Real suicide letter, happened last night, thoughts...
 

Last night a good friend of mines husband shot himself. They were together for almost 20 years. He was a chiropractor and they had moved to a small town in South Dakota, because he believed in a lot of government conspiracies. She had only been around him and worked in his office for the last 10 years. They had a lot of friends and he was a funny guy. But you could feel a lot of arrogance stemming from insecurities and because of that he was always belittling her. Sometimes to the point where you almost wanted to say something to him, but then he would settle down and say something nice or funny to change the subject and it felt like he was trying to push the people around him and/or show control or power over her or something.

Anyway his office slowed down so she decided to go out and get a side job. When she got out there everyone loved her, thought she was funny, thought she was great and had great ideas… then she would come home and he, being who he was, would behave a certain way, she realized what he was like and what he was doing to her. It really opened her eyes to how much he had put her down and how much she had lost her self esteem. She hadn't noticed it before... you know how that can be when you are use to someone and you don't know until you get away from them how they really are. After thinking about it for a while, she decided to leave him but she was scared of how he would handle it. Everyone she talked to, which was myself and couple other girlfriends, were also worried about how he would react... She hurried, packed a bag, left a Dear John note and left. They talked on the phone a few times the next day and he told her that he had been thinking about ending it too, and asked her to come by the house and exchange cars. He wanted the car she took. I told her not to go... it sounded like he was looking to fight and I don't believe he was thinking of ending things too. She made an excuse and said she couldn't get out there due to work and 2 days later he sent this email out to his friends in CA and shot himself.

When I read it I can't help but to wonder what he meant by certain things like:

Leaving her the gun he used?

Telling his friend not to be mad at her?

Saying he left her rich, when they were on hard times and were close to broke?

Also hidden money? None of his friends, or her, have heard him talk about hidden money.

It sounds to me like he is trying to make her feel bad or something. I feel bad for the guy. It breaks my heart to think about that pain. I feel really bad for her. She is going through insane thoughts, blaming herself for everything. It horrible to see the pain in her over this and it makes me so mad that he did this too her. Then I feel like I am wrong for thinking like that because he is dead. I don’t know…

I know a few of you have dealt with suicide. I have never, and I thought maybe I could get a few opinions about this letter so when I talk to her I can make help her out...I have a few assumptions myself... It is just sad all around... :(


The Letter

Honestly, it looks like a well thought out letter to me. And considering that it wasn't an attention ploy, because he really did check out, I really doubt he was trying to make her feel bad. Why would he care? When you know you're going to be dead shortly, petty things like that don't come into play. (I would hope).

I don't know... to me it's like, the dude was obviously sincere. He followed through. I know my last letter to the world wouldn't be something lame just to make someone feel bad. :2 cents:

Great point...

I told her that he really loved her because he wanted to look out for her, but the whole leaving her the gun thing made me think about it different and I don't want to say anything to her about that because she is hurting herself enough...

I'm not sure he can leave her the gun. Won't the police seize that because of the circumstances?

very sad. hope she finds the money, for what it's worth.

They probably will, but he wanted to leave it to her... he was very controlling of her and part me of thinks that this is his way of controlling the situation but it's a pretty extreme way of wanting to control this...

What is the point of posting this here?

people are insane.

Why are you second guessing the motives of a mentally ill person? That makes no sense. What happened, happened. It can't be undone. It's over. Grieve. Mourn. Move on.

JMHO

shity situation and sad, but she wanted to change her life...

He probably wanted to leave her a gun for protection. Most gun collectors see them as a tool for home defense. Most gun nuts I know keep a gun in their bedroom. Probably thought he was doing her a favour.

WOW, crazy read. So sorry for having this happen to you and your friend.
I'm kind of surprised he doesn't say much to Stacy in the letter. He mentions to his friend not to be mad at her but maybe something directly to her for closure would have been nice. Then again, he blames her for leaving him which is strange, why put that guilt on her.

Not sure. It's sad no matter how you look at it.

It's not her fault, he took the easy way out. We have all been there.

My condolences.

Taking your own life isn't something you decide on a wimp, and it isn't usually something being caused by just one factor.

I read many factors in his letter:
- being depressed for a long time
- the last 10 years were no real love
- his business partner (?) he pushed away and regrets it
- another divorce
- finances

So the decision to leave her husband could be the trigger but not the sole cause, and if she'd decided to stay with him there could have been another trigger coming anyways.

But this is all based on his letter ...

imo someone has really issues when 1/4 of a goodbye letter is about guns and ammunition. :2 cents:

I thought that was strange too he didn't say anything to her, just the friends?

He didn?t do it in his house either, they live on a lot of property so he went out into the field, called 911 and did it... he didn't want his body to not be found for days or weeks so he called to make sure they could find him. He also did it in his chest... I have never heard of someone shooting themselves in the chest.

