could you critique this package label please?

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • dyna mo
    just a fucking jerk
    • Dec 2008
    • 68184
    #1

    could you critique this package label please?

    this is an almost final version of what will go to print on the product's packaging front.

    i would be interested in your thoughts on if it flows, sells, etc. i've been looking at it too long, i'm dizzy.

    thank you in advance

    Tags: None
    • Vendzilla
      Biker Gnome
      • Mar 2004
      • 23200
      #2
      "Charge" of "take charge" looks funny
      Would be interesting if under each ingredient you had a description of why that certain thing is in there, just a thought
      Carbon is not the problem, it makes up 0.041% of our atmosphere , 95% of that is from Volcanos and decomposing plants and stuff. So people in the US are responsible for 13% of the carbon in the atmosphere which 95% is not from Humans, like cars and trucks and stuff and they want to spend trillions to fix it while Solar Panel plants are powered by coal plants
      think about that

        Comment

        • IllTestYourGirls
          Ah My Balls
          • Feb 2007
          • 14311
          #3
          I dont like it that much, had to look hard to see what it actually said.

            Comment

            • woj
              <&(©¿©)&>
              • Jul 2002
              • 47882
              #4
              doesn't look right for some reason, for one I would think you need weight/volume on it? don't you need one of those "nutrition facts" with number of calories, etc too?
              Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000
              Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager
              Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

                Comment

                • dyna mo
                  just a fucking jerk
                  • Dec 2008
                  • 68184
                  #5
                  Originally posted by Vendzilla
                  "Charge" of "take charge" looks funny
                  Would be interesting if under each ingredient you had a description of why that certain thing is in there, just a thought
                  could you describe funny?
                  i've got that ingredient info on the back panel

                  updated

                    Comment

                    • dyna mo
                      just a fucking jerk
                      • Dec 2008
                      • 68184
                      #6
                      Originally posted by IllTestYourGirls
                      I dont like it that much, had to look hard to see what it actually said.
                      it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.
                      Originally posted by woj
                      doesn't look right for some reason, for one I would think you need weight/volume on it? don't you need one of those "nutrition facts" with number of calories, etc too?
                      thx fir the input so far

                      here's the back panel, not finished

                        Comment

                        • IllTestYourGirls
                          Ah My Balls
                          • Feb 2007
                          • 14311
                          #7
                          Originally posted by dyna mo
                          it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.
                          Sorry. I meant that the logo is hard to read.

                            Comment

                            • dyna mo
                              just a fucking jerk
                              • Dec 2008
                              • 68184
                              #8
                              the complete nutritional analysis

                                Comment

                                • captain.g
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Jul 2007
                                  • 241
                                  #9
                                  The h in charge throws off the image. I think it would look better if it was the same size as the rest. You could try making the c larger and slant to the right, so that the word looks like it is charging forward.

                                    Comment

                                    • dyna mo
                                      just a fucking jerk
                                      • Dec 2008
                                      • 68184
                                      #10
                                      Originally posted by IllTestYourGirls
                                      Sorry. I meant that the logo is hard to read.
                                      any thoughts on what i can do to make it easier to read?

                                        Comment

                                        • dyna mo
                                          just a fucking jerk
                                          • Dec 2008
                                          • 68184
                                          #11
                                          Originally posted by captain.g
                                          The h in charge throws off the image. I think it would look better if it was the same size as the rest. You could try making the c larger and slant to the right, so that the word looks like it is charging forward.
                                          i'm not sure i can make that change in time for printing.

                                            Comment

                                            • dyna mo
                                              just a fucking jerk
                                              • Dec 2008
                                              • 68184
                                              #12
                                              any thoughts on the actual text, flow, etc.

