The Awesome Cow / Joke/ - GoFuckYourself.com

mavruda · 10-10-2013, 08:12 AM

I've heard this couple of days ago. Sharing it now:

A lonesome farmer had a strange habit - to go and speak to his cow inside of the barn. And he had awesome cow - more than 4 gallons of milk each day! - Hey cow - you were awesome until now, and you're giving me a lot of milk, but I need sex. If you were woman I would make love to you, but you're cow. So I decided to go to the market and sell you for a single fuck.

The neighbour house was very close to the barn, and the woman there heard all the talk. Very excited, because she knew the cow was awesome she got back to her grown up daughter and told her about the cow. - My dear - I'm gonna let the neighbor fuck me once and I will get that cow! More than 4 gallons ofmilk every day! - That's awesome mom - the daughter said. The next day the mother went to the market and saw the neighbor. - How much is for the cow / she pretended she did not knew a thing about the price/.
- Nothing - I'm lonely and I would give the cow to those who will have sex with me. - Okay - I'm in - the woman said. Count me in - I will get that cow. - That's great - the farmer said - but there's one condition - you shall not fart during the sex!
Otherwise you won't get the cow ! - Not a problem the woman said. - Okay meet me on the crossroad - near to the big old tree.
They met there and the guy told her to bend over and to hug the big tree. BUT The farmer had big shlong. It was HUGE actually !
So when he started to fuck her - the woman could not hold the pressure and farted ! BANG!
- Oh neighbor - pull it out, pull it out - I farted ! - Yeah - I've heard - no cow for you sorry, let me finish though. The woman was depressed - and the farmer told her - you should not be worried - I will give you the milk. She went back at home and told her daughter - Honey -you're younger and stronger - you should get that cow for us - don't forget more than 4 gallons of milk EVERY DAY! And so - Both - mother and daughter went to the house of the farmer - it was afternoon.
- Good afternoon, ladies - you are here for the milk , right ? - No... - the mother said - we actually here to get the cow. I want you to Let my daughter to get it. - Sure - but the condition is the same. No farts! You will have to hold her hands, in case she decide to scratch my face ! - the woman agreed and the farmer pulled out his trunk.
The daughter could not handle it too and started to fart a lot, while the mother was holding her hands. - Sorry no cow. Both - mother and daughter went back at home -walking with legs crossed because they were fucked up - literally.

At home they started to cry. Shortly the husband came back and asked - what's going on here - why are you crying ?!? The mother told her husband what's going on - about the neighbor, the cow - 4 gallons of milk everyday etc...

-WE CANNOT miss that cow !!!! - Jesus woman !!! What do you want me to do? - the father said. - You should try to get that cow from the neighbor! It won't be a problem - you have just one hole - so there will be no way for farts... - In the mean time the mother sent the daughter to observe what will going to happen and to get back and tell her if the man was able to get that cow.

It was evening time when the husband knocked on the door of the farmer. - Evening ! I'm here for the cow!- - Okay - lets do it on the outside - bend over on the meadow - I can't let you inside of the house - inside I sleep - I don't fuck. The condition is when I start fucking you - you should remain silent!

Otherwise no cow! - so the poor guy bent over and the farmer pulled out his THANG. Oh The horror! The pain. The husband was so in pain he googled his eyes, and started to tear off the grass with his bare hands - that because of the pain - but he remained silent - that cow was important - remember ?! 4 gallons of milk every day! The daughter saw everything and very fast ran back home.

- Mom ! Dad got the cow ! - Wow - finally ! How so ? How can you be so sure ?! - I'm sure, because I saw dad started to tear and gather grass for the cow already!

DamianJ · 10-10-2013, 08:17 AM

L-Pink · 10-10-2013, 08:20 AM

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Harmon · 10-10-2013, 08:48 AM

This was absolute shit. Don't quit your day job.

mavruda · 10-10-2013, 08:53 AM

Sorry guys :-(

Verbal · 10-10-2013, 09:02 AM

What do gay cows eat?

HAYYYY!

PR_Glen · 10-10-2013, 09:05 AM

cow with a hair lip?

moooooooooooooommmfffff!

