Post some good jokes!

[chodadog]

Post some good jokes you've seen around.

I thought this one was pretty good.. well worth the read.

-------

Exothermic or Endothermic:

The following is a question given on a University chemistry exam paper:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and allsouls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities. (1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that hell is exothermic.

[Ted]

That was too long for me to bother reading

Q. how many social workers does it take to change a light bulb ?

A. Only one but the light bulb has got to want to change

[BabeHunter]

The Pope was visiting the U.S.
when he and his driver was going down the road the pope said: i never get to drive anymore...let me do it...so he started to drive...50miles 60miles 100miles
he was going way to fast and a police officer stopped him...the cop called the to his sargent
Sargent: who did you stopped the mayor?
Cop: no, some 1 more importnet
Sarg: the Govener?
cop: more importnet
Sarg: More importnet? i can't belive it, did you stopped the President?
cop: no, more importnet
Sarg: now you are pissing me off, who is more importnet then the President?
Cop: i don't know who this guy is, but the pope is his driver

[bhutocracy]

Originally posted by chodadog
[B]
Exothermic or Endothermic:

heheh thats a good one... fucking uni students

[chodadog]

keep 'em coming! Been a long time since i've heard a decent set of jokes.

[capribex]

q. how do you sink a polish sub?

a. you knock on the hatch.

[hartman]

q: what do you get if you cross an cangaroo with an elephant?

a: big holes in australia..

hilarious, right ?

or how about a male sexist pig joke?

Do you know why it's called PMS?
Mad cow-disease was taken!

[Va2k]

Hehe
Why do guys like tampons with strings?
A: So they can floss after they eat


Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

A: So they don't get chap lips

I know I know lame but Hell I don't know of any

[Cheshire]

And young Irish man goes to confession...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."

The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, 'tis I."

"And who might be the woman you were with?"

"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and
whispers,"What'd you get?"

"Five more good leads"

[Blondy]

1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do
the dishes? Both of them.

2. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.

3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop
and ask for directions.

4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases
of beer.

5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds
eventually will mature.

6. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't
know. It has never happened.

8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good
looking? They all already have boyfriends

[Martin]

Wanna here a joke
I fart.
You Choke.

[CRAB]

q: what do you say when you wake up at night and see your TV floating in the air ?

a: drop it ******

[Cheshire]

Martin just proved Blondy's joke #5

[Martin]

The Ages Of Women..

1. Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.

2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.

3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.

4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.

5. After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn?

[CRAB]

- What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.


- What's the difference between dog shit and ******s?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.


- What's the difference between a ****** and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

- What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
******s.


- Why don't sharks eat ******s?
They think it's whale shit.


- How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

- What did the Alabama sherriff call the ****** who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

- What's a ******s idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

- Why do jews have big noses?
Air is free.

- What is a ****** on a bike?
Thief.


- What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead ****** in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

- What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

- How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

- What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A ****** on fire.


- What do you have if you've got a ****** up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

- What do you get when you cross a ****** with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

[tara]

Originally posted by Blondy
1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do
the dishes? Both of them.

2. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.

3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop
and ask for directions.

4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases
of beer.

5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds
eventually will mature.

6. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't
know. It has never happened.

8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good
looking? They all already have boyfriends

Very cute!

[waste]

now for some of them old cowboy jokes

There was this cowboy who was captured by apache indians.
they took him back to the camp and told him that he can have 3 things before he dies on the 4th day.

Day 1: the mans wish was only to talk to his horse, the indians said ok so they brought his horse over and the man whispered into it's ear, the horse went riding off and came back later that night with a blonde, the indians could understand the man was gonna die in a few days.

Day 2: the mans wish again was to talk to his horse again, so again the indians brought the horse over and the man whispered into its ear, and the horse went galloping off and came back shortly with a redhead, the indians thought to themselves poor white man is about to die and he can only think about 1 thing.

Day 3: the indian chief went to the man asking his last wish because he will die tomorrow, the man said "I just want to talk to my horse one last time" the indian chief gave the order to bring the mans horse over this time the man grabbed the horse by both ears and said " POSSE, P-O-S-S-E!!!!!! YOU GOT IT THIS TIME!!!!!"

[XXXPaysiteDesign]

lol

[Turboface]

Q: What is the black version of foreplay?

A: "You scream, and I'll kill you."

[Cheshire]

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmys and a blonde track team?






The tribe of pygmys is a bunch of cunning runts...

[chodadog]

Originally posted by Cheshire
And young Irish man goes to confession...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."

The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, 'tis I."

"And who might be the woman you were with?"

"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and
whispers,"What'd you get?"

"Five more good leads"

ahahhaa, nice :D

Just saw this one @ amazingjokes.com

------

Radar Trap Warning

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn?t getting many. Then he discovered the problem?a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read ?RADAR TRAP AHEAD?.
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading ?TIPS? and a bucket full of change.
(And we used to just sell lemonade.)

[Hot Tropical Babes]

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling' lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, didn?t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. OH MY GOD, screamed the lawyer, My Rolex!!!!

[UnseenWorld]

Originally posted by CRAB
q: what do you say when you wake up at night and see your TV floating in the air ?

a: drop it ******

Oh, my. It's kind of sad there are people who think this kind of scurrilous stuff is funny.

Want to know what REAL smut is? It's stuff like this joke.

[x-stripper]

How do you know when a blond is on her period???
She has a Tampax behind her ear....
and she can't find her Bic

[marty]

What does a shortsighted gyneacologist and a dog have in common?

