I have a serious question about women and relationships..............................

[seeric]

ok, so as everyone knows already, us guys are visual creatures. we like to look at women,.........alot. (thank god or this business wouldn't exist). so, with that being said. men choose women that they are attracted to to be their girlfirends or whatever, right? we have a small range of what we find attractive and what we don't. i am writing this from just recent things that i have witnessed with a friend of mine. i myself am anti-relationship and have been for 5 years or so. ok, back to the subject at hand.

when a guy meets a girl that he is attracted to, he hooks up with her, goes out on dates, they play all lovey dovey, and the guy is happy because she is still what he is attracted to. well, time passes, and i don't mean decades, more like months, and the girl just lets herself go to shit, and fast. now, the guy is no longer happy and since he is a visual creature, wants to basically put a gun to his head because he isn't physically attracted anymore. if women already know that we are visual creatures and that almost overrules anything in our tiny little brains, how come they let themselves go? if you can say the same thing about men, so be it, but i see it way ore with women.

is it the mentality that the girl has him on lock and he's whooped or what is the cause? do they just become comfortable and complacent with that person and the feelings that they have developed to where they don't think personal appearance matters anymore?

this is not a question to degrade anyone, but something that i find very common. lots of men complaining that their wife "used to be so fine then i hooked up with her and she quit caring" is something i hear alot. is it the same way for men too? i don't see that side of it, so could be.

if people are motivated by attraction in general when it comes to satisfying those cravings of sex appeal, how come we all don't automatically just stay looking good to keep our mates interested?

[nexcom28]

I believe a lot has to do with the guy, you hear a lot of ' I don't care what you look like, I'll always love you'

So the woman believes she has him by the short and curlies and doesn't make an effort..
Also some men don't mind their woman a little crappy, It stops other fellas looking..

[ronaldo]

It's called Contented Cow Syndrome.

[MacDaddyPlaya]

The problem goes both ways. Here is why relationships fail. When we start dating and courting (this is true for both sexes) we don't show who we really are. Guys act all sweet and sensitive, spend a lot of time on the girl and with the girl. Girls go out of the way to look good, not mind some of the little things. Both sexes put on an act. So when the two people fall in love (or just serious like) they are not falling for the real person. Then, as time goes by and each person's true self comes out more and more, they realize they don't really dig each other that much any more. JMHO, ICBW

[seeric]

Originally Posted by MacDaddyPlaya

The problem goes both ways. Here is why relationships fail. When we start dating and courting (this is true for both sexes) we don't show who we really are. Guys act all sweet and sensitive, spend a lot of time on the girl and with the girl. Girls go out of the way to look good, not mind some of the little things. Both sexes put on an act. So when the two people fall in love (or just serious like) they are not falling for the real person. Then, as time goes by and each person's true self comes out more and more, they realize they don't really dig each other that much any more. JMHO, ICBW

yeah, this makes alot of sense. maybe thats why i am single too. i always act like the clown i am and i'm single. they already know i'm a nutjob and stay away


normally if i meet a chick i like i will tell them straight up all about me. the djing, the partying, the adult biz, the drive to succeed, etc. most women take that as the hint that my career will take priority over a relationship.

maybe it wasn't the right thing to do telling them too that i will leave them if they get all out of whack and start living on pizza, bon bons, and big macs.

[Doctor Dre]

My friend have been 3 years with his GF and she's looking better then ever... lucky guy ;)

[RuthB]

Originally Posted by MacDaddyPlaya

The problem goes both ways. Here is why relationships fail. When we start dating and courting (this is true for both sexes) we don't show who we really are. Guys act all sweet and sensitive, spend a lot of time on the girl and with the girl. Girls go out of the way to look good, not mind some of the little things. Both sexes put on an act. So when the two people fall in love (or just serious like) they are not falling for the real person. Then, as time goes by and each person's true self comes out more and more, they realize they don't really dig each other that much any more. JMHO, ICBW

exactly

well - there are some exceptions

[Honez]

Sometimes in a serious relationship, a couple will go through a 'nesting' period. Friends of mine have done it and I have too. You start playing house, cooking good meals, being more domestic, getting slack on going to the gym (you have something more fun at home) and yes, putting on a bit of weight. This happens with guys as well so don't go thinking it is only a chick thing. My guy and I both packed on about 20 pounds after he moved in with me.

[2HousePlague]

People just want to relax, bro -- be themselves...

Men relax, when they feel they're on top. Women relax, when they feel accepted.