AllAboutCams · 10-10-2013, 09:08 AM

That was terrible

Markul · 10-10-2013, 09:09 AM

Cliff notes?

DamianJ · 10-10-2013, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Markul

Cliff notes?

A long, shit, badly translated joke that is not at all funny.

ottopottomouse · 10-10-2013, 09:25 AM

Maybe it was funny in it's original language.

Harmon · 10-10-2013, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

Maybe it was funny in it's original language.

Thinking the same thing... I expected the cow was the one fucking them all or something seeing they were always facing away.... and then I thought the 4 gallons of "milk" was cow cum pouring out of their farting asses or stretched out pussies...

This joke literally had my mind everywhere but in the laugh zone. This joke was like watching ancient aliens on percocets.

freecartoonporn · 10-10-2013, 10:03 AM

not so funny, only small chuckles , i was expecting roflmao after reading all that big wall of text but only a small smile came on my face.

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 10-10-2013, 10:25 AM

Quote:

The sky was dark, the moon was high
All alone, just her and I
Her hair so soft, her eyes so blue
I knew just what, she wanted to do

Her skin so soft, her legs so fine
I ran my fingers, down her spine
I didn't know how, but I tried my best
To place my hand, upon her breasts

I remember my fear, my fast beating heart
But slowly she spread, her legs apart
And when she did it, I felt no shame
All at once, the white stuff came

At last it's finished, it's all over now
My very first time, Milking a cow!

ADG

fuzebox · 10-10-2013, 10:46 AM

I'm embarrassed I read the whole thing :oh crap.

Yngwie · 10-10-2013, 10:50 AM

that joke sucked.

Spunky · 10-10-2013, 10:52 AM

I guess it's all about on how you deliver the joke

_Richard_ · 10-10-2013, 11:19 AM

What is a cow's favorite subject in school?

Cowculus!

_Richard_ · 10-10-2013, 11:28 AM

Awkward · 10-10-2013, 12:01 PM

2MuchMark · 10-10-2013, 12:16 PM

Bahahahahahahahahahaha I fell off my chair laughing my head off at this dumb joke the first time I heard it. I was crying...

seeandsee · 10-10-2013, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultCopywriters

hahahaha

I finally have answer for that

sperbonzo · 10-10-2013, 12:30 PM

dillfly2000 · 10-10-2013, 12:48 PM

Say silk 10 times.

What do cows drink?

mavruda · 10-10-2013, 12:56 PM

Guys... sorry for the bad joke. But what an awesome thread with cows came out! :-)

_Richard_ · 10-10-2013, 01:02 PM

hotlink'nnn

bronco67 · 10-10-2013, 01:13 PM

I like that. Check this one out. There was this cat, and he liked to eat pineapples, but his brother was allergic to them -- so the cat would stuff pineapple chunks up his asshole and shoot them into his mouth because the fecal matter would make him immune to the toxic pineapple juices. One day an alien came down in a UFO and did three backward flips on the front lawn of the white house, until chicken grease shot up like a geyser from a lady bus driver's pussy. The cat tried to drive his car onto the bus, but he got pulled over by the state police. When the cop got to the cat's window, he said, "what you got in the trunk, bwah!!?" Then the cat said "ain't no butthole like a pussyhole!!!"

haha get it?

Markul · 10-10-2013, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DamianJ

A long, shit, badly translated joke that is not at all funny.

Lol thanks

Diomed · 10-10-2013, 03:49 PM

Roses are red,

violets are blue..

Toilet paper is white,

until your through..

2MuchMark · 10-10-2013, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronco67

I like that. Check this one out. There was this cat, and he liked to eat pineapples, but his brother was allergic to them -- so the cat would stuff pineapple chunks up his asshole and shoot them into his mouth because the fecal matter would make him immune to the toxic pineapple juices. One day an alien came down in a UFO and did three backward flips on the front lawn of the white house, until chicken grease shot up like a geyser from a lady bus driver's pussy. The cat tried to drive his car onto the bus, but he got pulled over by the state police. When the cop got to the cat's window, he said, "what you got in the trunk, bwah!!?" Then the cat said "ain't no butthole like a pussyhole!!!"

haha get it?

