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Important Newbie Tips
It would be fun to teach newbies all bad habits during a newbie seminar:
1) Be wild and obnoxious all the time, this is the porn industry, not church! 2) Don't take no for an answer, ask 50 times if you have to! 3) Fondle all the girls, they love the attention! 4) Tell everyone whatever they want to hear. We expect you to exaggerate! 5) Run with new ideas, don't waste precious time thinking about them. You gotta beat your competition to the market! 6) Do lots of cocaine and ecstacy, together with pot and alcohol. You gotta fit in! 7) Be sure to tell the experienced webmasters stuff you think they are doing wrong. They need honest feedback to keep them on their toes! 8) Ask us to invest in your most hairbrained ideas -- we have too much money and need tax writeoffs! 9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! 10) Always remember that YOUR traffic is gold, and if we want it, we should prepay! 11) All sites really convert at 1:100 or less. Any company showing worse from your traffic should be outed immediately on the boards for shaving! Don't warn them first either! 12) Remember, your board name is enough to carry any new program, so start your own company as soon as you can! Damn why do these seem to write themselves? |
steve!!!
you were supposed to hold off on these for the newbie seminar at the WYPD ! |
You're silly!
:winkwink: |
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Steve, there are old schoolers who still have not mastered that list.
Should be re-titled "How To". He he ;-) |
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You forgot : Post fake stats on the board.
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I'm concentrating on mastering #6 before moving on to the other tips.
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That reminds me of my top-10 rules on how to run a successful affilate program:
10. Treat your affiliates like they're lucky to be sending you traffic 9. All surfers are suckers: it is your job to remind them 8. Start a war on every board and flame everyone that replies 7. Hire/fire your sales staff on a weekly basis 6. Go to every show, get wasted at every party and disrepect everyone you meet 5. Act like Internet porn is a get-rich-quick scheme, not a "real" business 4. Promise your surfers whatever it takes to get them to join 3. Don't waste time delivering what your promised 2. Keep your cross-sales in the fine print where they belong 1. Always remember: YOU ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING PIMP. THE WORLD IS YOUR BITCH. B :Graucho |
LOL don't forget to tell them about Jesus Cash :thumbsup
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i love you steve
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i am a newby !!
ahmm now should i say thanx for tips? :uhoh |
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follow them to a tee and you will be very successful |
I'm a newb....Steve is successful.......I will listen!!!
Page, printed, and pasted to the head board |
Dang ... I guess I'm a newb then Steve...
9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! Jerk. ; ) |
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[16:14] xxxxxxx: i haven't had to bug you in awhile and i kinda missed it ; )
just wanted to say hi [16:14] Steve Lightspeed: http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=647688 [16:15] xxxxxxx: thanks for #9 [16:16] Steve Lightspeed: hahaha [16:17] xxxxxxx: jerk. |
lol nice one Steve :)
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Here's a few more
13) Even if the mailman is late it's your sponsors fault. Run to the boards and bitch about how slow they are to send you your $35.00 check |
Did you write that yourself?
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:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh Those are great!
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I will use this as my bible from now on. Check your ICQ, I just said "Hi".
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This was written by one of his 'post team' in Manilla. He's got three guys who consult on his library of posts when he DID post and they make up stuff in his 'style'. It's a great operation, if you can afford it. I think iWebmaster handles it and they charge a few k a month. None of the big boys write their own stuff anymore. |
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13) Any girl is a good candidate for a sologirl site. And you don't even need any money, you can pay for everything from the first month's profits!
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I think a "line" or two got left out of this convo. ; ) |
Steve Lightspeed wisdom always hits home on GFY :)
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Lawd gospel, thank you.
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14) Don't worry about making business cards! There is lots of scrap paper to be found at a convention, or anyone will be happy to loan you a pen so you can jot down your info on the back of one of their cards. They will admire your thrifty resourcefulness!
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HAHA Nice Post Steve!
* now sorry I ever contacted you to say HI! |
Awesome tips. :)
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Oh wise and wonderful porn interweb guru, let me say that as a newbie who just started in adult online in 2000, that I wish to thank you for your magnificent list, since it validates everything I having been doing.
I shall now hotlink the following graphic and see if I am rewarded yet again with the coveted special red "x" excellence in achievement award... http://www.theyakshack.co.uk/goodies...master_800.jpg ADG Webmaster |
Man, I have been slacking!
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:1orglaugh
That's a nice list. :thumbsup What's your ICQ number? :upsidedow |
Always post on Boy Alley and JDL's thread. :thumbsup
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uh-oh... seems like i'm not gonna fulfill the 6th rule... I've got shitty allergies on alcoholic drinks :(
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You should stop allowing new people to sign up and promote your program.
That will solve your problems. Right? |
You've got a message, Steve
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I followed those: 1) Be wild and obnoxious all the time, this is the porn industry, not church! 2) Don't take no for an answer, ask 50 times if you have to! 3) Fondle all the girls, they love the attention! 5) Run with new ideas, don't waste precious time thinking about them. You gotta beat your competition to the market! 7) Be sure to tell the experienced webmasters stuff you think they are doing wrong. They need honest feedback to keep them on their toes! 9) Icq us at all hours, day or night, just to say "hi". We get so lonely! 10) Always remember that YOUR traffic is gold, and if we want it, we should prepay! 12) Remember, your board name is enough to carry any new program, so start your own company as soon as you can! but saved this for my retirement: 6) Do lots of WINE and ecstacy, together with pot and alcohol. You gotta fit in! ...but I don't fir in with the usual Florida retirement crowd :) |
Steve, I've got some things to run past ya, what's your cell phone number?
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I knew I was doing everything right!
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Steve, thanks for letting me know what not to do.
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