How many calories do we burn during sex? - GoFuckYourself.com

robfantasy · 07-28-2003, 09:55 PM

Sexual Positions

Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories
Woman on top, man on
bottom.........................................25 calories
Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual
possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.
From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40
1/2 calories
Standing
Both partners of equal height......................................18
calories
Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90
calories
The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in
order to achieve even minimal satisfaction
While in
traction.......................................... ...................1
24 calories
(very useful during ski season)

Location, Location, Location

On a bar stool....................20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories
In a phone booth
Standing.......................14 calories
lying down...................274 calories
On an airliner
Aisle seat....................24 calories
Middle seat.................42 calories
Window seat...............30 calories
In the lavatory.............100 calories
Finding your clothes....................5 calories

Possible Side Effects of Intercourse

Bouncing........................7 calories
Sliding around................9 calories
Serious Skidding............12 calories
Full cartwheel................20 calories
Whiplash........................27 calories
Knee burn.......................6 calories
Chafed elbows...............5 calories
Chafed nose...................11 calories

Sex Related Noises

Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories
Wheezing.......................................... ...............5
calories
Squeals........................................... .................4
calories
Ecstatic moaning........................................... ...11
calories
Low growling.......................................... ........8
calories
Squishing......................................... ................10
calories
Shouting.......................................... .................16
calories
Screaming......................................... ...............18
calories
Urgent begging........................................... ......22
calories
Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories

Satisfying Partner (organ size)

Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and
the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare
instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to
compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight
loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to
work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince
his partner to let him put it inside.

Normal size............22 calories
Oversize.................15 calories
Tremendous............8 calories
Teensy-weensy.......163 calories

Approaching Orgasm

Letting go................................................ ..........5
1/2 calories
Controlling yourself.........................................7 9
calories
Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories
Trembling......................................... ...............15
calories
Shaking........................................... .................20
calories
Shuddering........................................ ..............25
calories
Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories

Orgasm

Real............27 calories
Faked.........160 calories

Orgasmic Intensity Scale

Expression didn't change...............1/2 calorie
Face turned purple........................15 calories
Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories
Magical explosions.......................10 calories
Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories
Earth moved..................................30 calories
Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories
You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories

Pulling Out

After orgasm...................................1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm.......500 calories

Multiple Orgasms

For woman
2......14 calories
5......30 calories
8......47 calories
Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8
orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or
disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may
begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily
interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped.
For Men
2......21 calories
3......39 calories
4......57 calories
For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological
and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour
with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears.
With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10
orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain
damage.

Special Orgasms

Clitoral...............15 calories
Vaginal...............21 calories
Penile.................21 calories
Scrotile..............15 calories
Rectal................25 calories
Oral...................30 calories

Premature Ejaculation

During insertion.............................2 calories
During intercourse.........................5 calories
approx.. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion,
which ever comes first
During foreplay.............................3 calories
Immature ejaculation.....................4 calories
similar to premature ejaculation except male
acts childish and throws a tantrum

Consequences of Premature Ejaculation

Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to
feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of
intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the
footy on the tv.

For Woman
Frustration....................................... ...8 calories
Anger............................................. ....15 calories
Violent mood swing...........................20 calories
Suppressing rage................................25 calories
Not suppressing anger........................65 calories
in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks,
and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.

For Men
Cursing........................................... ...10 calories
Apologizing....................................... 3 calories
Sniveling......................................... .5 calories
Pleading for mercy............................8 calories
Begging for another chance...............15 calories

Recovering

Un-entwining......................................... ...3 calories
Regaining motor control of pelvis.............7 calories
After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist
to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put
one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your
chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice.
Standing up...............................................9 calories
Getting some juice....................................11 calories

Trying Again

If the woman is ready...........5 calories
If the man is not....................156 calories

robfantasy · 07-28-2003, 09:56 PM

Dreaming

Regular dream.................2 calories
Wet Dream......................16 calories
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices
Wet Trance......................20 calories
Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist

Masturbation

For pleasure only...................................6 calories
For exercise, too....................................10 calories
For relief from tension...........................12 calories
To pass the time.....................................7 calories
To avoid overeating...............................16 calories
To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories
To get in touch with outer self..............10 1/4 calories
To avoid insanity..................................24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories

In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and
binge's, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.