This might be funny if I was stoned, but....

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa...

10-10-2013, 08:12 AM	#1
mavruda porn cartoonist Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Vatican City Posts: 2,597	The Awesome Cow / Joke/ I've heard this couple of days ago. Sharing it now: A lonesome farmer had a strange habit - to go and speak to his cow inside of the barn. And he had awesome cow - more than 4 gallons of milk each day! - Hey cow - you were awesome until now, and you're giving me a lot of milk, but I need sex. If you were woman I would make love to you, but you're cow. So I decided to go to the market and sell you for a single fuck. The neighbour house was very close to the barn, and the woman there heard all the talk. Very excited, because she knew the cow was awesome she got back to her grown up daughter and told her about the cow. - My dear - I'm gonna let the neighbor fuck me once and I will get that cow! More than 4 gallons ofmilk every day! - That's awesome mom - the daughter said. The next day the mother went to the market and saw the neighbor. - How much is for the cow / she pretended she did not knew a thing about the price/. - Nothing - I'm lonely and I would give the cow to those who will have sex with me. - Okay - I'm in - the woman said. Count me in - I will get that cow. - That's great - the farmer said - but there's one condition - you shall not fart during the sex! Otherwise you won't get the cow ! - Not a problem the woman said. - Okay meet me on the crossroad - near to the big old tree. They met there and the guy told her to bend over and to hug the big tree. BUT The farmer had big shlong. It was HUGE actually ! So when he started to fuck her - the woman could not hold the pressure and farted ! BANG! - Oh neighbor - pull it out, pull it out - I farted ! - Yeah - I've heard - no cow for you sorry, let me finish though. The woman was depressed - and the farmer told her - you should not be worried - I will give you the milk. She went back at home and told her daughter - Honey -you're younger and stronger - you should get that cow for us - don't forget more than 4 gallons of milk EVERY DAY! And so - Both - mother and daughter went to the house of the farmer - it was afternoon. - Good afternoon, ladies - you are here for the milk , right ? - No... - the mother said - we actually here to get the cow. I want you to Let my daughter to get it. - Sure - but the condition is the same. No farts! You will have to hold her hands, in case she decide to scratch my face ! - the woman agreed and the farmer pulled out his trunk. The daughter could not handle it too and started to fart a lot, while the mother was holding her hands. - Sorry no cow. Both - mother and daughter went back at home -walking with legs crossed because they were fucked up - literally. At home they started to cry. Shortly the husband came back and asked - what's going on here - why are you crying ?!? The mother told her husband what's going on - about the neighbor, the cow - 4 gallons of milk everyday etc... -WE CANNOT miss that cow !!!! - Jesus woman !!! What do you want me to do? - the father said. - You should try to get that cow from the neighbor! It won't be a problem - you have just one hole - so there will be no way for farts... - In the mean time the mother sent the daughter to observe what will going to happen and to get back and tell her if the man was able to get that cow. It was evening time when the husband knocked on the door of the farmer. - Evening ! I'm here for the cow!- - Okay - lets do it on the outside - bend over on the meadow - I can't let you inside of the house - inside I sleep - I don't fuck. The condition is when I start fucking you - you should remain silent! Otherwise no cow! - so the poor guy bent over and the farmer pulled out his THANG. Oh The horror! The pain. The husband was so in pain he googled his eyes, and started to tear off the grass with his bare hands - that because of the pain - but he remained silent - that cow was important - remember ?! 4 gallons of milk every day! The daughter saw everything and very fast ran back home. - Mom ! Dad got the cow ! - Wow - finally ! How so ? How can you be so sure ?! - I'm sure, because I saw dad started to tear and gather grass for the cow already!

