Holly

Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.

So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question.

He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter.

This is where it gets good.

I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?"

I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor.

Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.

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War National Damn Champions Eagle