It's just all so surreal... I was just talking to another friend of mine telling them how I don't know anyone personally who has died except when I was a teenager... and we were making silly comments about death and how it could be hoax. Just a stupid convo and then that night Stacy calls me and say Terry shot himself and she was freaked out...

So did she meet someone else to make her leave?

Looks like he went out like a man, other than the killing himself part. At least he didn't take her with him.

God that's some heavy shit, sometimes i think we are living a world of endless tragedy.

oh right, we are living in a world of endless tragedy.

they ABSOLUTELY can and most likely after investigation, will.

My friends husband shot himself. After a month or so they sent her the gun and the letter.

He shot himself in a public parking garage in his truck. The police left it to her to get it out of there. My family ended up taking care of it for her.

A lot of the times policies are most insincere...

He was really freaked about the government coming to get him... and he believed the government was killing us, he believe in 911 conspiracy all that stuff... obsessed with hating Bush... it was like Dude it's just a president I don't like a lot of them either but geesh...

If any of you met him you wouldn't think he was crazy or anything. He was funny, smart (as long as it wasn't politics) loved camping and hiking... you wouldn't really have known he was wacky wacky.

Free gun.

Sorry for your loss, but the way he writes the fist part of the letter is wrong and cowerdly. If you want to take your own life so be it, but to blame a huge portion of the reason behind it on the marrige being over, the divorce and him not being able to hander her not loving him??? That does nothing more than make the person you left behind feel as thought it is somehow their fault. I cant imagine how hard it would be to deal with that kind of loss, but to have the emotions mixed in of having to hear that somehow you are to blame???

Its a fucked up, thoughtless way to make your exit. 2c

God Loryn, I'm sorry.


I have known several people that took their own lives, and several that attempted it. The only advice I can give you and her is not to dwell on the "why's" too much.... and yet saying that, I know how very difficult it is not to go over those questions over and over in your head.

In the end no one can every really know the total universe inside of the mind of another person; and one short letter, written in pain, is not enough to truly understand the lifetime of experiences, thoughts and feelings that eventually lead someone to make this choice. In the end, you must simply accept it.



:(

Let your friend know I am still alive but would do something this crazy. She shouldn't feel guilty at all. In fact she should be pissed off just in the fact that he had the audacity to kill himself when he was with her. Who the fuck did he think he was? Fuck him! People do this stuff so you feel something for them cause they don't think you did in real life. I would like him to be alive again so I could kill him slowly with insane tortures. I shit you not!

Hopefully you can help her dodge the guilt he tried to tag her with.

Maybe he was simply mentally ill. Especially if he was crazy into government conspiracies.

Great, but the girl he left behind shouldn't pay for that.

If anything she should get some closure out of that simple fact.

You should suggest to your friend that she find a Co-dependency Anonymous group in here area. If she can't find that I'm sure she can find an alon group and people there can steer her in the right direction.

Thank you babe... and you are totally right. But somehow saying that to her doesn't really help right now, even though it's totally correct. She is just overwhelmed with so many conflicting thoughts. I understand where she is coming from. When you are with someone for so long and for it to end this way is just crazy.



and JA$ON you are right I think it is totally thoughtless. I would personally want to tell her, fuck him he is a dick and he is doing this to just try to control you more. He didn't end it, it wasn't on his terms, and if he can't get you to love him then he is going to get you to feel something for him in an intense way. But that sounds heartless, he is gone... and she has been under his thumb for so long, even though she had a eye opening revelation, it's still hard to shake that feeling. Emotional abuse, to me is worse than physical. Bones heal... I am so head strong I just can't image what it would feel like to be in her shoes...

That is my goal... that is all I am fighting to do...

He was controlling to the very end. Left instructions on how to live their life after he was gone. Classic.

so i guess he got you both and it's your problem now too! Damn hopefully some day I can fuck a chick up this badly too! God, knows enough of them have fucked my head up this badly.

so many people out there are on the edge. you never know what you might say that could have a positive/negative impact.

I tend to agree with this.

There's two ways a person can commit suicide psychologically.

One would be as a means of escaping life and leaving behind a sincere apology to those you've hurt while thanking them for all the good they've done.

The other would be one meant to hurt and force guilt on those they left behind even though it's not justifiable.

Going only by your post I'd say this guy was of the latter and his suicide was purposely done in a way to leave your friend hurt and feeling guilty.

I feel he didn't want here to have the gun for future protection, he wants her to have it in her possession so it's a constant reminder to her of what he's done. In his eyes it's what she's made him do.

His other behavior, done mostly in private suggest his controlling behavior and this type of suicide is a way to control her even after his death.

