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| Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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My Cat Experimentations *WARNING PICS* ((5k posts))
Experiment #77304-12
Codename: Print Screen In this unique personal experiment I attempted to make a completely functional cat-powered laser printer. It took me a while to get the toner right inside the cat unit, but ultimately I was successful. Powering the cat up was no easy task, but I finally found that I could easily install a plug directly into the cat?s anus for easy access. Combining the cat with a printer also proved to be extremely energy efficient; the unit only consumed 55 watts while warming up and only 20 watts to print! Unfortunately the maximum resolution I could achieve was a measly 150dpi, so I regrettably terminated the subject. ![]() STATUS: SUCCESS Experiment #75211-73 Codename: Iris B Pudding Commissioned by a bionics group, I attempted to graft a set of artificial eyes into the cat subject, but I was unable to achieve a visual signal. Even after sticking my finger up the cat?s rectum and tuning the frequencies by upwards of 230Hz, I was unable to make the necessary adjustments to allow for any kind of signal acquisition. With little to no success to show the board, I was forced to terminate the subject. A few hours later I discovered why I could get no signal: I forgot to put in the batteries in the damn thing! Man did my face glow red for a while after that, twenty-six million dollars wasted. Oh well, at least a cat died from it. ![]() STATUS: FAILURE Experiment #76664-10 Codename: Soul Sucker The cat subject was forced to ingest a combination of camel milk and glycerin to test the solubility inside a living subject. What occurred next was quite perplexing; every time the feline urinated, it would produce a substance that I coined Furtardium. This Furtardium managed to help accelerate the natural healing ability by the body by a factor 120%. Unfortunately Furtardium had an unattended side effect? people exposed to Furtardium slowly developed an OCD-type disorder and began licking themselves uncontrollably. Though this made for great entertainment for the rest of us, I still had to record this one as a failure. ![]() STATUS: FAILURE Experiment #71515-14 Codename: Cyborg Paddle One of the most successful experiments I ever performed was able to take a cat?s head off of its organic body and attach it to a robotic body. While the cat would only survive for a matter of hours, the results were truly outstanding! When connected to its robotic form, the cat had an amazing control ability of around 30-35%. Its robotic tail could flick, it could even lift its robotic paw and attempt to lick it. Of all three cats tested, Tacdaed performed the best, able to control 50% of his robotic body. This experiment proved that with a bit of tuning, a permanent robotic replacement should be possible for a human host. ![]() STATUS: SUCCESS Experiment #70001-01 Codename: Cha'ching Before the widespread availability of digital cameras, there was simply no easy way to digitize your media on your computer, no way to digitally store your favorite family moments. Sure you had scanners but who wanted to use hulking things? Seeing a way to make a few bucks, I came up with an ingenious way of storing your favorite photographic moments digitally by using an everyday house cat. You would pick up the feline, point, and ?shoot? by squeezing the cat?s left ear. The cat?s right eye served as the lens. A top resolution of 640x480 was successfully achieved (abysmal these days, I know). The cat stored an impressive 8MB of photos to be transferred later via a serial cable implanted on top of the cat?s head. Project was terminated due to lack of funding. ![]() STATUS: SUCCESS Experiment X-12 TOP-SECRET Codename: Classified - lol, Just Kidding, it's Project Omniview Being a top secret experiment I shouldn?t even mention it, but I feel I must let this one known to the public. Back in 1994, a dangerous, yet very rewarding experiment took place. I successfully transferred the consciousness of a human inside the body of a cat. I did this in order to allow the cat-human to do covert surveillance on felinity in order to find out where the feline overlords are hidden and to commit acts of treason. The first few days were very successful and the human adapted to its cat body. Unfortunately, I didn?t count on how potent the mind-controlling parasites that all cats possess would be to the direct human consciousness; soon the controller became the controlled and started to show feral feline characteristics. Soon afterwards I was forced to end the experiment when the cat-human attempted to claw out my balls. ![]() STATUS: FAILURE Now it?s time for the Q and A. Q. What was the most important thing you learned from experimenting on cats? A. Cats make for decent printers and digital cameras. Q. Do these cats feel pain when you experiment on them? A. Absolutely! That?s what makes this shitty job bearable. Q. How many total experiments were done on the feline fleshbags? A. Nearly 80,000 thus far. Q. Are we, as a species, any closer to destroying our cat nemesis thanks to your experiments? A. Unfortunately no. PETA and ALF continually manages to delay my experimentation, allowing the feline menace to grow stronger everyday. Q. Is there anything I can do to help? A. Yes. Kill every cat you can, as fast as you can. Q. Surely not my baby kitten George, he?s so cute and cuddly! A. That?s just the mind-control parasite working. Strangle it to death, it?ll make you feel better. Q. I really don?t think that?s going to help me feel better Steve. A. My name isn?t Steve? Q. LOL, whatever, I?m choking this kitten to death right now. A. There you go!
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#2 |
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Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,625
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wtf.......
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Roll that shit, light that shit,
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#3 |
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PostMaster General
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 10,781
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#4 |
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So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the beach, SoCal
Posts: 107,089
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Have to give you an A for effort. Continue the good struggle.
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#5 |
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I need a beer
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠
Posts: 133,970
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I didn't need to see that...no congrats to you
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#6 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 8,452
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Have you a heart of stone?they are poor little creatures. Hope this don't happen often, I hate seeing such animal violence you know.
