You are a republican if ....

[ThunderBalls]

You are a republican if

You think arsenic is a vitamin.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.

You believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.

You think of reality TV as Fox News.

[Joesho]

or you think that being patriotic is to opress the masses of your own people, spy on them and track their lives, all in the name of your safety...cause you are not smart enough or tough enough to take care of your own safety. just ask any republican they will tell you how it is for your own good...or else Dammnit!

[Sly_RJ]

Haha, pretty funny stuff.

[american pervert]

you are a liberal if....


Rules.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal

[Sly_RJ]

Now that's even funnier...

[Libertine]

Perfect examples of why being moderate is best.

[CraigA]

Originally posted by punkworld
Perfect examples of why being moderate is best.

Fence straddler

[Machete_]

Originally posted by american perv
you are a liberal if....

hehe - that was even more fun

[arial]

I'm part of the Green Party, Ralph Nader!

[Danny_C]

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

100% inaccurate. I hate to let you down, but we live in a Socialist society. Many countries in Europe are even more Socialist than we are. none of these have failed yet.

Arial: I voted for Nader, too.

[rooster]

" Many countries in Europe are even more Socialist than we are. none of these have failed yet. "


Thanks for the laugh. cheered me up.

[ThunderBalls]

You're a republican if (continued)

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

[xxxdesign-net]

Originally posted by american perv
you are a liberal if....


Rules.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal

Well, the first one "You are a repubilcan if.." is more or less jokes...


As for the "you are liberal if..."

It is written on a more serious tone with alot of twisted allegations...

"You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. "

and...

"You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural. "??

How dumb is that one!?

[american pervert]

Originally posted by ThunderBalls
You're a republican if (continued)



You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.


You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

acutally national review had an article some years ago as to why the simpsons is a great show...

[galleryseek]

demoRats are dirty and smelly.

[Danny_C]

Originally posted by rooster
" Many countries in Europe are even more Socialist than we are. none of these have failed yet. "


Thanks for the laugh. cheered me up.

Name an instance where Socialism has proven not to work.

Is the US failing? Again, we are a socialist country. We do have a welfare system.

I'm glad you find it amusing, though.

[Danny_C]

Ahh... I admit, I did word that wrong... plenty of societies have failed... many of which have been Socialist. But none fell because they were Socialist. At least, none that I know of. And more importantly, there are plenty of Socialist systems still running strong.

I was responding directly to "You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge." The fact is, it has worked.

[adjektiv]

Socialism: Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.

Did our government plan the dotcom boom? If so they were awesome! I wish they would hurry up and plan another boom for us. I would like to make over $200k per year at least.

[Rich]

Originally posted by american perv
you are a liberal if....


Rules.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal

I was really hoping someone would post something like this.

[Joesho]

Originally posted by american perv
you are a liberal if....


Rules.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

are you refering to here or abroad?


2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

wtf are you smoking?

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

I am a liberal and I liberally beleive that any responsable party over the age of 21(18 is to young) should be allowed to decide for them selves if they want to carry a gun...if you ment to say the democrats then yes you are correct they are to anal on the gun law and I think one of their weaker points. but hey to error on the side of not killing someone as your motivation vs killing thousands of innocent people to get one guy, (oh yeah we did not get either one of them did we)? as your motivation ,gee I think I will have to side with the dems!

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

or you can be republican, and decide for the people what they are allowed to call art based on your determinations, and to hell with those pansies that don't like what you say.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

somebody should actualy read some legitiment reports, not listen to the profit motivated study's conducted by the beneficiarys...can you spell haliburton? oh I am sorry it is subsidiarys not subsidy's that you use to cover your spending habits, and pay offs to crony's...

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

sex with the same gender if male is not good by me, but the right to choose your own partners, and turn ons is, Gay people are some of the most productive people in our society, they are senators, congressmen, mailmen, police officers, etc.... to say they are bad because of their sexual preference rather than their abilty's or their desire's to perfom the function they do best in a peaceful society, what should matter...

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

capitol punishment is well deserved in some instances, but DEAD wrong in others, the sytem of "just fry the cocksucker" is broken, to many innocents getting in the crossfire, needs to be fixed then you may have something to talk about!

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. If the shoe fits.....

