Take It ALL (new joke) - GoFuckYourself.com

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 12:01 AM

I have a friend that has a really small dick, but he doesn?t seem to REALIZE IT. I know a woman that gave him head who compared it to "SMOKING a TIC TAC".

But he BRAGS to me about his sexual experiences, like:

"Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!"

I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME.

So I said, ?Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME!

But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! Somehow, she wanted EVEN MORE!

So I was like "Oh yeah, Baby, let?s see if I can hit the FRONT OF YOUR TEETH with this BAD BOY! " I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!" So badly at one point, it almost seemed like she was LAUGHING.

She was obviously INTIMIDATED by the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!"

sandman! · 10-24-2008, 12:03 AM

haha good one

Rorschach · 10-24-2008, 12:05 AM

no laughter here, i hope your standup isn't that bad.

XX_RydeR · 10-24-2008, 12:06 AM

LMAO.

Sounds like a few mates of mine haha.

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 12:08 AM

I just got home from a bar. But you never hear anyone arrive at a bar and say, “I just got bar from a home.”

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rorschach

no laughter here, i hope your standup isn't that bad.

Sorry about your penis. Guess your awesome sense of humor makes up for it?

Rorschach · 10-24-2008, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Sorry about your penis. Guess your awesome sense of humor makes up for it?

it's not the content that sucks... it's the delivery

XX_RydeR · 10-24-2008, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Sorry about your penis. Guess your awesome sense of humor makes up for it?

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rorschach

it's not the content that sucks... it's the delivery

Hahaha! That's hilarious. Trying reading it at a different pace then! Or I could type and post it slower for you, if that will help.

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 12:50 AM

During 10 years running Lightspeed, I told my employees I only have ONE RULE:

DO NOT FUCK THE MODELS

But then I realized what a STUPID RULE that is! When a beautiful young Lightspeed model straddles your lap and says "LETS FUCK!", can you imagine anyone ever saying, “Well, I’d LOVE TO….. BUT STEVE SAID NOT TO!” They might TRY to say those words, but it would come out more like, "Ok, but we can never tell STEVE!"

adonthenet · 10-24-2008, 01:02 AM

LOL great joke

Steve, sounds like a good place to work @ LightSpeed with you - Just keep things quite so you won't know... =)

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 01:28 AM

I love technology. IPods, cell phones, digital cameras... Everything is so convenient and easy to use! Even in public bathrooms, you hold your hand under the faucet and the water comes on by itself! You wave your hand in front of the towel dispenser and a towel rolls out by itself!

I’ve been spoiled by all that. I went to a bathroom that didn’t have an automatic towel dispenser, and I sat there for 5 minutes waving my hands back and forth, up and down, all over the place trying to trigger a towel to come out. I looked like a retarded Merlin with wet hands trying to conjure a spell, “Show yourself, magic towel! By the POWER of SATAN, APPEAR before ME!”

Rorschach · 10-24-2008, 01:30 AM

damn, another few seconds of my life wasted.

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rorschach

damn, another few seconds of my life wasted.

Hey I didn't come here to be abused. I usually go to a little place downtown. Maybe we can go there together next time? I'll buy! Do you prefer to be abused by a woman, or a man? You seem like you would prefer a man. Another big TOUGH GUY that is JUST LIKE YOU?

Rorschach · 10-24-2008, 01:46 AM

i'm sorry you feel threatened by my manliness steve

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rorschach

i'm sorry you feel threatened by my manliness steve

I'm telling these jokes for free, so here's your refund

ContentSHOOTER · 10-24-2008, 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

I'm telling these jokes for free, so here's your refund

I have no reason to kiss you ass like others are... I saw the stand up routine.... "FUCKING LAME"..... Prior to working in this industry doing this, I was involved in public speaking for 9 years if front of groups of up to 500 people sometimes more, I know how unnerving it can be but, try that shit at the Improv and you would thrown off stage....

