Are the terms 'honey" and "darlin" actually offensive to women? - GoFuckYourself.com

SykkBoy · 06-28-2007, 12:01 PM

As *somewhat* of a gentleman, I often use terms of endearment when I'm at the store, a restaurant, etc.

I often say something like "thanks, honey" or "thank you, darlin'" I do it as a way of just being nice...but lately I've found a few waitresses and retail staff that find these terms offensive or act like I've just called them bitches...

A female friend explained to me that some women feel you're talking down to them when using these kinds of terms...

Is calling someone honey, sweetie, darlin', etc. really that offensive?
It's not like I'm calling them snookums or sugar tits...or giving them a slap on the ass. I don't leer at them as I say it.

Does this make me an insensitive prick that is disrespectful towards women? Doesn't "ma'am" sound kind of condescending sometimes?

dropped9 · 06-28-2007, 12:03 PM

I said something like this once to a female supervisor... woaaaaaaaaaaa not good....

hahaha dumb ass me i guess

Chester D. · 06-28-2007, 12:08 PM

most bartenders (Female) dont like it but they'll accept it. so i'd say never use the term "hun" to your female bartender, or baby, or sweetheart.

If you dont know their name i think "dear" works. just dont say "my dear".

never say "Hey liqour bitch, gimme a shot!"

ChelseyBottoms · 06-28-2007, 12:15 PM

As a female who calls everyone hun, sweetie and darlin i've never taken it offensively at all and am personally kinda surprised that anyone would, unless your tone is condesending or you look like you're undressing the girl with your eyes.

If you're a sweet person, then that should come out in the way you interact with others.

So all in all, i wouldn't stop being kind...especially to those that are helping you out

tranza · 06-28-2007, 12:24 PM

Why would that be offensive??

Tempest · 06-28-2007, 12:45 PM

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

General rule of thumb.. when it comes to women you don't really know... use the absolute minimum number of words you can get away with as you never know what's going to set them off..

Barefootsies · 06-28-2007, 01:11 PM

Like much in life.... depends on the context.

SykkBoy · 06-28-2007, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

General rule of thumb.. when it comes to women you don't really know... use the absolute minimum number of words you can get away with as you never know what's going to set them off..

Is there something inherently wrong with approaching a virtual stranger as a potential new friend? I've found if I at least have that attitude, it tends to relax people...normally...

Yeah, with women, I never seem to know...
maybe it's that whole "nice guys finish last" thing and I should just call them "sugar tits" anyways...and of course order them to get my damn coffee and/or ring up my card 'cuz I'm in a hurry...hehe

I don't see guys getting uptight when I call them "dude"....

and of course I'd never call someone honey or dude in a formal setting...

Monique Niccole · 06-28-2007, 01:16 PM

I don't like it coming from someone that I barely know. If I don't know you and you call me "honey", then yeah, I feel like you're being condescending and too familiar.

DaddyHalbucks · 06-28-2007, 01:19 PM

It might be.

Although to a man, it could be different. I always like it when a waitress calls me those things, and I always tip higher because of it.

SykkBoy · 06-28-2007, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Afrekete

I don't like it coming from someone that I barely know. If I don't know you and you call me "honey", then yeah, I feel like you're being condescending and too familiar.

so, you'd prefer a cold, callus "ma'am"?

Just because a guy is overall friendly, does a term of endearment give you the impression he just wants to bang you?

miss_twisted · 06-28-2007, 02:03 PM

Living in the south you get used to it, but you also learn to tell the difference between when someone is being a asshole and when thats just the way someone is and it is normal for them to use it in that manner.

One of my sons female teachers, said it to me once.... only once! She was being a condescending bitch and I called her on it.

Profits of Doom · 06-28-2007, 02:06 PM

When I was living in Memphis damn near every woman I came into contact with called me "honey" or "darlin", especially the waitresses at IHOP (I think it is taught in their handbook as proper customer service). It kind of grew on me and I missed it when I left...

Subtle · 06-28-2007, 02:18 PM

'honey" and "darlin" -> reserved specially for people who know them (women) and are close to them. Better stick to your "madam" Avoid controversies, or can face unpleasant situations.

Ayla_SquareTurtle · 06-28-2007, 02:22 PM

You better be at least as old as my grandpa to call me honey or darlin if I don't know you. It's particularly offensive when used sarcastically. At my old job, there was this guy who called me honey when he got mad that I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do (something I would have gotten fired for) After saying no repeatedly, he called me "honey," my boss overheard, and fired him.

