Desperately needs advice...chicks being with other chicks,is this considered cheatin? - Page 2 - GoFuckYourself.com

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:29 PM

Yeah, just...I know it doesnt help anything, but it happened at one of those webmaster parties, i got a lap dance, she started kissing me, she shoved it in my face, there was nothing I could have done, really.

Grr.

vegasdude · 02-05-2003, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

Thats the thing!
If he was with a guy, I wouldnt mind, a guy has parts and skills i lack because im not male.

If he was with a chick thats considered cheating because im a chick, and whatever hes getting from her he should be getting with me

not my definition...

I consider it cheating as soon as my gurl is getting down with another PERSON!

all the power if you can make your definition work !

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by skrowyenom

He is just jelouse that u didn't invite him in to the action!!... ask him if he wants to join.!!

Not every man wants to join in on a threesum

But thats just from personal experience.

XXXPaysiteDesign · 02-05-2003, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
Yeah, just...I know it doesnt help anything, but it happened at one of those webmaster parties, i got a lap dance, she started kissing me, she shoved it in my face, there was nothing I could have done, really.

Grr.

Nothing you could have done?

C'mon.

CDSmith · 02-05-2003, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kaylacam
Think of it like this, if you had a gf not a bf and she gave a guy head, wouldn't you be pissed?

I'm interested in hearing Zoe's answer to this one.

PeekHoles · 02-05-2003, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XXXPaysiteDesign

Nothing you could have done?

C'mon.

Hell 90% of the guys wouldnt have turned it down either

gothweb · 02-05-2003, 10:32 PM

I think it depends on the relationship. If you never talked about it, and he considers it cheating, then it doesn't look good. If you had talked about it, I think what you did would have been acceptable in a surprising number of relationships.

Personally, I would worry more about your own relationship than what people on here think about it, though. He thinks it was cheating, and his position is certainly reasonable even if it isn't 100% obvious without a doubt. That means you two should probably work it out between you, with some apologizing, compromising, and learning done by each party.

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Pointless
ask dr phil

Yeah or Dr. Drew.

He'd have a field day with this.

Before it was all broken down he'd have one, two or all three in the party admitting they were touched by an uncle.

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CDSmith
I'm interested in hearing Zoe's answer to this one.

For some reason I believe chicks being with chicks is different the chicks being with guys.

XXXPaysiteDesign · 02-05-2003, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Forplaz

Hell 90% of the guys wouldnt have turned it down either

Then 90% of guys would be cheating.

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
Yeah, just...I know it doesnt help anything, but it happened at one of those webmaster parties, i got a lap dance, she started kissing me, she shoved it in my face, there was nothing I could have done, really.

Grr.

You're starting to sound like some men LOL.
"I didn't mean to...his pants just fell off and I fell ontop of him"
Come on that shit doesn't fly anymore.

Cheating is cheating period.

chodadog · 02-05-2003, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
What do bisexual girls do when they're dating a guy?

Hmm, are you saying that being bisexual, means you have to have sex with both men and women? How would you feel if you found out he was sucking some guy's cock?

I think it's cheating. It's a betrayal of trust.

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

For some reason I believe chicks being with chicks is different the chicks being with guys.

As has already been established what you think only applies to you.

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gothweb
I think it depends on the relationship. If you never talked about it, and he considers it cheating, then it doesn't look good. If you had talked about it, I think what you did would have been acceptable in a surprising number of relationships.

Personally, I would worry more about your own relationship than what people on here think about it, though. He thinks it was cheating, and his position is certainly reasonable even if it isn't 100% obvious without a doubt. That means you two should probably work it out between you, with some apologizing, compromising, and learning done by each party.

As I was trying to say, no we didnt discuss it before, and yes I am willing to give up chicks while being with him. Its not the problem of me still wanting to be with chicks, i just want him to understand that i didnt consider that cheating at that time. Since I know now its cheating it wont happen again.

FATPad · 02-05-2003, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

For some reason I believe chicks being with chicks is different the chicks being with guys.

Supposing he thinks he should be allowed to bang every chick he comes across who sticks it in his face til "there's nothing he can do"?

Hell, he thinks it...it must be the way things go.

the Shemp · 02-05-2003, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jimmyf
ah the FREE love 60's. You old goat. I was in Europe man was that fun

PeekHoles · 02-05-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pink_in_the_middle

You're starting to sound like some men LOL.
"I didn't mean to...his pants just fell off and I fell ontop of him"
Come on that shit doesn't fly anymore.

Cheating is cheating period.

Yeah sounds like the guy wasnt doing his job...
If he was she just likes women like alot of girls I have dated does

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

Since I know now its cheating it wont happen again.

Regardless you have already violated his trust and that is something you will have to regain.

You might as well just kiss this relationship off because you're going to hear about this for as long as you're with the guy.

