could you critique this package label please?

[dyna mo]

this is an almost final version of what will go to print on the product's packaging front.

i would be interested in your thoughts on if it flows, sells, etc. i've been looking at it too long, i'm dizzy.

thank you in advance

[Vendzilla]

"Charge" of "take charge" looks funny
Would be interesting if under each ingredient you had a description of why that certain thing is in there, just a thought

[IllTestYourGirls]

I dont like it that much, had to look hard to see what it actually said.

[woj]

doesn't look right for some reason, for one I would think you need weight/volume on it? don't you need one of those "nutrition facts" with number of calories, etc too?

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by Vendzilla

"Charge" of "take charge" looks funny
Would be interesting if under each ingredient you had a description of why that certain thing is in there, just a thought

could you describe funny?
i've got that ingredient info on the back panel

updated

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by IllTestYourGirls

I dont like it that much, had to look hard to see what it actually said.

it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.

Originally Posted by woj

doesn't look right for some reason, for one I would think you need weight/volume on it? don't you need one of those "nutrition facts" with number of calories, etc too?

thx fir the input so far

here's the back panel, not finished

[IllTestYourGirls]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.

Sorry. I meant that the logo is hard to read.

[dyna mo]

the complete nutritional analysis

[captain.g]

The h in charge throws off the image. I think it would look better if it was the same size as the rest. You could try making the c larger and slant to the right, so that the word looks like it is charging forward.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by IllTestYourGirls

Sorry. I meant that the logo is hard to read.

any thoughts on what i can do to make it easier to read?

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by captain.g

The h in charge throws off the image. I think it would look better if it was the same size as the rest. You could try making the c larger and slant to the right, so that the word looks like it is charging forward.

i'm not sure i can make that change in time for printing.

[dyna mo]

any thoughts on the actual text, flow, etc.

[Amputate Your Head]

The main copy (Ingredients listings) is "stretched" and/or "pinched" making them a pain to read. Use a different typeface or stop bending & twisting it in PS. Try Helvetica.... without that weird kerning.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

The main copy (Ingredients listings) is "stretched" and/or "pinched" making them a pain to read. Use a different typeface or stop bending & twisting it in PS. Try Helvetica.... without that weird kerning.

good eye, i was wondering wtf i did to that to mess it up, i'll just redo that text layer.

[Amputate Your Head]

The logo just seems twisted & bent, and there is serious bevel overkill goin' on bro.... not a good look.

[IllTestYourGirls]

basically what AYH said

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

The logo just seems twisted & bent, and there is serious bevel overkill goin' on bro.... not a good look.

is it that bad really? for a 1st run limited production?

brb, gotta walk the dog.

[Tippy]

Agree about the "warp" on the word " charge "

I was able to easily read the word " take " but took me a second to read/understand " charge "

[Helix]

Back panel, last paragraph the words "fruit" and "photo chemicals" are misspelled.

[Adraco]

It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other?

A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there.

Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order?

Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top.

It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered.

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

is it that bad really? for a 1st run limited production?

brb, gotta walk the dog.

Well, you have two conflicting concepts goin' on. First is the rubbery, bending, pliable nature of it, but then it has a severe, sharp, chiseled bevel..... those two things generally aren't found together anywhere in nature that I can think of. It just seems weird to me.

[Amputate Your Head]

Also, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible.

Also, did you do this to spec from your printer? Is it at least 300 dpi? Are your bleeds factored? (those bleeding edges look mighty thin, especially the bottom).

[Helix]

I can't make out what the background image is supposed to be (behind the "Take Charge" text). If you are using that image for brand recognition it should be more recognizable, more prominent.

[2012]

i decided to rescind my retort

[dyna mo]

thx for the feedback, anything positive/good about this at all? i've bought every single variety of what could be considered competition and they are all pretty boring- green leaves& vines and *healthy granola* are pretty much standard.

Originally Posted by Adraco

It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other?

A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there.

Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order?

Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top.

It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered.

good info, thx. ingredients are listed by quantity, it's the law.
following the research on the target groups, they read labels and want information. also, following the say it, repeat it, say it again method of selling.

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Also, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible.

Also, did you do this to spec from your printer? Is it at least 300 dpi? Are your bleeds factored? (those bleeding edges look mighty thin, especially the bottom).

good input, thx. yes, print ready. 300 dpi, bleeds, etc, this is cropped for this display.