                                                Comment

                                                • Amputate Your Head
                                                  There can be only one
                                                  • Aug 2001
                                                  • 39075
                                                  #13
                                                  The main copy (Ingredients listings) is "stretched" and/or "pinched" making them a pain to read. Use a different typeface or stop bending & twisting it in PS. Try Helvetica.... without that weird kerning.
                                                  SIG TOO BIG

                                                    Comment

                                                    • dyna mo
                                                      just a fucking jerk
                                                      • Dec 2008
                                                      • 68184
                                                      #14
                                                      Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
                                                      The main copy (Ingredients listings) is "stretched" and/or "pinched" making them a pain to read. Use a different typeface or stop bending & twisting it in PS. Try Helvetica.... without that weird kerning.
                                                      good eye, i was wondering wtf i did to that to mess it up, i'll just redo that text layer.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Amputate Your Head
                                                          There can be only one
                                                          • Aug 2001
                                                          • 39075
                                                          #15
                                                          The logo just seems twisted & bent, and there is serious bevel overkill goin' on bro.... not a good look.
                                                          SIG TOO BIG

                                                            Comment

                                                            • IllTestYourGirls
                                                              Ah My Balls
                                                              • Feb 2007
                                                              • 14311
                                                              #16
                                                              basically what AYH said

                                                                Comment

                                                                • dyna mo
                                                                  just a fucking jerk
                                                                  • Dec 2008
                                                                  • 68184
                                                                  #17
                                                                  Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
                                                                  The logo just seems twisted & bent, and there is serious bevel overkill goin' on bro.... not a good look.
                                                                  is it that bad really? for a 1st run limited production?

                                                                  brb, gotta walk the dog.

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • Tippy
                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                      • Oct 2003
                                                                      • 1772
                                                                      #18
                                                                      Agree about the "warp" on the word " charge "

                                                                      I was able to easily read the word " take " but took me a second to read/understand " charge "
                                                                      VPS 1 - 1.5 GB RAM, 10 GB SSD - 11.88 euro/year
                                                                      VPS 2 - 4 GB RAM, 40 GB SSD - 60 euro/year

                                                                      Alexhost.com - your access to the best hosting services VPS.

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • Helix
                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                          • Feb 2002
                                                                          • 6021
                                                                          #19
                                                                          Back panel, last paragraph the words "fruit" and "photo chemicals" are misspelled.

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • Adraco
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • May 2009
                                                                              • 3745
                                                                              #20
                                                                              It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other?

                                                                              A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there.

                                                                              Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order?

                                                                              Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top.

                                                                              It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered.
                                                                              ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                              The truth is not affected by the beliefs, or doubts, of the majority.

                                                                                Comment

                                                                                • Amputate Your Head
                                                                                  There can be only one
                                                                                  • Aug 2001
                                                                                  • 39075
                                                                                  #21
                                                                                  Originally posted by dyna mo
                                                                                  is it that bad really? for a 1st run limited production?

                                                                                  brb, gotta walk the dog.
                                                                                  Well, you have two conflicting concepts goin' on. First is the rubbery, bending, pliable nature of it, but then it has a severe, sharp, chiseled bevel..... those two things generally aren't found together anywhere in nature that I can think of. It just seems weird to me.
                                                                                  SIG TOO BIG

                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                    • Amputate Your Head
                                                                                      There can be only one
                                                                                      • Aug 2001
                                                                                      • 39075
                                                                                      #22
                                                                                      Also, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible.

                                                                                      Also, did you do this to spec from your printer? Is it at least 300 dpi? Are your bleeds factored? (those bleeding edges look mighty thin, especially the bottom).
                                                                                      Last edited by Amputate Your Head; 08-20-2010, 04:27 PM.
                                                                                      SIG TOO BIG

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • Helix
                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                          • Feb 2002
                                                                                          • 6021
                                                                                          #23
                                                                                          I can't make out what the background image is supposed to be (behind the "Take Charge" text). If you are using that image for brand recognition it should be more recognizable, more prominent.

