ThunderBalls

You are a republican if

You think arsenic is a vitamin.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.

You believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.

You think of reality TV as Fox News.