$200 worth of free content to the guy who tells the best joke - Page 4 - GoFuckYourself.com

Nanda · 07-11-2004, 02:53 PM

The Ode To Oral Sex

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag.

Nanda · 07-11-2004, 02:54 PM

The Pickled Penis

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

Steen2 · 07-11-2004, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...

Tom_PMs · 07-11-2004, 03:07 PM

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The bear says "dont you hate how shit sticks to your fur?"
Rabbit says, "I've never had that problem, shit never sticks to my fur"
Bear says "really? wow thats great"
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

Tom_PMs · 07-11-2004, 03:10 PM

A priest, rabbi, Jesus and a beggar are playing golf.
Priest tees off and hits the rough.
Rabbi tees off and hits the sand trap.
Jesus tees off and the ball lands on top of the water and sits there.
Beggar tees off and hits a tree, bounces off the cart path, bounces off a spectator and lands right on the green
Priest turns to Jesus and says "I hate playing with your dad."

Loryn · 07-11-2004, 05:13 PM

Train Set

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your
belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She heard her little darling continue... "for those of you just boarding, remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..."

Paul Markham · 07-11-2004, 09:59 PM

Some good stuff here will have to take time to read it and see which ones might get an extra prize.

This is our best selection of sets on an offer YET. 20 sets for $25. Over 1700 pictures. Solo, girl/girl, boy/girl, teen, amateur, DP, anal, vibrators and more...

click here for more

If you buy the set and like it, come back and say THANK YOU.

A quick look at some samples.

As I said this is our best selection of sets so far, but then WTF do I know about pictureS??

Sorry about the quality and size had to reduce the images from 1024 each and compress them, to save on B/W.

Paul Markham · 07-11-2004, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HowlingWulf
An American Indian boy goes to his chief seeking wisdom...

"Chief Beaver Tail, how are babies named in our tribe?"

The chief chuckles. "Well, when a baby is born, the parents might see an eagle flying in the sky, and so name him 'Swift-Eagle'. They might see a deer running through the meadow, and so name him 'Leaping-Deer'. Do you understand?"

The boys thinks for a moment and nods his head. "Yes".

"Now why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

This ones in the running.

Paul Markham · 07-11-2004, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Buff
Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."

So is this one.

Paul Markham · 07-12-2004, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by fr8
The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often
helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He
spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He
couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the
restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but
figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his
solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the
side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath to
pose as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the
privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He
closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer
to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept
his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's
busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well
check your brakes too while you're down there because your
truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

Another good one.

Paul Markham · 07-12-2004, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nanda
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Jewish men have the biggest diameter penises. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" "Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you.

Good one

fedfest · 07-12-2004, 04:28 AM

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A: A pimp.

fedfest · 07-12-2004, 04:34 AM

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

fedfest · 07-12-2004, 04:39 AM

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

fr8 · 07-24-2004, 10:06 PM

Any winners?

neverlearn · 07-24-2004, 10:09 PM

Q: "Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?"

A: "He was dead"

love that one

Paul Markham · 07-24-2004, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fr8
Any winners?

Yes, but keep posting the jokes. I love them.

fr8 · 07-24-2004, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by charly
Yes, but keep posting the jokes. I love them.

The big one?

monaro · 07-24-2004, 10:57 PM

"Best Come Back Line Ever "

This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the
article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white
male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public
indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County
courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and
squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose,
cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"Guess I was really into it, you know?"
he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process,
Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car
approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda
Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure,"
said officer Taylor "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping
away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
that you're having sex with a pumpkin?". " He froze and was clearly
very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the
face and said ... "A pumpkin? F*** me, is it midnight already?"

07-11-2004, 02:53 PM	#151
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	The Ode To Oral Sex Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the fuck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And what's your revenge, your on the rag. __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

07-11-2004, 02:54 PM	#152
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	The Pickled Penis There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem. The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you". So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis" Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS" __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

07-11-2004, 03:07 PM	#154
Tom_PMs Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 2,049	A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear says "dont you hate how shit sticks to your fur?" Rabbit says, "I've never had that problem, shit never sticks to my fur" Bear says "really? wow thats great" So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it. __________________ You've read it, you can't unread it.

07-11-2004, 03:10 PM	#155
Tom_PMs Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 2,049	A priest, rabbi, Jesus and a beggar are playing golf. Priest tees off and hits the rough. Rabbi tees off and hits the sand trap. Jesus tees off and the ball lands on top of the water and sits there. Beggar tees off and hits a tree, bounces off the cart path, bounces off a spectator and lands right on the green Priest turns to Jesus and says "I hate playing with your dad." __________________ You've read it, you can't unread it.

07-11-2004, 05:13 PM	#156
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	Train Set A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks" The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue... "for those of you just boarding, remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..." __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

07-11-2004, 09:59 PM	#157
Paul Markham Too old to care Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws. Posts: 52,943	Some good stuff here will have to take time to read it and see which ones might get an extra prize. This is our best selection of sets on an offer YET. 20 sets for $25. Over 1700 pictures. Solo, girl/girl, boy/girl, teen, amateur, DP, anal, vibrators and more... click here for more If you buy the set and like it, come back and say THANK YOU. A quick look at some samples. As I said this is our best selection of sets so far, but then WTF do I know about pictureS?? Sorry about the quality and size had to reduce the images from 1024 each and compress them, to save on B/W. __________________ Blowout deal. 880 videos, 2,400 image sets, plus many RAW videos. $500. PM me for a deal. Skype Paulmarkham70

07-12-2004, 04:28 AM	#162
fedfest Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,334	Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A: A pimp. __________________ RewardThem Now Paying Up To 70% Revshare ! Top Converting CCbill affiliate program that will keep your members rebilling. No Traffic Leaks, No Popups, No Bullshit.. You get Credited For EVERYTHING !

07-12-2004, 04:34 AM	#163
fedfest Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,334	A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?" __________________ RewardThem Now Paying Up To 70% Revshare ! Top Converting CCbill affiliate program that will keep your members rebilling. No Traffic Leaks, No Popups, No Bullshit.. You get Credited For EVERYTHING !

07-12-2004, 04:39 AM	#164
fedfest Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,334	A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command. "The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?" __________________ RewardThem Now Paying Up To 70% Revshare ! Top Converting CCbill affiliate program that will keep your members rebilling. No Traffic Leaks, No Popups, No Bullshit.. You get Credited For EVERYTHING !

07-24-2004, 10:06 PM	#165
fr8 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 5,074	Any winners? __________________ █ joesmut (a) gmail Dot com █ Full Stack Developer

07-24-2004, 10:09 PM	#166
neverlearn Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Banners, FPA, HPA, FLASH, Illustration, Web Design, Print, posters, business cards, LOGOS ...ICQ 210-450-833 Posts: 2,085	Q: "Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?" A: "He was dead" love that one __________________ DICK TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text.

07-24-2004, 10:57 PM	#169
monaro Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Queensland. Posts: 968	"Best Come Back Line Ever " This was apparently in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever." In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?". " He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said ... "A pumpkin? F*** me, is it midnight already?"