Using
Your hand(s):
Regular way......................................11 calories
Your finger(s)...................................9 calories
Tweezers.......................................... ....2 calories
An inflatable doll.................................24 calories
Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories
except watermelon or a sprig of parsley
A vibrator:
Hand-operated.................................12 calories
Windup............................................ 9 calories
Electric.......................................... ..5 calories
Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater
Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories
Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories
Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories

Typical Sex-Related Fears

Partner hates me for what I did............................4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didnt do....................8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual.......10 calories
Climaxing too soon.............................................5
calories
Climaxing too late.............................................. .6
calories
Not climaxing......................................... .............20
calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object.....................9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object...........47 calories
Partner will neglect to administer last rites
should I not recover from orgasm......................88 calories

Personal Fears

Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm....6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field........................8
calories
Penis
envy.............................................. ....................
.......72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled
yak..........................................25 calories

Getting Caught

By partner's spouse.........60 calories
By your spouse................60 1/2 calories
Trying to explain.............165 calories
Stuttering.........................28 calories
Throwing-up...................40 calories

Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether
understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed

Almost Getting Caught

Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories
Leaping out of bed................................25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories
Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories
Jumping out of window........................15 calories
add 5 calories if window wasn't open
Landing........................................... .....1 calorie
Running very fast.................................50 calories

skrog · 07-28-2003, 09:58 PM

Where the fuck do you motherfuckers come up with this shit?

beemk · 07-28-2003, 09:59 PM

lol, guess i can skip cardio at the gym sometimes then.

robfantasy · 07-28-2003, 10:01 PM

i got these numbers by using precise scientific physics calculations.

digifan · 07-28-2003, 10:02 PM

Impressive... pulling out is 1/4 calory ???

chowda · 07-28-2003, 10:07 PM

this doesnt explain how i still have love handles

Kanoealoha · 07-28-2003, 10:09 PM

I need to start faking orgasms... 160 calories!!

07-28-2003, 09:55 PM	#1
robfantasy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Medellin, Colombia Posts: 6,445	How many calories do we burn during sex? Sexual Positions Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories Woman on top, man on bottom.........................................25 calories Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock. From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40 1/2 calories Standing Both partners of equal height......................................18 calories Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90 calories The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction While in traction.......................................... ...................1 24 calories (very useful during ski season) Location, Location, Location On a bar stool....................20 calories Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories In a phone booth Standing.......................14 calories lying down...................274 calories On an airliner Aisle seat....................24 calories Middle seat.................42 calories Window seat...............30 calories In the lavatory.............100 calories Finding your clothes....................5 calories Possible Side Effects of Intercourse Bouncing........................7 calories Sliding around................9 calories Serious Skidding............12 calories Full cartwheel................20 calories Whiplash........................27 calories Knee burn.......................6 calories Chafed elbows...............5 calories Chafed nose...................11 calories Sex Related Noises Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories Wheezing.......................................... ...............5 calories Squeals........................................... .................4 calories Ecstatic moaning........................................... ...11 calories Low growling.......................................... ........8 calories Squishing......................................... ................10 calories Shouting.......................................... .................16 calories Screaming......................................... ...............18 calories Urgent begging........................................... ......22 calories Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories Satisfying Partner (organ size) Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside. Normal size............22 calories Oversize.................15 calories Tremendous............8 calories Teensy-weensy.......163 calories Approaching Orgasm Letting go................................................ ..........5 1/2 calories Controlling yourself.........................................7 9 calories Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories Trembling......................................... ...............15 calories Shaking........................................... .................20 calories Shuddering........................................ ..............25 calories Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories Orgasm Real............27 calories Faked.........160 calories Orgasmic Intensity Scale Expression didn't change...............1/2 calorie Face turned purple........................15 calories Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories Magical explosions.......................10 calories Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories Earth moved..................................30 calories Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories Pulling Out After orgasm...................................1/4 calorie A few moments before orgasm.......500 calories Multiple Orgasms For woman 2......14 calories 5......30 calories 8......47 calories Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped. For Men 2......21 calories 3......39 calories 4......57 calories For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage. Special Orgasms Clitoral...............15 calories Vaginal...............21 calories Penile.................21 calories Scrotile..............15 calories Rectal................25 calories Oral...................30 calories Premature Ejaculation During insertion.............................2 calories During intercourse.........................5 calories approx.. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, which ever comes first During foreplay.............................3 calories Immature ejaculation.....................4 calories similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum Consequences of Premature Ejaculation Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the footy on the tv. For Woman Frustration....................................... ...8 calories Anger............................................. ....15 calories Violent mood swing...........................20 calories Suppressing rage................................25 calories Not suppressing anger........................65 calories in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron. For Men Cursing........................................... ...10 calories Apologizing....................................... 3 calories Sniveling......................................... .5 calories Pleading for mercy............................8 calories Begging for another chance...............15 calories Recovering Un-entwining......................................... ...3 calories Regaining motor control of pelvis.............7 calories After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice. Standing up...............................................9 calories Getting some juice....................................11 calories Trying Again If the woman is ready...........5 calories If the man is not....................156 calories __________________ Looking to speak w/ high volume nutra CPA affiliates or networks... msg me