Your friend need's know that it's not her fault and steps should be taken to remove all guilt from her. Her eyes need to be opened to know exactly how this guy thought.

She is very lucky that he didn't take her with him.

A few weeks ago and just a few blocks over from my place a man went to his ex wife's house It was 8:00 in the morning and kids were walking by on the way to school. He knocked on the door and the ex wife's new husband started to come to the door when the guy outside opened fire shooting through all the windows and door. He escaped out the back door and ran down the street but the guy with the gun ran him down and shot him dead on the sidewalk.

The wife was already on her way to work but for some reason had turned around and came back home. She pulled up just as her new husband was getting shot, saw what was happening and put the car in reverse but her ex was still able to shoot her dead in the car. It rolled back into a tree. Then standing there on the sidewalk with both people dead and the neighbors watching out the windows, the guy turned the gun on himself and committed suicide.

When a person reaches a point where taking a life is ok whether it's someone else or their own it can be a dangerous and volatile situation. Your friend should find comfort in knowing he didn't take her with him.

Removing guilt should be the main focus and she doesn't deserve to be saddled with it.

Sounds like she has some really great friends and a great support group is now more important that ever. I hope you can find a way to help her through this trying time. It will take some time but the key is to get her thinking in the right direction.

I wish you and your friend the best :)

I kinda think he wanted her dead too... I think if she went over there when he asked her to, to exchange cars, it would have been a murder suicide. I could care less about him... I mean I feel bad for him because he is so messed up and I feel bad for people who are messed because life can be so wonderful, but I just care about her... she is a great girl who is so giving. She gave up everything for him. She can play a fucking AMAZING piano and she stopped because he would always put down the way she played and tell her she wasn't good enough. Anyone who heard that girl play would always beg her to keep playing and he just hated that... I tell you when he was a live there were many times he and I almost went to blows but I always put it to me being a bitch haha

Thank you for your post. I am going to do everything I can to help her remove guilt. She was feeling so good about herself, and so happy to be who she was again... Last week she told me on the phone, and I could hear her choking up a bit as she said it, how much she actually missed who she was. She literally said the words, I am a great person, who has talent and people like me. (I know that reads gay but if you heard her saying it, it didn't at all) I haven't heard her EVER speak highly of herself. I always had to tell her how funny or talented she was. When she puts her mind to something she does it. She wanted to get into fitness. Within 2 years she won a Miss Fitness pageant in South Dakota. I kept telling her how hot she was and even with that win she didn't believe it and I couldn't believe him. He kept talking about the other girls in the contest. So of course me being a bitch, I kept saying "Damn Stacy you don't think you are hot, look at all these body builders (they were male) checking you out. That last guy was hot." Terry stopped talking about other girls when I said that, and then of course before the end of the night I could tell he didn't want me around anymore.

Thank you guys for your input! I am debating on reading her some of your comments, before she settles in on guilt thoughts. I think I?m just going to stay on her with him being an asshole because I am afraid if she accepts the guilt it will be 100x's harder to get rid of it, than if I just verbally beat it out of her while it's new in her mind that he is just controlling you and trying to take away the life you were starting, not get on the piano, go to the gym let?s do this girls... I also think she should sell the house and move away from there...start over...

When you help your friend realize what he was doing and the fact it was his behavior and not hers you don't want it to get to a point where she sees how screwed up he was and then feels sorry for him. Then a different type of guilt sets in which can be just as bad.

I agree that the situation might have turned out much differently if she had gone over there as he requested. Either he wanted her to see him do it or discover the body or he would have taken her with him.

She's very lucky and everyone should take notice of that just in case they find themselves in a similar situation. So often the signs are too vague to recognize.

sounds like a depressed asshole.

He was an abuser. Just like drug abusers, he needed his daily high. His high was making his wife feel bad and holding control over her.

Someone that crazy, losing his daily fix... I figure it was either him, or her. Looks like he made the right choice.

he was a very, very sick individual in many ways. it's a shame he knew it all his life and never sought help. people that are struggling with inner demons and inferiority complexes can often compensate by being putting others down to make them feel superior of better about themselves. this dude needed massive therapy and meds. you tried to say it nicely and indirectly but i will say it straight up: he purposefully and carefully worded his last letter to perpetuate the emotional control he thought he had over your friend for the rest of her life and from beyond his own grave. rat bastard, at least he is at peace now and hopefully your friend seeks some counseling to process this entire event in her life from the beginning. if not, she is going to make herself loopy (just like he planned). be her friend and help her get help. when my best friend wanted my support and advice on touchy subjects, what i would do if i had something hard for her to hear is, i would say the hard to hear thing as one possible outcome or theory amongst a couple other logical sounding ideas. if she pointed to the one i really felt and believed in agreement i would then pursue that conversation further as if it was her idea first and i was backing her up. just be there for her in any way she needs and you will have done your job as her friend.