10 years later:

Zoe: How come you didn't put away the clean dishes?

Boyfriend: How come you ate that chick's pussy out in Vegas back in 2003?

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FATPad
Doesn't really matter what you alone think.

That's part of being in a relationship. Just because you wouldn't care if he gave a guy head, doesn't mean he thinks it's okay for you to be off jumping into bed with another chick whenever you feel like it.

Don't people in relationships discuss anything anymore?

Amen

I guess some ppl don't

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:36 PM

i think everyone is missing the point to what im asking.

Im not trying to continue relationships with chicks.

Im asking, that since we didnt discuss before me being with chicks was cheating, did I still "cheat" on him

Since I know he considers it cheating now it isnt going to happen again.

UncleJimmy · 02-05-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

Thats the thing! I now know he considers that cheating, and I havent been with a girl since, nor will i be with one while in this relationship.

Doesnt that count as anything?

If you've expressed your regret, apologies, etc etc etc, and willingness to work it out, that you love him, and all the rest that goes with that conversation, and he STILL wants to leave.

Then it sounds like he just 'wants to leave' :/

Maybe he just wants some space.... But if he's gonna carry this incident around with him and can't come to grips with it, then do you REALLY wanna deal with someone that will have this over your head from now until.....?.....

just something to think about....

He's gotta 'wanna' work it out....can't force that to happen as shitty as that may seem....

Good luck though and hopefully for you it's just a 'he needs time' thing...

If not, you've just learned a painful lesson :/

XXXPaysiteDesign · 02-05-2003, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by eroswebmaster
10 years later:

Zoe: How come you didn't put away the clean dishes?

Boyfriend: How come you ate that chick's pussy out in Vegas back in 2003?

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by eroswebmaster

Regardless you have already violated his trust and that is something you will have to regain.

You might as well just kiss this relationship off because you're going to hear about this for as long as you're with the guy.

10 years later:

Zoe: How come you didn't put away the clean dishes?

Boyfriend: How come you ate that chick's pussy out in Vegas back in 2003?

Understandable, its been a month and it still blows up.

XXXPaysiteDesign · 02-05-2003, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
i think everyone is missing the point to what im asking.

Im not trying to continue relationships with chicks.

Im asking, that since we didnt discuss before me being with chicks was cheating, did I still "cheat" on him

Since I know he considers it cheating now it isnt going to happen again.

Yes, you still cheated on him. Whether you think you did or not. Read the posts, you're ignoring what everybody is saying because you don't want to admit you were wrong.

PeekHoles · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

Understandable, its been a month and it still blows up.

If its been a month since then and he is still with you.....he wont go know where!

CDSmith · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
For some reason I believe chicks being with chicks is different the chicks being with guys.

How can you be bisexual and think that? If you're truly bi, then it shouldn't matter if the person is male or female, right? You will have sex with either, so when you're bi, people are just people. In that case, no matter what side of the species you have sex with, it is cheating.

If he won't take you back, you'll just have to find a man that doesn't mind you doing the licky-licky every so often.

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

And for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting Zoe..she's is extremely cute.

I feel violated because I didn't get to watch.

gothweb · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe

As I was trying to say, no we didnt discuss it before, and yes I am willing to give up chicks while being with him. Its not the problem of me still wanting to be with chicks, i just want him to understand that i didnt consider that cheating at that time. Since I know now its cheating it wont happen again.

Ah. I see what you mean. Personally, I think he should give you another chance. Your standards fell into a pattern from past relationships, and your own feelings, so you made a mistake that went outside his boundaries.

A big mistake, but not a malicious one... Hell, you told him, and were surprised by his response, so it wasn't exactly everyday cheating.

Here's the problem. Fair doesn't always come into it. He feels you cheated, and he probably feels it is a matter of morality, principle, and perhaps even something like pride. The fact that you did it may be enough to ruin things for him, trust-wise-- even if you never did it again.

Apologies and repentence, even reforming, don't undo what was done. I think he should try to forgive, but I can also see where he might be coming from if he didn't. My best advice to you is not to appriach this as "I didn't think it was wrong", but more "I did wrong without knowing, and now want to work things out so I can stay with you."

As a poly person, I know how hard it can be to make sure everyone is on the same page. However, since you have decided to take a somewhat poly path in life, I think you have a responsibility to communicate more than you did.

Satan · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

I have been in this exact situation, the only difference was, we spoke about it FIRST.

I personaly don't consider it cheating, however by definition it is.
We came to an arrangement where she could do anything she wanted with another girl simply because it didn't bother me.

Guys that have problems with that I think are insecure, all jealousy etc.. comes from being afraid you will loose the girl or guy to the other person, or selfishness with your time.

Either way, its not a good personality trait.

If you wanna make up, you better have a long conversation with him about why he doesn't like it..

