Thoughts on pre-nups

[sweetcuties]

Thoughts

[MeganS]

I am a women and i would not get married without one ... i also wouldn't be offended if someone asked for one.

There is no reason people shouldn't leave with what they brought into a marriage or split 50/50 what they did together. If my future husband has a company before we marry and we divorced .. the company should be his. Etc.

I think they are a VERY good thing. Always negociate with someone before it goes bad ... otherwise everyone ends up irrational.

Megan

[PaygeaGrl]

My brother got married in Dec. but almost didn't walk down the aisle because she started backing out of wanting to sign it because of the whole "then you don't think this is forever" speech. It became such a drama filled mess. Three days before the wedding she had a choice...sign it or the wedding is called off.

She signed it.

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by PaygeaGrl

My brother got married in Dec. but almost didn't walk down the aisle because she started backing out of wanting to sign it because of the whole "then you don't think this is forever" speech. It became such a drama filled mess. Three days before the wedding she had a choice...sign it or the wedding is called off.

She signed it.

What a romantic fairytale way to start their new life together.

Sounds so wonderful. :D

[PaygeaGrl]

Originally Posted by CDSmith

What a romantic fairytale way to start their new life together.

Sounds so wonderful. :D

You're telling me. We all told him to give it another year..hold off

[tranza]

Originally Posted by PaygeaGrl

My brother got married in Dec. but almost didn't walk down the aisle because she started backing out of wanting to sign it because of the whole "then you don't think this is forever" speech. It became such a drama filled mess. Three days before the wedding she had a choice...sign it or the wedding is called off.

She signed it.

Ouch! That sounds like a TERRIBLE start to their married life.

[Holly]

If I have more money than him- definitely yes.

If he has more money than me- HELL no.

[sweetcuties]

Originally Posted by Holly

If I have more money than him- definitely yes.

If he has more money than me- HELL no.

That's exactly why I think there's a need

[selena]

I can't fathom ever getting married again, but if I did, a prenup would definetly be in place.

[PaygeaGrl]

Originally Posted by tranza

Ouch! That sounds like a TERRIBLE start to their married life.

My sentiments exactly.

[Paco, of Large Cash.]

Co-habitation (living together agreement) and prenuptial are a MUST!!

As everybody knows, noting lasts forever, especially a marriage (in N.America)---divorce rate in US and Canada is beyond disgusting, especially with young couples.

Returning that ""forever"" weapon (excuse) on the attacker: IF he/she does indeed love his/her potential spouse, exactly why is it SO important for them to get access to that which is rightly not theirs?

Problem with not signing a prenuptial is: greed always rears its ugly head!

Also, they (prenuptial) are not only reserved to assets. They are also used to outline expectations and responsibilities.

If the potential ""life mate"" refuses to sign, he/she is clearly in love with the assets and NOT with the person AND he/she is obviously a greedy[selfish]person whom is only concerned with his/her future by not wishing to commit to a mutual agreement (how often he/she must putout, whether or not he/she must be employed etc).

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by tranza

Ouch! That sounds like a TERRIBLE start to their married life.

The guy was right though. And the fact she was so unwilling to sign it in the first place has to make you suspicious of her.

Don't fall for the "then you don't think this is forever" shit they come out with. They know what they are doing...

[Scott McD]

I stopped feeling sorry for the male celebs etc who have lost millions through a failed marriage !

If they are dumb enough to think the women aren't thinking about the money at the time, and protect their shit, then they deserve to lose out...

[DutchTeenCash]

Originally Posted by Paco, of Large Cash.

Also, they (prenuptial) are not only reserved to assets. They are also used to outline expectations and responsibilities.

exactly

most think bout money only but theres a lot more

[CDSmith]

Maybe the gov't should just make it mandatory and incorporate it into the marriage process and be done with it.

Then one partner wouldn't have to ask the other "will you sign a prenup?" and have a lot of strife over it.

Not a big fan of government interferance but in this case....

[pizzaid]

think its the best thing since the hambuger...

[Odie]

My b/f wants me to sign one and I have no problems with it. At the end of the day, if we have kids together etc..I know he'll take care of the kids and I'm confident that my money that I make will be more than enough to take care of myself.

A lot of women expect that when they get "hitched" that they are entitled to be taken care of which is BS...it's 2008!

[selena]

Originally Posted by DutchTeenCash

exactly

most think bout money only but theres a lot more

[Odie]

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Maybe the gov't should just make it mandatory and incorporate it into the marriage process and be done with it.

