My Cat Experimentations *WARNING PICS* ((5k posts))
 

Experiment #77304-12
Codename: Print Screen
In this unique personal experiment I attempted to make a completely functional cat-powered laser printer. It took me a while to get the toner right inside the cat unit, but ultimately I was successful. Powering the cat up was no easy task, but I finally found that I could easily install a plug directly into the cat?s anus for easy access. Combining the cat with a printer also proved to be extremely energy efficient; the unit only consumed 55 watts while warming up and only 20 watts to print! Unfortunately the maximum resolution I could achieve was a measly 150dpi, so I regrettably terminated the subject.

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/9531/prscruk3.jpg

STATUS: SUCCESS




Experiment #75211-73
Codename: Iris B Pudding
Commissioned by a bionics group, I attempted to graft a set of artificial eyes into the cat subject, but I was unable to achieve a visual signal. Even after sticking my finger up the cat?s rectum and tuning the frequencies by upwards of 230Hz, I was unable to make the necessary adjustments to allow for any kind of signal acquisition. With little to no success to show the board, I was forced to terminate the subject. A few hours later I discovered why I could get no signal: I forgot to put in the batteries in the damn thing! Man did my face glow red for a while after that, twenty-six million dollars wasted. Oh well, at least a cat died from it.

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/1446/ibpmr1.jpg

STATUS: FAILURE




Experiment #76664-10
Codename: Soul Sucker
The cat subject was forced to ingest a combination of camel milk and glycerin to test the solubility inside a living subject. What occurred next was quite perplexing; every time the feline urinated, it would produce a substance that I coined Furtardium. This Furtardium managed to help accelerate the natural healing ability by the body by a factor 120%. Unfortunately Furtardium had an unattended side effect? people exposed to Furtardium slowly developed an OCD-type disorder and began licking themselves uncontrollably. Though this made for great entertainment for the rest of us, I still had to record this one as a failure.

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/8420/sskmb4.jpg

STATUS: FAILURE




Experiment #71515-14
Codename: Cyborg Paddle
One of the most successful experiments I ever performed was able to take a cat?s head off of its organic body and attach it to a robotic body. While the cat would only survive for a matter of hours, the results were truly outstanding! When connected to its robotic form, the cat had an amazing control ability of around 30-35%. Its robotic tail could flick, it could even lift its robotic paw and attempt to lick it. Of all three cats tested, Tacdaed performed the best, able to control 50% of his robotic body. This experiment proved that with a bit of tuning, a permanent robotic replacement should be possible for a human host.

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/7953/cbplk9.jpg

STATUS: SUCCESS




Experiment #70001-01
Codename: Cha'ching
Before the widespread availability of digital cameras, there was simply no easy way to digitize your media on your computer, no way to digitally store your favorite family moments. Sure you had scanners but who wanted to use hulking things? Seeing a way to make a few bucks, I came up with an ingenious way of storing your favorite photographic moments digitally by using an everyday house cat. You would pick up the feline, point, and ?shoot? by squeezing the cat?s left ear. The cat?s right eye served as the lens. A top resolution of 640x480 was successfully achieved (abysmal these days, I know). The cat stored an impressive 8MB of photos to be transferred later via a serial cable implanted on top of the cat?s head. Project was terminated due to lack of funding.

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/5201/chachaz4.jpg

STATUS: SUCCESS




Experiment X-12 TOP-SECRET
Codename: Classified - lol, Just Kidding, it's Project Omniview
Being a top secret experiment I shouldn?t even mention it, but I feel I must let this one known to the public. Back in 1994, a dangerous, yet very rewarding experiment took place. I successfully transferred the consciousness of a human inside the body of a cat. I did this in order to allow the cat-human to do covert surveillance on felinity in order to find out where the feline overlords are hidden and to commit acts of treason. The first few days were very successful and the human adapted to its cat body. Unfortunately, I didn?t count on how potent the mind-controlling parasites that all cats possess would be to the direct human consciousness; soon the controller became the controlled and started to show feral feline characteristics. Soon afterwards I was forced to end the experiment when the cat-human attempted to claw out my balls.

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/8104/x12cv9.jpg

STATUS: FAILURE






Now it?s time for the Q and A.

Q. What was the most important thing you learned from experimenting on cats?
A. Cats make for decent printers and digital cameras.

Q. Do these cats feel pain when you experiment on them?
A. Absolutely! That?s what makes this shitty job bearable.

Q. How many total experiments were done on the feline fleshbags?
A. Nearly 80,000 thus far.

Q. Are we, as a species, any closer to destroying our cat nemesis thanks to your experiments?
A. Unfortunately no. PETA and ALF continually manages to delay my experimentation, allowing the feline menace to grow stronger everyday.

Q. Is there anything I can do to help?
A. Yes. Kill every cat you can, as fast as you can.

Q. Surely not my baby kitten George, he?s so cute and cuddly!
A. That?s just the mind-control parasite working. Strangle it to death, it?ll make you feel better.

Q. I really don?t think that?s going to help me feel better Steve.
A. My name isn?t Steve?

Q. LOL, whatever, I?m choking this kitten to death right now.
A. There you go! :)

wtf.......

