Sure fire ways to annoy a telemarketer or waste THEIR time

[J$tyle$]

This is obviously if you're bored and have time to kill.

Let them do their entire pitch. Tell them you are now unemployed but really would like to start a career in telemarketing. Tell them how cool you think it is to talk to new people all the time and that you're a "real people person!" Ask them how they got started. Ask them how much money they make. Ask them if they could talk to their boss about hiring you. Don't let them get off the phone until they hang up on YOU!

OR

When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one gives a shit these days! Life sucks! I have all these problems; my hemorrhoids are acting up, my dog just died, my girlfriend just told me she had vaginal warts, etc."

OR

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Tell the telemarketer you want to apply immediately but not over the phone. Tell them you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you the paperwork, a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes and some chips.

OR

Insist that the caller is really your buddy playing a joke. "Come on pal, cut it out! Seriously, how's your mom? No matter how hard he tries to convince you that he's not your friend, keep grinding him and tell him YOU KNOW it's him and he can't fool you!

OR

Another great time waster is to tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. No matter what they say next, ask them to repeat themselves over and over again. Ask them to hold on over and over again too. Just put the phone down for 30 seconds to a minute each time.

[Michaelious]

Or pretend to speak in another language lol.

[Iron Fist]

Good list.... ;)

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

Another great time waster is to tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. No matter what they say next, ask them to repeat themselves over and over again. Ask them to hold on over and over again too. Just put the phone down for 30 seconds to a minute each time.

I think i'll try this one next time !!!

[PersianKitty]

I've been known to just put them on hold and never pick it back up again.

PK

[emjay]

Nice one They had better watch out!

[$5 submissions]

Great list. I like the first one. I used to work in telemarketing right after college at a video company in the San Fernando Valley. It was, shall we say, extremely challenging.

[JamesK2]

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Tell the telemarketer you want to apply immediately but not over the phone. Tell them you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you the paperwork, a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes and some chips.

[Mutt]

i am brutal on those people sometimes - i've done all of those and other bizarre stuff - then i feel guilty about it cuz most of them are just kids or housewives trying to make some money. it's the sleazebags who own the operation i want to kill. and calling people during dinner time should be a capital crime. i get them as early as 8 AM too.

[sirkakashi08]

tell them, direct to the point that you are not interested to their shit and stop the conversation. that is!

[emjay]

For those of you that missed it, check out http://www.36so.com/Telemarketer_Nightmare.mp3

[ThePornPusher]

Originally Posted by emjay

For those of you that missed it, check out http://www.36so.com/Telemarketer_Nightmare.mp3

HAHA I heard that a few months ago, thanks for the link i gotta save that.

[BucksMania]

good ones

[nosey]

pretty good ones

[DBS.US]

Tell them they called a payphone at a bar and you want them to come down and buy you a beer.

[needlive]

Well I try to treat them like any of working men, cos they just do theirs but sometimes it's sooooooooooo annoying when they call (all the new solutions loans and shit ahhhh)

[scottybuzz]

I have worked as a telemarketer and if you manage to keep the recipient on the phone for a long time it comes of as a GOOD thing.

[woj]

Originally Posted by sirkakashi08

tell them, direct to the point that you are not interested to their shit and stop the conversation. that is!

That's what I usually do, but now that I think about it, asking them to hold a few times, and see how long I can keep them holding would be kinda funny....

[JJSLIMM]

haha Classic..

[woj]

Originally Posted by scottybuzz

I have worked as a telemarketer and if you manage to keep the recipient on the phone for a long time it comes of as a GOOD thing.

you sure? I always thought at least part of their pay is based on performance...

[peeperpimp]

Pretty cool gonna try it next time I get a call

[Casa Nova]

Originally Posted by emjay

For those of you that missed it, check out http://www.36so.com/Telemarketer_Nightmare.mp3

The first time i listened to that I laughed for days lol Its so funny.

[Boobs]

lol good ideas

[Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE]

i'm a telephone sales rep (its like a telemarketer, but telemarketers go blind calling people and hope they buy a product, where TSR's are actually calling customers of the client we are calling for) and i'm here to debunk your "funny" ways to annoy a telemarketer

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

Let them do their entire pitch. Tell them you are now unemployed but really would like to start a career in telemarketing. Tell them how cool you think it is to talk to new people all the time and that you're a "real people person!" Ask them how they got started. Ask them how much money they make. Ask them if they could talk to their boss about hiring you. Don't let them get off the phone until they hang up on YOU!

that wont do much, except make us laugh...

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one gives a shit these days! Life sucks! I have all these problems; my hemorrhoids are acting up, my dog just died, my girlfriend just told me she had vaginal warts, etc."

we'll actually talk back because we arnt actually cold hearted fuckers who don't care about nothing but getting your money, we have sympathy and will talk to people if they talk to us, i actually called a old lady and she ended up having a heart attack on the phone, while "most" telemarketers will just hang up and goto their next call, TRUE TSR's will do what we did, called local 911, patched through to their town, and had them go out and help her, we stayed on the phone with her untill the rescue people got on the phone and told us they were there and she was fine

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Tell the telemarketer you want to apply immediately but not over the phone. Tell them you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you the paperwork, a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes and some chips.

the second you say "but not over the phone" it is our duty to say "Thank you for your time" and hang up, because thats a keyword that means "no sale gonna happen here" and you just fucked up your way of screwing with us

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

Insist that the caller is really your buddy playing a joke. "Come on pal, cut it out! Seriously, how's your mom? No matter how hard he tries to convince you that he's not your friend, keep grinding him and tell him YOU KNOW it's him and he can't fool you!

we'll just laugh at you and mute our phones while we look over at the guys and girls beside us and say "listen to this fucking idiot, he must be on something" then all laugh at you

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

Another great time waster is to tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. No matter what they say next, ask them to repeat themselves over and over again. Ask them to hold on over and over again too. Just put the phone down for 30 seconds to a minute each time.

good luck with that, no telemarketer will go slow, we're about being speedy

Originally Posted by Michaelious

Or pretend to speak in another language lol.