                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                            • 2012
                                                                                              So Fucking What
                                                                                              • Jul 2006
                                                                                              • 17189
                                                                                              #24
                                                                                              i decided to rescind my retort
                                                                                              Last edited by 2012; 08-20-2010, 04:53 PM. Reason: mmmkay
                                                                                              best host: Webair | best sponsor: Kink | best coder: 688218966 | Go Fuck Yourself

                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                • dyna mo
                                                                                                  just a fucking jerk
                                                                                                  • Dec 2008
                                                                                                  • 68184
                                                                                                  #25
                                                                                                  thx for the feedback, anything positive/good about this at all? i've bought every single variety of what could be considered competition and they are all pretty boring- green leaves& vines and *healthy granola* are pretty much standard.

                                                                                                  Originally posted by Adraco
                                                                                                  It's very text heavy and the text saysthe basically the same thing over and over, how 1/4 cup serving... and no supplement... bla bla 100% natural food... bla bla All natural, raw ingredients... And isn't things like: raw and unprocess / all natural to close to stand right next after each other?

                                                                                                  A "writers rule of thumb" I heard from one of the Nobel Price winners the other year was that everything and anything you have to write in parenthesis, is something you actually don't have to write at all. If it can't justify it's own place in the text, it simply does not deserve to be there.

                                                                                                  Why are the ingredients not in alphabetical order?

                                                                                                  Move the catchy end slogan up to the top. It's to scattered and text heavy on top, you must leave the morons with an impression too. Most people will grab it, look at it for 5 seconds, have time to see/read just the top text. It's them you need to catch right up at the top.

                                                                                                  It's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered.
                                                                                                  good info, thx. ingredients are listed by quantity, it's the law.
                                                                                                  following the research on the target groups, they read labels and want information. also, following the say it, repeat it, say it again method of selling.
                                                                                                  Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
                                                                                                  Also, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible.

                                                                                                  Also, did you do this to spec from your printer? Is it at least 300 dpi? Are your bleeds factored? (those bleeding edges look mighty thin, especially the bottom).
                                                                                                  good input, thx. yes, print ready. 300 dpi, bleeds, etc, this is cropped for this display.

                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                    • Amputate Your Head
                                                                                                      There can be only one
                                                                                                      • Aug 2001
                                                                                                      • 39075
                                                                                                      #26
                                                                                                      SIG TOO BIG

                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                        • ottopottomouse
                                                                                                          She is ugly, bad luck.
                                                                                                          • Jan 2010
                                                                                                          • 13177
                                                                                                          #27
                                                                                                          Get someone to proof read your spelling on the version you will print.
                                                                                                          ↑ see post ↑
                                                                                                          13101

                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                            • ottopottomouse
                                                                                                              She is ugly, bad luck.
                                                                                                              • Jan 2010
                                                                                                              • 13177
                                                                                                              #28
                                                                                                              And I do think that the squashed font for ingredients etc. is difficult to read.
                                                                                                              ↑ see post ↑
                                                                                                              13101

                                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                                • ottopottomouse
                                                                                                                  She is ugly, bad luck.
                                                                                                                  • Jan 2010
                                                                                                                  • 13177
                                                                                                                  #29
                                                                                                                  more thoughts:

                                                                                                                  logo is trying too hard

                                                                                                                  think you need a box around the in one serving to highlight it

                                                                                                                  The important stuff breaks up in quite bad places being centred I think it needs some work. I also think there is too much there as if you have had a lot of ideas what you wanted to say and just said all of them.

                                                                                                                  ↑ see post ↑
                                                                                                                  13101

                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                    • Grapesoda
                                                                                                                      So Fucking Banned
                                                                                                                      • Jul 2003
                                                                                                                      • 46238
                                                                                                                      #30
                                                                                                                      Originally posted by dyna mo
                                                                                                                      it actually prints clear, this is a .jpeg for the web.