[Amputate Your Head]

[ottopottomouse]

Get someone to proof read your spelling on the version you will print.

[ottopottomouse]

And I do think that the squashed font for ingredients etc. is difficult to read.

[ottopottomouse]

more thoughts:

logo is trying too hard

think you need a box around the in one serving to highlight it

The important stuff breaks up in quite bad places being centred I think it needs some work. I also think there is too much there as if you have had a lot of ideas what you wanted to say and just said all of them.

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.


thx fir the input so far

here's the back panel, not finished

this almost reads like it was written by someone not native to the English language

[grumpy]

give the whole job to amp and be surprised ( dont know if he still does this type of work )

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

more thoughts:

logo is trying too hard

think you need a box around the in one serving to highlight it

The important stuff breaks up in quite bad places being centred I think it needs some work. I also think there is too much there as if you have had a lot of ideas what you wanted to say and just said all of them.

hey, thanks for the thoughtful input and time taken to do this. points noted.

Originally Posted by bm bradley

this almost reads like it was written by someone not native to the English language

it wasn't.
it's brainstormed text written by a college grad- me. as mentioned, the back panel is not finished, i included it here since someone mentioned the nutritional info was missing.

Originally Posted by grumpy

give the whole job to amp and be surprised ( dont know if he still does this type of work )

my intent was to do that after getting this initial batch of 100 out to those who've already expressed an interest in trying it.

[Django]

Originally Posted by dyna mo

could you describe funny?

lol, that's funny

Why not justified text?

[Semi-Retired-Dave]

Great name for a great product.
I can let my graphic guys give it a shot. Want to see what they can come up with?

Can't wait to try this stuff.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by CyberAge-Dave

Great name for a great product.
I can let my graphic guys give it a shot. Want to see what they can come up with?

Can't wait to try this stuff.

Dave, wow! what a super offer and nice things to say, thank you.

i agree, the product is great, it's been my main nutrition source during my weight loss and now adding some muscle- i've been the guinea pig, lolz

anyhoo, i will e-mail you and we can discuss.

[Caligari]

it says 15 day supply but on the back label it says 14 servings per container. probably nothing but seemed odd to me.

love quinoa btw, that stuff really does have an immediate positive effect!

[Barry-xlovecam]

Originally Posted by Adraco

[I]t's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered. ...

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

[A]lso, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible. ...

The centering of the descriptive text looks bad.

Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC) Learned a new "buzz word."

Is the fiber soluble or insoluble, and if both types, what is the ratio?

Sounds* likes "soylent green" without the protein ...

Idea: Sell a protein powder with this and claim a fast weight loss routine.

[dyna mo]

Originally Posted by Caligari

it says 15 day supply but on the back label it says 14 servings per container. probably nothing but seemed odd to me.

love quinoa btw, that stuff really does have an immediate positive effect!

i originally weighed it out as 14 days, but since the marketing will be geared towards taking this as a multi-vitamin,daily energy product, i added 1 more serving, so 2 packages = 1 month supply. i need to update the nutritional panel to reflect that, thanks for the heads-up.

and yes, quinoa is a true superfood with immediate results. especially in it raw, sprouted form as it is in this product.

Originally Posted by Barry-xlovecam

The centering of the descriptive text looks bad.

Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC) Learned a new "buzz word."

Is the fiber soluble or insoluble, and if both types, what is the ratio?

Sounds* likes "soylent green" without the protein ...

Idea: Sell a protein powder with this and claim a fast weight loss routine.

the fiber is a 50-50% ratio of soluble and insoluble, the quinoa provides the insoluble while the chia seeds provide the soluble fiber. this is raw, unhulled pure natural fiber, the best.

+ the superfruits also add a bit of fiber as well.

i agree, the product can and will be marketed as a weight loss product.

i've been experimenting with a version that has hemp protein in it, but as it is it provides a perfect dose of 26 grams of ultra high quality protein- all 22 amino acids as they are found in seeds, berries and fruit (+ 1/2 cup milk, yogurt or almond milk). oops, parenthesis!

[Caligari]

aye, in peru you can get it in all forms from raw to baked in cookies, in cereal etc.

i wonder if it would still be effective if it was integrated into a coffee or tea blend?