CleopatraoftheNile

Well speaking from a woman who has dealt with someone who cheated on me. The PLAN B thing is a very bad way to approach a relationship. If you need a Plan B honey, she is not the one. Now if you are a trustworthy man there is nothing to worry about. However, if she feels the need to investigate you.....she has trust issues and is looking for a reason to blame you for her uncertainty. It's almost like she wants to find something so she can stop feeling the doubt and her reservations about your faithfulness can be confirmed by your cheating. What she is doing is wrong. You only dig when your partner has done something very shady and it is evident that you don't have the love and honesty you assume you should but you don't start looking for ways to make your partner appear to be an asshole. Also if you want to be a man who can play any angle....get out of the relationship and enjoy life..

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dynastoned

personally i can't stand that bullshit. women love to take something small like a text message and run with it. it makes them feel important if they can get you all pissed off. honestly i can take about 10 minutes of that then i just say deal with it or kick rocks. but then again thats just me.

Shoehorn!

I vote no.

But I still think I have the right to go through their shit. But I am the male, so it makes it alright.

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shermo

Turst is key for both parties. If it's not there, neither is the relationship?

baddog

7Okay, I am not going to read this entire thread, in fact, I am not even going to read the entire post. I have read enough.

Historically, if there is someone in a relationship that is accusatory, suspicious, snoopy it is usually because they are the ones that have the problem.

Your husband/boyfriend accuse you of messing around for no reason? He is fucking around on you.

Your wife/girlfriend snooping around in your shit for no reason? I bet you she isn't making her life an open book . . . or else she hides the evidence better.

Dump her. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

seeric

My vote is.....................................


when do we fill up the jacuzzi with naked l.a. girls again?

lol.

latina women are like that. they love being in your biz, and choppin off yer cock when you cheat.

but, they have many other qualities that i like which causes me to date pretty much just them, and the ocassional loony porn star.

Ayla_SquareTurtle

No, she absolutely doesn't have a right to do it, but if she's finding things that upset her and you have a plan B, then why not let the poor girl go? Why keep her around and thinking you give a shit?

If I found out my BF had a plan B, I'd be the one out the door. If two people are just having a fling or whatever and both know it will come to an end, that's one thing. But if she's actually in love with you and you don't love her, you'll save yourself and her a lot of heartache and misery by moving on now before you actually do end up cheating on her or dumping her for Miss Plan B. I'd guess that since she IS so snoopy, she does care about you/is in love with you. That doesn't excuse invading your privacy, but there's no excuse for stringing someone along either.

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Twisted Dave

She has NO fucking right ... my girlfriend (many of you know her here as PunchBunny Perrie) is trusting and never looks at my shit ... and ... well ... I have told her I wouldn't care if she did. Any girls I talk to, she doesn't mind about ... and any porn I look at ... well... she looks at it too :D lol ... No trust issues.

So ... kick your girls ass!!!! :D

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Loryn

Hella long post, sorry! Just been through a lot with friends and myself in youth with this!Jealousy is an ugly thang. I would never go through my man's stuff. If he is going to cheat he is going to cheat and worrying about it is stupid, I have more important things to do with my time. If he has a one night stand, good for him I hope he had fun, just don't disrespect me with it and I am cool.

I do not think it is cool to go through anyone's stuff. You guys should come to terms with either an open relationship when the other is not around, that doesn't mean fuck everything that moves, but if the right carefree thang pussy's up, cool. Or you should part ways and find someone you trust fully, which isn't going to happen either way because her not trusting you is all about her, not you. Or MAYBE just MAYBE she is deep down turned on by it. One can only wish! hehe

If you really like her a lot maybe just talk to her openly about what you are doing with the texts and e-mails and explain that it's just a fun thing that we do in the industry it doesn't mean anything. Let her check out the whole thing and maybe let her talk dirty to the other person or whatever, showing her that it is nothing but harmless flirting and fun. Then she might relax about it. Won't solve the problem but will be a step in the right direction.

