Originally Posted by TheAmericanCannibal

Sure.
I just need to find out from you more information first so I can call my friends who work for Jewish Family Services.

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

can you please call me and I can tell you more in depth? do you have my number? please text me first as my voicemail has been full for a long time because I could not face the communication before I was ready. I don't want to miss your call so please text me - I would really like to talk with you. Thank you Kevin!

Originally Posted by 30SalesPlus

Hope things look up or you , what exactly is meant by recovery ? If you dont want to get into details understandable have a happy and healthy.

Originally Posted by webair

Hey Lori,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are a strong person and you will land on your feet. I think I speak for a majority (of the good people) that frequent this board when i say we would all like to help in some way. Can you post your address or paypal account so those who want to help you can? If you prefer to keep it private I understand, but would you please email your info [email protected].

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I wish you only the best.

Much Love.

Originally Posted by TheAmericanCannibal

I dont have your number- sent you mine via email 45 mins ago
Is your inbox as full as your voicemail?

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

Kevin, - our phone conversation was a moment on this long path that I will always cherish.

thank you from the bottom of my heart and tears.

I am taking your advice and going to take my daughter on that much needed mommy and me walk now. - another step forward. xo


-
my appreciation to everyone who has posted and offered assistance - may your New Year bring to you as much goodness as you have extended to me.

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

I have Crohn's disease.

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

Yes, thank you.

of course you heard Kevin - the difference is the way the person said it -they had their own motives obviously and many who are in the know, know who it is doing it. And it is to cause drama and pain.

Perhaps they forgot to mention the part of knowing it cost thousands of dollars on credit cards months ago to book a trip out of friendship and then it would cost thousands in penalties to undo it all.

the real truth of your persons evasive rumor that obviously has motives is this -

we didn't continue with the trip because of the wedding.

we are here because I used the money spent on the wedding trip to stay in a home here for recovery. And I am here healing.

So there you are - it's a shame this 'person' attempted to capitalize on the suffering of me and my daughter and create drama in others lives and bring that into this. I think their actions and who they are speak for themselves.


Happy Holidays Kevin - thank you for your post.

Originally Posted by SweetT

Hey Lori...

I heard that Santa had to outsource some of the deliveries this year so tell Faith to watch for the Fedex man tomorrow morning. ;)

--T

Originally Posted by TheAmericanCannibal

Again, I am more than happy to help anyone who is truly in need of help-
You already overcame the biggest hurdle- remember what I said.


Now go for that walk, and get yourself healthy- we'll be seeing each other real soon and talking a lot more

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

I have lived with a medical conidtion for over 30 years. I have Crohn's disease that has hospitalized me more than 40 times in my llife. I have survived 5 surgeries and I was forced back into the hospital twice this year as my body broke down more from what I have been going through.

Many know I was in the hospital before and after Phoenix, what many do not know is that for all the years the industry has known me, I have been in the hospital over a dozen times and have had operations because the physical pain I deal with took its toll. I have worked from the hospital and ER room without the industry ever knowing the excruciating pain that brought me to my knees.

I fought it every waking day and every sleepless night of doubled over pain. And I worked deals while doubled over, because nobody saw me on the other side of the computer screen. I was scared I would be perceived as weak if I told I live with a serious medical condition.

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

I have lived with a medical conidtion for over 30 years. I have Crohn's disease that has hospitalized me more than 40 times in my llife. I have survived 5 surgeries and I was forced back into the hospital twice this year as my body broke down more from what I have been going through.

Originally Posted by JenniDahling

Are you back yet gal? I'm in Chatsworth now til the 31st.

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

It is with humility and courage that I write this open letter to the industry. I could not find the later until only recently.

I have been noticeably absent from business for a stretch of time and many perceptions and rumors are swirling. I wanted to put those to rest and the way to do that is to share the truth. Though business is not the environment to air the 'dirty laundry', I have given exception to that rule because it is the truth of my life and I am choosing to share it with you.

Those I worked daily with and closely with are aware of why. I felt it was time to acknowledge the industry at large as I know what I am dealing with has indirectly affected business and deals.

Hurting anyone's business in completely antithesis to whom and what The Adult Broker has always stood for all these years...Taking care of people in this industry and making them money. I hope how I have conducted myself and business for many years stands on its merits and that the words of others does not have the power to tarnish the truth of what I have stood for. Here is the truth of my life...


It is due to personal crisis in my own life, a true tsunami wipe out on every level this year, that I had to leave business abruptly. I have been dealing with a heartbreaking death of a beloved one, the loss of my home to foreclosure, the loss of a tremendous amount of money owed to me and never paid, the loss of the house we rented and had to rapidly vacate before we lost possessions, the loss of my health due to the weight of responsibilities I was carrying trying to take care of business while my own life and that of my daughter's was crumbling.

I am self supporting single mother to a nine year old who has no father, no family. I am her everything. And in my breaking down under the weight of devastation in my life and the weight of guilt of what my child has gone through with me this year, I had no strength left to conduct business. I have been in survival and fear mode.

I have only been able to focus one step at a time, one mountain at a time, one day at a time, one cleanup at a time. Today is the clean up to the industry and letting you all know that the wipe out of my life of 42 years has been the biggest test of all that I have ever had to face. This is the very short story to a very long year that I battled for survival on a daily basis and still tried to be the a mother, nurturer, teacher and strength for my child at the same time and care for her and all she needs on all levels of her growth and respect and esteem and security. To juggle that while I myself could not stand up what a test no words can describe.