The bad news is he did a horrible thing to her emotionally. The good news is he can only do it to her once.

Sorry to hear about your loss. The first sentence of that letter was intense.

To me it sounds like he suffered from mental illness. I have had my fair share of dealing with someone who was really mentally ill. It sucks he never got help he needed. I understands she left him for better life, but what he needed was treatment, love & care from his family.

But again, I am not blaming her either. Dealing with a significant other or family member who is mentally ill can be very draining. It will suck the life out of your soul. It is a catch 2020

But based on your post, it looks like he did leave the gun , as a reminder. He was hurting so bad, he wanted the world to hurt too. People who are in pain, don't think straight. They assume everyone is out to hurt them or being mean. But its actually your brain fucking with you.

What happened has happened. All you can do is help you friend put all this past her. She is going to remember him, and yes she will blame her self. But it is important you be there for her and make sure she doesn't come to short term fix, it can happen.

Just look after her

Sad the way the mind just snaps.there is always red flags leading up to it.seen too many and never will figure it out

I can't read everything that was said because my eyes aren't straight enough right now.. I've had enough alcohol to kill any regular person and I'm real sick, so if I say something irrelevant, allwo me to apologize in the advance

I mean to not post for the end of the year, but, you I've spoken with before and I think something of you, and I'd like to explain some things.

For one thing, this guy, all in all he was just a complete pussy. A real bitch of a male. Alot of us cannot stand being alive. Alot of us cannot dstand losing someone we're close to.

There are several types of a suicide.

1. Fuck it, what the hell, to hell with it..

2. Whine, cry, wahhh wahhhhh omg I have to die

3. Whine, cry, wahhh, wahhh, omg I have to die and hurt everyone around me as much as possible for what they did to me

This guy was a 3.

You know, alot of the most intelligent people in the world cannot stand being human.. I certainly can't. I've been truly loved by a woman. That was the wealthiest I've ever been in my life. Ms. Angela. I've enjoyed more blowjobs than 90% of the men I'm aware of. I've enjoyed more steak dinners than 90% of males I'm aware of. I've also had tougher times than 90% of the males I'm aware of.

Now I find that I can get onto a plane at my will and enjoy some of the most attractive and accomplished females in the states. All at no cost or expense to me. Any time I like. Still, I never have liked being a human being. I never have liked being alive. I never will.

If I have a loving wife, all of the food and blowjobs and money I can stand, I still don't want to be alive. What's kept me alive is knowing how much my loved ones need me and what it'd do to them if I checked out. If I did go out that way I'd be a number 1. But look what it'd do to everyone. So I've made being alive as livable as possible, and I plan to live as long as I can. I'm predisposed to not living a long time, but, I will fight death all I can and survive to the best of my ability.

This man sounds to me like someone who was a Christian man.. No one else will figure this out, so bear with me, but her probably believed that his death would cause his woman to also take her own life. He left the firearm there so she'd have a way to die and "join him". And it was very twisted because he was trying to cut her as deeply as he possibly could.. maybe to get that done, maybe just out of hatred ..... but he did his best to hurt her human emotions in his death, and, this is a despicable thing that ehs's done.

This woman should feel nothing more than resentment and hatred for that man.
What she will feel could and prorobabbly will be very different
But all you can do is stand with her and support her through the initial shock and again once it hits he r..,. and this could be weeks or months, later, so .. you or someone has to be there for her


I'me far too drunk to explain anything else at this point but I also wanted to say there alwas could be some truth to the hidden money thing (it's otbably a psychotic delusion) so be sure and run their names

One last thing i'll say
There is no such thing as gov***ment co*****acies these days
They do their dirt way the fuck out in the , open
No use for "conspircies" anymore
They just do their horrible acts right on the table for all to see
And no one moves to stop any of it

The only radicals are those who truly understand
I know things thatd curl the toes on your head I've had an understanding from a young age .. now days we have fucking DOCUMENTARIES about it all and people STILL have no idea
Maybe because so many crazy people jumped up and started babbling far fetched bullshit?
Who knows

any way I hope I said something coherent

:error

Some people think that I'm sick, too.
I don't want or need any help.
A real man has the balls to get his brain under fucking control and be decent human being. Period. You're absolutely right about that clown needing to belittle her in order to feel like he was worth fuck all. That kind of makes "him" a dickless gutless NON HE.

The best thing about all of it is that she can face it, it can hit her, and she can have closure after she goes through the stages. He can't drag it out, now, he's hit her hard and that's all he can do. Now all that remaism to be seen is if she can make it through it.

And women, they're strong.. much stronger emotionally than most men these days.
She'll be alright.
With time!