IMHO it will wear off with time, if you guys are truly on the path of love. It is almost like every relationship goes through some sort of jealous phase as a way of learning each others boundaries. Jealously stems from not liking yourself or if you do like yourself you think negative thoughts about who you are at times. It is a feeling that the person you are with is going to find someone better than you and it frightens you. I had a friend, it was a dude I use to work with, who was insane jealous over his girlfriend but it was cool for him to go out and play. I would tease him all the time because it was fun, but I got him this short book about jealousy. You can read it in one day. It opened it eyes to why he feels jealous and changed the way he looked at feeling jealous and acting on it. If you want I will give you that book and you can give it to her. She sounds pretty smart and loves herself enough to want to grow and be with you. I went through a very jealous phase and I hated it. It fucking ate me up. Then I learned all about it and changed it. I changed my thoughts and actions, even when I didn't FEEL like changing them and after a while it just went away. By changing my thoughts I would think great about myself and put out of my head thoughts about other people. Sorry for the long post, it's just that I have dealt with this so much and helped so many friends get over this, that I always want to help and give what I learned personally from jealously.

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seeric

i just try to fuck everything that moves thats over a 6.5.


LOLLLLLLLL.


Hi Loryn. It was nice talking to you in phoenix. And how random we fed a dog a Filet Mignon.

LOLLLLLLLL>

Loryn

I think if she found anything that was bad in his shit, she would leave. She wouldn't stick around and keep going through his stuff. That would be a sign of eek eek eek, *does stabbing motion with right hand* haha I don't think it has anything to do with her being suspicious of what she has seen, she is not a psycho who is going to keep going through his stuff until she finds that one thing of satisfaction. That cracks me up! HAHA I think her actions simply have to do with her feeling a ton of love for him and scared she is going to lose him. Every situation is different but that is just what I pick up from what he is saying. I could be wrong.




Don?t dump her. Feel the phase and let some time get under you guys. I bet everyone here in a long relationship has a story or two of when they were young in their relationship and felt jealous and acted a little kooky and now they laugh about it.

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Loryn

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seeric

haha. yah the summer forum is kind of a yearly crusade for me at this point. kind of sad that i'm not djing this year, but ehhh, so be it.

this time i will be there to just chill and make that my vacation away from the crazy computer life we live. i'm normally inebriated in vegas anyhow. hahaha.

its all about 330am conversations.

lol.

After Shock Media

As a right no. However I allowed and told her once we became serious as bf/gf that she could check my pc, phone, whatever if and when she felt like it. That was many years ago and we are married now. Never has she bothered to check much of anything. About the only thing ever checked and that was not really checking up, she clicked the internet history down arrow bar. She was trying to find a site that I had showed her a few days prior.

Oh and occasionally she will look over shoulder while I am posting here.

I have always never cared much for keeping personal secrets. I have always had nothing to hide really and I do my best to live my life as an open book. On the flip side she has no issues with me checking her phone, pc, whatever.

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Snake Doctor

I'm married so my view is going to be little different than if it were just a "girlfriend" but, I don't say anything in email/chat/im/sms or anywhere else that I wouldn't say in front of my wife, so I really couldn't care less if she reads them (although I seriously doubt she does)

The fact that you have text messages on your phone that would understandably piss her off, and then said "but no sexual activity came about because of them" is the root of the problem.

You saying you have a plan B laying around because plan A is kinda shaky....you think that being single and free will give you a "care free summer".......then your problem has nothing to do with the phone/email/IM/sms snooping....your problem is that this girl isn't the one you want to settle down with.....because if she was you wouldn't be texting other girls to have a plan B, you wouldn't be longing for a summer without a girlfriend, and you wouldn't care if she read your messages because all she would see is you telling everyone how fucking great she is.

That being the case, end it and move on to the next one.

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Matiz

I password protect all my private stuff

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LexiLexxx

Well said, and so true!

bausch

I agree with everything this man just said!

SleazyDream

everyone needs a plan b - even when it's the ONE. you can't get into the mind of another and anything can happen in life.

I went after someone once without a plan b. emotionally destroyed me when it didn't work out - for a LONG time.

Jay- Have a plan B - even if it's the one. The key to success in any relationship is communication. talk with her about it and find a solution that works for BOTH of you. if you can't do that with her- dump her before you get in too deep emotionally.

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xxxjay

You hit the nail right on the head here. It wasn't so much the girl texting even was plan B, even though she was indicating that she would be open to it. The jist of the text was "What's the matter, are you pussy-whipped now, you don't bang me anymore blah, blah, blah."

My reply more a joke than anything, "Yeah, I'll show you what's up...name a time and place..." of course when that time came around niether one of us even texted each other because I was sitting in my bed with my girlfriend, my cat, and ice cream and M&Ms. It was mostly just harmless ribbing.

Loryn has met the girl at my house, she's pretty much a 10 across the board looks, brains, and fucks like a pornstar, understands my business becuse she's worked as a graphic designer for adult, but has morals. Truth is, I don't even want to be involved with other women.

