$200 worth of free content to the guy who tells the best joke
 

That's right, the competiton ends Tuesday or when I piss in my pants with a great joke.

Content can come from any of our stores.

www.paulmarkham.com

www.bargainbasementcontent.com

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A guy walks into a bar and he's like "ouch"

You owe me $200 for telling that joke.

you owe me shut the fuck up

a content provider spams on here and says shit is $19.95 for 200 gigs of content, then you see the poster is SOBEE.

that should do it.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

you're new here and still you're tearing it up :thumbsup

10k coming soon.

No & No

So far no one has come near.

Not only the best joke, but it has to be a good one as well.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns ?































cuz they taste funny !!

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, ?penis? written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find ?penis? on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to dinf it again, but instead the chalkboard read: ?The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.?

"BMP"

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity.
Suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off..
Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl was just chatting away at her father when, all of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his nine-year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey. "

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?

how are women like kfc? when you are done with the breast and thigh, all your left with is a greasy box to throw your bone in.

Kill him!!!!!!!!

Tommy and Jenny have been going out for a long time but have not done anything yet.
After going together for 2 years, they decide that they should get married.
So Jenny tells Tommy that he should meet her parents. And that since they are going to get married, Tommy should buy some condoms as he's gonna get lucky after the "meet the parents" meeting.
Tommy being a virgin, goes to a pharmacy and ask a cool dude about condoms. The dude tell him that he should try the "Nexio" brand and buy some lubricant too, they joke about what Tommy will do to his girlfriend, the dude tells him to get her drunk and do her up the butt. Tommy laughes and says that he's gonna buy some bananas too. He even tells the pharmacy dude that after he fucks his girlfriend, he'll probably dump her.
Finally the big night arrives and Tommy and Jenny are standing in front of the parents door, as the door opens, Tommy is introduced to his girlfriend mother, and then the father comes along and looks at Tommy funny, Tommy turns to Jenny and says:
"Hey, you did not tell me you father was a pharmacist.....:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

the best joke?










look in the mirror...



yeay I win bitch pay up

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Six year old Debra was walking her dog when she passed
the temple where she and her family attended services. As
she approached her Rabbi came out the temple door and said,
" Shalom Debra, I see the tooth fairy visited you again."

"Yes Rabbi, and she left me a dollar under my pillow." said the
six year politely. She then said, " Rabbi have you met my dog Porky?"

The old Rabbi chuckled. "I'll bet a nickel I can guess why you call him
Porky."

She shook her head. "I'll bet you can't."

He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so big and fat."

Debra shook her head. "No Rabbi, we call him that because he fucks pigs."

Just because a joke works on you doesn't mean it works on us.

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awwww Brit humour should help me win this hands down...so here goes..

i was sitting in a bar last nite with a friend of mine ,and he commented ,how the week before his wife had all her credit cards stolen....wow,bet you were pissed huh,i said did you report it i added, Nope my friend replied i didnt ....why not i said ,
he replied ... well it seems the person who stole them is spending a lot less than when my wife had them hehehehe

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really
hurts. I guess
I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that.
There's a computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply
put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only
costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with
a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the
computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights
started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small
slip of paper which read:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid
heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began
to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a
try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured
in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and
printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get
better.

An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not too much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her, and guaranteed it would be a wonderful companion.
The woman asked it it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well-behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church.
Just as everyone was quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked, and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Everyone turned around to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarassment.
All the next week she talked to the parrot, explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church services. The parrot understood so next Sunday she put him on her shoulder and went to church. Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began, the parrot squawked, looked around, and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Again the woman ran out of the church.
The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarassing situation to the owner. Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the following solution to her,,,,"If the parrot does that again, grab him by both legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times, then return him to your shoulder".
"That'll work?", asked the woman.
"Guaranteed!", exclaimed the owner.
So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and. sure enough, just as the sermon started, the parrot squawked, "It's goddamned cold in here!!". Without hesistation, the woman grabbed his legs and swung him around half a dozen times and returned him to her shoulder.
A second later the parrot shook his head and said, "It's pretty fuckin' windy, too!"

Theres this midget that walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and he tells him "gimme a mans drink!"

Baretender says OK, and gives him the strongest whisky in the place. The midget jumps off of the bar stool, runs to the end of the bar, and kicks the shit out of the biggest guy in the place.

The midget comes in the next day, he says to the bartender "gimme a mans drink!"

Baretender says OK, and gives him the strongest whisky in the place. The midget jumps off of the bar stool, runs to the end of the bar, and kicks the shit out of the biggest guy in the place.

On the third day, the bartender was starting to catch on. So he went out and bought himself a gorilla and chained it to the urinal in the bathroom.

When the midget walks in, and asks for a mans drink, the bartender gives him the strongest whisky they had. When the midget asked the bartender "Wheres the big guy at the end of the bar" the bartender told him that he went into the bathroom

So the midget jumps down, goes to the bathroom and all you hear is all kinds of noise coming from the bathrooms. After a couple minutes, the midget comes out and says

"I don't know about him, he got a bit tougher -- but you can tell that black guy his fur coats outside"

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitchs.






:glugglug

So far a couple of giggles.

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One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making
love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom
window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her
vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me,
there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband
immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the
situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky
situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir
would permit." The husband being very
concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to
get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK,
what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis
and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee
getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and
the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's
vagina. The husband nodded and gave his
approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get
on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with
honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few
gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has
noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So
the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor
began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began
to moan and groan aloud.

The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was
enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's
breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and
shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think
you're doing?" The doctor, still
concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the
bastard!"

Best so far.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's
the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would
defeat the purpose.

ICQ me and I will give you this for free.

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The best so far.

One day George W. Bush dies and goes to hell.
He's standing with the devil and the devil says "You know, I like you so I am going to give you 3 choices on what kind of torture you want" George says ok I can handle that.

So they are walking up theis long hallway and they come to a door. The devil opens the door and there stands Ross Peroe chained up getting his ears stretched as far as they will go.

George says "Naw I really don't like this one, my ears are big enough let's try the next one." So they walk a little further and the devil opens another door. It's Al Gore chained up getting whipped by a guy in a leather mask.

George says "Naw I really don't like pain, I don't want this one either." So they walk even further and the devil says "Lasy shot Dubya or I choose for you"

The devil opens the door and it's Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Monica's sucking Bills dick. So George says "HELL! I can handle this one for eternity"

The devil smiles and says "Ok Monica you can leave!"

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.

''Nice pigs, sir!''

''Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.''

''Nice trade, sir!''

Just sent you an ICQ.
Joe

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

And you just earned;

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A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.

''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.''

The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle.

A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. The milkman thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

''I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?''

''I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.''

''Pasteurized?''

''No, just up to my tits.''

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class
the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the
students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to
use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said
"The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't
entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher
again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown,
so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts
have lumps?"
The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a
question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student
replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, ''You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.'' Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, ''Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.'' George Bush Senior says, ''Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.'' The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, ''I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.''

MRS RHODES

Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit.
"We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first.
"We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning."
Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
"When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her."
"What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?"
As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."