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Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lightspeedworld
Posts: 7,940
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Important Newbie Tips
It would be fun to teach newbies all bad habits during a newbie seminar:
1) Be wild and obnoxious all the time, this is the porn industry, not church! 2) Don't take no for an answer, ask 50 times if you have to! 3) Fondle all the girls, they love the attention! 4) Tell everyone whatever they want to hear. We expect you to exaggerate! 5) Run with new ideas, don't waste precious time thinking about them. You gotta beat your competition to the market! 6) Do lots of cocaine and ecstacy, together with pot and alcohol. You gotta fit in! 7) Be sure to tell the experienced webmasters stuff you think they are doing wrong. They need honest feedback to keep them on their toes! 8) Ask us to invest in your most hairbrained ideas -- we have too much money and need tax writeoffs! 9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! 10) Always remember that YOUR traffic is gold, and if we want it, we should prepay! 11) All sites really convert at 1:100 or less. Any company showing worse from your traffic should be outed immediately on the boards for shaving! Don't warn them first either! 12) Remember, your board name is enough to carry any new program, so start your own company as soon as you can! Damn why do these seem to write themselves?
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Abra-cadabra! |
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#2 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Santa Ana, Costa Rica
Posts: 2,664
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steve!!!
you were supposed to hold off on these for the newbie seminar at the WYPD !
__________________
SoloConverts.com is now LIVE! 8 kick ass exclusive sites, weekly payouts, secure 3rd party billing, 60/40 revshare - PPS by request, tons of promo tools and much more! Sign up today at SoloConverts.com Contact me today for anything you need! [email protected] ICQ: 184807 Skype: bobbyrica ![]() |
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#3 |
H.B.I.C.
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: NC
Posts: 30,122
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You're silly!
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#4 |
So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the beach, SoCal
Posts: 107,089
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#5 |
Crazy Aussie Bastard
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home.
Posts: 16,787
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Steve, there are old schoolers who still have not mastered that list.
Should be re-titled "How To". He he ;-)
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Celebs Adult Who's Who ==> Ambush Interview ==> ICQ 293 070 684 ==> intmarpacrim AT gmail DOT com |
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#6 |
been very busy
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: the queen city
Posts: 26,983
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want to buy this spot for cheap? it is of course for sale. long term deals are always the best bet. brand0n/ at/ a o l dot commies.
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#7 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 51,692
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You forgot : Post fake stats on the board.
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#8 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: ♠ ♣ ♥
Posts: 2,341
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I'm concentrating on mastering #6 before moving on to the other tips.
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#9 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Toronto, Earth
Posts: 1,108
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That reminds me of my top-10 rules on how to run a successful affilate program:
10. Treat your affiliates like they're lucky to be sending you traffic 9. All surfers are suckers: it is your job to remind them 8. Start a war on every board and flame everyone that replies 7. Hire/fire your sales staff on a weekly basis 6. Go to every show, get wasted at every party and disrepect everyone you meet 5. Act like Internet porn is a get-rich-quick scheme, not a "real" business 4. Promise your surfers whatever it takes to get them to join 3. Don't waste time delivering what your promised 2. Keep your cross-sales in the fine print where they belong 1. Always remember: YOU ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING PIMP. THE WORLD IS YOUR BITCH. B ![]()
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Looking for a great program that converts ANY traffic? Me too! :-P |
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#10 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Boneprone's guest house
Posts: 3,782
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LOL don't forget to tell them about Jesus Cash
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#11 | |
FUBAR the ORIGINATOR
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: FUBARLAND
Posts: 67,374
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Quote:
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![]() FUBAR Webmasters - The FUBAR Times - FUBAR Webmasters Mobile - FUBARTV.XXX For promo opps contact jfk at fubarwebmasters dot com |
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#12 |
In Tushy Land
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 40,149
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i love you steve
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#13 |
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Europe
Posts: 50
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i am a newby !!
ahmm now should i say thanx for tips? ![]()
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ICQ : 229014454 |
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#14 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 67,795
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Quote:
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#15 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Santa Ana, Costa Rica
Posts: 2,664
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Quote:
follow them to a tee and you will be very successful
__________________
SoloConverts.com is now LIVE! 8 kick ass exclusive sites, weekly payouts, secure 3rd party billing, 60/40 revshare - PPS by request, tons of promo tools and much more! Sign up today at SoloConverts.com Contact me today for anything you need! [email protected] ICQ: 184807 Skype: bobbyrica ![]() |
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#17 |
GOO!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Back Home : )
Posts: 9,768
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Dang ... I guess I'm a newb then Steve...
9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! Jerk. ; )
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Vacares rules. "Usually only fat guys have the kind of knowledge and ability that Kristin has." |
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#18 | |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Transform my name to numbers it'd be 121058710.
Posts: 3,861
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Quote:
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Make money offa that Asian honey - www.eroticmp.com. |
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#19 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lightspeedworld
Posts: 7,940
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[16:14] xxxxxxx: i haven't had to bug you in awhile and i kinda missed it ; )
just wanted to say hi [16:14] Steve Lightspeed: http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=647688 [16:15] xxxxxxx: thanks for #9 [16:16] Steve Lightspeed: hahaha [16:17] xxxxxxx: jerk.