                                                                                                                      thx fir the input so far

                                                                                                                      here's the back panel, not finished
                                                                                                                      this almost reads like it was written by someone not native to the English language

                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                        • grumpy
                                                                                                                          Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                                          • Jan 2002
                                                                                                                          • 9870
                                                                                                                          #31
                                                                                                                          give the whole job to amp and be surprised ( dont know if he still does this type of work )
                                                                                                                          Don't let greediness blur your vision | You gotta let some shit slide
                                                                                                                          icq - 441-456-888

                                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                                            • dyna mo
                                                                                                                              just a fucking jerk
                                                                                                                              • Dec 2008
                                                                                                                              • 68184
                                                                                                                              #32
                                                                                                                              Originally posted by ottopottomouse
                                                                                                                              more thoughts:

                                                                                                                              logo is trying too hard

                                                                                                                              think you need a box around the in one serving to highlight it

                                                                                                                              The important stuff breaks up in quite bad places being centred I think it needs some work. I also think there is too much there as if you have had a lot of ideas what you wanted to say and just said all of them.

                                                                                                                              hey, thanks for the thoughtful input and time taken to do this. points noted.
                                                                                                                              Originally posted by bm bradley
                                                                                                                              this almost reads like it was written by someone not native to the English language
                                                                                                                              it wasn't.
                                                                                                                              it's brainstormed text written by a college grad- me. as mentioned, the back panel is not finished, i included it here since someone mentioned the nutritional info was missing.
                                                                                                                              Originally posted by grumpy
                                                                                                                              give the whole job to amp and be surprised ( dont know if he still does this type of work )
                                                                                                                              my intent was to do that after getting this initial batch of 100 out to those who've already expressed an interest in trying it.


                                                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                                                • Django
                                                                                                                                  So Fucking Banned
                                                                                                                                  • Jul 2010
                                                                                                                                  • 2578
                                                                                                                                  #33
                                                                                                                                  Originally posted by dyna mo
                                                                                                                                  could you describe funny?
                                                                                                                                  lol, that's funny

                                                                                                                                  Why not justified text?
                                                                                                                                  Last edited by Django; 08-21-2010, 05:46 PM.

                                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                                    • Semi-Retired-Dave
                                                                                                                                      Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                                                                                                      • Apr 2004
                                                                                                                                      • 11190
                                                                                                                                      #34
                                                                                                                                      Great name for a great product.
                                                                                                                                      I can let my graphic guys give it a shot. Want to see what they can come up with?

                                                                                                                                      Can't wait to try this stuff.
                                                                                                                                      Support a Good Cause

                                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                                        • dyna mo
                                                                                                                                          just a fucking jerk
                                                                                                                                          • Dec 2008
                                                                                                                                          • 68184
                                                                                                                                          #35
                                                                                                                                          Originally posted by CyberAge-Dave
                                                                                                                                          Great name for a great product.
                                                                                                                                          I can let my graphic guys give it a shot. Want to see what they can come up with?

                                                                                                                                          Can't wait to try this stuff.
                                                                                                                                          Dave, wow! what a super offer and nice things to say, thank you.

                                                                                                                                          i agree, the product is great, it's been my main nutrition source during my weight loss and now adding some muscle- i've been the guinea pig, lolz

                                                                                                                                          anyhoo, i will e-mail you and we can discuss.

                                                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                                                            • Caligari
                                                                                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                              • Oct 2009
                                                                                                                                              • 5414
                                                                                                                                              #36
                                                                                                                                              it says 15 day supply but on the back label it says 14 servings per container. probably nothing but seemed odd to me.

                                                                                                                                              love quinoa btw, that stuff really does have an immediate positive effect!
                                                                                                                                              ATTN Webmasters Cruel Bucks - LIVE Gonzo Does Not Pay
                                                                                                                                              ------------------------------------------------
                                                                                                                                              Animal Rescue Click Here to Feed An Animal for Free

