A message and apology from The Adult Broker

[The Adult Broker]

It is with humility and courage that I write this open letter to the industry. I could not find the later until only recently.

I have been noticeably absent from business for a stretch of time and many perceptions and rumors are swirling. I wanted to put those to rest and the way to do that is to share the truth. Though business is not the environment to air the 'dirty laundry', I have given exception to that rule because it is the truth of my life and I am choosing to share it with you.

Those I worked daily with and closely with are aware of why. I felt it was time to acknowledge the industry at large as I know what I am dealing with has indirectly affected business and deals.

Hurting anyone's business in completely antithesis to whom and what The Adult Broker has always stood for all these years...Taking care of people in this industry and making them money. I hope how I have conducted myself and business for many years stands on its merits and that the words of others does not have the power to tarnish the truth of what I have stood for. Here is the truth of my life...


It is due to personal crisis in my own life, a true tsunami wipe out on every level this year, that I had to leave business abruptly. I have been dealing with a heartbreaking death of a beloved one, the loss of my home to foreclosure, the loss of a tremendous amount of money owed to me and never paid, the loss of the house we rented and had to rapidly vacate before we lost possessions, the loss of my health due to the weight of responsibilities I was carrying trying to take care of business while my own life and that of my daughter's was crumbling.

I am self supporting single mother to a nine year old who has no father, no family. I am her everything. And in my breaking down under the weight of devastation in my life and the weight of guilt of what my child has gone through with me this year, I had no strength left to conduct business. I have been in survival and fear mode.

I have only been able to focus one step at a time, one mountain at a time, one day at a time, one cleanup at a time. Today is the clean up to the industry and letting you all know that the wipe out of my life of 42 years has been the biggest test of all that I have ever had to face. This is the very short story to a very long year that I battled for survival on a daily basis and still tried to be the a mother, nurturer, teacher and strength for my child at the same time and care for her and all she needs on all levels of her growth and respect and esteem and security. To juggle that while I myself could not stand up what a test no words can describe.

I did not even have the courage to communicate with companies and deals outstanding and even some clients to admit that for the first time in my life, I was not strong enough to get through and face the loss of the life I had known. And face my child when I didn't know how I could go on or start again.

With the support of a few, the understanding of those that are aware, it has helped me face the truth of what has happened and has helped ease the heartbreak of losing the love and the light of my life of someone, of losing my home, my child's money, my health, who I was and facing the reality I wasn't superwoman anymore and couldn't hold on - so I broke down and let go. Truly had a break down on Thanksgiving- the day of thanks, the day of my birthday - both symbolic to the point I couldn't face the boxes and crates of a move around me and eating taco's at Del Taco for the occasions.

It was not the most professional thing to do, just to check out. But I believe now, as I look back, that by doing so, it saved my life. I broke and I surrendered. I lost faith and hope and crawled my way back to it for the last 12 months.

I have lost just about everything. The one thing I could not lose was the kernel of self-respect that helped me survive the drowning. And with that, and with this truth from my heart, I wanted to write this post to let you know that my actions I own, my lack of communication I own, the unprofessional way I had to leave, I acknowledge.

It is out of respect for the community and your businesses that I humble and give you the truth of my own personal world so that it may help in understanding what has been behind my out of character behavior and how my actions never intended to hurt your business if that even remotely happened. It pains me to even think that I did. It is not the person I am in business and out. I am a giver, to a fault.

I have valued each and every relationship. I have always stood in honesty, integrity and my goal was always to do the very best to help people move their business forward. Taking care of others I thought was the ultimate to helping take care of my family. It pains me to know that I may have affected others businesses with the devastation of my own life.

I hope you will accept this sincere apology if my life has affected yours and I will do all in my power to clean up anything undone, any outstanding business or any other owning of my actions that may have hurt you.

I still have an aftermath of clean up that will take awhile. But I am going one day at a time. I am pulled back from day to day business in order to clean up the past and soon move forward with starting at square one again now that I have surrendered and accepted the reality of losing my life on so many levels at one time.

At 42 years old, it is the most difficult challenge I have yet to face, but I believe what I have experienced that ultimately did not kill me, will bless me with more strength than ever before. And what I have learned, the wisdom I have gained...it has ultimately given me a peace I didn't know I was missing. In that sense of peace in my heart with my surrender and acceptance, I know with accepting and finally letting go of the struggle, it will let in maybe even better things that were waiting to come in. I stand in that faith now, for me and for my daughter whom has been a source of strength and wiping of tears for me this last year.

I hope for your understanding during this difficult time I have endured. If I have learned anything, I do see the one thing I refused to loss was my integrity and always being in truth. It is was the communication part that I lost while on the road to finding my way through.

But here I am, in communication, and in truth from my heart. Today was the day for me to face this particular mountain to the industry. It may be too long in coming, but I felt the industry deserved to know that The Adult Broker isn't just that deal maker. She is human and is fighting with every ounce she has left her way back from drowning in the tsunami that hit every level her life -- one that she would never wish on anyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. And I especially would like to thank Dan at Camz , Fred at Gammae, Aria, Julie and Chris and Theresa and Dean whom all work with me - as well as Jean Marie and Megan and the others who have reached out and held me up when I couldn't make it on my own.

