Simon is on his game with American idol - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 01-20-2004, 07:28 AM

Simon: "I cawnt think of anything worse than sitting through that"

Girl: "Well, I--I tried my best. With god on my side that's all I can axe"

Simon: "Well, he's taken the day off"

Fuggin hilarious. I didn't watch it, but they are playing some of Simon's greatest insults on the radio today.

Gunni · 01-20-2004, 07:42 AM

My favourite is
"Last year I described some one as being the worst singer in America.... well you are probably the worst singer in the world"

cool1 · 01-20-2004, 08:02 AM

Simon cracks me up

SoundMan · 01-20-2004, 08:04 AM

it's on again tonight.

roly · 01-20-2004, 08:06 AM

yeah he's funny, here's some i just grabbed off a website:

If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you.

If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.

Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf

"...you were feeling your thong?"

"you sang like a ventriliquist dummy"

"you sang like you were in a dentists chair

"you sang like someone who sings on a cruiseship... halfway through I imagined the ship
sinking"

"we brought some people back to shine... you didn't. sorry."

"you had about as much passion as a kitten mewing"

"You have just invented a new form of torture"

"This is a pen not a magic wand."

"If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think
they would have stoned you."

"There's only so much punishment a human can take. I can't take anymore."

An awful guy auditioning was singing "American Pie," and finished up with "The day...the muuuuu-sic died..." And Simon said, "It just did."
"Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue your teacher."

"That was extraordinary! Unfortunately, it was extraordinary bad."

"I think you invented notes never ever heard before in music."

-Do you want to hear the chorus?
"No, I couldn't hear anymore."

-Well it's my first audition.
"I'm not surprised, and it should be your last."

"If you were to win and sing a song, you would kill the American record industry. That's how bad you are."

"You're one of the worst singers I've ever heard in my life."

"I'm going to reach out with a hook if you don't shut up."

"That wasn't dreadful and it wasn't horrible. It was absolutely ghastly."

"Phone up your vocal coach and demand a refund."

"Ryan an ooopma-looopa called and wants its complextion back"

"When you stopped singing, that was the best part."

"Your so terrible, your not even good enough for BULGARIAN Idol! "

Singer: *singing* No more pain...No more paaain...
Simon: My thoughts exactly.

"you wouldn't be able to make an album, there'd only be one song on it." (to the girl singing unchained melody)

"There's a line in that song that sums up your whole audition, and that's, 'When I'm bad, I'm so bad.' "

Simon: I've heard better people singing outside the subway.
Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but I worked really hard, and--
Simon: So do they!
Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but did they stand out in the cold and--
Simon: They're standing outside the subway. So yes.

Juanita: ...and why wasn't it good?
Simon: *looks seriously over at Juanita*... cause you sang it...

would Norah Jones make the top 10?
Simon: No. She's just so miserable, I mean if you want to have a great time you don't put on your Norah Jones cd...

what about Jennifer Lopez?
Simon: well if this was called Attitude Idol, she would definitely make the top 10

''Jenny, that was extraordinary. Unfortunately, extraordinarily bad.'' --to an off-key blonde in the first round

''It was an ambitious song for you to sing, because I don't think you're that kind of singer. I don't think you're that good.'' --to semifinalist Tenia Taylor, who tried to do her best Whitney Houston

''From one to 10, what would you give yourself? I'd give you a one. My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.'' --to an early auditioner who thought she'd done a great job

''I don't believe Cassandra has a singing talent. She's completely wasting her money. A complete waste of money. If you want to achieve what you want to achieve, you will not do it with your voice. Sorry.'' --to a first-round hopeful after Paula Abdul encouraged her to pursue singing

''I can honestly say you are the worst singer in America.'' --to the skinny white boy who didn't hit one note right

''Can I tell you what I thought, Rose? Your audition was horrendous with a capital 'H'.... What angers me is that people like yourself who have the most attitude have the least talent.'' --to the Alicia Keys wannabe who fumbled through ''Fallin'''

''I think you're a boring performer. The laugh was hideous. I think you've blown it.'' --to the weepy A.J. Gil, who went on to become a finalist

''When you entered this competition, did you really believe that you could become an American Idol? [Contestant nods affirmatively.] Well, then, you're deaf. Thank you. Goodbye.'' --to a Seattle hopeful who missed every note

''Are you taking singing lessons? Who's your teacher? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue her.'' --to the blonde in the supershort shorts who sang a window-shattering version of ''Lady Marmalade''

''If you win this competition, we will have failed.'' --to Jim Verraros, before he advanced to the semifinal round

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I prefer you when I close my eyes"

lock · 01-20-2004, 08:07 AM

the guy that host Australian Idol "Dicko" that called the Winner the hobbit "with a voice like an angel and head like a hobbit cracked me up so much i bought the DVD of the worst auditions.

AOJ Brian · 01-20-2004, 08:11 AM

Simon is pretty funny.. although he IS responsible for that shitty SClub7 group..

