GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post - could you critique this package label please?

Adraco · 08-20-2010, 05:18 PM

It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other?

A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there.

Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order?

Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top.

It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered.

08-20-2010, 05:18 PM
Adraco Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2009 Location: Onboard an airplane around the globe Posts: 3,741	It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other? A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there. Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order? Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top. It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered. __________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The truth is not affected by the beliefs, or doubts, of the majority.