RogerV

J/K but post your favorite bear joke here

Q: Do you know how to catch a polar bear with peas?
A: First, go out onto the edge of a frozen lake and cut a big hole in the ice. Then you place a circle of peas around the rim of the hole, and hide behind a nearby tree. When a polar bear comes to take a pea, jump out behind him and kick him in the ice-hole.

Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear?
A1: Climb a tree. If the bear climbs it and eats you, it?s a brown bear.

A2: If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it?s a grizzly.

Q: Which bear did not get wet?
A: The dribear.

Q: Which bear saw the accident?
A: The neighbear.

Q: Which bear came out of the car safely?
A: The surbibear.

Q: Which bear fixed the car?
A: The Macguybear.

Q: what's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
A: a molar bear!

RogerV

Q: Why do bears have fur coats ?
A:Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!

Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A; Fred bear!

Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!

Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!

Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!

Q: What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
A: Tagliateddy!

Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

Q: What is a bear's favourite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!

RogerV

This bear and this rabbit were talking.
The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit said, "No."

So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt.

DamageX

I want my 2mins back.

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chronic avenger

battery included

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EdgeXXX

I don't have any bear jokes... so here's a penguin joke instead:


A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he
notices his oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look
and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the
nearest town and he pulls into the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk
around town. He sees an ice cream shop and being a penguin
in Arizona decides that something cold could really hit the
spot.He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down
to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to
eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream , he goes back to the gas
station and asks the mechanic if he found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says, "it looks like you blew a seal."
"No no", exclaims the penguin. "its just ice cream!!!"

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SmokeyTheBear

good start but shaves should be in caps

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xxxice

I am liking the fusion battery one so far

RogerV

This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn?t been in many bars."

So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."

The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."

RogerV

take it easy on me smokey I'm just a tadpole

Smokey the Bear has been unjustly blaming me for forest fires for years now, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I mean, sure, I have no problem doing my part when camping. I always obtain a permit before setting up my camp fire, I don't smoke cigarettes and flick them into the woods, and I make sure to put out my campfire and cover it with dirt before going to sleep. But shit, man, why does that damn bear expect me to be accountable for the actions of others?

Why is it only me who can prevent idiots from leaving their stoves on, playing with gasoline, or falling asleep on a hammock while smoking a cigarrete in their back yards? Shouldn't they have to take some responsibility in the matter? Nooo... it is only me to whom the hairy clawed finger of blame is pointed. Well, I just can't take the harrassment anymore, Smokey. I am a human being, and I have feelings, too. And don't even get me started on the countless flame thrower accidents Smokey blames me for.

You should see the look in his eyes every time an acre or two of woodlands is consumed in an accidental blaze. He just glares at me, points, and claims, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires," as if it was my fault.

Recently, it has been getting worse. Smokey has not only been blaming me for the accidents others cause, he has been blaming me for natural disasters as well. I fear Smokey's drinking habit may be effecting his judgement, cause recently I have been the one he blames whenever lightning strikes or a volcano erupts.

God, sometimes I don't think this relationship is going to work. I mean, I love Smokey the Bear, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to absorb all the abuse. I have to wake up every day at 5:00am to scan the paper to remove all news of fires just to keep Smokey from beating me.

Why is it only me, Smokey? I am no superhero; I am but one man. Jesus, I am not even qualified to stop fires. I am no fireman. If there is anyone that should be responsible for fire prevention it should be the Fire Departments, damnit. They've got highly trained professional fire fighters, fire trucks, high powered hoses, fire suits, an efficient system which alarms them of fires in the area, helicopters, dalmations, and those pimp-ass fire poles. If anything, Smokey, point the finger at the Fire Departments and leave me the hell alone. I am a 21 year old college student. I should be responsible for papers, tests, and massive drinking... not fire prevention.

PussyTeenies

Heheheh

post more

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PussyTeenies

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers wonhahaha8217;t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

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Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

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