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Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 10,017
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Made a complete idiot out of myself in front of 4 guys at the auto parts store today
Went out to my car this morning and it wouldn't start. Dead battery. Called my daddy and then my exhusband who both said they would come and fix it later in the day. I, of course, am impatient and had several things I needed to do. While I'm outside looking at the car my neighbor comes over and tells me that her husband went and bought a battery for his car at this new O'Reilly Auto Parts place that was just built in our area. She offers to let me use her car to go get one and tells me she'll have her husband put it in for me when he comes home for lunch. I'm all happy because I think this is an easy, quick solution.
So I tool over to O'Reilly's (in this huge, black Hummer she drives), go inside, and tell the guy I need a battery because mine is dead. He asks if it's the Hummer and I tell him no, I left the car at home because I didn't have anyone to jump me off. He then asks how I know for sure it's the battery, if I hadn't bothered jumping it off to see if it would start that way. I think about this and decide that is indeed a very good question. He is in his early 30s, there is a boy in his early 20s standing directly behind him, and two more guys in their late 20s behind the counter. This is where it gets good. I then look this man directly in the eye and say, "Do you think I should go home and have someone JACK ME OFF to see if it works?" I shit you not. It was one of those deals where I knew what was happening as it was coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop it. The guy I was speaking to tried to remain professional but the boy standing behind him suddenly starts making this choking noise and then tries to fake cough to hide his fits of laughter. Both the guys at the counter turn to the side and I can see their bodies shaking. The poor guy in front of me (who was the boss, I think) turns around and tells the young guy to go to the back and "finish loading those boxes." I know he was trying to get him away from me before the boy fell out in the floor. Worst of all, since they have no clue that I sit around all day and write stuff like, "Watch Mary's tight, virginal asshole be destroyed by Mandingo's enormous, 13 inch black cock of steel, while his friend throat fucks her until she gags and vomits", I'm sure they probably thought I didn't even realize why they were laughing. I just stood there hoping a plane would crash into the building and kill us all.
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War National Damn Champions Eagle |
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#2 |
Ryde or Die
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: California-Shanghai
Posts: 19,568
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So do you need me to cum over and jack you off?
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#3 |
So Fucking Banned
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: m00dville
Posts: 2,912
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what happened with the car?
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#4 |
vip member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,798
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You should have said:
I'll jack off all 4 of you guys if you come replace my battery for free |
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#5 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Mobtown
Posts: 2,613
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Golden.
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no sig |
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#6 |
WW4L
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: over the river and through the woods
Posts: 10,581
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Thats a great story.. I would have probably started laughing my ass off before anyone else.
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#7 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: ICQ 380-366
Posts: 6,935
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LOL
and yeah.. could have been a starter motor fault.. or the altenator causing the prob |
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#8 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: ICQ 380-366
Posts: 6,935
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Quote:
mmm new reality site idea! jumpme.com ![]() |
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#9 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Homeless
Posts: 62,911
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I have done some stupid things, but not quite that bad.
It's like getting off a plane, and the stew says "have a nice vacation, and you turn and reply. You to! "
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PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com | Angeles Cid | Mariana Cordoba | MAILERS WELCOME! |
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#10 |
If u touch it, I will cum
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: long island
Posts: 22,923
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![]() ![]() at least you're a woman saying it, imagine if you were a guy??? |
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#11 |
Pounding Googlebot
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 34,469
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So did you jack it off when you got home or it still wouldn't start?
LOL, that was pretty good ![]() WG
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I play with Google. |
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#12 |
Outside looking in.
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: To Hell You Ride
Posts: 14,243
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Oh, that is a classic faux pas. Too funny. They will be talking about you for weeks and weeks Holly!
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#13 |
bitchslapping zebras!!!!!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: In a shack by the beach
Posts: 16,015
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I find so much humor in this you cannot believe.
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#14 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 5,653
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What a Freudian slip that was. I don't see how you didn't laugh at yourself.
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#15 |
Let's do some business!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 31,323
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Leave the jacking off responsibilities to the pool boy.
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#16 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 10,017
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Quote:
Luckily, we drove it around a little and now it's charged up and fine. I'm glad because I had already decided I'd buy a new car before I went back to that store.