So yeah, some of it is context, but overall I don't like being called that by a stranger.

iamkathi · 06-28-2007, 02:25 PM

I think you should be able to tell the ones you can call honey or darlin and get away with it.

Personally, I call men and women Precious...always have and always will.

But, in a business setting it is sir and ma'am.

KimJI · 06-28-2007, 02:27 PM

If I had a 20 year old daughter that worked on a restaurant, and some big fat webmaster called her that, my fist would be down hit throat to remove hos vocal cord within the hour

Monique Niccole · 06-28-2007, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SykkBoy2

so, you'd prefer a cold, callus "ma'am"?

Just because a guy is overall friendly, does a term of endearment give you the impression he just wants to bang you?

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

SilkyJohnson · 06-28-2007, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SykkBoy2

As *somewhat* of a gentleman, I often use terms of endearment when I'm at the store, a restaurant, etc.

I often say something like "thanks, honey" or "thank you, darlin'" I do it as a way of just being nice...but lately I've found a few waitresses and retail staff that find these terms offensive or act like I've just called them bitches...

A female friend explained to me that some women feel you're talking down to them when using these kinds of terms...

Is calling someone honey, sweetie, darlin', etc. really that offensive?
It's not like I'm calling them snookums or sugar tits...or giving them a slap on the ass. I don't leer at them as I say it.

Does this make me an insensitive prick that is disrespectful towards women? Doesn't "ma'am" sound kind of condescending sometimes?

Different Strokes for Different Folks...that being said some acceptable terms of endearment are as follows:

Sweet Cheeks
Honey Bunz
Sugar Nipples
Hoosker Do's
Hoosker Don'ts
Boobie Tassle
Honey Bush
Taint Dearest

Profits of Doom · 06-28-2007, 02:35 PM

Cunt, IMO, is a very endearing term. Give it a try next time you go out to eat...

D · 06-28-2007, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Afrekete

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

So, what if someone doesn't know your name?

"hey you... woman-person?"

TheDoc · 06-28-2007, 02:41 PM

She is just a stupid chick.. Look in the eyes, say honey dear, this is why you are serving me food, drop your bs values and stop being a bitch, I was just trying to nice. Now refill my drink.

And all the haters, aren't you in the business of porn? Which degrades women, no mater what view point you wish to ignore that from.. The value police always on patrol at GFY.

And KimJI, That's just funny.. Never bring your daughter to Vegas

ztik · 06-28-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

Yeah, why would you call someone you don't even know "honey"?

JamesK2 · 06-28-2007, 02:59 PM

Nowaday's it's normal to be rude so ofcourse they will look strange at you. You're too nice.

buzzy · 06-28-2007, 03:04 PM

it only works if your british

SykkBoy · 06-28-2007, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Afrekete

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

Why no need?

We live in a society where most people don't even know their own neighbors...it's never said in a condescending tone...unless it's a formal/business type setting,obviously ma'am or sir is preferred over dude or honey...I don't see what harm it does...but maybe you're right, we should just walk around avoiding strangers and being as cold and unfriendly as possible...just because someone is serving my coffee or ringing up my groceries, should I be any less kind to them than someone I meet at a party, bar or on the street? Especially if that kindness comes with the intention of being polite?

irinasp · 06-29-2007, 06:03 AM

i can't say that it's offensive, but nevertheless, i really don't like when unknown person call me like this...

Spunky · 06-29-2007, 06:08 AM

Chicks prefer to be conked on the head with a club and dragged by their hair

Project-Shadow · 06-29-2007, 06:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buzzy

it only works if your british

Aye, Darlin' and Mate are the first two words I intend to teach whatever foul offspring I managed to create.

nico-t · 06-29-2007, 06:37 AM

christ, who cares if those bitches dont like it. Just be sure to say it after your meal otherwise they fuck with your food.

Why · 06-29-2007, 08:33 AM

i say those things too. fuck em, your only being nice, and you can please em all.

SykkBoy · 06-29-2007, 08:50 AM

You also gotta love the large ladies who accuse you of undressing them with your eyes when all you are doing is picking up your bag of groceries...there was one gal...I was polite and did my usual "Thanks and have a great weekend, darlin'"...then i heard her complain to the customer behind me "oh my god, did you hear what he said? he was practically undressing me with his eyes" I really should have ended the politeness and informed her that Iit would take me 12 sets of eyes and 4 and a half hours to undress her with my eyes...ah well...let it be her burden and not mine

TG Rebecca · 06-29-2007, 09:17 AM

i don't mind being called sweetie or honey at all. i'm pretty laid back, but then again, it also does depend no the context.

but in general, it wouldn't offend or bother me.