:( poor cats...

Have to give you an A for effort. Continue the good struggle.

I didn't need to see that...no congrats to you

Have you a heart of stone?they are poor little creatures. Hope this don't happen often, I hate seeing such animal violence you know.

ahhhh ok.

ahhhh ok.

But they are cats so no worries, they don't have any feelings. They are heartless monsters who want nothing more than to destroy humanity with their mind-controlling parasites and their claws of destruction! And yes, this kind of stuff happens constantly in animal testing labs.

Go to Hell, you piece of trash.

Sure, you say that now. Wait until cats rip out your balls and shove them down your throat and force you to live out the rest of your days working in the sweltering catnip mines. Then we'll see how your attitude changes =)

Cool. And let's wait until the SPCA reads this post.

WTF?? This thread should result in a ban hammer coming down

Since they are photos that PETA published, I think they'll have a blast =) :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

good job :thumbsup

Totally agreed! notabook should change his name to notabrain. Stupid motherfucker.

=( But I love you so much friend! :winkwink:

Dear God, I am sickened. I thought some of those pics, the ones with the computer cables in the head, were photochops. I just did a search and found out they are real. I don't know what to say, except that I wish a slow, horrible, and painful death to anyone that would do that to an animal, or anyone that would condone it.

It's called animal experimentation for the betterment of mankind. Without animal testing our medical science simply would NOT develop. You like all those nice treatments that you use when you get sick, all those nice transplanted organs? All of that knowledge came from animal testing. If you don't condone animal testing you are a hypocrite and a moron.

very upsetting

Man, call me whatever you want, I really don't care. No, I do not condone animal testing and never will. ANYONE that would condone cutting a cat open and hooking electrobes up to it's brain WHILE IT'S STILL ALIVE is a sick, sick person!

How do you expect us to learn about how our brains work if we don?t stuff like that? If a cure for alzheimer's was found by hooking up electrodes to a cat?s brain you wouldn?t condone it? How often do you go to the doctor ever year? What kind of meds do you take when you are sick? If you don?t condone animal testing than you should stop taking EVERY medicine (minus that herbal bullshit) else you are a fucking hypocrite. Ever have a loved one that is a diabetic and needs insulin to survive? You better go knock on their doors and tell them right now that their life-sustaining insulin that is derived directly from animals/animal testing is wrong.

I hope for your sake that neither you nor your loved ones ever develop any life threatening diseases because the mass majority of all cures and all treatments that we humans have developed have came directly from animal testing. If you don?t condone it than you don?t deserve ANY of those treatments.

Interesting way to celebrate your 5,000th post..

LOL...

Laughed so hard I made a mess :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

oh my...
anyway, congrats on your 5k!

congradulations on making a good sig spot location for me :thumbsup

I guess we could substitute you and your friends and family for the cats since you are so appalled.

congratz on the 5k!

Congrats on being a sig whore , but these pics are fucked up.

wtf? no words.

Ah well, I see that this is a battle that I can't win...so I just won't post in this thread anymore. I will say this...I don't condone it, and I think anyone that does is a sick fuck. And baddog...who pulled your chain? This was between me and notabook...had nothing to do with you...sure as Hell had nothing to do with my family and friends, so why bring them into it?

Since I usually don't even have a sig (and just donated this one to help out NoCarrier and their family) I'm afraid I'm not a sig whore, but thanks for the congrats regardless!

nota, you are a terrible person. How can you do that to me?.. I am crying.

I hope you wasn't serious :) If you were, just hope your medicine could do something with your body parts if I find you somewhere

fucking disgusting :321GFY

These are all real pics. Really sad to joke about this kind of stuff, considering the suffering, pain, loneliness, and sacrifice lab animals endure for the sake of mankind's health betterment.

You can go to All-Creatures.org if you'd like to see more of how animals are treated in both labs and for the production of food. The images are beyond sickening so only look if you can handle stuff like that emotionally.

http://www.all-creatures.org/anex/vc.html

On the positive side, more and more testing is being done using computer models, and the awareness of what goes on is much better, so labs are better than they used to be, but still tens of millions of animals of all kinds get brutalized in labs in many countries.

If i could, i'd stop all this fuck.

yet you keep returning to the thread

You know... I have been a lot of places and seen a lot of fucked up things. I even saw a grown man try to eat his own head once.

But I have NEVER seen cat printers.

* bow *

Kudos on 5k...

Lol, surely you should know that GFY will accept anything except the hint of animal cruelty. Wait till RRRED gets in here.

Er, and I'm sure everyone knows this is a spoof, kinda like bonsai kitty right?

thats fucked up :(

congratz anyways :thumbsup

congrats!

btw, nice photoschops :thumbsup

WTF... poor cats.,...

congrats on the 5k! And good luck with your experiments. :)

:( That makes my tummy sink

WTF? photoschops?

That's horrendous.. PETA is on their way to your house.

This thread makes me sick.

But... but... PETA was the one that took most of those pictures :Oh crap Oh well, I'll take on those PETA fucks any day of the week. It is the ALF members that scare the shit out of me.