I did not even have the courage to communicate with companies and deals outstanding and even some clients to admit that for the first time in my life, I was not strong enough to get through and face the loss of the life I had known. And face my child when I didn't know how I could go on or start again.

With the support of a few, the understanding of those that are aware, it has helped me face the truth of what has happened and has helped ease the heartbreak of losing the love and the light of my life of someone, of losing my home, my child's money, my health, who I was and facing the reality I wasn't superwoman anymore and couldn't hold on - so I broke down and let go. Truly had a break down on Thanksgiving- the day of thanks, the day of my birthday - both symbolic to the point I couldn't face the boxes and crates of a move around me and eating taco's at Del Taco for the occasions.

It was not the most professional thing to do, just to check out. But I believe now, as I look back, that by doing so, it saved my life. I broke and I surrendered. I lost faith and hope and crawled my way back to it for the last 12 months.

I have lost just about everything. The one thing I could not lose was the kernel of self-respect that helped me survive the drowning. And with that, and with this truth from my heart, I wanted to write this post to let you know that my actions I own, my lack of communication I own, the unprofessional way I had to leave, I acknowledge.

It is out of respect for the community and your businesses that I humble and give you the truth of my own personal world so that it may help in understanding what has been behind my out of character behavior and how my actions never intended to hurt your business if that even remotely happened. It pains me to even think that I did. It is not the person I am in business and out. I am a giver, to a fault.

I have valued each and every relationship. I have always stood in honesty, integrity and my goal was always to do the very best to help people move their business forward. Taking care of others I thought was the ultimate to helping take care of my family. It pains me to know that I may have affected others businesses with the devastation of my own life.

I hope you will accept this sincere apology if my life has affected yours and I will do all in my power to clean up anything undone, any outstanding business or any other owning of my actions that may have hurt you.

I still have an aftermath of clean up that will take awhile. But I am going one day at a time. I am pulled back from day to day business in order to clean up the past and soon move forward with starting at square one again now that I have surrendered and accepted the reality of losing my life on so many levels at one time.

At 42 years old, it is the most difficult challenge I have yet to face, but I believe what I have experienced that ultimately did not kill me, will bless me with more strength than ever before. And what I have learned, the wisdom I have gained...it has ultimately given me a peace I didn't know I was missing. In that sense of peace in my heart with my surrender and acceptance, I know with accepting and finally letting go of the struggle, it will let in maybe even better things that were waiting to come in. I stand in that faith now, for me and for my daughter whom has been a source of strength and wiping of tears for me this last year.

I hope for your understanding during this difficult time I have endured. If I have learned anything, I do see the one thing I refused to loss was my integrity and always being in truth. It is was the communication part that I lost while on the road to finding my way through.

But here I am, in communication, and in truth from my heart. Today was the day for me to face this particular mountain to the industry. It may be too long in coming, but I felt the industry deserved to know that The Adult Broker isn't just that deal maker. She is human and is fighting with every ounce she has left her way back from drowning in the tsunami that hit every level her life -- one that she would never wish on anyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. And I especially would like to thank Dan at Camz , Fred at Gammae, Aria, Julie and Chris and Theresa and Dean whom all work with me - as well as Jean Marie and Megan and the others who have reached out and held me up when I couldn't make it on my own.

I thank all TAB clients and broker clients who has been part of the TAB evolution and their patience through the evolution of my life.

And I would like to thank you for reading this-I know it is long, but so has my journey been.

It is written in courage and from the core of my heart. And it is written with the strength I am finding on the 'other side'. I am conscious of all that happened and it is the last chapter of my Book of Life as I knew it.

In the New Year, I begin a new Book of Life. I don't know what it is about yet, it is not written. But I do know it will have new found wisdom, knowledge, peace of heart and strength of hand at its core to help build perhaps the true Life I was meant to live that was waiting for me to make it to this point in my life. I hope you will be a part of that new life as it evolves and a part of everything good that I have Faith now is to come from all the bad.

Thank you and may all you wish for in this New Year of new beginnings come true for you and your family.

With appreciation and gratitude,

Lori Z.

Originally Posted by SweetT

Lori....

I am SO sorry to hear about your troubles. As Jay said, this was not the year to be in the B2B side of the adult internet but you gave it your all and you have nothing to be ashamed of. What matters now is that you evaluate your life...not your business....not your board "persona"....but your LIFE. Decide what is important (I think we both know what that is) and dedicate yourself to concentrating on just that and nobody else. Take care of yourself and your daughter and everything else will fall into place.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you to make the holidays a little easier for the two of you. If you just want to email me a shipping address I will make sure that your little one has a great Christmas. It's the least that I can do for all of the help you have given my company over the years.

I hope I hear from you, Lori....It would be my honor to make her Christmas special.


--T

Originally Posted by The Adult Broker

Shemp, Trixxxa, Jacque, Charlie - I know I emailed a personal thank you to each of you for your generosity. But I wanted to share it in this thread as well. I am seriously humbled by your kindness and want you to know that my daughter has declared this the best holiday ever

Originally Posted by Holly Lez!

Hey Lady,
Stay strong as you always are.. Life is a silly game of ups and downs as we both know but I feel confident you will survive nicely.. Please call me if you want to chat or have coffee