Just a thought Steve, if you think you and your jokes are sooooooooooo funny, actually take you ass to a talent agency. Do your routine in front of people that can actually give you an honest opinion.... Do you have the "BALLS" to do that? Some how I doubt it....

I know the ass kissers here are going keep on tell how great you are , FLAME AWAY, BUT THIS IS GFY and I could care less.......

WinstonTriplexcash · 10-24-2008, 03:35 AM

hahaha funny!

martinsc · 10-24-2008, 03:58 AM

heheheh

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ContentSHOOTER

I have no reason to kiss you ass like others are... I saw the stand up routine.... "FUCKING LAME"..... Prior to working in this industry doing this, I was involved in public speaking for 9 years if front of groups of up to 500 people sometimes more, I know how unnerving it can be but, try that shit at the Improv and you would thrown off stage....

Just a thought Steve, if you think you and your jokes are sooooooooooo funny, actually take you ass to a talent agency. Do your routine in front of people that can actually give you an honest opinion.... Do you have the "BALLS" to do that? Some how I doubt it....

I know the ass kissers here are going keep on tell how great you are , FLAME AWAY, BUT THIS IS GFY and I could care less.......

Wow, I'm just trying to have a little fun in my life. It sounds like you could use a little too. And FYI, I've been doing public speaking for 20 years, and I OWN a talent agency. Thanks for your opinions, see you at the Improv.

ContentSHOOTER · 10-24-2008, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Wow, I'm just trying to have a little fun in my life. It sounds like you could use a little too. And FYI, I've been doing public speaking for 20 years, and I OWN a talent agency. Thanks for your opinions, see you at the Improv.

Chew got it mang

ContentSHOOTER · 10-24-2008, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Wow, I'm just trying to have a little fun in my life. It sounds like you could use a little too. And FYI, I've been doing public speaking for 20 years, and I OWN a talent agency. Thanks for your opinions, see you at the Improv.

Hey Steve, please accept my apologies for my comments, I went over the top.... I think I am getting my period again

Mutt · 10-24-2008, 09:36 AM

Steve has balls - so he'd go to the talent agency and let the chips fall where they may i bet.

tASSy · 10-24-2008, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

During 10 years running Lightspeed, I told my employees I only have ONE RULE:

DO NOT FUCK THE MODELS

But then I realized what a STUPID RULE that is! When a beautiful young Lightspeed model straddles your lap and says "LETS FUCK!", can you imagine anyone ever saying, ?Well, I?d LOVE TO?.. BUT STEVE SAID NOT TO!? They might TRY to say those words, but it would come out more like, "Ok, but we can never tell STEVE!"

hrm...i want to work at lightspeed...i promise i won't tell you when i fuck the models.

JFK · 10-24-2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveLightspeed

Hahaha! That's hilarious. Trying reading it at a different pace then! Or I could type and post it slower for you, if that will help.

carol.prime · 10-24-2008, 09:50 AM

when someone's posting on gfy about their friend even if its a joke it's totally about their self. hahaha!

j/k

Kudles · 10-24-2008, 12:04 PM

Kinda funny

A-n-D-r-E-S · 10-24-2008, 12:43 PM

gornyhuy · 10-24-2008, 12:46 PM

This thread has inspired me to go take a giant shit. brb

thumbdesigner · 10-24-2008, 01:46 PM

Poindexterity · 10-24-2008, 01:51 PM

the bit about smoking a tic tac was funny,
but don't jokes usually have a punchline?

i mean i could tell you a story about some
ridiculous stupid shit one of my buddies
did or said the other night, but it's not exactly a joke,
y'know?

just a humorous story.

SteveLightspeed · 10-24-2008, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carol.prime

when someone's posting on gfy about their friend even if its a joke it's totally about their self. hahaha!

j/k

Well, I was fucking this chicken, and it was complimenting my penis the whole time..... "BIGCOCK!!! BIGCOCK!!!"