What you're saying is, basically, "A relaxed woman makes me feel less on top" -- ;)


2HP

[EroticySteve]

Once I told my g/f that she was getting a bit chubby, she maybe put on 5 or 6 lbs, going from 105 to 110 or 111.

She looked at me like she wanted to punch me.

She said, "I never say anything about your fat ass."

I said, "Well, I was fatter when you met me, if we are being honest with eachother you should be complimenting me. I was fat when we met, you knew what you were getting into."

She said, "Well you do have a point."

[Kassidy]

It goes both ways though...guys stop being as romantic and thoughtful once they know they don't have to chase the girl so much to get her into bed.

This is the way I see things:

guy is more sweet = girl gives him more sex
more sex = more times spent being naked
more naked time = girl making sure she gets her ass to the gym

You want a hot chick? Treat her like a lady.

[seeric]

Originally Posted by 2HousePlague

People just want to relax, bro -- be themselves...

Men relax, when they feel they're on top. Women relax, when they feel accepted.

What you're saying is, basically, "A relaxed woman makes me feel less on top" -- ;)


2HP

i love your words of wisdom.

to me its not about being on top really. its not really about me, but i know how i am when i am in a relationshiop. the second the girl starts to lose interest in staying good looking, i lose interest because i am no longer physically attracted in that animalistic kinda way where she drives me crazy just to look at her.

i wrote this about a buddy of mine that is having some issues swallowing his once hot girlfriends new addicition to not giving a shit about her personal appearance, but i guess it could relate to me if i was remotely interested in getting into something in the near future.

why does relaxing have to mean that she, or in the case of the ladies reading this with a fat bellied husband, he not care enough to look good for me anymore.

i think that if the girl or guy for that matter loses that zest for keeping the mate attracted, they should have no rights to bitch and whine when the other looks at something hot on the t.v. or whereever. i guess thats kinda a respect thing though.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[2HousePlague]

Originally Posted by A1R3K

i love your words of wisdom.

to me its not about being on top really. its not really about me, but i know how i am when i am in a relationshiop. the second the girl starts to lose interest in staying good looking, i lose interest because i am no longer physically attracted in that animalistic kinda way where she drives me crazy just to look at her.

i wrote this about a buddy of mine that is having some issues swallowing his once hot girlfriends new addicition to not giving a shit about her personal appearance, but i guess it could relate to me if i was remotely interested in getting into something in the near future.

why does relaxing have to mean that she, or in the case of the ladies reading this with a fat bellied husband, he not care enough to look good for me anymore.

i think that if the girl or guy for that matter loses that zest for keeping the mate attracted, they should have no rights to bitch and whine when the other looks at something hot on the t.v. or whereever. i guess thats kinda a respect thing though.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Guys are different, I guess, in what they want, and how they interpret things. The first time a woman farts in my company, it's cause for celebration. It means a milestone of intimacy has been reached -- -- I'm gonna guess your take would be different -- lol


2HP

[seeric]

Originally Posted by 2HousePlague

Guys are different, I guess, in what they want, and how they interpret things. The first time a woman farts in my company, it's cause for celebration. It means a milestone of intimacy has been reached -- -- I'm gonna guess your take would be different -- lol


2HP

no, mine is the same. thats funny

i'd probably laugh my ass off with her because it meant that she felt comfortable doing it. she'd still be fine as hell though, just armed with noxious gas.

[jukeboxfrank]

A women parade's when she is single when she is not she stops, that easy.

[WiredGuy]

The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it... I would hope said guy/girl would keep up their appearances but a trully meaningful relationship shouldn't demand it.
WG

[seeric]

Originally Posted by WiredGuy

The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it... I would hope said guy/girl would keep up their appearances but a trully meaningful relationship shouldn't demand it.
WG

agreed. love conquers all, and all of that. so ok, where is the threshold of not giving a shit if you want to still like it while boning her, and just comfortabley slipping off into reality and the fact that someone cares about you?


these are simple things actually, i just been thinking about it alot lately. me getting a little older, coupled with my friend and his newly crowned champion of bon bon eating girlfriend has me thinking about stuff.

[Michaelious]

I think you probably don't realise that in a relationship the guy lets his looks slip too lol

[seeric]

Originally Posted by Michaelious

I think you probably don't realise that in a relationship the guy lets his looks slip too lol

thats why i'm asking. it goes to both sides. i clearly wrote it a couple times.

i think men let themselves slip when they have mentally given up the hunt for new pussy. if you don't want any new strange, then you will prob not be that councerned with going to the gym if you are a slacker anyhow. for people that exercise regularly and go to the gym to stay fit and keep a high energy level i don't think it would affect them, men or women. i guess i am narrowing it down to at what point do you just not want to be attractive to other prospective mates and be content with what you have in front of you.

