Originally Posted by TisMe

Steve, Try backing off on punching every line... let the story flow and pick the best line and tag it at the end.

Reading and watching you it seems to me like you try to make each line a joke, instead of building a story to a punchline ending.

BY putting a punchline in each line we can predict the next one, and the one after. Take the small dick bit...


My friend likes to brag about his sexual experiences...

like this one woman he got a blow job from...

"Yeah, she will NEVER forget ME! I gave it to her GOOD! She obviously didn't know what to do with it all! She kept saying, " "NO!" "WHAT THE FUCK?" and "OH MY GOD!"

I could tell at first she was SHOCKED! She said she'd never SEEN someone HUNG like ME.

So I said, ?Slow down baby, don't be SCARED. Just take it a LITTLE BIT AT A TIME!

But that slut was able to take it ALL! SHE was INSATIABLE! She kept mumbling "more... more"

I'm not saying I made her GAG ON MY COCK, but I totally made it HARD FOR HER to ENUNCIATE! Oh yeah, she was STUTTERING and MISPRONOUCING words ALL OVER ME!"

It was obviously the SIZE of my cock, because when I asked if she wanted me to fuck her, she said "I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH!" Oh yeah, I wore her out! When it was all over, she said, "Holy shit, you should have WARNED ME ABOUT THAT THING, so I could have MENTALLY PREPARED MYSELF!"

*** Now the punch line... ***

She said it was like "SMOKING a TIC TAC"!


Different style, but one I think fits better with your delivery.

Kudos for trying something new.