Proofread my flyer for me?? :) - GoFuckYourself.com

MrMaxwell · 06-05-2011, 01:41 PM

So I have this lady friend with degrees out her ass and she's been helping me with it... but I made some changes to it and I know she's going to want to proofread it (AGAIN).. And I'd like to not look stupid again when she does.

So I'd appreciate anyone who could do that for me

)

http://adceo.com/23.htm

ottopottomouse · 06-05-2011, 02:05 PM

• 2100 children are reported missing every day (over 800,000 each year)

doesn't add up

ottopottomouse · 06-05-2011, 02:08 PM

ff.doc won't open

MrMaxwell · 06-05-2011, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

? 2100 children are reported missing every day (over 800,000 each year)

doesn't add up

You're right.. it is 766,000

I think that I may have changed "nearly" to "over" ... thanks!!!!

MrMaxwell · 06-05-2011, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

ff.doc won't open

God damned microsoft.. for some reason it gave the first side a .docx extension.. I renamed it to .doc and it still opens fine, here, but I think msft loves to make different versions of this not work with that and for some reason .docx may be a completely different format

Who knows

Sorry about that

http://adceo.com/ff.docx try this?

Thanks

ottopottomouse · 06-06-2011, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Child predators are more of a threat than ever. In the past two decades, the rate of missing children is up 500, but what can you actually do about it?

the rate of missing children is up 500 whats?

Quote:

Child shield U.S.A. is the only program that prevents your child from going missing. While on average 1 in 100 children will go missing - less than 1 in 500,000 children in the Child Shield U.S.A. program have gone missing.

Child Shield U.S.A. provides an immediate step by step plan of action in the event an enrolled child goes missing, and provides these services: a $50,000 reward, a full time private investigator and distribution of media material.

so does it prevent your child going missing OR does it try and find them when they go missing? can't claim both.

Quote:

Your child is 5000 times more likely to go missing than a child protected by Child Shield U.S.A., so visit our website for more information and give us a call, now!

you haven't bolded enough of the text

Your child is 5000 times more likely to go missing than a child protected by Child Shield U.S.A., so visit our website for more information and give us a call, now!

DamianJ · 06-06-2011, 04:36 AM

"Well over one million children are protected by Child Shield USA and only two have gone missing. "

I wouldn't highlight failure.

THIS CAR NEVER CRASHES (well it did twice, but it was ok, honest)

MrMaxwell · 06-06-2011, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

the rate of missing children is up 500 whats?

so does it prevent your child going missing OR does it try and find them when they go missing? can't claim both.

you haven't bolded enough of the text

Your child is 5000 times more likely to go missing than a child protected by Child Shield U.S.A., so visit our website for more information and give us a call, now!

Well, she keeps telling me, if there's too much text or too much bold, no one will read it... I didn't agree, but she has done a lot of proofreading and is well educated... so I bowed to her

I had more text and more was bolded

The 500 is supposed to say percent (not sure how that got changed)

Also my text included something about "What's more, if bla bla, this is what we'll do" sort of thing to explain the two parts of the program (I wanted to more clearly define that prevention comes first and that in case there was ever a need xx and x would happen)

thanks for your input

Keep it coming everyone

Thank YOU

MrMaxwell · 06-06-2011, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DamianJ

"Well over one million children are protected by Child Shield USA and only two have gone missing. "

I wouldn't highlight failure.

THIS CAR NEVER CRASHES (well it did twice, but it was ok, honest)

That makes sense but I think I am supposed to use that two of a million and compare it to the average 10k of a million ... To help make the comparison in their minds?

ottopottomouse · 06-06-2011, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMaxwell

Well, she keeps telling me, if there's too much text or too much bold, no one will read it... I didn't agree, but she has done a lot of proofreading and is well educated... so I bowed to her

I had more text and more was bolded

It's not about too much bold, it's about you haven't highlighted the whole of what is relevant to the actual subject. Take away the unbolded text and you get

Quote:

Your child is 5000 times more likely to go missing

more likely to go missing than what? you are trying to sell the service

Quote:

Your child is 5000 times more likely to go missing than a child protected by Child Shield U.S.A.

ottopottomouse · 06-06-2011, 09:54 AM

and i don't like the font.

sarettah · 06-06-2011, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMaxwell

God damned microsoft.. for some reason it gave the first side a .docx extension.. I renamed it to .doc and it still opens fine, here, but I think msft loves to make different versions of this not work with that and for some reason .docx may be a completely different format

Who knows

Sorry about that

http://adceo.com/ff.docx try this?

Thanks

.docx is an xml version of a doc. Think it is office 2010 and above, not sure about that (I am still on office 2000, the last licensed copy that I bought). But it is a completely different format than .doc.

.

MrMaxwell · 06-08-2011, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

It's not about too much bold, it's about you haven't highlighted the whole of what is relevant to the actual subject. Take away the unbolded text and you get

more likely to go missing than what? you are trying to sell the service

That is what I thought, too!!!

Anyone else see anything wrong??

06-05-2011, 01:41 PM	#1
MrMaxwell Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 10,057	Proofread my flyer for me?? :) So I have this lady friend with degrees out her ass and she's been helping me with it... but I made some changes to it and I know she's going to want to proofread it (AGAIN).. And I'd like to not look stupid again when she does. So I'd appreciate anyone who could do that for me ) http://adceo.com/23.htm

06-05-2011, 02:05 PM	#2
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	• 2100 children are reported missing every day (over 800,000 each year) doesn't add up __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

06-05-2011, 02:08 PM	#3
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	ff.doc won't open __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

06-06-2011, 09:54 AM	#11
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	and i don't like the font. __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

06-06-2011, 04:36 AM	#7
DamianJ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: A magical land Posts: 15,808	"Well over one million children are protected by Child Shield USA and only two have gone missing. " I wouldn't highlight failure. THIS CAR NEVER CRASHES (well it did twice, but it was ok, honest)