10-10-2013, 08:48 AM	#4
Harmon ( ͡ʘ╭͜ʖ╮͡ʘ) Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 20,010	This was absolute shit. Don't quit your day job. __________________ [email protected]

10-10-2013, 09:05 AM	#7
PR_Glen Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 9,058	cow with a hair lip? moooooooooooooommmfffff! __________________ webmaster at pimproll dot com

10-10-2013, 09:08 AM	#8
AllAboutCams Femcams.com Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: bjcam.com Posts: 12,224	That was terrible __________________ Binance - Blockchain and Crypto Asset Exchange Chaturbate make money in cams

10-10-2013, 09:09 AM	#9
Markul Likes Pie Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: The land that liberated porn Posts: 12,402	Cliff notes? __________________ But.... I pulled out...

10-10-2013, 08:17 AM	#2
DamianJ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: A magical land Posts: 15,808

10-10-2013, 08:20 AM	#3
L-Pink working on my tan Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Florida/Kentucky Posts: 39,151	Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go moo!

10-10-2013, 08:53 AM	#5
mavruda porn cartoonist Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Vatican City Posts: 2,597	Sorry guys :-(

10-10-2013, 09:02 AM	#6
Verbal Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,420	What do gay cows eat? HAYYYY!

10-10-2013, 09:25 AM	#11
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	Maybe it was funny in it's original language. __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

10-10-2013, 10:03 AM	#13
freecartoonporn Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: NC Posts: 7,683	not so funny, only small chuckles , i was expecting roflmao after reading all that big wall of text but only a small smile came on my face. __________________ SSD Cloud Server, VPS Server, Simple Cloud Hosting \| DigitalOcean

10-10-2013, 10:46 AM	#15
fuzebox making it rain Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: seattle Posts: 22,157	I'm embarrassed I read the whole thing :oh crap.

10-10-2013, 10:50 AM	#16
Yngwie I am an Alien from space Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,118	that joke sucked.

10-10-2013, 10:52 AM	#17
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	I guess it's all about on how you deliver the joke __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

10-10-2013, 11:19 AM	#18
_Richard_ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 30,989	What is a cow's favorite subject in school? Cowculus!

10-10-2013, 11:28 AM	#19
_Richard_ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 30,989

10-10-2013, 12:01 PM	#20
Awkward Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 217	__________________

10-10-2013, 12:16 PM	#21
2MuchMark Videochat Solutions Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 49,574	Bahahahahahahahahahaha I fell off my chair laughing my head off at this dumb joke the first time I heard it. I was crying... __________________ Custom Coding \| Videochat Solutions \| Age Verification \| IT Help & Support www.2Much.net

10-10-2013, 12:30 PM	#23
sperbonzo I'd rather be on my boat. Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Miami, FL Posts: 9,748	__________________ Michael Sperber / Acella Financial LLC/ Online Payment Processing [email protected] / http://Acellafinancial.com/ ICQ 177961090 / Tel +1 909 NET BILL / Skype msperber

10-10-2013, 12:48 PM	#24
dillfly2000 hey Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: with you Posts: 2,209	Say silk 10 times. What do cows drink? __________________ Chaturbate Affiliate

10-10-2013, 12:56 PM	#25
mavruda porn cartoonist Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Vatican City Posts: 2,597	Guys... sorry for the bad joke. But what an awesome thread with cows came out! :-)

10-10-2013, 01:02 PM	#26
_Richard_ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 30,989	hotlink'nnn

10-10-2013, 01:13 PM	#27
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,032	I like that. Check this one out. There was this cat, and he liked to eat pineapples, but his brother was allergic to them -- so the cat would stuff pineapple chunks up his asshole and shoot them into his mouth because the fecal matter would make him immune to the toxic pineapple juices. One day an alien came down in a UFO and did three backward flips on the front lawn of the white house, until chicken grease shot up like a geyser from a lady bus driver's pussy. The cat tried to drive his car onto the bus, but he got pulled over by the state police. When the cop got to the cat's window, he said, "what you got in the trunk, bwah!!?" Then the cat said "ain't no butthole like a pussyhole!!!" haha get it? __________________ Last edited by bronco67; 10-10-2013 at 01:17 PM..

10-10-2013, 03:49 PM	#29
Diomed Converting like it's 1999 Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The South Posts: 6,167	Roses are red, violets are blue.. Toilet paper is white, until your through.. __________________ 10 years of experience in: CHAT SALES - PAID TRAFFIC - CONVERSION - CREATIVES - CONSULTATION