[RogerV]

Originally Posted by A1R3K

yeah, this makes alot of sense. maybe thats why i am single too. i always act like the clown i am and i'm single. they already know i'm a nutjob and stay away


normally if i meet a chick i like i will tell them straight up all about me. the djing, the partying, the adult biz, the drive to succeed, etc. most women take that as the hint that my career will take priority over a relationship.

maybe it wasn't the right thing to do telling them too that i will leave them if they get all out of whack and start living on pizza, bon bons, and big macs.

you have to be yourself to find the right girl..

[tranza]

girsl are definitly complicated, don't try to understand them.Period.

[quiet]

Originally Posted by tranza

girsl are definitly complicated, don't try to understand them.Period.

amen....

[Pipecrew]

When a woman feels secure in a relationship they stop trying so hard and that is when they gain the weight..

the skinny bitches in relationships are always the girls on edge about getting cheated on..

fact

[Elli]

SO Airek, if my guy doesn't stop going to the gym and looking good, does that mean he's not happy with me and always looking for something better? Does it mean the same if the girl keeps up her appearance?

I have to keep up my appearance, but if I didn't, I'd probably have put on a little bit more weight than I have. Just from enjoying spending time with him and eating good food and hanging out and not worrying about things. He likes bigger women, anyway. He keeps telling me that it's a deal breaker if my ass gets too skinny. So he doesn't mind me working out as long as I keep my curves.

[phogirl69]

I have the opposite problem, I am super high maintenace and my bf doesn't like it. He is really insecure because he thinks I am getting ready for "other men". He always says "who are you trying to impress? Is it because you want feedback for other men?" He also doesn't like it when I wear short skirts...

Also he gets mad because it takes me a long time to get ready. Usually takes me around 1hr and 30 min to 2 hrs for full makeup and hair to be glammed out if I want to look my best (which is all of the time). If I HAVE to get ready fast I CAN but I prefer not to, but if I HAD to, I could do makeup in 25 min....

Also my bf is weird, he asked me not to wear makeup in public. He thinks I'm too high maintenance and tells me I look best without it (which is not true). Of course I'm not going to listen to him, but some guys actually want their girlfriends to tone it down when they are really insecure.

I really don' t do it for attention but for myself, it doesn't mean I wanna
bang other dudes, I admit I am just vain and also makeup is a hobby too, it's really an artform, you use brushes to paint yourself and transform yourself into a different glamourous creature.

[phogirl69]

Also he doesn't like it if I dress to sexy or attractive, he says it instigates trouble and leads to fights if some guy looks at me and disrespects him. I actually have a friend who is in the same situation. She says her guy won't take her out in public because she is too attractive and provocative looking and everywhere they go men cause a riot, so now he doesn't even want to be seen with her.

My bf is a bit ghetto tho and he thinks he grew up in the hood so if someone disrespected him beause I was dressed to sexy, he would want to shoot the other guy or knock him unconscious or something, and that could lead to more trouble. He is also real hot tempered so it's just not a good idea. I have to dress down, all I can wear is designer jeans and heels and sexy tops. My bf doesn't care if I show my stomach or wear skimpy tops, he just doesn't like skirts and dresses.

He gets annoyed when I doll up too much, he thinks its for "other men" and it leads to a lot of fights and drama.

I'm the type that never lets heself go, I never wear tennis shoes, high heels all the time, even when it rains...

[Missy]

I somewhat agree with phogirl, but not quite to that extreme. I'm not really high maintenance, but I do like to try to look nice, even though my husband could care less if I even change out of my pj's. I have been with him for 8 years, and sometimes I wonder why I even bother to try to look nice because he doesn't notice anyway. He can't tell the difference if I am wearing make-up or not (although to most people the difference is as plain as night and day); he doesn't notice when get my hair cut or colored, and when I do dress up he never tells me I look nice, so I do wonder why I bother. But I swore to myself a long time ago that I would not be one of those people who let myself go after I got attached.

In most relationships, like others mentioned, after a few months people get comfortable with each other, and the compliments stop coming. My advice would be that if you would like your girl to continue to keep up on herself, let her know when she looks nice. Do your best to notice the little changes and compliment her when she makes extra effort to look nice. Pay attention to those times she dresses up nicer or sexier, and compliment her when she does. Make sure she knows you notice it and appreciate it. It will make her feel good about herself, and will make her want to do it a lot more.

[Elli]

Excellent points, Missy. I completely concur.