the only time it came anywhere near close to bothering me, was when my boyfriend at the time, and i, met up with a friend of his and his girlfriend. we were all going out on his boat and spending the day together. my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, kept calling me "hon," and simply because we were the same sex and close in age, and had just met, it sort of made me feel that she was being condescending. but even then, it didn't rile me up enough to say something about it or hold it against her. just sorta irked me. i got over it quickly.

tical · 06-29-2007, 09:23 AM

wow... i can't believe some the responses in this thread

uptight cunts

Honez · 06-29-2007, 09:28 AM

Everyone calls me Honey ;)

06-28-2007, 12:01 PM	#1
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	Are the terms 'honey" and "darlin" actually offensive to women? As somewhat of a gentleman, I often use terms of endearment when I'm at the store, a restaurant, etc. I often say something like "thanks, honey" or "thank you, darlin'" I do it as a way of just being nice...but lately I've found a few waitresses and retail staff that find these terms offensive or act like I've just called them bitches... A female friend explained to me that some women feel you're talking down to them when using these kinds of terms... Is calling someone honey, sweetie, darlin', etc. really that offensive? It's not like I'm calling them snookums or sugar tits...or giving them a slap on the ass. I don't leer at them as I say it. Does this make me an insensitive prick that is disrespectful towards women? Doesn't "ma'am" sound kind of condescending sometimes? __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

06-28-2007, 12:15 PM	#4
ChelseyBottoms Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 274	As a female who calls everyone hun, sweetie and darlin i've never taken it offensively at all and am personally kinda surprised that anyone would, unless your tone is condesending or you look like you're undressing the girl with your eyes. If you're a sweet person, then that should come out in the way you interact with others. So all in all, i wouldn't stop being kind...especially to those that are helping you out __________________ Chelsey ICQ#492-446-483 [email protected] See Who I Am At AdultWhosWho.com!

06-28-2007, 12:24 PM	#5
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Why would that be offensive?? __________________ I'm just a newbie.

06-28-2007, 01:11 PM	#7
Barefootsies Choice is an Illusion Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Land of Obama Posts: 42,635	Like much in life.... depends on the context. __________________ Should You Email Your Members? Link1 \| Link2 \| Link3 Enough Said. "Would you rather live like a king for a year or like a prince forever?"

06-28-2007, 01:19 PM	#10
DaddyHalbucks A freakin' legend! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada USA Posts: 18,975	It might be. Although to a man, it could be different. I always like it when a waitress calls me those things, and I always tip higher because of it. __________________ Boner Money

06-28-2007, 12:03 PM	#2
dropped9 Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Your moms box Posts: 26,727	I said something like this once to a female supervisor... woaaaaaaaaaaa not good.... hahaha dumb ass me i guess

06-28-2007, 12:08 PM	#3
Chester D. So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: United States Posts: 173	most bartenders (Female) dont like it but they'll accept it. so i'd say never use the term "hun" to your female bartender, or baby, or sweetheart. If you dont know their name i think "dear" works. just dont say "my dear". never say "Hey liqour bitch, gimme a shot!"

06-28-2007, 12:45 PM	#6
Tempest Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2004 Location: West Coast, Canada. Posts: 10,217	Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do... General rule of thumb.. when it comes to women you don't really know... use the absolute minimum number of words you can get away with as you never know what's going to set them off..

06-28-2007, 01:16 PM	#9
Monique Niccole Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 5,653	I don't like it coming from someone that I barely know. If I don't know you and you call me "honey", then yeah, I feel like you're being condescending and too familiar.

06-28-2007, 02:03 PM	#12
miss_twisted Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 425	Living in the south you get used to it, but you also learn to tell the difference between when someone is being a asshole and when thats just the way someone is and it is normal for them to use it in that manner. One of my sons female teachers, said it to me once.... only once! She was being a condescending bitch and I called her on it. __________________ I have no siggy and I want no siggy.. damn no I have one again!