A wet nose!

[[Labret]]

What's the difference between dog shit and ******s?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.

What's the difference between a ****** and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
******s.

Why don't sharks eat ******s?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a ****** in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

Why do ******s cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a ****** from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a ****** out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the ****** who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

Why do ******s stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do you get when you cross a ****** and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why don't ******s take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do ****** kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a ******s idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

Why do spics drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

What do you get when you cross a jew and a Gypsy?
A chain of empty retail stores.

Why don't ****** kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What do you call an apartment full of ******s?
A COON-dominium.

Why are there no ****** astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."

How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's a piñata party.

Why do jews have big noses?
Air is free.

What is a ****** on a bike?
Thief.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 50 ******s at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.

What is the worst 3 years of a ******s life?
First grade.

How was break dancing invented?
******s trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why do ******s keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a ******?

What is a ******?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead ****** in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into ******s.

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many jews can you fit in a VolksWagon?
All of them if you put them in the ashtray.

A ****** and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A ****** and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the ****** had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.

Why don't spics have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.

You hear about the new car made in Israel?
Not only can it stop on a dime, it will go back and pick it up.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.

How many ******s does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

How do chinks name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs.

What's the difference between a ****** and a bag of shit?

The bag.


What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

When does a Black man turn into a ******?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a ****** with a Harvard education?
******.

What do you call a ****** in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

There is a ****** and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a ****** bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why don't ****** women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have ******s and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are ******s like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger ****** ******.

How do you fit 100 Cubans in a shoe box?
Tell them its a raft.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of ****** out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a ****** can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the ****** carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A ****** dressed for church.

Why do ******s have flat noses?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A ****** and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

What do you get when you cross a ****** with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for ******s?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between ******s and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Why do ******s walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

Why do ******s call white people "honkies"?
That's the last sound they hear before the white people run them over.

How do you stop a ****** from going out?
Pour more gas on him.

Did you hear about the ****** with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

What do you do if you run over a ******?
Reverse.

Why do decent white folks shop at ****** yard sales?
To get all their stuff back.

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.

What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both ******s.

How come Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles can't read?
They're both ******s.

Why do ******s wear wide-brimmed hats?
So pigeons can't shit on their lips.

Why did so many ****** soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the ******s would jump up and start dancing.

What do you get when you cross a ****** with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

What's black and tan and looks good on a ******?
A Doberman Pinscher.

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump 50 ******s with a steam roller.

Why was golf invented?
So white people get a chance to dress like ******s.

What do you do if you see a ****** with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So ******s know when to stop.

Why did god give ******s rhythm?
Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.

Why are so many ******s moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

Why can't ****** women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 ******s in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of ******s going over a cliff.

How do you stop a ****** from drowning?
You don't.

Whats the differance between Afghanistan and Christmas?
Christmas will be here this year.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My ****** I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the ******s to the dump.

What's a crying shame?
When a bus full of ******s drives off a cliff and there were 3 empty seats.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass?
A dart.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
******s Are Always Causing Problems

[[Labret]]

How many spics does it take to have a bath?
Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.

What do a ****** and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are ******s always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
The length of the chain.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A ****** on fire.

What do you have if you've got a ****** up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a ******?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

How do you get 12 ******s in a Volkswagen?
Throw in a welfare check.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion.

[[Labret]]

Stop me if you heard this one:

FADE19

[The real Dirty D]

I usally don't post stuff in here... But I'm a good old fashion joke guy....
Click Here and take a look at this stoners
Now i know the galleries don't work but make sure you check out all the twisted shit and suck on this....
We are putting her back online soon....
Let me know what ya think

[chodadog]

This is a pretty cool one.. Stoners Vs Drunks. Even snoop dogg makes a cameo appearance ;D

and judge george w bush presiding ;)

http://members.optushome.com.au/dynm...billandted.swf

[FiReC]

what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?

- when your done with the leg and thigh all your left with is a greasy box to throw your bone in.

[chodadog]

ack

[Jakke PNG]

Originally posted by FiReC
what do women and kentucky fried chicken have in common?

- when your done with the leg and thigh all your left with is a greasy box to throw your bone in.

This was new.

[capribex]

what do you call the piece of meet around the pussy?
"a woman".

[Jakke PNG]

A young woman is at a grocerystore picking up things and puts them in her basket. There's a guy following her an intrested look on his face. He examines all her moves and looks like he's studying her. When she gets to the counter the guy is just behind her and still studies her doings fascinated. She pays her groceries and asks the guy what he is looking at.

The guy smiles to her and asks back, "You're single aren't you?"

The womain is amazed and asks, "Did you notice that off my groceries?"

The guy just says, "No, you're just fucking ugly", and walks away.

Ha ha... well wasn't that funny.

[Cheshire]

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a
small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Oh my, yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake."
"Oooooooh Henry, you devil! That sounds like a good idea!" she answers.
But there's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I better keep an eye on them, just so there's no trouble."
So he follows them as they walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support and aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down, and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever imagined, much less seen. They are thrashing about like eighteen-year-olds, and it goes on for some forty minutes!
She's yelling, "Ohhhh, God!", and he's hanging on to her hips for dear life. It went beyond imagination!
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.
After about an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the
old couple struggle to their feet and get their clothes back in
order. The policeman, still watching thinks, ''That was truly astounding, that old man just wouldn't stop. I have GOT to ask him what his secret is."
As the couple stagger past, leaning trembling on their walking sticks and each other, he says to them, "That was absolutely amazing! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?
"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric."