Made a complete idiot out of myself in front of 4 guys at the auto parts store today
 

Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.

So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question.

He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter.

This is where it gets good.

I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor.

Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.

So do you need me to cum over and jack you off?

what happened with the car?

You should have said:

I'll jack off all 4 of you guys if you come replace my battery for free

Golden. :thumbsup

Thats a great story.. I would have probably started laughing my ass off before anyone else. :1orglaugh

LOL


and yeah.. could have been a starter motor fault.. or the altenator causing the prob

mmm new reality site idea!
jumpme.com :1orglaugh

I have done some stupid things, but not quite that bad.

It's like getting off a plane, and the stew says "have a nice vacation, and you turn and reply. You to! "

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

at least you're a woman saying it, imagine if you were a guy???

So did you jack it off when you got home or it still wouldn't start?
LOL, that was pretty good :)
WG

Oh, that is a classic faux pas. Too funny. They will be talking about you for weeks and weeks Holly! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I find so much humor in this you cannot believe.

What a Freudian slip that was. I don't see how you didn't laugh at yourself. :1orglaugh

Leave the jacking off responsibilities to the pool boy.

Turns out, the car deal was my fault. My dad came over and hooked the jumper cable thingys up and as soon as he clipped them on the battery, my headlights came on. I guess I had left them on the day before. But what's weird is that I hadn't driven anywhere last night. I got home in the afternoon so the only thing I can figure is that I turned them on without thinking and then didn't notice they were on because it was daylight. I don't remember it beeping, though.

Luckily, we drove it around a little and now it's charged up and fine. I'm glad because I had already decided I'd buy a new car before I went back to that store.

ROFL

LMK if you need any assistance id be happy to help :thumbsup

that's a great story

When I got home I told my neighbor what happened and she laughed her ass off. Her husband is an attorney and he's nice but always seems kinda straight-laced.

When he got home for lunch he called and said, "My wife told me she wants me to come over to your house and jack you off." :1orglaugh

That's awesome. I just started giggling into my coffee. :)

I've decided you're gonna have to move in with me. I can't be bothered with shit like this. This is not my department. Besides, *nobody* knows how to jack off better than you.

Good stuff!! Just the type of thing that would happen to me so I definitely know where you're coming from!

God I want to cum on your tits. While jacking off of course.

pretty damn funny. i was almost expecting some sort of punch line at the end, like a cut and paste joke.

You should know better than anyone how retarded I am about stuff like that. No cut and paste. Just me being a jackass. :pimp

:1orglaugh :thumbsup

That reminds me of this.

http://www.killsometime.com/Video/videos/OopsNews.wmv

When was the last time you changed your blinker fluid? You should change it every 10,000 miles to keep them blinking properly.

Somehow that story made me aroused :helpme

that's very precious

That is calssic......great story. Thanks for the smile.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

XOXOXO
*Krystal*

thats too funny..LOL.. I would cracked up laughing too hard...

Holly, you're good. Damn good. If you had a blog, that would be the kind of story that would make history.

On that note..... off to bed with a smile.

holly hit me up
430 581 267
war eagle

nice :1orglaugh

dont get her confused, battery 1st......... blinking fluid later:winkwink:
Too funny Holly:thumbsup

Holly post your pic, are you sexy?
you need a real man like me and you wouldnt have these problems.

Your posts are always a treat.

My favorite parts were - the use of "daddy" and the fact your neighbor lent you her Hummer

could you come over and jack me off? i'm not sure if it works...

A car not being able to start in the morning can be caused by a number of different things, not just a dead battery. A dead starter could do it too. You should first probably try to jump-start the car, and be sure to check the +/- connections on the battery since corrosive build up can prevent good contact!

That was awesome.

Too bad it happened almost 3 years ago.

haha what a bump..lol

Those are the times where it's good to laugh at yourself and lighten the situation.. :)

As for the battery.. it's good to leave the lights on to run the battery down a couple times a year.. Recharging it will churn up the stuff that has settled to the bottom over time.. It'll last longer..
But you should put a charger on it and not rely on the alternator to give it a proper charge..

Sooo.. it's all good....

lol that is funny :thumbsup

Next time just call me to jumping jack you off :winkwink:
Awesome story.....now how does one clean a laptop keyboard? :mad:

Lol, funny bump!!

Enough with the logic. Can't you see we are all having a fantasy about car batteries and jacking off her? Pretty funny story.

So which came first, a new battery or a new car?