You are a republican if ....
 

You are a republican if

You think arsenic is a vitamin.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.

You believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.

You think of reality TV as Fox News.

or you think that being patriotic is to opress the masses of your own people, spy on them and track their lives, all in the name of your safety...cause you are not smart enough or tough enough to take care of your own safety. just ask any republican they will tell you how it is for your own good...or else Dammnit!

Haha, pretty funny stuff.

you are a liberal if....


Rules.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal

Now that's even funnier...

Perfect examples of why being moderate is best.

Fence straddler:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

hehe - that was even more fun:1orglaugh

I'm part of the Green Party, Ralph Nader!

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

100% inaccurate. I hate to let you down, but we live in a Socialist society. Many countries in Europe are even more Socialist than we are. none of these have failed yet.

Arial: I voted for Nader, too.

" Many countries in Europe are even more Socialist than we are. none of these have failed yet. "


Thanks for the laugh. cheered me up.

You're a republican if (continued)

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

Well, the first one "You are a repubilcan if.." is more or less jokes...


As for the "you are liberal if..."

It is written on a more serious tone with alot of twisted allegations...

"You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs. "

and...

"You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural. "??

How dumb is that one!?

acutally national review had an article some years ago as to why the simpsons is a great show...

demoRats are dirty and smelly.

Name an instance where Socialism has proven not to work.

Is the US failing? Again, we are a socialist country. We do have a welfare system.

I'm glad you find it amusing, though.

Ahh... I admit, I did word that wrong... plenty of societies have failed... many of which have been Socialist. But none fell because they were Socialist. At least, none that I know of. And more importantly, there are plenty of Socialist systems still running strong.

I was responding directly to "You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge." The fact is, it has worked.

Socialism: Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.

Did our government plan the dotcom boom? If so they were awesome! I wish they would hurry up and plan another boom for us. I would like to make over $200k per year at least.

:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I was really hoping someone would post something like this. :thumbsup

The typical republican stretch the truth move... beasty, and gay are not the same and nobody has ever said they should be treated as such!

any other questions ?

I cant think of any instance where socilism has worked other than countries that keep their borders tighter than a virgin and take no decisive role in foreign politics.

Oh blow me. The liberal post was made because the conservative post was made.

What's funny is the conservative post was somewhat of a joke, which made it funny. But the liberal post was basically true, and that's what made that funny.

Both sides have their fuck-ups. Don't get all pissy because you see the faults everyone else does.

And if you want to whine about stretching the truth, read the very first post of this thread. I consider myself to be Republican and didn't agree with any of those points...

An adult webmaster who supports the Republican party is like a chicken who supports Col. Sanders.

Absolutely.

take a poll, look around, ask around, do whatever you need to too prove it to yourself,.....

Right wing republican towns are oppressed rough towns....

Left wing liberal towns, are filled with LIBERTY.

No, but Socialism is not communism. It says "any" of various theories or systems. That would include taxation and redistribution... a system strongly in place in the U.S.

I should also mention, not any word can be cleanly summarized by a dictionary definition.

The word Socialism has a negative connotation in this country, but that's because it hasn't been clearly explained to people. You ask, "Are you in favor of Socialism?" and the majority of the people will say "Hell no!" But ask them if they're in favor of Social Security and universal health coverage, and they'll say yes.

There are degrees of Socialism, with communism being, to put it simply, the most extreme form. The U.S. is only moderately Socialist... but we're Socialist nonetheless.

this country has many bastardized socialist programs but is pretty far from being socliast when compared to the swedens and canadas.

The soclistic programs we do have are very inefficient and do not work.

So you want more programs that don't work.


When the shit gets thick, do you think socialist countries like sweden are going to save the day?

the simpsons is a republican show

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains. - Winston Churchill

so wrong. Why is being against big government in conflict with porn? Because one loony AG is in office.

weird to think that