                                                                                                                                                Comment

                                                                                                                                                • Barry-xlovecam
                                                                                                                                                  It's 42
                                                                                                                                                  • Jun 2010
                                                                                                                                                  • 18083
                                                                                                                                                  #37
                                                                                                                                                  Originally posted by Adraco
                                                                                                                                                  [I]t's not giving a very orderly impression, and I argree on the "it looks funny" part. I wouldn't take this serious at all and either put it back on the shelf if it was in a store or close the browser if it was online. It's not catchy, not interesting, unorderly and just not attractive with the different rows, all centered. ...
                                                                                                                                                  Originally posted by Amputate Your Head
                                                                                                                                                  [A]lso, I agree with what someone else said about the lower copy.... centered down the middle like that makes it a bitch to read, unless it's only a couple of lines, (which it's not). I would try experiment with some left justified layouts if possible. ...
                                                                                                                                                  The centering of the descriptive text looks bad.

                                                                                                                                                  Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC) Learned a new "buzz word."

                                                                                                                                                  Is the fiber soluble or insoluble, and if both types, what is the ratio?

                                                                                                                                                  Sounds* likes "soylent green" without the protein ...

                                                                                                                                                  Idea: Sell a protein powder with this and claim a fast weight loss routine.
                                                                                                                                                  Last edited by Barry-xlovecam; 08-22-2010, 09:32 AM.

                                                                                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                                                                                    • dyna mo
                                                                                                                                                      just a fucking jerk
                                                                                                                                                      • Dec 2008
                                                                                                                                                      • 68184
                                                                                                                                                      #38
                                                                                                                                                      Originally posted by Caligari
                                                                                                                                                      it says 15 day supply but on the back label it says 14 servings per container. probably nothing but seemed odd to me.

                                                                                                                                                      love quinoa btw, that stuff really does have an immediate positive effect!
                                                                                                                                                      i originally weighed it out as 14 days, but since the marketing will be geared towards taking this as a multi-vitamin,daily energy product, i added 1 more serving, so 2 packages = 1 month supply. i need to update the nutritional panel to reflect that, thanks for the heads-up.

                                                                                                                                                      and yes, quinoa is a true superfood with immediate results. especially in it raw, sprouted form as it is in this product.

                                                                                                                                                      Originally posted by Barry-xlovecam
                                                                                                                                                      The centering of the descriptive text looks bad.

                                                                                                                                                      Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC) Learned a new "buzz word."

                                                                                                                                                      Is the fiber soluble or insoluble, and if both types, what is the ratio?

                                                                                                                                                      Sounds* likes "soylent green" without the protein ...

                                                                                                                                                      Idea: Sell a protein powder with this and claim a fast weight loss routine.
                                                                                                                                                      the fiber is a 50-50% ratio of soluble and insoluble, the quinoa provides the insoluble while the chia seeds provide the soluble fiber. this is raw, unhulled pure natural fiber, the best.

                                                                                                                                                      + the superfruits also add a bit of fiber as well.

                                                                                                                                                      i agree, the product can and will be marketed as a weight loss product.

                                                                                                                                                      i've been experimenting with a version that has hemp protein in it, but as it is it provides a perfect dose of 26 grams of ultra high quality protein- all 22 amino acids as they are found in seeds, berries and fruit (+ 1/2 cup milk, yogurt or almond milk). oops, parenthesis!


                                                                                                                                                      Last edited by dyna mo; 08-22-2010, 10:04 AM.

                                                                                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                                                                                        • Caligari
                                                                                                                                                          Confirmed User
                                                                                                                                                          • Oct 2009
                                                                                                                                                          • 5414
                                                                                                                                                          #39
                                                                                                                                                          aye, in peru you can get it in all forms from raw to baked in cookies, in cereal etc.

                                                                                                                                                          i wonder if it would still be effective if it was integrated into a coffee or tea blend?
                                                                                                                                                          ATTN Webmasters Cruel Bucks - LIVE Gonzo Does Not Pay
                                                                                                                                                          ------------------------------------------------
                                                                                                                                                          Animal Rescue Click Here to Feed An Animal for Free

                                                                                                                                                            Comment

                                                                                                                                                            Previous template Next
                                                                                                                                                            Working...