Post your favorite Jack Handey saying - GoFuckYourself.com

Aneros Josh · 09-07-2006, 05:09 PM

Here are a few of mine:

"It's a shame that entire families can be torn apart by something so simple as wild dogs"

"The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw"

"I love the sounds of kids running and screaming on the playground...too bad they didn't know I was only using blanks"

hezochiah · 09-07-2006, 05:14 PM

I had to do a search on Yahoo because I couldn't remember any complete ones. Here's a good one that was listed...

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

Aneros Josh · 09-07-2006, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hezochiah

I had to do a search on Yahoo because I couldn't remember any complete ones. Here's a good one that was listed...

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

I can never quite remember that one entirely...funny one though

High Plains Drifter · 09-07-2006, 05:17 PM

"You wanted joins? I thought my gratitude was good enough."

Aneros Josh · 09-08-2006, 10:00 AM

a few more.....

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis"

"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas"

"I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye"

BluewireAngie · 09-08-2006, 10:16 AM

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." - I always say this to my son and younger cousins

Aneros Josh · 09-08-2006, 10:19 AM

"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see"

Aneros Josh · 09-08-2006, 10:19 AM

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town"

Methodcash Rick · 09-08-2006, 11:04 AM

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

BBWTori · 09-08-2006, 11:21 AM

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

Aneros Josh · 09-08-2006, 11:45 AM

"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic"

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex"

psili · 09-08-2006, 12:04 PM

Have this one in my email sig:

Quote:

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

09-07-2006, 05:09 PM	#1
Aneros Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,038	Post your favorite Jack Handey saying Here are a few of mine: "It's a shame that entire families can be torn apart by something so simple as wild dogs" "The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw" "I love the sounds of kids running and screaming on the playground...too bad they didn't know I was only using blanks"

09-08-2006, 10:16 AM	#6
BluewireAngie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Makati Posts: 4,643	Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." - I always say this to my son and younger cousins __________________ Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO Custom Cartoons - High Quality Cartoon Studio PORTFOLIO Offshore Staff - Save Money & Grow Faster With Dedicated Offshore Staff PRICING ICQ:282-072-512

09-08-2006, 11:21 AM	#10
BBWTori Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: AZ/NY Posts: 615	I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people. __________________ Tori's Lair- Where Hot Fat Sex Reigns Supreme ICQ # 18495959

09-07-2006, 05:14 PM	#2
hezochiah Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 807	I had to do a search on Yahoo because I couldn't remember any complete ones. Here's a good one that was listed... "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

09-07-2006, 05:17 PM	#4
High Plains Drifter Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: ♠ ♣ ♥ Posts: 2,341	"You wanted joins? I thought my gratitude was good enough."

09-08-2006, 10:00 AM	#5
Aneros Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,038	a few more..... "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis" "I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas" "I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye"

09-08-2006, 10:19 AM	#7
Aneros Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,038	"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see"

09-08-2006, 11:04 AM	#9
Methodcash Rick Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 1,720	“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

09-08-2006, 11:45 AM	#11
Aneros Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,038	"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic" "I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex"