MattO

So I get an email a few days ago from a person who's beem hired by someone to look for their son.

I matched up the specifications. So then I get an email from a woman, turns out, she's my mother.

I'm 35. I was adopted when I was barely born. I've always known I was adopted, but never really put much thought into what came before my adopted parents, as far as I'm concerned, they're my folks.

So, out of the blue, here's my birthmom.

Question is: has anyone else on here had this experience? Any adoption stories? Should I be freaking out?

I feel I'm going to freak... I suppose it's welling up inside of me... I'm waiting for the nozzle to be pulled out I guess.

Nina

I hadn't had that experience... but isn't it nice to know she wanted to find you?

maybe this will answer some questions for you...

maybe you could have a good relationship with her...

it's worth exploring.

pornguy

Sorry to say but I have not had it happen to me or anyone I know, but wanted to say, Just be carefull. There are messed up people in this world!!


But if it is her, and you are happy about it, Then Congrats!!!

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Think she'll do Mature Bukkake? Big fucking market bro. Get in while the gettin's good.

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MattO
It might be nice to meet your real birth mother before it's to late.

Oz

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basschick

my daughter was adopted at birth by my uncle and his wife. the idea was she would always know me and would be told when she was old enough, but they would be her parents.

after she was adopted, they got paranoid i would steal her back. weird, since they knew me all my life and i stand by agreements, and am a generally nice person who wasn't in a good position to raise a second child.

so she grew up hearing that if a woman named patti ever approached her, to scream and run and find a cop or teacher. she was taught to believe that i am THE worst.

then she got a yen to know her brother as she entered her teens. he lived with me, but i didn't intrude as it seemed very scary for her. but she finally decided to meet me, and we've known each other ever since - it's been about 13 years, i believe.

not much like your story, but i can tell you my daughter went through hell deciding whether or not to meet me. also getting to know me after all she'd been told made her believe her parents were basically liars, which was rough on her

your parents are your parents. they wanted you and were able to take care of you when your birthmom wasn't able. if/when you get to know her, you may find an entire other family, which will get even weirder. but as long as you know where your loyalties lie, perhaps you can place her in your head as a sort of lost distant relative.

good luck, and hope it works well for you!

The Truth Hurts

Are you fucking kidding?
Tell her to look you up in another 35.

asuna

my mom was also adopted, but never ended up looking for her real parents.. it was her choice, but when she was in the hospital, a few weeks before she passed away she told us she mayb have some sublings and wanted us to look into that, but we never ended up, and I doubt we would... i more or less think my mom woldn't want us to look further into it either

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MattO

Wow life these day is pretty odd that we can even have stories like this.

I just got done chatting with my birthmom (Vicki), she's totally cool with my whole situation of things. Like I know that my parent that adopted me are my parents, I've known since I could know anything all about the adoption.

I'm grown up enough to handle it all I guess, it's so weird to see pictures of a guy who looks like me and is my fucking brother! And now I know that I'm Irish. My last name at birth was Gallagher. Fuck that, I hope I'm not related to them Oasis guys!

I got to tell her the one thing that my friends would ask me: "What would you tell her if you ever met her?"
I said "Thanks for not getting 'rid' of me, life's been good where I ended up."

I s'pose this'll keep fucking with my head for a while, but it's kinda cool to have such a life-skewing event when you're 35.

Woo hoo!

Mr Pheer

I was adopted by a very wealthy family when I was 18 months old. Pay attention because the story gets complicated.

I dont exactly know the whole story why I was adopted, because nobody will tell me. My biological mother kept in touch a little at first, I guess it scared her that I could remember she was "mommy". When I was 4 years old, my adopted parents divorced, my adopted father got custody, adopted mom got visitation every other weekend. My adopted father remarried soon afterwards to a very mean woman that had 2 daughters, both older than me. It was no secret that she married my adopted dad for his money. My adopted father contracted lung cancer soon afterwards, and it spread into his liver and brain. He lost his memory, was in alot of pain, and finaly died when I was seven years old.

When he died, I had to go live with my adopted mother, who had also remarried an italian alcoholic motherfucker that had a habit of beating on her. She too became an alcoholic, no surprise since they owned 5 nightclubs and the drinks were basicly free. As the old saying goes, shit rolls down hill... He would beat her, she would beat me. this went on for years. I never told anyone because she told me she would kill me if I ever told, and I totaly believed her. I've been beat with coat hangars, extension cords, a garden rake, and axe handle one time, pretty much whatever was in reach that she could swing at me. Once a year, on thanksgiving, my biological mother and her husband would come over for dinner, and I always got to go home with them for that one weekend. I looked forward to that all year long. When you are a kid, you dont realize that they only live 40 miles away... they always made it seem like it was such a big deal to make the trip to see me once a year. They never would listen to me when I told them the things that happened at home either. Right before my 17th birthday, I hauled ass. Took what I could carry and went to stay with my girlfriend and her mom. I dropped out of school, got a job at walmart and a hardware store. Me and my girlfriend got married when we were 18 and got our own place to stay. I didnt talk to my adopted mom for three years, and only then because I needed my birth certificate when I joined the army. The night before I left for the army was the last time I talked to my biological mom.

