Post your favorite Jack Handey saying

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  • Aneros Josh
    Confirmed User
    • Aug 2005
    • 2038
    #1

    Post your favorite Jack Handey saying

    Here are a few of mine:

    "It's a shame that entire families can be torn apart by something so simple as wild dogs"

    "The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw"

    "I love the sounds of kids running and screaming on the playground...too bad they didn't know I was only using blanks"
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    • hezochiah
      Confirmed User
      • May 2006
      • 807
      #2
      I had to do a search on Yahoo because I couldn't remember any complete ones. Here's a good one that was listed...

      "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

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        • Aneros Josh
          Confirmed User
          • Aug 2005
          • 2038
          #3
          Originally posted by hezochiah
          I had to do a search on Yahoo because I couldn't remember any complete ones. Here's a good one that was listed...

          "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

          I can never quite remember that one entirely...funny one though

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            • High Plains Drifter
              Confirmed User
              • Jun 2005
              • 2341
              #4
              "You wanted joins? I thought my gratitude was good enough."

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                • Aneros Josh
                  Confirmed User
                  • Aug 2005
                  • 2038
                  #5
                  a few more.....

                  "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis"

                  "I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas"

                  "I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye"

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                    • BluewireAngie
                      Confirmed User
                      • Apr 2006
                      • 4643
                      #6
                      Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

                      If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." - I always say this to my son and younger cousins
                      Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO
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                        • Aneros Josh
                          Confirmed User
                          • Aug 2005
                          • 2038
                          #7
                          "Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see"

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                            • Aneros Josh
                              Confirmed User
                              • Aug 2005
                              • 2038
                              #8
                              "We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town"

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                                • Methodcash Rick
                                  Confirmed User
                                  • Jul 2004
                                  • 1720
                                  #9
                                  “Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

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                                    • BBWTori
                                      Confirmed User
                                      • Oct 2003
                                      • 615
                                      #10
                                      I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
                                      Tori's Lair- Where Hot Fat Sex Reigns Supreme

                                      ICQ # 18495959

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                                        • Aneros Josh
                                          Confirmed User
                                          • Aug 2005
                                          • 2038
                                          #11
                                          "If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic"

                                          "I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex"

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                                            • psili
                                              Confirmed User
                                              • Apr 2003
                                              • 5526
                                              #12
                                              Have this one in my email sig:

                                              A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
                                              Your post count means nothing.

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