I thank all TAB clients and broker clients who has been part of the TAB evolution and their patience through the evolution of my life.

And I would like to thank you for reading this-I know it is long, but so has my journey been.

It is written in courage and from the core of my heart. And it is written with the strength I am finding on the 'other side'. I am conscious of all that happened and it is the last chapter of my Book of Life as I knew it.

In the New Year, I begin a new Book of Life. I don't know what it is about yet, it is not written. But I do know it will have new found wisdom, knowledge, peace of heart and strength of hand at its core to help build perhaps the true Life I was meant to live that was waiting for me to make it to this point in my life. I hope you will be a part of that new life as it evolves and a part of everything good that I have Faith now is to come from all the bad.

Thank you and may all you wish for in this New Year of new beginnings come true for you and your family.

With appreciation and gratitude,

Lori Z.

[Deej]

Craziness... look up and move on

Best of luck

[kmanrox]

wow that takes balls (so to speak!).. i hope things are back on track and wish you all the best now and in the new year lori! you ARE chutzpah! don't let the word become redefined ;)

[Vendzilla]

Good Luck Lori
I understand having a bad year

[Quagmire]

ouch....

[emjay]

Wow, wondered where you had been. Today is the first day for the rest of your life Lori. And you need the shit times to appreciate the good ones. Sounds like you have had an exceptionally testing time, all the best for you and your daughter in 2010, a new beginning...

[XPays]

hi Lori- hope everything turns around for you and wish you the best!

[dirtybaker1331]

Sorry to hear about your struggle but it sounds like you are bouncing back. Good luck and I wish you the best Lori!

[Domain Diva]

I think its been a tough time across the industry this year for everyone (or most)...myself included.

Best wishes to you and your daugther Lori over the holiday season and I hope that 2010 is a prosperous one for you.

Take Care.

Regards

Claire XXXX

[kristin]

Will you be coming back to the industry?

[baddog]

Best wishes and good luck, Lori.

[Spunky]

Best of luck,what a horrible thing to go through

[media]

Woow.. best of luck Lori.. seriously just get back up on that horse and ride girl.. I know you can do it!

[LeRoy]

Stay strong Lori

[awxm]

Here's hoping 2010 is a better year for you Lori, I wish you well.

[JayAllan]

Simply writing what you just wrote, and sharing it with the world like that, shows that you do have the strength to move forward, and that you are willing to make the life changes that you must make. We all put on a brave face on try to be one the bros in this industry but the truth is we are all just real people with very real problems.

We are all going through massive changes right now, and I believe, at least for myself, that while it is difficult times, the change is what makes us grow, and for many of us will drive us to be better businessmen/women and hopefully better people.

Best of luck to you and your family. And thanks for sharing your experiences

[Andy CHOOPA]

best of luck with everything

[Bugbee]

good luck Lori, stay strong and it is amazing what you can get through!!

[Pornopat]

Lori,

I do not understand all you are writing but I do understand that you have have quite some heavy stuff landing on your back. Why not talk to a professional about it? when you break your leg you go to a doctor. With this kind of stuff you see other professionals. Taking from your story money problems are there. There are people out there that listen to you for free and are able to help you.
You are a good person and I hope you will find strength again. You deserve it.

Patrick

[Smiley]

stay strong...

[area51 - BANNED FOR LIFE]

I didn't read any of that shit you wrote because who really gives a fuck? no one.

[notime]

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

It is with humility and courage that I write this open letter to the industry. I could not find the later until only recently.

It is due to personal crisis in my own life, a true tsunami wipe out on every level this year, that I had to leave business abruptly. I have been dealing with a heartbreaking death of a beloved one, the loss of my home to foreclosure, the loss of a tremendous amount of money owed to me and never paid, the loss of the house we rented and had to rapidly vacate before we lost possessions, the loss of my health due to the weight of responsibilities I was carrying trying to take care of business while my own life and that of my daughter's was crumbling.

I am self supporting single mother to a nine year old who has no father,
no family. I am her everything.

Lori,
You always kept your word to me. You brought me deals for commissions like agreed. You honered them and so did I.
Let me know your personal epass (by email) so you and your 9'r have a little Xmas help.
May others share a little Xmas spirit for a hard working single mom too, that is my Xmas wish for you,
Jaques

[charlieb]

I wish the best for you and your daughter.


Charlie

[media]

Originally Posted by area51

I didn't read any of that shit you wrote because who really gives a fuck? no one.

uncalled for..

[Bomber8888]

Stay strong i'm sure 2010 will be a better year for u and your daughter! Keep your head!

[epitome]

Wow!

Well I must say that you busted your ass until the very end trying to right the ship and that is more than most people would have done. You will bounce back.