DirtyDanza · 10-24-2008, 02:11 PM

this one not that good... I did like your video the other day though

hey steve hit me up if your doing comedy now.. my partner does stand up and tours with someone HUGE

here he is opening for Paul Rodriguez in Las Vegas

https://youtube.com/watch?v=idFIWpdZcwI

TisMe · 10-24-2008, 02:21 PM

Steve, Try backing off on punching every line... let the story flow and pick the best line and tag it at the end.

Reading and watching you it seems to me like you try to make each line a joke, instead of building a story to a punchline ending.

BY putting a punchline in each line we can predict the next one, and the one after. Take the small dick bit...

My friend likes to brag about his sexual experiences...

like this one woman he got a blow job from...

"Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, " "NO!" "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!"

I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME.

So I said, “Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME!

But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! She kept mumbling "more... more"

I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!"

It was obviously the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!"

*** Now the punch line... ***

She said it was like "SMOKING a TIC TAC"!

Different style, but one I think fits better with your delivery.

Kudos for trying something new.

pornguy · 10-24-2008, 02:26 PM

Steve. The next time I walk into a bar I will announce just that. " I just got bar from home. "

I will then proceed to drink a beer and think of that tight little ass in you sig.

JFK · 10-24-2008, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TisMe

Steve, Try backing off on punching every line... let the story flow and pick the best line and tag it at the end.

Reading and watching you it seems to me like you try to make each line a joke, instead of building a story to a punchline ending.

BY putting a punchline in each line we can predict the next one, and the one after. Take the small dick bit...

My friend likes to brag about his sexual experiences...

like this one woman he got a blow job from...

"Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, " "NO!" "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!"

I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME.

So I said, ?Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME!

But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! She kept mumbling "more... more"

I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!"

It was obviously the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!"

*** Now the punch line... ***

She said it was like "SMOKING a TIC TAC"!

Different style, but one I think fits better with your delivery.

Kudos for trying something new.

good points

10-24-2008, 12:01 AM	#1
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Take It ALL (new joke) I have a friend that has a really small dick, but he doesn?t seem to REALIZE IT. I know a woman that gave him head who compared it to "SMOKING a TIC TAC". But he BRAGS to me about his sexual experiences, like: "Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!" I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME. So I said, ?Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME! But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! Somehow, she wanted EVEN MORE! So I was like "Oh yeah, Baby, let?s see if I can hit the FRONT OF YOUR TEETH with this BAD BOY! " I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!" So badly at one point, it almost seemed like she was LAUGHING. She was obviously INTIMIDATED by the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!" __________________ Abra-cadabra!

10-24-2008, 12:03 AM	#2
sandman! Icq: 14420613 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: chicago Posts: 15,432	haha good one __________________ Need WebHosting ? Email me for some great deals [email protected]

10-24-2008, 12:06 AM	#4
XX_RydeR Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Australia. Posts: 2,151	LMAO. Sounds like a few mates of mine haha. __________________ You Dun Goofed!

10-24-2008, 12:08 AM	#5
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I just got home from a bar. But you never hear anyone arrive at a bar and say, “I just got bar from a home.” __________________ Abra-cadabra!

10-24-2008, 12:50 AM	#10
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	During 10 years running Lightspeed, I told my employees I only have ONE RULE: DO NOT FUCK THE MODELS But then I realized what a STUPID RULE that is! When a beautiful young Lightspeed model straddles your lap and says "LETS FUCK!", can you imagine anyone ever saying, “Well, I’d LOVE TO….. BUT STEVE SAID NOT TO!” They might TRY to say those words, but it would come out more like, "Ok, but we can never tell STEVE!" __________________ Abra-cadabra! Last edited by SteveLightspeed; 10-24-2008 at 12:53 AM..

10-24-2008, 12:05 AM	#3
Rorschach So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5,579	no laughter here, i hope your standup isn't that bad.