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War National Damn Champions Eagle |
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#17 | |
Meow Meow!!!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 10,226
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Quote:
ROFL LMK if you need any assistance id be happy to help ![]()
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#18 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Spartaaaaaaaaa
Posts: 14,136
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that's a great story
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#19 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 10,017
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Quote:
When he got home for lunch he called and said, "My wife told me she wants me to come over to your house and jack you off." ![]()
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War National Damn Champions Eagle |
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#20 |
Reach for those stars!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 17,991
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That's awesome. I just started giggling into my coffee.
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#21 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 10,017
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Quote:
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War National Damn Champions Eagle |
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#22 |
Back in the harbor
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 11,482
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Good stuff!! Just the type of thing that would happen to me so I definitely know where you're coming from!
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#23 | |
Let's do some business!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 31,323
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Quote:
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#24 |
we'll miss you our friend. RIP
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Fernie, BC
Posts: 25,115
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pretty damn funny. i was almost expecting some sort of punch line at the end, like a cut and paste joke.
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we'll miss you our friend. RIP |
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#25 | |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Jesusland
Posts: 10,017
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Quote:
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War National Damn Champions Eagle |
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#26 | |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,779
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Quote:
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#27 |
I am a meat popsicle.
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 25,100
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__________________
HIGHEST PAYOUTS FOR NO-CONSOLE TOURS IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY! THIS SIG CAN BE YOURS FOR $200 - ICQ: 78881543 |
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#28 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 812
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When was the last time you changed your blinker fluid? You should change it every 10,000 miles to keep them blinking properly.
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#29 |
I need a beer
![]() Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠
Posts: 133,939
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Somehow that story made me aroused
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#30 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,667
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that's very precious
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#31 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 817
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That is calssic......great story. Thanks for the smile.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() XOXOXO *Krystal* |
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#32 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 1,713
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thats too funny..LOL.. I would cracked up laughing too hard...
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#33 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: May 2001
Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am *I* located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :)
Posts: 51,460
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Holly, you're good. Damn good. If you had a blog, that would be the kind of story that would make history.
On that note..... off to bed with a smile.
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#34 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,555
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Quote:
430 581 267 war eagle |
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#35 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Daytona Beach
Posts: 4,347
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nice
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#36 | |
FUBAR the ORIGINATOR
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: FUBARLAND
Posts: 67,374
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Quote:
![]() Too funny Holly ![]()
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#37 |
I AM WEB 2.0
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 28,682
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Holly post your pic, are you sexy?
you need a real man like me and you wouldnt have these problems. |
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#38 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,771
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Your posts are always a treat.
My favorite parts were - the use of "daddy" and the fact your neighbor lent you her Hummer |
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#39 |
(felis madjewicus)
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: In Mom & Dad's Basement
Posts: 20,368
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could you come over and jack me off? i'm not sure if it works...
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#40 | |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: AZ
Posts: 1,724
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Quote:
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Cary | AIM: cheesefrog | ICQ: 4287002 |
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#41 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Industry Role:
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 11,089
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That was awesome.
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#42 |
Troll Patrol
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Local Socal
Posts: 15,214
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#43 |
mrwilson 2.0
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ICQ: 465406783
Posts: 5,122
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haha what a bump..lol
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#44 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 4,513
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Those are the times where it's good to laugh at yourself and lighten the situation..
![]() As for the battery.. it's good to leave the lights on to run the battery down a couple times a year.. Recharging it will churn up the stuff that has settled to the bottom over time.. It'll last longer.. But you should put a charger on it and not rely on the alternator to give it a proper charge.. Sooo.. it's all good.... |
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#45 |
GFY's Halfpint
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 15,223
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lol that is funny
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#46 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 9,377
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Next time just call me to jumping jack you off
![]() Awesome story.....now how does one clean a laptop keyboard? ![]()
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#47 |
ICQ: 197-556-237
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: BRASIL !!!
Posts: 57,559
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Lol, funny bump!!
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I'm just a newbie. |
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#48 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: May 2002
Location: MI
Posts: 1,827
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Quote:
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Latest MMA news. http://www.mmawrapup.com |
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#49 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 7,348
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So which came first, a new battery or a new car?
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#50 |
Viva la vulva!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself
Posts: 16,557
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