Originally Posted by chase

I went with my ex-husband to child support court once, for his oldest daughter, whom he was never able to see because her mother and grandmother are twats. I was having MS symptoms and was under care of a neurologist at the time, and I was unable to work. We also had four children in the home, two of which were not in school, and one of which was a newborn, so that made me working outside the home useless as everything I made went to daycare. My husband made barely enough to support the kids in our home who only had us to support them, but we made too much to get any help through the state until my medical problems were cleared up. On top of all of this, it was four weeks shy of the date that the money they had taken from our income tax return would be distributed to the mother, effectively paying off all but $50 of what he was behind.

We explained all of this, and brought documented proof of all our statements. The judge put him in jail with a purge that meant after we borrowed it to get him out, (because with him in jail, not only would his daughter not get any support at all from him, neither would any of our kids at home, and with me sick I couldn't pick up the slack, and we would have lost our home, lost everything, and we literally would have had to live in a shelter to survive.), we had paid double what he owed between the purge and the payment that was distributed in a few weeks. (For some reason, they hold tax return money for six months before giving it to the child support recipient.)

The judge didn't give a shit about any of it.

Not too long ago, his daughter asked that her step-dad adopt her. My husband struggled with the decision, but decided if it was what she wanted, he would allow it, but he would still always be there for her. I just found out when I was doing his taxes for him that he puts away what he used to be ordered to pay in CS into an investment account for her. That's the kind of dad they can throw in jail over child support. (that he already paid.)

Oh, and the guy who went up just before my husband was $64,000 behind, had never made a single payment, had just received a $21k SSI payment and had not put a dollar of it towards his child support, and he walked out of there with three weeks to pay $2k. Oh, he had no children at home to take care of, and had a wife who worked, as well, too.

I'm really thankful that period in our lives is over, and both my ex-husband and I are doing pretty decent for ourselves these days. He sees our kids almost every day, and he always pays support to me for them, and he doesn't have to worry about where it goes. I actually asked for LESS than what the guidelines said he should pay, because all I wanted was what his half of their support would be, and at this time, it's less than what the state requires. Mostly because I am as thrifty as it gets, lol.

My point is that sometimes guys do get fucked when they are trying their best to keep things together. Illnesses come up, loss of jobs, natural disasters, etc. Sometimes a "deadbeat" dad isn't trying to be selfish, or a deadbeat, but sometimes he's in a rough patch. I think if that's the case, mothers and judges should work with that father, and not just send him to jail, which does no one any good.

Before my son's father died, he was $5k behind in support. I never once took him to court about it. Because he had three kids and a wife to take care of, and he wouldn't do my son, or them, any good sitting in jail. My son had what he needed, and it was far more important to me that his relationship with his father be fostered than that I get support for him. I am thankful every day for that choice, because three years ago he was killed in a car accident, and I can say that I was never the cause of my son missing out on precious time with his father, and I can sit down and have coffee with my boy's step-mom, and we can foster his relationships with his siblings and step-mom. That means more than ANY amount of money. Sometimes there isn't a clear cut right and wrong. Sometiumes there is a little bit of both and you just have to decide which is more right for you, and for me, it was more right that my son know his daddy than that I know his money.

Originally Posted by Shelly L

Wow, that sucks! Start a thread about it. Got the concept of this board? NEW TOPIC is what you should be looking for.