Ron2k1 · 01-20-2004, 08:40 AM

I have seen a few of Simon's comments during worldidol.
Sad enough they don't broadcast the american version of pop idol on dutch TV

01-20-2004, 07:28 AM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Simon is on his game with American idol Simon: "I cawnt think of anything worse than sitting through that" Girl: "Well, I--I tried my best. With god on my side that's all I can axe" Simon: "Well, he's taken the day off" Fuggin hilarious. I didn't watch it, but they are playing some of Simon's greatest insults on the radio today. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

01-20-2004, 08:07 AM	#6
lock Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Australia Posts: 5,065	the guy that host Australian Idol "Dicko" that called the Winner the hobbit "with a voice like an angel and head like a hobbit cracked me up so much i bought the DVD of the worst auditions. __________________ Traffic.Tools - 40+ Free Tools Free.Marketing - 150+ Free Tools Submission.Tools - 20+ Free Tools

01-20-2004, 07:42 AM	#2
Gunni Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Barcelona Posts: 2,385	My favourite is "Last year I described some one as being the worst singer in America.... well you are probably the worst singer in the world"

01-20-2004, 08:02 AM	#3
cool1 sex is good Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Carman, MB Canada Posts: 24,939	Simon cracks me up

01-20-2004, 08:04 AM	#4
SoundMan So Fucking Banned Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: MidWest Posts: 3,471	it's on again tonight.

01-20-2004, 08:06 AM	#5
roly Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 1,844	yeah he's funny, here's some i just grabbed off a website: If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you. If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning. My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf "...you were feeling your thong?" "you sang like a ventriliquist dummy" "you sang like you were in a dentists chair "you sang like someone who sings on a cruiseship... halfway through I imagined the ship sinking" "we brought some people back to shine... you didn't. sorry." "you had about as much passion as a kitten mewing" "You have just invented a new form of torture" "This is a pen not a magic wand." "If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you." "There's only so much punishment a human can take. I can't take anymore." An awful guy auditioning was singing "American Pie," and finished up with "The day...the muuuuu-sic died..." And Simon said, "It just did." "Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue your teacher." "That was extraordinary! Unfortunately, it was extraordinary bad." "I think you invented notes never ever heard before in music." -Do you want to hear the chorus? "No, I couldn't hear anymore." -Well it's my first audition. "I'm not surprised, and it should be your last." "If you were to win and sing a song, you would kill the American record industry. That's how bad you are." "You're one of the worst singers I've ever heard in my life." "I'm going to reach out with a hook if you don't shut up." "That wasn't dreadful and it wasn't horrible. It was absolutely ghastly." "Phone up your vocal coach and demand a refund." "Ryan an ooopma-looopa called and wants its complextion back" "When you stopped singing, that was the best part." "Your so terrible, your not even good enough for BULGARIAN Idol! " Singer: singing No more pain...No more paaain... Simon: My thoughts exactly. "you wouldn't be able to make an album, there'd only be one song on it." (to the girl singing unchained melody) "There's a line in that song that sums up your whole audition, and that's, 'When I'm bad, I'm so bad.' " Simon: I've heard better people singing outside the subway. Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but I worked really hard, and-- Simon: So do they! Nathanial: Well, that's fine, but did they stand out in the cold and-- Simon: They're standing outside the subway. So yes. Juanita: ...and why wasn't it good? Simon: looks seriously over at Juanita... cause you sang it... would Norah Jones make the top 10? Simon: No. She's just so miserable, I mean if you want to have a great time you don't put on your Norah Jones cd... what about Jennifer Lopez? Simon: well if this was called Attitude Idol, she would definitely make the top 10 ''Jenny, that was extraordinary. Unfortunately, extraordinarily bad.'' --to an off-key blonde in the first round ''It was an ambitious song for you to sing, because I don't think you're that kind of singer. I don't think you're that good.'' --to semifinalist Tenia Taylor, who tried to do her best Whitney Houston ''From one to 10, what would you give yourself? I'd give you a one. My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.'' --to an early auditioner who thought she'd done a great job ''I don't believe Cassandra has a singing talent. She's completely wasting her money. A complete waste of money. If you want to achieve what you want to achieve, you will not do it with your voice. Sorry.'' --to a first-round hopeful after Paula Abdul encouraged her to pursue singing ''I can honestly say you are the worst singer in America.'' --to the skinny white boy who didn't hit one note right ''Can I tell you what I thought, Rose? Your audition was horrendous with a capital 'H'.... What angers me is that people like yourself who have the most attitude have the least talent.'' --to the Alicia Keys wannabe who fumbled through ''Fallin''' ''I think you're a boring performer. The laugh was hideous. I think you've blown it.'' --to the weepy A.J. Gil, who went on to become a finalist ''When you entered this competition, did you really believe that you could become an American Idol? [Contestant nods affirmatively.] Well, then, you're deaf. Thank you. Goodbye.'' --to a Seattle hopeful who missed every note ''Are you taking singing lessons? Who's your teacher? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue her.'' --to the blonde in the supershort shorts who sang a window-shattering version of ''Lady Marmalade'' ''If you win this competition, we will have failed.'' --to Jim Verraros, before he advanced to the semifinal round "Don't take this the wrong way, but I prefer you when I close my eyes"

01-20-2004, 08:11 AM	#7
AOJ Brian Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 257	Simon is pretty funny.. although he IS responsible for that shitty SClub7 group..

01-20-2004, 08:40 AM	#8
Ron2k1 Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 1,573	I have seen a few of Simon's comments during worldidol. Sad enough they don't broadcast the american version of pop idol on dutch TV