BUT you need some downtime. As someone who has lost it all not once, but twice myself, I can say without a doubt that after you take a little more time to lick your wounds you will bounce back.

You have the drive that most people can only dream of having.

[dropped9]

Originally Posted by media

uncalled for..

Thats the norm around these parts.... to let the ruthless scum of the earth roam free...

[BruceM]

Sorry to hear that Lori. Best wishes.

[sexdatesj]

Hope 2010 is better, now I know why you never responded to my emails recently. Hit me up when you can. I have deals to do, hope they can make you some money!

[Benny]

Hang in there Lori... You're one of the strongest and coolest women I know... You'll land on your feet, and feel free to let me know how I can help....

Your friend Bruce...

[Benny]

Originally Posted by area51

I didn't read any of that shit you wrote because who really gives a fuck? no one.

You've gotta be kidding me, what a miserable piece of shit you are!!!!!!! Go find another thread cocksucker...

[Darklady]

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

It is with humility and courage that I write this open letter to the industry. I could not find the later until only recently.

I have been noticeably absent from business for a stretch of time and many perceptions and rumors are swirling. I wanted to put those to rest and the way to do that is to share the truth. Though business is not the environment to air the 'dirty laundry', I have given exception to that rule because it is the truth of my life and I am choosing to share it with you.

<snip>

Lori Z.

Does this mean that I get Christmas and New Year's off?

I feel your pain. I really do.

Let's hope 2010 doesn't donkey punch us as hard.

Hugs,

Darklady

[Chris]

Originally Posted by Darklady

Does this mean that I get Christmas and New Year's off?

I feel your pain. I really do.

Let's hope 2010 doesn't donkey punch us as hard.

Hugs,

Darklady

Nope get back to the cellar

[2MuchMark]

Best of luck to you, Lori.

[Darklady]

Originally Posted by area51

I didn't read any of that shit you wrote because who really gives a fuck? no one.

Well, you clearly cared enough to post your needlessly snot-nosed reply...

And, as one of many who care deeply for a number of reasons (including the fact I've been working with Lori), I'd like to propose that you suck shit out of my ass.

Happy holidays, Scrooge.

[fmltube]

Our character is defined in how we deal with adversity and seeing how you have weathered the worst part of the storm, its only up from here. Keep your chin up, love your kid, and know that better times are ahead. Be proud knowing that you are doing your best to be a great Mom and that karma will pay dividends in both of your futures.

[jay23]

Hay Lori, you are one of the very few people in the biz I love and trust. Clients not paying their bills this year has been one the biggest issues for me to, hope things will work out soon.

If you want to attend Internext let me know, I will put the hotel bill on my company.

Jay
objectcube.com

[Loch]

Lori, best of wishes from me and our team here!
Let us know if there is anything we can help you with in the new year...and i mean that so contact me or Becky/Kevin should there be abything

[BossDVDs]

sushi lunch on me anytime

[ronin]

"never a failure always a lesson"

Best of luck to you-

[ShellyCrash]

Hey Lori,

Honesty is always the best policy and I can't imagine anyone would read that and not be able to feel for you and the struggles you are facing. On the brightside it sounds like you're turning everything around and you've got things on the mend for you and your daughter.

When you're ready to set some deals up give me a shout, should be able to throw some new business your way.

Best wishes for 2010.

[_Richard_]

Best of luck Lori! I hope 2010 treats you better

[BillyHoe]

best of luck in 2010 hopefully you can stay strong and move forward.

[aimeesweet]

Lori, I hope 2010 brings you all the joy and success you deserve!

Just remember that whatever doesn't break you, only makes you stronger

Much love to you and your little one!

xoxo

[LiveDose]

Good luck Lori. My year was 2005. Keep on keeping on you sound like a trooper.

[SweetT]

Lori....

I am SO sorry to hear about your troubles. As Jay said, this was not the year to be in the B2B side of the adult internet but you gave it your all and you have nothing to be ashamed of. What matters now is that you evaluate your life...not your business....not your board "persona"....but your LIFE. Decide what is important (I think we both know what that is) and dedicate yourself to concentrating on just that and nobody else. Take care of yourself and your daughter and everything else will fall into place.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you to make the holidays a little easier for the two of you. If you just want to email me a shipping address I will make sure that your little one has a great Christmas. It's the least that I can do for all of the help you have given my company over the years.

I hope I hear from you, Lori....It would be my honor to make her Christmas special.


--T

[tigermtb]

Head up, focus on the solutions.

We all feel like our world is falling down, at some point or another during our lives.
Its not whether you fall down its whether you get back up.

Onwards.

[NinjaSteve]

Good luck with you life.

[BAKO]

Originally Posted by Darklady

Well, you clearly cared enough to post your needlessly snot-nosed reply...

And, as one of many who care deeply for a number of reasons (including the fact I've been working with Lori), I'd like to propose that you suck shit out of my ass.

Happy holidays, Scrooge.

Dont mind him, he is the biggest idiot on GFY

[brassmonkey]

ex hale girlfriend