Comical Qantas flight info - GoFuckYourself.com

vinnie mcgee · 07-01-2007, 02:02 AM

?Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ?gripe sheet?, which tells the
mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems; document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the
gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever had and accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.

S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the main right landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That?s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you?re right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

wdforty · 07-01-2007, 02:23 AM

I didn't find it funny at all, kinda stupid really

SpyCam · 07-01-2007, 02:47 AM

this is lame

leedogg · 07-01-2007, 03:25 AM

Lame o meter has blown up sorry
However - they are a great airline to fly with

Très Futé · 07-01-2007, 03:29 AM

Amusing.

voa · 07-01-2007, 03:38 AM

Pretty long and not funny at all.

rowan · 07-01-2007, 05:31 AM

Qantas has had accidents, just not any fatalities AFAIK.

Then again, this list was circulating the net so long ago that it's possible that all their accidents occurred after it was actually written...

rowan · 07-01-2007, 05:35 AM

Here you go, it's no fatalities on JETS that they claim. There have been fatalities.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas_fatal_accidents

07-01-2007, 02:02 AM	#1
vinnie mcgee Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 17,356	Comical Qantas flight info ?Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ?gripe sheet?, which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers. By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever had and accident. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in the cockpit. S: Something tightened in the cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of a leak on the main right landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume reset to a more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That?s what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you?re right. P: The number 3 engine is missing. S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. __________________ Vinnies' in da house HDFuckFilms HDXXXFilms AT gmail.com Webmaster AT hdfuckfilms DOT com

07-01-2007, 02:23 AM	#2
wdforty Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 1,824	I didn't find it funny at all, kinda stupid really __________________ icq 157542142

07-01-2007, 03:25 AM	#4
leedogg Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 349	Lame o meter has blown up sorry However - they are a great airline to fly with __________________ ::Big Tits Pimp:: ::Interracial Craving:: ::Hot Teenie Pimp::

07-01-2007, 02:47 AM	#3
SpyCam PoiSEO.com Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: PoiSEO.com Posts: 1,201	this is lame

07-01-2007, 03:29 AM	#5
Très Futé So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 3	Amusing.

07-01-2007, 03:38 AM	#6
voa Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 16,532	Pretty long and not funny at all.

07-01-2007, 05:31 AM	#7
rowan Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 17,393	Qantas has had accidents, just not any fatalities AFAIK. Then again, this list was circulating the net so long ago that it's possible that all their accidents occurred after it was actually written...

07-01-2007, 05:35 AM	#8
rowan Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 17,393	Here you go, it's no fatalities on JETS that they claim. There have been fatalities. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas_fatal_accidents