Looking through my shit is still wrong though because she made something out of nothing. I guess if I saw the same thing I'd be pissed too, but the difference betwen me and her is I don't look. It's not my business because I trust her.

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nico-t

i see the women here kind of taking the GF's side, which i find unbelievable (plus a sign that at least all the chicks here think it's ok to spy). She aint got no right whatsoever to go through your personal stuff, it aint called 'personal stuff' for nothing... it's rediculous

Snake Doctor

I disagree with the plan B thing. That's a bit too jaded for me.

Having another woman to run to if your current one leaves you isn't going to keep you from being "emotionally destroyed", being a strong person who loves to be with their partner but certainly can "live without them" if that were necessary is going to keep you from being emotionally destroyed.

You act as if life can't go on if you don't have a girlfriend right now and another on standby. Sounds like you have some issues you need to work out.

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Holly

The fact that she feels the need to snoop through your shit, and you feel the need to keep a Plan B, should pretty much answer your questions.

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Odie

you answered your question yourself Jay....

you shouldn't/wouldn't be texting/IM another girl if you ARE so INTO her.

Rule #1 you need to password protect EVERYTHING.

Texts and IM's can be misconstrued whether the intent wasthere or not.

Don't give heranything to read and she'll stop.

Face it...you're such a great catch that she's a bit insecure that you MIGHT just leave ;)

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quantum-x

Simply put, your affairs are your affairs.

I've got nothing incriminating on me, but I always left my computer and phone around, and half the time they knew my passwords.

I wouldn't ever go through someone's affairs, and I expect nothing less in return. Neither should you.

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Kard63

Are you in love or just fuckin? Most plan B people wouldn't want someone in their phone..

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Sarah_Jayne

If you are in the right relationship there is no need to password protect anything because there is no need to feel your privacy will be violated. However, and there is also no reason to have a plan B if you are in the right relationship. That said, people can be so used to being in the wrong relationships that it takes a while to shake the behavior that have come from the mistrust and uncertainty that comes with the wrong relationships.

To me I wouldn't put up with there being a plan B or sexual chat that I wasn't made clearly aware about rather than having to discover. That said, I would also never go through my partners phone because if I have to suspect things like that then it is over anyway.

BradM

My wife never did and never does look through anything of mine and vise versa. Trust my friend, it's critical.

xxxjay

Good advice.

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KBoogie

What she said.

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Loryn

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Loryn

That is what I am waiting for. The 330am conversation. I have my book open for you and that time!

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Trixxxia

At this point, password protecting your stuff creates this:
1) animosity both ways - you feeling/fearing you have to 'hide' yourself and her thinking you are hiding stuff from her
2) more distrust
3) the end of your relationship

If you're entertaining the idea of a PlanB, then you are also giving off those vibes and women see it. The girl that you were texting 'sensed it' or she wouldn't have mentioned you being pussywhipped or that you used to bang her. Your girlfriend is sensing you're different - those vibes are very noticeable during the first year of a relationship.

If you're serious about the relationship, you don't put yourself in a position that can become 'indiscrete'. You don't leave the conversation open for a 'hint' of flirtation that doesn't include your GF being there. The girls will stop hitting on you and calm will return to your household, without the need for your everyday items to be stored in Fort Knox.

Just being the devil's advocate here - been on both ends of jealousy and learnt my lesson.

Imortyl Pussycat

herein lies your answers. it's very obvious to me that you are in love with this girl or would not be taking this to the masses to help you deliberate on it (you would have dumped her immediately) nor let her live with you. "she made something out of nothing", it was not nothing to her and that is what you are seeking to better understand. a real relationship is about compromise and seeing through your loves eyes to relate and work through issues, hence "i guess if i saw....." you are on the right track with the bit that i quoted from your own type. "the diff between me and her" no two people can think or understand or rationalize in exactly the same way. that is why we argue so much with the one we love the most. we want desperately for them to see situations identically to the way we do but it's not possible and we would tire of them if they were that boring and predictable. i too, find things hysterical when i joke in a personal way with someone of the opposite sex only to learn that i really hurt my favorite person's, your pals, feelings and disrespected him. we all have different breaking points and lines in the sand as to respect issues. be open, quiet voiced, coming from a position of love and understanding and beat this issue dead once and for all with her and move forward. you love the spanish flame, dont put it out, accept the spice

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CherryLipsRosa

it is an invasion of privacy to actually do it but if you like her then no need for plan B. Just take the time to talk to her and let her know how you feel, maybe this will give you the opportunity to find out how she feels about it all...