As for common, *most of my girlfriends tend to be bi, and I like the fact that they eat pussy, especialy if they invite me to a few munches too

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Forplaz

Yeah sounds like the guy wasnt doing his job...
If he was she just likes women like alot of girls I have dated does

What are you jabbering about?
He didn't "do his job" because she decided to cheat on him? WAKE UP FUCKTARD.

chodadog · 02-05-2003, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
Im asking, that since we didnt discuss before me being with chicks was cheating, did I still "cheat" on him.

Yes.

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Forplaz

If its been a month since then and he is still with you.....he wont go know where!

uhm...okay...you know what? uh-uh

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Satan

Guys that have problems with that I think are insecure, all jealousy etc.. comes from being afraid you will loose the girl or guy to the other person, or selfishness with your time.

Either way, its not a good personality trait.

Don't mistake your fucked up childhood for ours.

Fletch XXX · 02-05-2003, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
Yeah, just...I know it doesnt help anything, but it happened at one of those webmaster parties, i got a lap dance, she started kissing me, she shoved it in my face, there was nothing I could have done, really.

Grr.

Youve never sounded so male before.

You sound like any of the males who live by the same creed and went down on chicks while their wives were at home.

A cheater is a cheater.

XXXPaysiteDesign · 02-05-2003, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Satan
I have been in this exact situation, the only difference was, we spoke about it FIRST.

I personaly don't consider it cheating, however by definition it is.
We came to an arrangement where she could do anything she wanted with another girl simply because it didn't bother me.

Guys that have problems with that I think are insecure, all jealousy etc.. comes from being afraid you will loose the girl or guy to the other person, or selfishness with your time.

Either way, its not a good personality trait.

If you wanna make up, you better have a long conversation with him about why he doesn't like it..

As for common, *most of my girlfriends tend to be bi, and I like the fact that they eat pussy, especialy if they invite me to a few munches too

Don't listen to Satan, he's evil.

gothweb · 02-05-2003, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
i think everyone is missing the point to what im asking.

Im not trying to continue relationships with chicks.

Im asking, that since we didnt discuss before me being with chicks was cheating, did I still "cheat" on him

Since I know he considers it cheating now it isnt going to happen again.

Yes, I am afraid you did. In my opinion, at least. Each relationship can have its own standard. However, if you fail to communicate about those standards, then I guess you have to default to the lowest common denomenator. You didn't intentionally cheat on him, but you did intentionally muff-dive, which I would have to say counts as cheating in a relationship where it hasn't been agreed otherwise. Poly lifestyle, whatever you choose to call it, is about communication and agreement.

drunkmonkey · 02-05-2003, 10:45 PM

Anyone seeking relationship advice from pornographers is doomed.

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gothweb
Your standards fell into a pattern from past relationships

If this is what happened then thats her fault for treating every relationship the same

Still not an excuse.

PeekHoles · 02-05-2003, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pink_in_the_middle

What are you jabbering about?
He didn't "do his job" because she decided to cheat on him? WAKE UP FUCKTARD.

What was it over your head?

I just know I would have been with my girl at a party like that... He wasnt so he must not be doing his job... Or dont give a shit and just playing mind games with her.

gothweb · 02-05-2003, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by drunkmonkey
Anyone seeking relationship advice from pornographers is doomed.

I am an Artiste, I tell you.

r-c-e · 02-05-2003, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Zoe_Zoebaboe
Well, how about the fact that all my last boyfriends didnt consider it cheating, and we never discussed that.

maybe its because they liked the idea of you sleeping with women. gender doesn't really make a difference as far as cheating goes. you go with someone else, you've cheated, plain and simple. whether or not your partner minds is a different matter.

one question though. how do you know your past boyfriends didn't think it was cheating when you never discussed it?

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gothweb

I am an Artiste, I tell you.

Fuck that I'm a smut peddler.

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by drunkmonkey
Anyone seeking relationship advice from pornographers is doomed.

Oh yes because ppl in the porn biz don't have relationships. Please shut up.

Next

chodadog · 02-05-2003, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Satan
I have been in this exact situation, the only difference was, we spoke about it FIRST.

I personaly don't consider it cheating, however by definition it is.
We came to an arrangement where she could do anything she wanted with another girl simply because it didn't bother me.

In your relationship, it's not cheating, because there is no violation of your trust. You've established "boundaries" other than the traditional kind in a relationship. That's definitely the way this situation should be handled from the start.

I really don't think zoe's boyfriend would be pissed off about this if it were discussed with him beforehand, and they agreed on what was okay and what was not.

gothweb · 02-05-2003, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pink_in_the_middle

If this is what happened then thats her fault for treating every relationship the same

Still not an excuse.

I agree. However, it does help towards understanding. I guess I care about that more than blame.

