me to stop. And I thought they were checking me out and being perverted so I got pissed off and started giving them dirty looks, I might have flipped them off too but luckily I didn't that time, until I realized that it was because I had shit on top of my car.

07-27-2006, 06:57 PM	#32
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I gotta tell this one too, about my mother at my brother's wedding night dinner. My mother wasn't too fond of my brother's new wife. The bride's mother started into a long speech, toasting the newly married couple. "Here's to the new couple, their love is true and will stand forever. They were meant to be together." Everyone waits silently to see if she is finished, only to hear my mother from across the table, "Pffffffft yeah right".... __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 07:52 PM	#34
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	I was watching an American football game with one of my high school buds, a 6?3? man of African descent. I blurted out halfway through the game ?You know, those fucking porch monkeys may be lazy as hell but at least they sure know how to run. I guess the spear chuckers got plenty of experience in their youth while stealing white folks shit and running from the cops?. Well what happened next was certainly surprising: I got knocked in the jaw by my 5?8? white friend. When I asked him just what the fuck did he think he was doing he replied: ?Dude, don?t say spear chucker, you have a negroid sitting not five feet away from you!?. I replied back to my friend ?Thank god he?s deaf then huh??. Then we all masturbated. __________________ Last edited by notabook; 07-27-2006 at 07:54 PM..

07-27-2006, 07:53 PM	#35
Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tinseltown NL Posts: 16,502	steve, more please, these are hilarious

07-27-2006, 07:59 PM	#36
Varius Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: New York, NY Posts: 6,890	Here's one from recently at iwantU_Sam's wedding... Oe guy at our table 'fanied' the waitress and we were trying to guess her age. Most guesses fell in the early 20s (this guy was 34). Well after we asked her, she turned out to be only 16. She went away and we started making fun of him, and without realizing she had already returned and was standing right behidn me, I asked him "Dude, why don't you open her blouse and see if red flowers fly out" (referencing American Beauty)....she heard it all and I blushed quite a bit heh __________________ Skype variuscr - Email varius AT gmail

07-27-2006, 08:18 PM	#38
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I had a friend that married his girlfriend because she was pregnant and he wanted to "do the right thing". At their wedding, I was one of the groomsmen and required to be there very early for pictures. While the couple was taking pictures with their families, to kill time we found a beachball and started tapping it back and forth between us. I grabbed it and stuffed it under my jacket, pretending to be the bride, "I'm Cheryl, I got pregnant so now Dave has to marry me... My Daddy has a big shotgun..." Everyone turned white and pointed to the side of the room, where the videographer was standing, filiming everything! He gave me a "thumbs up" and just said, "Got it!" um, oops... __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 08:19 PM	#39
E$_manager Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: pink adult dreams Posts: 13,557	interesting stories. nice __________________ Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks! Homemade: Asian : Ebony : GFs : Voyeur : Nudist : Public : 3D

07-27-2006, 08:21 PM	#40
GTS Mark Vrume Mark Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 20,912	One of my worst when I was working for Sears in college and a kid came in to buy some VCR for his Mom. Apparantly she is bedridden and cannot come into the store but was a good old customer of ours. So I said well I'm sorry but I better call your mom to verify she wanted to buy this. So I pick up the phone infront of him "Hello Mrs. Brown, this is Mark down at Sears and your son is here and is wanting to buy a VCR, I just wanted to confirm with you that this purchase is alright with you and you want it on your sears card?" Then the kid says... "I'm not a boy..." Oh fuck, LOL! DH

07-27-2006, 09:10 PM	#42
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	When I was maybe 10, we had a family-only membership to a community pool. I had a friend (who happened to be African-American) that wanted to go swimming with me one day. So I went to the front desk and said "My family has a membership here." The attendent said "I'm sorry, but your membership doesn't include friends." I leaned in close, and whispered, "This IS my brother, but from the side of the family we aren't supposed to talk about." uh, oops... __________________ Abra-cadabra!

07-27-2006, 09:36 PM	#43
Romeo GaySearch4Sex Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 472	LOL Steve great stories! I get embarassed from just about anything, so pointing out one specific instance of putting my foot in my mouth is too difficult when they all just sort of blur together ;) __________________ If you want to add gay sites to your program, or need help navigating the gay market please contact me at: [email protected] ICQ# 160001441

07-27-2006, 10:36 PM	#44
CamsLord Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,663	some great stories __________________ sig for sale - pornpicz(at)gmail.com

07-27-2006, 10:39 PM	#45
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	My friend handled in new artists in NYC. He introduces me to a new rapper he signed, a nice guy talks about his mother has been such a big part of his life. He shows me one of the copies of his demo, it has a picture of him and a older looking woman on it. I said oh thats your mom with you, he said no its my wife.

07-27-2006, 10:58 PM	#46
PhillipB Just a Simple Carpenter Join Date: May 2003 Location: Your mom's house... Posts: 1,338	I can't think of one in particular time, but you all know those moments...I call them the "I meant to trip moments"...when you do something embarrassing and try to cover it up?!? But the person that saw you knows very well you're covering it up? And you end up digging a much larger hole...