Growing up with the abuse made me a very angry and aggressive person, and that allowed me to excell in the army. The army let me do pretty much anything I wanted.. I volunteered to go everywhere and for every school that they would let me go to. This kept me away from home and me and the wife divorced. We didnt have kids so it was really a burden lifted off my back. Me and my adopted mom gradualy started speaking to each again. Her and my sted dad divorced and I guess she was lonely. I stayed in the army for 7 years, earned 14 medals, but was tired of being told what to do and tired of the low pay so when my 2nd enlistment was up, I got out. I changed alot in the army, I grew up and got rid of the anger and the aggressive temper. But I promised myself that when I got out, I was going to put a total asswhipping on my stepdad. He liked to hit me when I was a kid, but I'm a man now and he deserved what he had coming. The fucker ripped me off by having a heart attack and dying three days before I got home. I guess he did me a favor by saving me the jailtime.

When I got home I started a landscaping business, and started doing adult websites. Wasnt long before the websites started making more money than landscaping, so I sold off the business. Me and my adopted mom started to devolop a friendship, I tried to forgive her for all the fucked up shit during my childhood, but it was very hard. A couple years later, me and a girl I grew up with started dating, she got pregnant. When she told me she was pregnant I wanted to kill myself. But I didnt. She had our son, and we got married 6 months later. Having a kid totaly changed me again. My son is the coolest thing i've ever seen, and he made me open my eyes to just how fucked up my childhood really was. The anger came back, I hated my adopted mom, and I hated my biological mother even more for giving me up in the first place. I look at my son and he is so amazing, I wonder how anyone could ever give up thier child, or scream at thier child, or hit thier child. I didnt want to deny my son knowing his grandmother, but I would never let her take him out of my sight.

One day she just stopped coming to see him, and she only lived a quater mile away. When it reached a year that she hadnt visited or called to check on her grandson, I said fuck this shit, bought a house in Las Vegas and moved here a couple months ago. I dont think I could be happier than I am now. I finaly got my adopted mother out of my life, hopefully for good. I hear that my biological mother is dying from some rare blood disease and has asked to see me... thats not going to happen. Havent talked to her in 18 years, why ruin a good thing.

Right now, you are in a tough situation. Your biological mother wants to meet you... and I know the decision is like ripping you in half. I cant advise you whether to meet her or not... but I can tell you that if I had never known I was adopted, it would only be one less person that I hate right now. You have to consider, do you really want to meet the person that gave you away? It sounds like you probably had a pretty happy life... why fuck with it? You havent known her up till now and it doesnt sound like it has bothered you much.

But then again, she could be a totaly wonderful person, and maybe she has a very valid reason for what she did. This is one of those situations where no matter what you decide to do, you will most likely wish you had decided the opposite.

I'm 32 now, and there has been many times that I wished I could have met my biological dad, but not anymore. I'm afraid of taking the risk of fucking up my head even more. I'm sure I'm better off not knowing him.

Take your time thinking this over, because this is going to be a very tough decision to make, and it will affect you in ways that you havent considered if you meet her. Maybe good, but probably not. She has waited 35 years, making her wait a little longer, or forever, wont hurt you.

If you want to talk about it more, my icq is 3983861

Peace

Mr Pheer

I guess I took too long typing out my story. Hope it works out for you.

dchottie

I have been in your situation. I am adopted. I was taken from my birth mother when I was 3 months old because "someone" almost beat me to death. I spent 3 months in the hospital and then went to live with my biological mother's uncle & aunt. I eventually was adopted after all the red tape was cleared and had a wonderful childhood. I was a very lucky person to get out of the life I was born into. I recently had to contact my birth mother to get some medical history from her and the name of my biological father to get info from him as well. I had a pleasant conversation with them both and told them both that what happened was over 30 years ago and that all people make mistakes and its what they learn from them that count. Look at it this way you found a better life and even though she did give you up it probably gave you more opportunities that you would have had otherwise. It's water under the bridge. If you feel comfortable having a relationship of some sort with her then that's great. If you don't that's fine too. I think I may email my biological parents from time to time but that will probably be about it. My "real" family is here close to me and that's where my heart is and that's where my loyalty lies.

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Sarah_Jayne

my dad is adopted and at 53 just found it in himself to look at the name of his birth mother. In all the previous years he wouldn't as a mark of respect to his adopted parents. When my grandfather died he looked.

If you do meet her use this as a chance to ask her about your family medical history. I know it is about cold but I can't tell you how many times my sister and myself haven't been able to answer a doctor's question when they asked if something ran in our family. We can answer for our mom's side but not his.

Angelonfire

You are lucky.... blessed.... Get to know her... I am sure you will fill a whole that you must of felt not knowing your real Mom ... and still be gratfull to those who raised you as there own son. Imagine the feeling ... at least your kids (if you have any) will be able to get to know her at a younger age as you never did...
"Retrouvaille" are alwasy hard emotionnaly. You have lots of catching up to do buddy.. Good luck!