07-28-2003, 09:56 PM	#2
robfantasy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Medellin, Colombia Posts: 6,445	Dreaming Regular dream.................2 calories Wet Dream......................16 calories Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner; Add 20 calories if your partner notices Wet Trance......................20 calories Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist Masturbation For pleasure only...................................6 calories For exercise, too....................................10 calories For relief from tension...........................12 calories To pass the time.....................................7 calories To avoid overeating...............................16 calories To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories To get in touch with outer self..............10 1/4 calories To avoid insanity..................................24 calories To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and binge's, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm. Using Your hand(s): Regular way......................................11 calories Your finger(s)...................................9 calories Tweezers.......................................... ....2 calories An inflatable doll.................................24 calories Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories except watermelon or a sprig of parsley A vibrator: Hand-operated.................................12 calories Windup............................................ 9 calories Electric.......................................... ..5 calories Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories In a pornographic movie theater Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories Typical Sex-Related Fears Partner hates me for what I did............................4 calories Partner hates me for what I didnt do....................8 calories Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual.......10 calories Climaxing too soon.............................................5 calories Climaxing too late.............................................. .6 calories Not climaxing......................................... .............20 calories Partner thinks of me as a sex object.....................9 calories Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object...........47 calories Partner will neglect to administer last rites should I not recover from orgasm......................88 calories Personal Fears Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm....6 calories Stretch marks that look like a plowed field........................8 calories Penis envy.............................................. .................... .......72 calories Body odor of a disgruntled yak..........................................25 calories Getting Caught By partner's spouse.........60 calories By your spouse................60 1/2 calories Trying to explain.............165 calories Stuttering.........................28 calories Throwing-up...................40 calories Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed Almost Getting Caught Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories Leaping out of bed................................25 calories Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories Jumping out of window........................15 calories add 5 calories if window wasn't open Landing........................................... .....1 calorie Running very fast.................................50 calories __________________ Looking to speak w/ high volume nutra CPA affiliates or networks... msg me

07-28-2003, 09:58 PM	#3
skrog Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,230	Where the fuck do you motherfuckers come up with this shit? __________________ banners, HTML5 banners, Bluray/DVD covers, full page ads, half page ads, headers, logos, 100% responsive galleries, SEO optimization, social media mgmt. skype: skrogdotnet

07-28-2003, 09:59 PM	#4
beemk CLICK HERE Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 20,829	lol, guess i can skip cardio at the gym sometimes then. __________________ I host with Vacares

07-28-2003, 10:01 PM	#5
robfantasy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Medellin, Colombia Posts: 6,445	i got these numbers by using precise scientific physics calculations. __________________ Looking to speak w/ high volume nutra CPA affiliates or networks... msg me

07-28-2003, 10:02 PM	#6
digifan The Profiler Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: ICQ 76281726 and I'm female Posts: 14,618	Impressive... pulling out is 1/4 calory ??? __________________ [email protected] Webair Rocks

07-28-2003, 10:07 PM	#7
chowda Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Gooch city Posts: 9,527	this doesnt explain how i still have love handles __________________ Someone finds you... 2007 PS: Nationalnet is the best host I've ever had. And i tried alot of them.

07-28-2003, 10:09 PM	#8
Kanoealoha Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Happy Valley Posts: 1,261	I need to start faking orgasms... 160 calories!! __________________ Strong Bad Rocks!