Then one partner wouldn't have to ask the other "will you sign a prenup?" and have a lot of strife over it.

Not a big fan of government interferance but in this case....

that, and force marriage counselling/courses with child rearing courses as well.

[JasonSmokes]

Originally Posted by PaygeaGrl

My brother got married in Dec. but almost didn't walk down the aisle because she started backing out of wanting to sign it because of the whole "then you don't think this is forever" speech. It became such a drama filled mess. Three days before the wedding she had a choice...sign it or the wedding is called off.

She signed it.

Then the whole thing could be void because she signed under duress?

[sweetcuties]

Originally Posted by JasonSmokes

Then the whole thing could be void because she signed under duress?

My thoughts exactly, reading right now in my state... you have to give the other party fairness to read thru all documents

[Xrated J]

[Dcat]

Originally Posted by Holly

If I have more money than him- definitely yes.

If he has more money than me- HELL no.

An incredibly honest answer.

So basically ..it's only fair if you win and he looses.

.......

[PaygeaGrl]

Well, she had six months to take it to her attorney but she said that she was too busy planning the wedding. He kept asking her for it but had other stuff to do as well. At the final hour, she said she would sign it after the wedding which wouldn't work.

[Paco, of Large Cash.]

Originally Posted by DutchTeenCash

exactly

most think bout money only but theres a lot more..

..such as:
- frequency of sex. Yes, some people need to be given a schedule.
- open-relationship marriage/agreement (swingers)
- whether or not they will EVER have children, and whom is supposed to be snipped, tied or "sterilized".
- IF one wants a child, or children; whose duty it is to look after the off-spring, and how much monies will/can be allocated to the beast
- who is responsible for step children (from previous marriage)
- budgets &/or allowances
- whether or not the in-laws can live with, or move in.
etc et cetera

Originally Posted by JasonSmokes

Then the whole thing could be void because she signed under duress?

That is pure BS, unless it is a shotgun-wedding! Exactly who is forcing her to get married?

Oh, yah: her clock is forcing her.

[sweetcuties]

Originally Posted by Paco, of Large Cash.

..such as:
- frequency of sex. Yes, some people need to be given a schedule.
- open-relationship marriage/agreement (swingers)
- whether or not they will EVER have children, and whom is supposed to be snipped, tied or "sterilized".
- IF one wants a child, or children; whose duty it is to look after the off-spring, and how much monies will/can be allocated to the beast
- who is responsible for step children (from previous marriage)
- budgets &/or allowances
- whether or not the in-laws can live with, or move in.
etc et cetera

You seem to know your shit=)

Glad to see the opinions on the board, thanks

[CyberAgeGary]

Originally Posted by PaygeaGrl

My brother got married in Dec. but almost didn't walk down the aisle because she started backing out of wanting to sign it because of the whole "then you don't think this is forever" speech. It became such a drama filled mess. Three days before the wedding she had a choice...sign it or the wedding is called off.

She signed it.

I knew somebody almost in the same situation. She claimed she was pressured into signing it, and the wedding was only a few days away etc etc and she won. The prenup was null and void.. She got paid a pretty penny. The guy was an asshole anyways, so he deserved it.

[Fap]

Not even a question.. you need a pre-nup

[Sosa]

they are a good idea

[BVF]

Originally Posted by Paco, of Large Cash.

Co-habitation (living together agreement) and prenuptial are a MUST!!

As everybody knows, noting lasts forever, especially a marriage (in N.America)---divorce rate in US and Canada is beyond disgusting, especially with young couples.

Returning that ""forever"" weapon (excuse) on the attacker: IF he/she does indeed love his/her potential spouse, exactly why is it SO important for them to get access to that which is rightly not theirs?

Problem with not signing a prenuptial is: greed always rears its ugly head!

Also, they (prenuptial) are not only reserved to assets. They are also used to outline expectations and responsibilities.

If the potential ""life mate"" refuses to sign, he/she is clearly in love with the assets and NOT with the person AND he/she is obviously a greedy[selfish]person whom is only concerned with his/her future by not wishing to commit to a mutual agreement (how often he/she must putout, whether or not he/she must be employed etc).

I would DEFINITELY listen to what this man said and act on it word for word...

Make sure EVERYTHING is spelled out as to what your expectations of each other will be, goals in life, CHILDREN, etc.....