I have a sister ou there before my parents got married she was adopted in montreal... she was a twin... I wish to meet her one day...:

KRL

Wow MrPheer that is quite a lot you went through. Congrats for surviving through that. God you took some serious crap with all that.

One thing with adoption and related things is I do think kids have a right to know.

My ex-wife's father and mother divorced when she was 7. There were about 6 kids in the family. Her father met a woman after the divorce and they eventually got married. Before they were married the woman fucked another guy she met at a bar and got pregnant. She did tell my ex's dad that she was pregnant with another guy, but they decided not to abort the baby and keep it. So a little girl named Sandy was born. She went through her entire childhood thinking that was her real dad. They never told her anything.

At about 18 years old they had a big family reunion in Chicago for the fathers side of the family. Sandy went to it. In the front reception area to the party they had a huge wall chart made of the family tree. Sandy was looking at it and got puzzled why all her brothers and sisters were shown but not her name.

She went up to one of the women and said do you know why I'm not on there? They just looked down and walked away. She started to freak at this point and ran to her mother and brought her to the family tree and demanded to know why she wasn't shown.

It was then that they told her that who she had thought was her father all those years since birth really wasn't. She went nutzo over it for many months until she was able to come to terms with the reality that her real father was a one night stand and she'd never meet him.

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thatdykeliz

Matt, I'm glad that things are working out for you with your mom. I would, in your situation, be thankful to her, for being loving enough to give you up to give you a better life.

My mom had me when she was 18, had married my dad at 17 right out of high school...and although I love my mom, I can say that she's pretty much totally unfit to be any kind of parent, and if she had given me up, I might have had a much different life. In any case, when I was born, my mom lost it completely and gave me to her in-laws to raise. I grew up living next door to her, raised by my grandparents, knowing that she was my mother and unable to understand why she didn't love me enough to raise me herself.

I was abused and molested by both my grandparents, and my mother and father were both alcoholics who had crawled so far into their own bottles that they couldn't see or figure out what was going on. The first time I was actually raped, I went next door to my mother for help...she was drunk, and she assumed I was having my period. An 8 year old, crying in pain and scared out of her mind, pretty much catatonic...and all she could think was that I was getting my period. All I got was a maxi pad and a half-assed explanation about a "woman's curse."

Shit...I'm sorry for rambling about that...it's been a bad few days for me, flashbacks and remembering stuff and cutting, and all I can think of after reading Matt's story is that I wish to hell she had given me up for adoption so I could have had a chance to live with a family who wasn't as sexually and physically abusive and fucked up...

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MattO

Wow, ya'll got some stories!
Thanks for all of them.

C_U_Next_Tuesday

wow mcpheer, you need to write a novel on that. sorry to hear what a fucked situation you went through.

i gave my child up for adoption when I was 18, the birth father and I keep contact with the family through the agency. we also signed an agreement that if he wants to meet us after he turns 18..we had to meet him together and not separatly. He just turned 18 a month ago...

now we have to "register" with the birth registry..so if he wants to meet us, they have all our contact info...if we want to look for him, we have to wait till he is at least 21 and he has to be registered with the birth registry also. The adoptive parents were really wonderful. They told him he was adopted at a young age. we kept contact all these years except for the past couple. I am very nervous to meet him, but have been waiting 18 years and alls i can do is wait..the decision will be his and i will have to accept any feeling he may have towards me..good and bad. Its scary .

I hope you at least hear your bilogical mom out. My reason was i was too young and i gave someone something they couldnt have on their own. good luck and i hope things go well in your situation.

LadyMischief

I've been searching for my father my entire life. He left when I was a year old (not because he wanted to, but because my mother was being a stupid bitch at the time, my grandmother raised me thereafter). I have tried every way I possibly can to find him, but because I have almost no information on him, it's been a brick wall at every turn. Anyone have any advice on how I can maybe make some progress? I doubt it will ever happen, but I would love for him to meet my children and see the person he helped bring into the world (me). I know he loved me, but for years my mother denied me contact to him. I know from the rest of my family he was a great guy, and they all say they loved and respected him. My mother was the one who fucked it up. NOt sure if I've forgiven her for that yet, but at least she's not an alcoholic who likes to hit anymore.

Mr Pheer, your life is amazing.. You are resiliant human being.. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm sure you are a fantastic father, too.

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sherie

Good luck with what ever it is that you decide to do. Sometimes, these things work out and sometimes you end up worse for it. I have a few friends that were adopted and met their birth parents. I can honestly say that they were all very disappointed.

Although, I have heard happy endings to these type's of stories, just no one that I know personally.

For what it's worth, do what is in your heart and head =)

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C_U_Next_Tuesday

lady mischeif, have you tried the birth registry..any local adoption agency would be able to help you on that end. find out his full name if you can and search search search....or you can call one of those shows that finds people..tons of avenues to go down..if i can think of some or find some i will post them for you..good luck.