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hollinator

Hey Jay - I know your girl ;o) Fairly well, I might add, though we don't talk much anymore. She is definitely, as Eric said, a fiery Latina, jealous streak and all. I know you have some true feelings for her and, as you said, she's a rare find... Looks, brains, understanding of the business - all that. I would sit down and have an honest conversation with her about how this is making you feel, etc. I think she would appreciate your honesty and maybe will prompt her to stop.

I have to say though, since she is from the biz, she should know better. We all flirt here and most of it is harmless. Re-assurance goes a looooooooooong way with women.

Good luck. And if you want to send her my way so I can knock some sense into her - lemme know :o)

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germ

If she doesnt trust you and feels like she needs to look through your shit to catch you cheating, the relationship probably isnt too stable anyway.

That being said...if you dont do things that would make her uneasy, who cares if she fucks with your phone?

u-Bob

Hell no!

miss_jody

no generalization or anything??

Jay...
that is total bullshit IMO, ur entitled to your privacy 150%
i had an ex (or 2) do that to me, and it was the WORST feeling ever.
total invasion on privacy

CarlosTheGaucho

Latinos rock!

Never ever been in a relationship with one of them, muy emocional!

Privacy is privacy though.

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miss_jody

but she rocks... so u should work thru it

chri$tian

Ohhhhhhh Jody, you just admitted a little something about yourself... hehe, Miss You

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Porno Dan

No Chance Lance should she have carte blanche to look through all your stuff.

She will read something and take it the wrong way and get all Cubana Agro with you.

I think its time you start looking for the A, B and C team rotation.

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Loryn

I just don't get this way of thinking and I know that Jay's girl is not like this. I noticed that most of the women in this thread are saying or agreeing with the theory of, "If you didn't do things that made her uncomfortable then she wouldn't go through your shit" Seriously, are there that many insecure unstable women in this industry? Never mind I answered my own question!

I don’t think you are truly seeing what this type of thinking and behavior is about. It’s like saying to someone, if you didn’t behave the way you did, then I wouldn’t have acted the way I did. That is totally unstable and out of control. That is allowing yourself to be controlled by someone and when you are being controlled by someone, whether by force or by you allowing it, you become very unhappy and angry. Then comes the scorn and then fucking forget it. Once a woman becomes scorned she is the most evil creature on earth and will fuck you up, and fuck herself up at the same time, but she won’t see it that way and that makes her even more dangerous because her thinking already blames others for her own actions, ie "I am going through your phone because of what you did. I know it’s wrong but you made me do it because of what you did." Eek eek eek!!! haha

I am in no way saying that everyone that is agreeing with this statement is like that, as a general young logical statement it is just saying that maybe he is doing something wrong and that is why she is checking it out, but to me to even think any where close to that or agree to that is a little scary and weak, with yourself not towards others.

I think we should just say that sentence the way it should be stated: "You did something that made me feel uneasy so I can do something fuckin' wrong and untrusting, and go through your shit."

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seeric

I am 100% Ho!

S.A.K.

So you arent fucking anything and I will not comment about the thread as Jay already knows what I think.

Some Guy

Nobody should ever go through your stuff, ever, unless you've given them a reason to in the past.

My ex-girlfriend never looked through any of my stuff until I cheated on her while drunk (oops) and she found out about it. After that, she'd take any chance she could to root through my phone, e-mails, you name it. That was my fault though, and under the circumstances, I don't blame her.

But, no, if you've always been faithful to your girl and treated her right, she shouldn't have any need to go through your things. If she does, she's crazy, and she needs to go.

Oh, and I definitely agree with the "Plan B" thing. Most people with half a brain have a Plan B. A girl lined-up "just in case" things don't work out. It's fairly common. Saves you having to be alone if your relationship shits out.

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xxxjay

LOL...Carlos it's "latinas" and not "latinos" - a "latino" is a guy. I'm sure it's all good for some people but I don't swing that way.

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xxxjay

LOL...I know, it takes A LOT to make me settle with one girl...A LOT. I've enjoyed a single life that most would envy. I know she's a catch, that's why I stayed with her.

Please don't even let her know I posted this thread. :-)

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xxxjay

Exactly, and women do this even more than guys. I seem it happen time and time again. Hell, I've even been Plan B more than once. It's just part of life and dating. I'm sure she has one too.

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