And even if you do have a prenup, if the divorce is nasty or the woman feels like she's getting screwed, it's nothing to challenge the validity of the prenup in court....Even if it was signed in front of Jesus himself, the validity can be challenged and routinely it is....Also if the prenup leaves her with nothing, you can be sure as shit that it will be ruled invalid...

I remember this because I had a prenup that I wrote up myself during my divorce...Fortunately, I was able to get it ruled invalid because the shit was so lopsided in her favor, I would've been all the way screwed...

Also, I remember sitting in the lobby in family court and my lawyer was chitchatting with another lawyer that she knew and he was talking about how the prenup was being challenged because it left her with nothing...and he said this matter of factly and my lawyer just nodded like she's heard it all before...

What you want to do is NOT GET MARRIED IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE!!......If you're so enthralled with this woman, just live with her and draw up a nice power of attorney for emergencies....

Your mind is clouded right now....Don't do it...Just the fact that you're even ASKING about a prenup means you don't need to be doing it....

[cherrylula]

My theory is that its not that the divorce rate has gone up, its because more people get married without being ready. More people getting married = more divorce. And its all a huge industry.

My honest yet useless opinion is that if you are even considering a prenup, you probably should just not get married. Why not live together??? If you have money and are worried about it, just don't do the deed. I lived with my man for almost 10 years before we got married. It was all timed well and felt right.

People just have this fantasy about marriage. Build a relationship first. If you want to have a life and family with this person, no need to rush anything. Marrying them doesn't make the relationship work, in fact it can make things worse if you are not prepared.

Play house, practice first.

[BVF]

oh and one more thing...If you're considering marriage because SHE'S the one suggesting it, boot her now!

If she's talking some shit about wanting a commitment or that she can't wait around forever or that she might have to look elsewhere to somebody who WILL marry her, then you already know what to do.

[Holly]

Originally Posted by Dcat

An incredibly honest answer.

So basically ..it's only fair if you win and he looses.

.......

Why would I want to sign something that makes it harder for me to keep all my stuff and take half of yours?

That doesn't seem like a very good idea to me.

[Miz_Wright]

Frankly, if I ever got married again (unlikely), I would insist on a pre-nup.

I know it's not the most common approach to it, but in my head a pre-nup is actually romantic - I am insuring that my partner will be taken care of if the relationship should end, but I am provisioning for it while things are good instead of after they have fallen apart, and vice versa.

In the event of an un-marriage, POAs and contracts still come into play. Personally, I'm not a marriage kinda gal, but there are still things that must be considered.

[sweetcuties]

Originally Posted by BVF

I would DEFINITELY listen to what this man said and act on it word for word...

Make sure EVERYTHING is spelled out as to what your expectations of each other will be, goals in life, CHILDREN, etc.....

And even if you do have a prenup, if the divorce is nasty or the woman feels like she's getting screwed, it's nothing to challenge the validity of the prenup in court....Even if it was signed in front of Jesus himself, the validity can be challenged and routinely it is....Also if the prenup leaves her with nothing, you can be sure as shit that it will be ruled invalid...

I remember this because I had a prenup that I wrote up myself during my divorce...Fortunately, I was able to get it ruled invalid because the shit was so lopsided in her favor, I would've been all the way screwed...

Also, I remember sitting in the lobby in family court and my lawyer was chitchatting with another lawyer that she knew and he was talking about how the prenup was being challenged because it left her with nothing...and he said this matter of factly and my lawyer just nodded like she's heard it all before...

What you want to do is NOT GET MARRIED IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE!!......If you're so enthralled with this woman, just live with her and draw up a nice power of attorney for emergencies....

Your mind is clouded right now....Don't do it...Just the fact that you're even ASKING about a prenup means you don't need to be doing it....

As usual, thanks for the advice... I was just on your site the other day

[Peaches]

Whenever I've seen a prenup challenged, the challenger always seems to win - or at least win more than the prenup would have given them.

Personally I think they are false security for the partner who wants it.

And I'm with Holly on when they are and aren't appropriate Mine will say "And if the husband cheats on the wife, the wife gets EVERYTHING w/o question, period, end of discussion."

[pizzaid]

its the golden key dude if your having them thoughts don't wait to long..

[Holly]

Originally Posted by Peaches

And I'm with Holly on when they are and aren't appropriate Mine will say "And if the husband cheats on the wife, the wife gets EVERYTHING w/o question, period, end of discussion."

