Are the terms 'honey" and "darlin" actually offensive to women?

[SykkBoy]

As *somewhat* of a gentleman, I often use terms of endearment when I'm at the store, a restaurant, etc.

I often say something like "thanks, honey" or "thank you, darlin'" I do it as a way of just being nice...but lately I've found a few waitresses and retail staff that find these terms offensive or act like I've just called them bitches...

A female friend explained to me that some women feel you're talking down to them when using these kinds of terms...

Is calling someone honey, sweetie, darlin', etc. really that offensive?
It's not like I'm calling them snookums or sugar tits...or giving them a slap on the ass. I don't leer at them as I say it.

Does this make me an insensitive prick that is disrespectful towards women? Doesn't "ma'am" sound kind of condescending sometimes?

[dropped9]

I said something like this once to a female supervisor... woaaaaaaaaaaa not good....

hahaha dumb ass me i guess

[Chester D.]

most bartenders (Female) dont like it but they'll accept it. so i'd say never use the term "hun" to your female bartender, or baby, or sweetheart.

If you dont know their name i think "dear" works. just dont say "my dear".

never say "Hey liqour bitch, gimme a shot!"

[ChelseyBottoms]

As a female who calls everyone hun, sweetie and darlin i've never taken it offensively at all and am personally kinda surprised that anyone would, unless your tone is condesending or you look like you're undressing the girl with your eyes.

If you're a sweet person, then that should come out in the way you interact with others.

So all in all, i wouldn't stop being kind...especially to those that are helping you out

[tranza]

Why would that be offensive??

[Tempest]

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

General rule of thumb.. when it comes to women you don't really know... use the absolute minimum number of words you can get away with as you never know what's going to set them off..

[Barefootsies]

Like much in life.... depends on the context.

[SykkBoy]

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

General rule of thumb.. when it comes to women you don't really know... use the absolute minimum number of words you can get away with as you never know what's going to set them off..

Is there something inherently wrong with approaching a virtual stranger as a potential new friend? I've found if I at least have that attitude, it tends to relax people...normally...

Yeah, with women, I never seem to know...
maybe it's that whole "nice guys finish last" thing and I should just call them "sugar tits" anyways...and of course order them to get my damn coffee and/or ring up my card 'cuz I'm in a hurry...hehe

I don't see guys getting uptight when I call them "dude"....

and of course I'd never call someone honey or dude in a formal setting...

[Monique Niccole]

I don't like it coming from someone that I barely know. If I don't know you and you call me "honey", then yeah, I feel like you're being condescending and too familiar.

[DaddyHalbucks]

It might be.

Although to a man, it could be different. I always like it when a waitress calls me those things, and I always tip higher because of it.

[SykkBoy]

I don't like it coming from someone that I barely know. If I don't know you and you call me "honey", then yeah, I feel like you're being condescending and too familiar.

so, you'd prefer a cold, callus "ma'am"?

Just because a guy is overall friendly, does a term of endearment give you the impression he just wants to bang you?

[miss_twisted]

Living in the south you get used to it, but you also learn to tell the difference between when someone is being a asshole and when thats just the way someone is and it is normal for them to use it in that manner.

One of my sons female teachers, said it to me once.... only once! She was being a condescending bitch and I called her on it.

[Profits of Doom]

When I was living in Memphis damn near every woman I came into contact with called me "honey" or "darlin", especially the waitresses at IHOP (I think it is taught in their handbook as proper customer service). It kind of grew on me and I missed it when I left...

[Subtle]

'honey" and "darlin" -> reserved specially for people who know them (women) and are close to them. Better stick to your "madam" Avoid controversies, or can face unpleasant situations.

[Ayla_SquareTurtle]

You better be at least as old as my grandpa to call me honey or darlin if I don't know you. It's particularly offensive when used sarcastically. At my old job, there was this guy who called me honey when he got mad that I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do (something I would have gotten fired for) After saying no repeatedly, he called me "honey," my boss overheard, and fired him.

So yeah, some of it is context, but overall I don't like being called that by a stranger.

[iamkathi]

I think you should be able to tell the ones you can call honey or darlin and get away with it.

Personally, I call men and women Precious...always have and always will.

But, in a business setting it is sir and ma'am.

[KimJI]

If I had a 20 year old daughter that worked on a restaurant, and some big fat webmaster called her that, my fist would be down hit throat to remove hos vocal cord within the hour

[Monique Niccole]

so, you'd prefer a cold, callus "ma'am"?