06-28-2007, 02:06 PM	#13
Profits of Doom Monster Rain Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mongo Posts: 4,978	When I was living in Memphis damn near every woman I came into contact with called me "honey" or "darlin", especially the waitresses at IHOP (I think it is taught in their handbook as proper customer service). It kind of grew on me and I missed it when I left... __________________ “My Free Cams Affiliate Program by CrakRevenue”

06-28-2007, 02:18 PM	#14
Subtle Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,005	'honey" and "darlin" -> reserved specially for people who know them (women) and are close to them. Better stick to your "madam" Avoid controversies, or can face unpleasant situations. __________________ ----- Blog Themes for $49 ----- ------ INSTANT DELIVERY ------

06-28-2007, 02:22 PM	#15
Ayla_SquareTurtle Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: 5000 full paysite reviews and counting Posts: 3,550	You better be at least as old as my grandpa to call me honey or darlin if I don't know you. It's particularly offensive when used sarcastically. At my old job, there was this guy who called me honey when he got mad that I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do (something I would have gotten fired for) After saying no repeatedly, he called me "honey," my boss overheard, and fired him. So yeah, some of it is context, but overall I don't like being called that by a stranger. __________________ gone. long gone. aylasquareturtle .."a"t".. gmail dawt com

06-28-2007, 02:25 PM	#16
iamkathi Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Tempe, AZ Posts: 409	I think you should be able to tell the ones you can call honey or darlin and get away with it. Personally, I call men and women Precious...always have and always will. But, in a business setting it is sir and ma'am. __________________

06-28-2007, 02:27 PM	#17
KimJI Confirmed User Join Date: May 2007 Location: So fucking gone Posts: 1,839	If I had a 20 year old daughter that worked on a restaurant, and some big fat webmaster called her that, my fist would be down hit throat to remove hos vocal cord within the hour __________________ Trafficadept \| Best traffic I have ever tested \| web "@t" cuul.org

06-28-2007, 02:35 PM	#20
Profits of Doom Monster Rain Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Mongo Posts: 4,978	Cunt, IMO, is a very endearing term. Give it a try next time you go out to eat... __________________ “My Free Cams Affiliate Program by CrakRevenue”

06-28-2007, 02:41 PM	#22
TheDoc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Currently Incognito Posts: 13,827	She is just a stupid chick.. Look in the eyes, say honey dear, this is why you are serving me food, drop your bs values and stop being a bitch, I was just trying to nice. Now refill my drink. And all the haters, aren't you in the business of porn? Which degrades women, no mater what view point you wish to ignore that from.. The value police always on patrol at GFY. And KimJI, That's just funny.. Never bring your daughter to Vegas __________________ ~TheDoc - ICQ7765825 It's all disambiguation

06-28-2007, 02:59 PM	#24
JamesK2 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 6,589	Nowaday's it's normal to be rude so ofcourse they will look strange at you. You're too nice. __________________

06-28-2007, 03:04 PM	#25
buzzy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2,606	it only works if your british

06-29-2007, 06:03 AM	#27
irinasp Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,160	i can't say that it's offensive, but nevertheless, i really don't like when unknown person call me like this... __________________ Any questions? Contact me: 633 - 055 - 367

06-29-2007, 06:08 AM	#28
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Chicks prefer to be conked on the head with a club and dragged by their hair __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

06-29-2007, 06:37 AM	#30
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	christ, who cares if those bitches dont like it. Just be sure to say it after your meal otherwise they fuck with your food.

06-29-2007, 08:33 AM	#31
Why MFBA Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: PNW Posts: 7,230	i say those things too. fuck em, your only being nice, and you can please em all.

06-29-2007, 08:50 AM	#32
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	You also gotta love the large ladies who accuse you of undressing them with your eyes when all you are doing is picking up your bag of groceries...there was one gal...I was polite and did my usual "Thanks and have a great weekend, darlin'"...then i heard her complain to the customer behind me "oh my god, did you hear what he said? he was practically undressing me with his eyes" I really should have ended the politeness and informed her that Iit would take me 12 sets of eyes and 4 and a half hours to undress her with my eyes...ah well...let it be her burden and not mine __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

06-29-2007, 09:17 AM	#33
TG Rebecca Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,450	i don't mind being called sweetie or honey at all. i'm pretty laid back, but then again, it also does depend no the context. but in general, it wouldn't offend or bother me. the only time it came anywhere near close to bothering me, was when my boyfriend at the time, and i, met up with a friend of his and his girlfriend. we were all going out on his boat and spending the day together. my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, kept calling me "hon," and simply because we were the same sex and close in age, and had just met, it sort of made me feel that she was being condescending. but even then, it didn't rile me up enough to say something about it or hold it against her. just sorta irked me. i got over it quickly. __________________ ICQ: 263-993 \| AIM: TG Rep Rebecca Email: [email protected]

06-29-2007, 09:23 AM	#34
tical Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 6,504	wow... i can't believe some the responses in this thread uptight cunts __________________ 112.020.756

06-29-2007, 09:28 AM	#35
Honez Confirmed Brat Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Colorado Springs, CO Posts: 6,636	Everyone calls me Honey ;) __________________ Your Paysite Partner Hone at YourPaysitePartner dot Com Skype - Stressmonkey