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You're a republican if (continued)
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
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