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#7 |
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Ryde or Die
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: California-Shanghai
Posts: 19,568
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ahhhh ok.
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#8 |
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Ryde or Die
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: California-Shanghai
Posts: 19,568
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ahhhh ok.
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#9 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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#10 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Quote:
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#11 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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#12 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Quote:
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#13 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Montreal eh
Posts: 2,290
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WTF?? This thread should result in a ban hammer coming down
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#14 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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#15 |
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<&(©¿©)&>
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 47,882
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good job
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Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager ![]() Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager |
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#16 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Quote:
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#17 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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#18 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Dear God, I am sickened. I thought some of those pics, the ones with the computer cables in the head, were photochops. I just did a search and found out they are real. I don't know what to say, except that I wish a slow, horrible, and painful death to anyone that would do that to an animal, or anyone that would condone it.
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#19 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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#20 |
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lurker
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: atlanta
Posts: 57,021
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very upsetting
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#21 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Quote:
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#22 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
I hope for your sake that neither you nor your loved ones ever develop any life threatening diseases because the mass majority of all cures and all treatments that we humans have developed have came directly from animal testing. If you don?t condone it than you don?t deserve ANY of those treatments.
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#23 |
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Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 8,170
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Interesting way to celebrate your 5,000th post..
LOL... |
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#24 |
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Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,733
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Laughed so hard I made a mess
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#25 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 6,107
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oh my...
anyway, congrats on your 5k!
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Prime Outsourcing│offshore solutions│manual labor│staff leasing│full time employees starting at $695.00/month=managed and dedicated | icq: 309570461 | live chat |
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#26 |
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perverted justice decoy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: unborn still in the womb connected via blackberry
Posts: 19,291
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congradulations on making a good sig spot location for me
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my sig caught gonoherpasyphilaids and died |
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#27 | |
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So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the beach, SoCal
Posts: 107,089
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Quote:
I guess we could substitute you and your friends and family for the cats since you are so appalled. |
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#28 |
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HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane
Posts: 20,419
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congratz on the 5k!
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#29 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Adult Web Design & Consulting. Branding your Adult Venture One Site at a Time
Posts: 160
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Congrats on being a sig whore , but these pics are fucked up.
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Brand Adult - Adult Web Design and Consulting. AIM: BrandAdult ICQ: 437527536. Yahoo: BrandAdult Email: [email protected] Adult DVD & Toy Stores- MALLcom Dating Sponsors-Sex Search Web Hosting - WebAir
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#30 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: pink adult dreams
Posts: 13,557
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wtf? no words.
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#31 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,339
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Ah well, I see that this is a battle that I can't win...so I just won't post in this thread anymore. I will say this...I don't condone it, and I think anyone that does is a sick fuck. And baddog...who pulled your chain? This was between me and notabook...had nothing to do with you...sure as Hell had nothing to do with my family and friends, so why bring them into it?
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#32 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Since I usually don't even have a sig (and just donated this one to help out NoCarrier and their family) I'm afraid I'm not a sig whore, but thanks for the congrats regardless!
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#33 | |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: pink adult dreams
Posts: 13,557
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Quote:
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#34 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,012
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I hope you wasn't serious
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#35 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Cali
Posts: 5,449
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fucking disgusting
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#36 | |
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Entrepreneur
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 31,429
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Quote:
These are all real pics. Really sad to joke about this kind of stuff, considering the suffering, pain, loneliness, and sacrifice lab animals endure for the sake of mankind's health betterment. You can go to All-Creatures.org if you'd like to see more of how animals are treated in both labs and for the production of food. The images are beyond sickening so only look if you can handle stuff like that emotionally. http://www.all-creatures.org/anex/vc.html On the positive side, more and more testing is being done using computer models, and the awareness of what goes on is much better, so labs are better than they used to be, but still tens of millions of animals of all kinds get brutalized in labs in many countries.
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from the leaders in the field at iWebmasters.com TO LOWER YOUR COSTS AND INCREASE YOUR PRODUCTION! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** |
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#37 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: pink adult dreams
Posts: 13,557
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If i could, i'd stop all this fuck.
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#38 | |
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So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the beach, SoCal
Posts: 107,089
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Quote:
yet you keep returning to the thread |
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#39 |
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Registered User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Encrypted. Access denied.
Posts: 31,779
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You know... I have been a lot of places and seen a lot of fucked up things. I even saw a grown man try to eat his own head once.
But I have NEVER seen cat printers. * bow * Kudos on 5k... |
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#40 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: ICQ: 251425 Fr/Au/Ca
Posts: 6,863
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Lol, surely you should know that GFY will accept anything except the hint of animal cruelty. Wait till RRRED gets in here.
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#41 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: ICQ: 251425 Fr/Au/Ca
Posts: 6,863
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Er, and I'm sure everyone knows this is a spoof, kinda like bonsai kitty right?
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#42 |
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8.8.8.8
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Noordermarkt
Posts: 30,509
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thats fucked up
congratz anyways
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TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ. |
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#43 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tgpturnkeys.com
Posts: 879
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congrats!
btw, nice photoschops |
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#44 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: World
Posts: 31,030
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WTF... poor cats.,...
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#45 |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,213
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congrats on the 5k! And good luck with your experiments.
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#46 |
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******
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 21,846
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#48 |
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Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Global Traveler
Posts: 51,271
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That's horrendous.. PETA is on their way to your house.
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#49 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 94
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This thread makes me sick.
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#50 | |
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Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Not a Library!
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
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