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

wtf hunters are great respectors of nature, all the ones I know anyway! The loony activist onjly make themselves look stupid when employing draconian tactics, No true liberal supports this kind of extremism, it is youth trying to find a cause to believe in, they need to be guided better, and not lied to as often by their leaders, then mayby they will grow up before it is to late... did you....

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

when you are young and learning yes it is....

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

Nope again, I think that corrupt politicians like...well you know people out for their own greed start wars... the military has to actualy do the fighting so you know they don't want to start any unnecassary wars... I mean the truly necassary ones not the power necassary ones...

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

they both are to narrow minded as a group that is bent on destroy6ing rather than building, still not a true liberals stance on either count...

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

I do think atm fees are to high, but I do not think that it is anybody's right in a capitolist society to regulate that, it is up to the two party's conducting that transaction,period. Taxes are misused not deficient in their income...but again the republicans are the ones most guilty of this, what is important to you? a school, or a couple of thousand more rounds of ammo to shoot up some more rocks, so that you can pay your friwends to go clean the rocks up?

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

robert e lee is a racist pig! but his place in that ugly part of our history should definatly have a high place in history, as to teach the children about bigotry
who the fuck is barbera sanger...er margerat striesand? thomas jefferson, what are you kidding me who doesn't learn about him, I bet even all the erou's here could tell you his story...gloria stienam needs to mentioned with MLK, andother leaders that have fought for their rights to come out of oppression.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

NO ONE should be given any advantage for their race on ANY matter... the tests as they are now do give an advantagfe to the more affluent kids.. but color is not the factor, class perception is...

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge. Huh?

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal

The typical republican stretch the truth move... beasty, and gay are not the same and nobody has ever said they should be treated as such!

any other questions ?

[rooster]

I cant think of any instance where socilism has worked other than countries that keep their borders tighter than a virgin and take no decisive role in foreign politics.

[Sly_RJ]

Originally posted by Joesho
The typical republican stretch the truth move... beasty, and gay are not the same and nobody has ever said they should be treated as such!

any other questions ?

Oh blow me. The liberal post was made because the conservative post was made.

What's funny is the conservative post was somewhat of a joke, which made it funny. But the liberal post was basically true, and that's what made that funny.

Both sides have their fuck-ups. Don't get all pissy because you see the faults everyone else does.

And if you want to whine about stretching the truth, read the very first post of this thread. I consider myself to be Republican and didn't agree with any of those points...

[The Porn Dude]

An adult webmaster who supports the Republican party is like a chicken who supports Col. Sanders.

[Sly_RJ]

Originally posted by The Porn Dude
An adult webmaster who supports the Republican party is like a chicken who supports Col. Snaders.

Absolutely.

[Joesho]

take a poll, look around, ask around, do whatever you need to too prove it to yourself,.....

Right wing republican towns are oppressed rough towns....

Left wing liberal towns, are filled with LIBERTY.

[Danny_C]

Originally posted by adjektiv
Socialism: Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.

Did our government plan the dotcom boom? If so they were awesome! I wish they would hurry up and plan another boom for us. I would like to make over $200k per year at least.

No, but Socialism is not communism. It says "any" of various theories or systems. That would include taxation and redistribution... a system strongly in place in the U.S.

[Danny_C]

I should also mention, not any word can be cleanly summarized by a dictionary definition.

The word Socialism has a negative connotation in this country, but that's because it hasn't been clearly explained to people. You ask, "Are you in favor of Socialism?" and the majority of the people will say "Hell no!" But ask them if they're in favor of Social Security and universal health coverage, and they'll say yes.

There are degrees of Socialism, with communism being, to put it simply, the most extreme form. The U.S. is only moderately Socialist... but we're Socialist nonetheless.

[rooster]

this country has many bastardized socialist programs but is pretty far from being socliast when compared to the swedens and canadas.

The soclistic programs we do have are very inefficient and do not work.

So you want more programs that don't work.


When the shit gets thick, do you think socialist countries like sweden are going to save the day?

[xroach]

Originally posted by ThunderBalls
You're a republican if (continued)

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

the simpsons is a republican show

[xroach]

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains. - Winston Churchill

[Snapper]

Originally posted by The Porn Dude
An adult webmaster who supports the Republican party is like a chicken who supports Col. Sanders.

so wrong. Why is being against big government in conflict with porn? Because one loony AG is in office.

weird to think that