Just because a guy is overall friendly, does a term of endearment give you the impression he just wants to bang you?

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

[SilkyJohnson]

As *somewhat* of a gentleman, I often use terms of endearment when I'm at the store, a restaurant, etc.

I often say something like "thanks, honey" or "thank you, darlin'" I do it as a way of just being nice...but lately I've found a few waitresses and retail staff that find these terms offensive or act like I've just called them bitches...

A female friend explained to me that some women feel you're talking down to them when using these kinds of terms...

Is calling someone honey, sweetie, darlin', etc. really that offensive?
It's not like I'm calling them snookums or sugar tits...or giving them a slap on the ass. I don't leer at them as I say it.

Does this make me an insensitive prick that is disrespectful towards women? Doesn't "ma'am" sound kind of condescending sometimes?

Different Strokes for Different Folks...that being said some acceptable terms of endearment are as follows:

Sweet Cheeks
Honey Bunz
Sugar Nipples
Hoosker Do's
Hoosker Don'ts
Boobie Tassle
Honey Bush
Taint Dearest

[Profits of Doom]

Cunt, IMO, is a very endearing term. Give it a try next time you go out to eat...

[D]

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

So, what if someone doesn't know your name?

"hey you... woman-person?"

[TheDoc]

She is just a stupid chick.. Look in the eyes, say honey dear, this is why you are serving me food, drop your bs values and stop being a bitch, I was just trying to nice. Now refill my drink.



And all the haters, aren't you in the business of porn? Which degrades women, no mater what view point you wish to ignore that from.. The value police always on patrol at GFY.

And KimJI, That's just funny.. Never bring your daughter to Vegas

[ztik]

Why would you use a "term of enderment" with a virtual stranger? That's more likely why they act the way they do...

Yeah, why would you call someone you don't even know "honey"?

[JamesK2]

Nowaday's it's normal to be rude so ofcourse they will look strange at you. You're too nice.

[buzzy]

it only works if your british

[SykkBoy]

Nah...I wouldn't prefer ma'am. I'd prefer my name or nothing at all. If its a person giving you service, you don't KNOW them. No need to be that familiar.

And the "honey" doesn't automatically make me think he wants to bang me, but it does make me think he's being patronizing.

Why no need?

We live in a society where most people don't even know their own neighbors...it's never said in a condescending tone...unless it's a formal/business type setting,obviously ma'am or sir is preferred over dude or honey...I don't see what harm it does...but maybe you're right, we should just walk around avoiding strangers and being as cold and unfriendly as possible...just because someone is serving my coffee or ringing up my groceries, should I be any less kind to them than someone I meet at a party, bar or on the street? Especially if that kindness comes with the intention of being polite?

[irinasp]

i can't say that it's offensive, but nevertheless, i really don't like when unknown person call me like this...

[Spunky]

Chicks prefer to be conked on the head with a club and dragged by their hair

[Project-Shadow]

it only works if your british

Aye, Darlin' and Mate are the first two words I intend to teach whatever foul offspring I managed to create.

[nico-t]

christ, who cares if those bitches dont like it. Just be sure to say it after your meal otherwise they fuck with your food.

[Why]

i say those things too. fuck em, your only being nice, and you can please em all.

[SykkBoy]

You also gotta love the large ladies who accuse you of undressing them with your eyes when all you are doing is picking up your bag of groceries...there was one gal...I was polite and did my usual "Thanks and have a great weekend, darlin'"...then i heard her complain to the customer behind me "oh my god, did you hear what he said? he was practically undressing me with his eyes" I really should have ended the politeness and informed her that Iit would take me 12 sets of eyes and 4 and a half hours to undress her with my eyes...ah well...let it be her burden and not mine

[TG Rebecca]

i don't mind being called sweetie or honey at all. i'm pretty laid back, but then again, it also does depend no the context. but in general, it wouldn't offend or bother me.

the only time it came anywhere near close to bothering me, was when my boyfriend at the time, and i, met up with a friend of his and his girlfriend. we were all going out on his boat and spending the day together. my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, kept calling me "hon," and simply because we were the same sex and close in age, and had just met, it sort of made me feel that she was being condescending. but even then, it didn't rile me up enough to say something about it or hold it against her. just sorta irked me. i got over it quickly.

[tical]

wow... i can't believe some the responses in this thread

uptight cunts

[Honez]

Everyone calls me Honey ;)