I felt I was possibly being too generous in that last post when I wrote "half".

I'm a giver, though.

[Paco, of Large Cash.]

Don't take my word for it!

...
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lipo with ya money
She walkin' around lookin' like Michael with ya money
Should of got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey
If you ain't no punk holler "we want prenup"
We want prenup! Yeah!!
~JesusChrist (AKA: KanyeWest)

[D]

I've already talked about this with my fiancee, and - though she was a bit startled at first - upon reflection and a bit of discussion - she's now more than happy to sign one.

We intend for our marriage to last forever... and the prenup will, primarily, work as a guide to help make sure we stay on task for the kind of life that we both want to build for each other and make that happen.

If one of us or the other starts slacking in some regard, the other can use it as a tool to say "hey - we're loosing focus"... and, if need be, as a last resort, a way to get out of the arrangement with less stress on everyone involved.

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by Peaches

Whenever I've seen a prenup challenged, the challenger always seems to win - or at least win more than the prenup would have given them.

Personally I think they are false security for the partner who wants it.

And I'm with Holly on when they are and aren't appropriate Mine will say "And if the husband cheats on the wife, the wife gets EVERYTHING w/o question, period, end of discussion."

That is precisely why I am leaning towards having the prenup made "standard issue" and incorporated into the marriage process. The details it contains could still be negotiable prior to signing, but once it is drawn up and signed by both parties and witnessed, that's it. That way it's a fair and equitable binding agreement that both parties have to sign just like they have to sign their marriage license.

Thus, it's no longer a case of one party approaching and asking the other to sign a prenup, a thing that often causes strife in relationships (as is evident right here in this thread).

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by D

I've already talked about this with my fiancee, and - though she was a bit startled at first - upon reflection and a bit of discussion - she's now more than happy to sign one.

We intend for our marriage to last forever... and the prenup will, primarily, work as a guide to help make sure we stay on task for the kind of life that we both want to build for each other and make that happen.

If one of us or the other starts slacking in some regard, the other can use it as a tool to say "hey - we're loosing focus"... and, if need be, as a last resort, a way to get out of the arrangement with less stress on everyone involved.

Quite exceptional. :D

I would say though that in many if not most relationships, when one party brings up the subject of a prenup it raises all sorts of red flags in the other person. A lot of people tend to view the concept of prenup as "planning to fail" instead of how you and your wife see it.

In this day and age of a 51% + divorce rate, many of which involve years of bitter lawsuits and court hearings and custody battles and vicious fights over property and money etc.... well, I am really starting to think that a mandatory prenup may be the way toward lessening some of the madness that goes on.

Would certainly cut down on the what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine mentality that some have these days. :D

[SuzzyQ]

My fiancee and I have a prenup. We spent months working on it with the lawyers. I pretty much is like a business contract. It lays out what we want to acomplish and what we expect of each other 3, 5 and 10 years out. Naturally, their is some lead way in the expectations. We even have life insurance on each other. Lawyers advice.

Our prenup is streight forward.
What we both had before the marriage is that persons if something goes wrong.
What is accumulated during the marriage is split 50/50.
Both of us are to have 'personal' bank accounts. A 'community' bank account that we are required to make deposits to every month.
We tried to go the extra mile to make sure that money was not going to be a problem in our marriage. I think we did good.

The key to a prenup is to really think out everything and get everything in writing.

[sniperwolf]

I am fine with prenuptial. Afterall, when you're ready to get married and be with your love-one forerver with clean intentions, don't think of the properties/assets you may get separated.

[strobi]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_law

[Peaches]

Originally Posted by strobi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_law

One of my best friends said that the irrevocable trust her husband set up before his unexpected death was what basically kept her and her daughter out of the poor house.

If you have a spouse and kids and have large bills (mortgage, car, etc) this is something to look into, IMO.

[Ayla_SquareTurtle]

For me a prenup seems ridiculous, but then so does marriage. Aside from religious reasons, why else would you want to get married? Get a bunch of paperwork and the government involved in your personal life? what the fuck for?

[Big_D]

whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine

[aico]

Marriage is irrational behavior.

[cherrylula]

Originally Posted by BVF

oh and one more thing...If you're considering marriage because SHE'S the one suggesting it, boot her now!

If she's talking some shit about wanting a commitment or that she can't wait around forever or that she might have to look elsewhere to somebody who WILL marry her, then you already know what to do.

Quoted for truth, and I am female.