10-24-2008, 01:02 AM	#11
adonthenet Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,753	LOL great joke Steve, sounds like a good place to work @ LightSpeed with you - Just keep things quite so you won't know... =)

10-24-2008, 01:28 AM	#12
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	I love technology. IPods, cell phones, digital cameras... Everything is so convenient and easy to use! Even in public bathrooms, you hold your hand under the faucet and the water comes on by itself! You wave your hand in front of the towel dispenser and a towel rolls out by itself! I’ve been spoiled by all that. I went to a bathroom that didn’t have an automatic towel dispenser, and I sat there for 5 minutes waving my hands back and forth, up and down, all over the place trying to trigger a towel to come out. I looked like a retarded Merlin with wet hands trying to conjure a spell, “Show yourself, magic towel! By the POWER of SATAN, APPEAR before ME!” __________________ Abra-cadabra!

10-24-2008, 01:30 AM	#13
Rorschach So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5,579	damn, another few seconds of my life wasted.

10-24-2008, 01:46 AM	#15
Rorschach So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 5,579	i'm sorry you feel threatened by my manliness steve

10-24-2008, 03:35 AM	#18
WinstonTriplexcash Confirmed User Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2,192	hahaha funny!

10-24-2008, 03:58 AM	#19
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	heheheh __________________ Make Money

10-24-2008, 09:36 AM	#23
Mutt Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 34,431	Steve has balls - so he'd go to the talent agency and let the chips fall where they may i bet. __________________ I moved my sites to Vacares Hosting. I've saved money, my hair is thicker, lost some weight too! Thanks Sly!

10-24-2008, 09:50 AM	#26
carol.prime Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Manila, Philippines Posts: 6,960	when someone's posting on gfy about their friend even if its a joke it's totally about their self. hahaha! j/k __________________ Prime Outsourcing \| offshore staffing solutions \| manual labor \| employee leasing \| full time employees starting at $695.00/month = managed and dedicated icq.: 309570461 live chat

10-24-2008, 12:04 PM	#27
Kudles Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Here There and Everywhere Posts: 5,477	Kinda funny __________________ Free to Play MMOs and MMORPGs

10-24-2008, 12:43 PM	#28
A-n-D-r-E-S Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,949	__________________ Adult Copywriters Hire a writer to create original content for your website.

10-24-2008, 12:46 PM	#29
gornyhuy Chafed. Join Date: May 2002 Location: Face Down in Pussy Posts: 18,041	This thread has inspired me to go take a giant shit. brb __________________ icq:159548293

10-24-2008, 01:46 PM	#30
thumbdesigner Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 1,070	__________________ ICQ: 342 - 571 - 754 OR MSN: thumbdesigner(@hotmail.com)

10-24-2008, 01:51 PM	#31
Poindexterity Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: America's butthole, TX Posts: 882	the bit about smoking a tic tac was funny, but don't jokes usually have a punchline? i mean i could tell you a story about some ridiculous stupid shit one of my buddies did or said the other night, but it's not exactly a joke, y'know? just a humorous story.

10-24-2008, 02:11 PM	#33
DirtyDanza Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: BP4L.... Las Vegas, Posts: 8,369	this one not that good... I did like your video the other day though hey steve hit me up if your doing comedy now.. my partner does stand up and tours with someone HUGE here he is opening for Paul Rodriguez in Las Vegas https://youtube.com/watch?v=idFIWpdZcwI __________________ AVN Nominated Camming Couple

10-24-2008, 02:21 PM	#34
TisMe Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,719	Steve, Try backing off on punching every line... let the story flow and pick the best line and tag it at the end. Reading and watching you it seems to me like you try to make each line a joke, instead of building a story to a punchline ending. BY putting a punchline in each line we can predict the next one, and the one after. Take the small dick bit... My friend likes to brag about his sexual experiences... like this one woman he got a blow job from... "Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, " "NO!" "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!" I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME. So I said, “Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME! But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! She kept mumbling "more... more" I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!" It was obviously the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!" * Now the punch line... * She said it was like "SMOKING a TIC TAC"! Different style, but one I think fits better with your delivery. Kudos for trying something new.

10-24-2008, 02:26 PM	#35
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,911	Steve. The next time I walk into a bar I will announce just that. " I just got bar from home. " I will then proceed to drink a beer and think of that tight little ass in you sig. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!