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Abra-cadabra! |
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#21 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Redmond, WA
Posts: 2,727
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Here's a few more
13) Even if the mailman is late it's your sponsors fault. Run to the boards and bitch about how slow they are to send you your $35.00 check |
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#22 |
ICQ: 197-556-237
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: BRASIL !!!
Posts: 57,559
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Did you write that yourself?
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I'm just a newbie. |
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#23 | |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere...
Posts: 1,974
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Quote:
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#24 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: where ever he is!
Posts: 6,522
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#25 |
President of Canada
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Leaving Hell, Entering Limbo
Posts: 23,141
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I will use this as my bible from now on. Check your ICQ, I just said "Hi".
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#26 | |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Transform my name to numbers it'd be 121058710.
Posts: 3,861
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Quote:
This was written by one of his 'post team' in Manilla. He's got three guys who consult on his library of posts when he DID post and they make up stuff in his 'style'. It's a great operation, if you can afford it. I think iWebmaster handles it and they charge a few k a month. None of the big boys write their own stuff anymore.
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Make money offa that Asian honey - www.eroticmp.com. |
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#27 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lightspeedworld
Posts: 7,940
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Quote:
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Abra-cadabra! |
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#28 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lightspeedworld
Posts: 7,940
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13) Any girl is a good candidate for a sologirl site. And you don't even need any money, you can pay for everything from the first month's profits!
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Abra-cadabra! |
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#29 | |
GOO!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Back Home : )
Posts: 9,768
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Quote:
I think a "line" or two got left out of this convo. ; )
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Vacares rules. "Usually only fat guys have the kind of knowledge and ability that Kristin has." |
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#30 |
Wall Street Pimp
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 14,345
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Steve Lightspeed wisdom always hits home on GFY
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Tradeking - my online broker | 4.95 a trade | make real $$ |
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#31 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,581
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Lawd gospel, thank you.
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#32 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lightspeedworld
Posts: 7,940
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14) Don't worry about making business cards! There is lots of scrap paper to be found at a convention, or anyone will be happy to loan you a pen so you can jot down your info on the back of one of their cards. They will admire your thrifty resourcefulness!
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Abra-cadabra! |
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#33 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,311
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HAHA Nice Post Steve!
* now sorry I ever contacted you to say HI! |
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#34 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 337
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Awesome tips.
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#35 |
Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 38,323
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Oh wise and wonderful porn interweb guru, let me say that as a newbie who just started in adult online in 2000, that I wish to thank you for your magnificent list, since it validates everything I having been doing.
I shall now hotlink the following graphic and see if I am rewarded yet again with the coveted special red "x" excellence in achievement award... ![]() ADG Webmaster |
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#36 |
So Fucking Banned
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Man, I have been slacking!
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#37 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,213
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![]() That's a nice list. ![]() What's your ICQ number? ![]()
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#38 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 7,090
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Always post on Boy Alley and JDL's thread.
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__________________
![]() AFFORDABLE Hosting -- Extreme Dependability -- FULL Service ICQ ME for DAMN GOOD HOSTING DEALS: 5380773 |
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#39 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 6,107
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uh-oh... seems like i'm not gonna fulfill the 6th rule... I've got shitty allergies on alcoholic drinks
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Prime Outsourcing│offshore solutions│manual labor│staff leasing│full time employees starting at $695.00/month=managed and dedicated | icq: 309570461 | live chat |
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#40 | |
Die With Your Boots On
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 22,872
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Quote:
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#41 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 8,704
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You should stop allowing new people to sign up and promote your program.
That will solve your problems. Right? |
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#42 |
ICQ: 304-611-162
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Masterdam
Posts: 13,245
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You've got a message, Steve
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#43 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,957
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Quote:
I followed those: 1) Be wild and obnoxious all the time, this is the porn industry, not church! 2) Don't take no for an answer, ask 50 times if you have to! 3) Fondle all the girls, they love the attention! 5) Run with new ideas, don't waste precious time thinking about them. You gotta beat your competition to the market! 7) Be sure to tell the experienced webmasters stuff you think they are doing wrong. They need honest feedback to keep them on their toes! 9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! 10) Always remember that YOUR traffic is gold, and if we want it, we should prepay! 12) Remember, your board name is enough to carry any new program, so start your own company as soon as you can! but saved this for my retirement: 6) Do lots of WINE and ecstacy, together with pot and alcohol. You gotta fit in! ...but I don't fir in with the usual Florida retirement crowd ![]() |
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#44 |
Clueless OleMan
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: ICQ - 169903487
Posts: 11,009
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Steve, I've got some things to run past ya, what's your cell phone number?
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#45 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 2,266
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I knew I was doing everything right!
__________________
Sonarcash Competitive Content Shooting Handgasm HD Handjobs Janessa Jordan Ultimate Wife Make Money Fucking Blog ICQ: 307 975 028 lance {at} sonarcash {dot} com (<- Need amateur content? Email or ICQ) |
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#46 |
www.AdultCopywriters.com
Industry Role:
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 31,618
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Steve, thanks for letting me know what not to do.
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