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Old 03-28-2005, 05:42 PM   #1
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Made a complete idiot out of myself in front of 4 guys at the auto parts store today

Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.

So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question.

He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter.

This is where it gets good.

I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor.

Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:44 PM   #2
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So do you need me to cum over and jack you off?
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:44 PM   #3
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what happened with the car?
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:45 PM   #4
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You should have said:

I'll jack off all 4 of you guys if you come replace my battery for free
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:46 PM   #5
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:46 PM   #6
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Thats a great story.. I would have probably started laughing my ass off before anyone else.
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:46 PM   #7
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LOL


and yeah.. could have been a starter motor fault.. or the altenator causing the prob
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:48 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by detoxed
You should have said:

I'll jack off all 4 of you guys if you come replace my battery for free

mmm new reality site idea!
jumpme.com
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:49 PM   #9
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I have done some stupid things, but not quite that bad.

It's like getting off a plane, and the stew says "have a nice vacation, and you turn and reply. You to! "
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:49 PM   #10
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at least you're a woman saying it, imagine if you were a guy???
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:50 PM   #11
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So did you jack it off when you got home or it still wouldn't start?
LOL, that was pretty good
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:50 PM   #12
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Oh, that is a classic faux pas. Too funny. They will be talking about you for weeks and weeks Holly!
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:53 PM   #13
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I find so much humor in this you cannot believe.
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:56 PM   #14
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What a Freudian slip that was. I don't see how you didn't laugh at yourself.
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:56 PM   #15
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Leave the jacking off responsibilities to the pool boy.
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Old 03-28-2005, 05:59 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bootyologist
what happened with the car?
Turns out, the car deal was my fault. My dad came over and hooked the jumper cable thingys up and as soon as he clipped them on the battery, my headlights came on. I guess I had left them on the day before. But what's weird is that I hadn't driven anywhere last night. I got home in the afternoon so the only thing I can figure is that I turned them on without thinking and then didn't notice they were on because it was daylight. I don't remember it beeping, though.

Luckily, we drove it around a little and now it's charged up and fine. I'm glad because I had already decided I'd buy a new car before I went back to that store.
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:01 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Holly
I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

ROFL

LMK if you need any assistance id be happy to help
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:02 PM   #18
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that's a great story
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:05 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WiredGuy
So did you jack it off when you got home or it still wouldn't start?
LOL, that was pretty good
WG
When I got home I told my neighbor what happened and she laughed her ass off. Her husband is an attorney and he's nice but always seems kinda straight-laced.

When he got home for lunch he called and said, "My wife told me she wants me to come over to your house and jack you off."
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:06 PM   #20
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That's awesome. I just started giggling into my coffee.
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:08 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sly
Leave the jacking off responsibilities to the pool boy.
I've decided you're gonna have to move in with me. I can't be bothered with shit like this. This is not my department. Besides, *nobody* knows how to jack off better than you.
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:10 PM   #22
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Good stuff!! Just the type of thing that would happen to me so I definitely know where you're coming from!
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:14 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Holly
I've decided you're gonna have to move in with me. I can't be bothered with shit like this. This is not my department. Besides, *nobody* knows how to jack off better than you.
God I want to cum on your tits. While jacking off of course.
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Old 03-28-2005, 06:26 PM   #24
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pretty damn funny. i was almost expecting some sort of punch line at the end, like a cut and paste joke.
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Old 03-28-2005, 07:12 PM   #25
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pretty damn funny. i was almost expecting some sort of punch line at the end, like a cut and paste joke.
You should know better than anyone how retarded I am about stuff like that. No cut and paste. Just me being a jackass.
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Old 03-28-2005, 07:16 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by detoxed
You should have said:

I'll jack off all 4 of you guys if you come replace my battery for free
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Old 03-28-2005, 07:20 PM   #27
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That reminds me of this.

http://www.killsometime.com/Video/videos/OopsNews.wmv
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Old 03-28-2005, 07:46 PM   #28
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When was the last time you changed your blinker fluid? You should change it every 10,000 miles to keep them blinking properly.
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:01 PM   #29
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Somehow that story made me aroused
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:04 PM   #30
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that's very precious
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:04 PM   #31
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That is calssic......great story. Thanks for the smile.



XOXOXO
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:09 PM   #32
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thats too funny..LOL.. I would cracked up laughing too hard...
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:17 PM   #33
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Holly, you're good. Damn good. If you had a blog, that would be the kind of story that would make history.

On that note..... off to bed with a smile.
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Old 01-17-2008, 10:43 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly View Post
Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.

So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question.

He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter.

This is where it gets good.

I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor.

Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.
holly hit me up
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Old 01-17-2008, 10:49 PM   #35
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nice
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Old 01-17-2008, 10:50 PM   #36
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When was the last time you changed your blinker fluid? You should change it every 10,000 miles to keep them blinking properly.
dont get her confused, battery 1st......... blinking fluid later
Too funny Holly
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Old 01-17-2008, 10:55 PM   #37
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Holly post your pic, are you sexy?
you need a real man like me and you wouldnt have these problems.
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Old 01-17-2008, 11:03 PM   #38
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Your posts are always a treat.

My favorite parts were - the use of "daddy" and the fact your neighbor lent you her Hummer
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:19 AM   #39
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could you come over and jack me off? i'm not sure if it works...
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:35 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by Holly View Post
Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.

So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question.

He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter.

This is where it gets good.

I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor.

Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.
A car not being able to start in the morning can be caused by a number of different things, not just a dead battery. A dead starter could do it too. You should first probably try to jump-start the car, and be sure to check the +/- connections on the battery since corrosive build up can prevent good contact!
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:39 AM   #41
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That was awesome.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:42 AM   #42
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That was awesome.
Too bad it happened almost 3 years ago.
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Old 01-18-2008, 02:12 AM   #43
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haha what a bump..lol
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Old 01-18-2008, 04:49 AM   #44
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Those are the times where it's good to laugh at yourself and lighten the situation..

As for the battery.. it's good to leave the lights on to run the battery down a couple times a year.. Recharging it will churn up the stuff that has settled to the bottom over time.. It'll last longer..
But you should put a charger on it and not rely on the alternator to give it a proper charge..

Sooo.. it's all good....
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:25 AM   #45
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lol that is funny
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:40 AM   #46
ServerGenius
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Next time just call me to jumping jack you off
Awesome story.....now how does one clean a laptop keyboard?
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:46 AM   #47
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Lol, funny bump!!
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:53 AM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CheeseFrog View Post
A car not being able to start in the morning can be caused by a number of different things, not just a dead battery. A dead starter could do it too. You should first probably try to jump-start the car, and be sure to check the +/- connections on the battery since corrosive build up can prevent good contact!
Enough with the logic. Can't you see we are all having a fantasy about car batteries and jacking off her? Pretty funny story.
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Old 01-18-2008, 08:26 AM   #49
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So which came first, a new battery or a new car?
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Old 01-18-2008, 08:40 AM   #50
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Oldie




but goodie


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