Bobby Vicious · 02-05-2003, 10:49 PM

WANTED

SWF willing to have a fun loving relationship with guy. Must be open minded sexually and willing to share girlfreind or girlfreinds with me. Must be willing to travel to exotic locations and enjoy passionate love making. Movies and fine dining not necessary.

chodadog · 02-05-2003, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Forplaz

What was it over your head?

I just know I would have been with my girl at a party like that... He wasnt so he must not be doing his job... Or dont give a shit and just playing mind games with her.

If doing your job is being a possesive asshole, then yeah, you'd be doing your job. Did the thought ever cross your mind, that he did trust her to go to such a party on her own, and thats's why he's so pissed off?

pink_in_the_middle · 02-05-2003, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Forplaz

What was it over your head?

I just know I would have been with my girl at a party like that... He wasnt so he must not be doing his job... Or dont give a shit and just playing mind games with her.

Are you of legal age to even post here sweety?

I think it's called TRUST. Just because she goes somewhere with naked ppl doesn't mean her bf has to tag along. He trusted her and she broke that trust.
I think you have it all wrong. SHE MESSED UP WHICH MEANS SHE'S NOT DOING HER JOB not the other way around.
This is her issue.

eroswebmaster · 02-05-2003, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by chodadog

If doing your job is being a possesive asshole, then yeah, you'd be doing your job. Did the thought ever cross your mind, that he did trust her to go to such a party on her own, and thats's why he's so pissed off?

OOOH BURN

Zoe_Zoebaboe · 02-05-2003, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by r-c-e

maybe its because they liked the idea of you sleeping with women. gender doesn't really make a difference as far as cheating goes. you go with someone else, you've cheated, plain and simple. whether or not your partner minds is a different matter.

one question though. how do you know your past boyfriends didn't think it was cheating when you never discussed it?

They were the ones who brought it up

02-05-2003, 10:29 PM	#51
Zoe_Zoebaboe Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sin City Posts: 4,463	Yeah, just...I know it doesnt help anything, but it happened at one of those webmaster parties, i got a lap dance, she started kissing me, she shoved it in my face, there was nothing I could have done, really. Grr. __________________ http://www.myspace.com/jennabea ICQ: 166862923 Email: [email protected]

02-05-2003, 10:32 PM	#57
gothweb Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Back in the USSA Posts: 8,849	I think it depends on the relationship. If you never talked about it, and he considers it cheating, then it doesn't look good. If you had talked about it, I think what you did would have been acceptable in a surprising number of relationships. Personally, I would worry more about your own relationship than what people on here think about it, though. He thinks it was cheating, and his position is certainly reasonable even if it isn't 100% obvious without a doubt. That means you two should probably work it out between you, with some apologizing, compromising, and learning done by each party. __________________ Photos by Ian X.: Distinctive photos of goth babes. Blood Money:Your traffic, my sites, our money. MojoHost: Still the best.

02-05-2003, 10:36 PM	#70
Zoe_Zoebaboe Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sin City Posts: 4,463	i think everyone is missing the point to what im asking. Im not trying to continue relationships with chicks. Im asking, that since we didnt discuss before me being with chicks was cheating, did I still "cheat" on him Since I know he considers it cheating now it isnt going to happen again. __________________ http://www.myspace.com/jennabea ICQ: 166862923 Email: [email protected]

02-05-2003, 10:40 PM	#77
eroswebmaster March 1st, 2003 Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Seat 4 @ Venetian Poker Room Posts: 20,295	And for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting Zoe..she's is extremely cute. I feel violated because I didn't get to watch. __________________ For rent - ICQ 127-027-910 Click here for more details

02-05-2003, 10:40 PM	#79
Satan Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Hell Posts: 1,626	I have been in this exact situation, the only difference was, we spoke about it FIRST. I personaly don't consider it cheating, however by definition it is. We came to an arrangement where she could do anything she wanted with another girl simply because it didn't bother me. Guys that have problems with that I think are insecure, all jealousy etc.. comes from being afraid you will loose the girl or guy to the other person, or selfishness with your time. Either way, its not a good personality trait. If you wanna make up, you better have a long conversation with him about why he doesn't like it.. As for common, *most of my girlfriends tend to be bi, and I like the fact that they eat pussy, especialy if they invite me to a few munches too __________________ WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

02-05-2003, 10:45 PM	#87
drunkmonkey Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: behind you Posts:1,075,324 Posts: 799	Anyone seeking relationship advice from pornographers is doomed.

02-05-2003, 10:49 PM	#96
Bobby Vicious Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Bahamas Posts: 452	WANTED SWF willing to have a fun loving relationship with guy. Must be open minded sexually and willing to share girlfreind or girlfreinds with me. Must be willing to travel to exotic locations and enjoy passionate love making. Movies and fine dining not necessary.