Originally Posted by woj

you sure? I always thought at least part of their pay is based on performance...

depends on where you're at, theres 2 places i know of, my place, and another place, my place preformance is good, depending on the campaign we're in and what we're selling, but the other place, you can go all week without sales, and not have a problem, but our place if you go 2 hours without a sale, you get your ass riden, if not sent home for the day





now if you truely wanna annoy a telemarketer, this will get them... act interested in what they are selling, ask questions, do whatever you can to make them think, oh shit easy sale here! and then just keep on going, get into recording with them, verify information, and when they say the last "and i just wanna confirm...." bit that pretty much means, once you say yes, the call is ended, and you just bought whatever they are selling... hangup, that will piss off EVERY telemarketer like no other...

[kane]

A while back on Howard Stern they had a prank call where a telemarketer called one of the guys that works for them and told them to hang on one second he just got out of the shower. Then he said his dog rubbed up against. Soon he was telling her his dog was licking his balls and he was ready to cum. At first the caller kept talking, but then she started going off about how sick he was. It was classic.

[J$tyle$]

Originally Posted by Madrox

now if you truely wanna annoy a telemarketer, this will get them... act interested in what they are selling, ask questions, do whatever you can to make them think, oh shit easy sale here! and then just keep on going, get into recording with them, verify information, and when they say the last "and i just wanna confirm...." bit that pretty much means, once you say yes, the call is ended, and you just bought whatever they are selling... hangup, that will piss off EVERY telemarketer like no other...

That's great too but there's little satisfaction in just hanging up and not hearing the frustration in their voice. I like to scream OH SHIT! and bang the phone like I dropped it ... and hit the mute button ... and listen to them after they think they lost the call. They call back OFTEN and then I tell them i decided against it and THEN they get REALLY annoyed!

[DaddyHalbucks]

Play porn audio for them.

They love that!

;)

[minniesoporno]

Originally Posted by Michaelious

Or pretend to speak in another language lol.

A lot of these call centers for telemarketers and outbounds sales are hiring agents who speak more then one language so that whole I don't speak whatever language might not always work since most agents have the ability to just plug in someone else's headset who does speak your language.

[aico]

I prefer the Seinfeld method.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=hllDWSbuDsQ

[jonesonyou]

dont pick up the phone if you dont know the number.

[After Shock Media]

Ummm block your number from them and then also understand some are in prison anyways so whats wasting time for them?

[Chef86]

lol good response from after shock media.

[LiveDose]

This is what I do these days. Let them get about 20 seconds into their pitch and say 'can you hold on a sec?'. Then I put the phone down and go and watch tv or get back to work...

[pornmasta]

Originally Posted by J$tyle$

my girlfriend just told me she had vaginal warts, etc."

sex sex sex sex !

[Silly Guy]

Originally Posted by Madrox

i'm a telephone sales rep (its like a telemarketer, but telemarketers go blind calling people and hope they buy a product, where TSR's are actually calling customers of the client we are calling for) and i'm here to debunk your "funny" ways to annoy a telemarketer



that wont do much, except make us laugh...



we'll actually talk back because we arnt actually cold hearted fuckers who don't care about nothing but getting your money, we have sympathy and will talk to people if they talk to us, i actually called a old lady and she ended up having a heart attack on the phone, while "most" telemarketers will just hang up and goto their next call, TRUE TSR's will do what we did, called local 911, patched through to their town, and had them go out and help her, we stayed on the phone with her untill the rescue people got on the phone and told us they were there and she was fine



the second you say "but not over the phone" it is our duty to say "Thank you for your time" and hang up, because thats a keyword that means "no sale gonna happen here" and you just fucked up your way of screwing with us



we'll just laugh at you and mute our phones while we look over at the guys and girls beside us and say "listen to this fucking idiot, he must be on something" then all laugh at you



good luck with that, no telemarketer will go slow, we're about being speedy





depends on where you're at, theres 2 places i know of, my place, and another place, my place preformance is good, depending on the campaign we're in and what we're selling, but the other place, you can go all week without sales, and not have a problem, but our place if you go 2 hours without a sale, you get your ass riden, if not sent home for the day





now if you truely wanna annoy a telemarketer, this will get them... act interested in what they are selling, ask questions, do whatever you can to make them think, oh shit easy sale here! and then just keep on going, get into recording with them, verify information, and when they say the last "and i just wanna confirm...." bit that pretty much means, once you say yes, the call is ended, and you just bought whatever they are selling... hangup, that will piss off EVERY telemarketer like no other...

interesting insight there

[LexiLexxx]

I go off, if it's early/late or baby is sleeping. If my toddler wasn't in day care in the afternoon(emergency call) I would un-plug the phone for afternoon naps, lol! Infact, I hate the phone in general!

I usually say: Not interested and hang up.

[PowerCum]

Phone marketers here in Spain are usually women... so when they call the conversation usually goes this way:

- Hello sir, we are blah blah blah company and we are offering blah blah blah service/thing/whatever

- Hi, you have just called Galaxy Media, a pornographic productions company. If you are interested for modeling, please send your portfolio to us with at least 10 non nude pictures and 3 underwear pictures.

- This is a serious call, we are from company blah blah blah etc...

- Ok, and you called my company that does pornographic productions. How much do you make per month?

- About 800 euro (equivalent to $1.2k)

- You can make this same money in less than a week with us. If you are interested you know where to send the portfolio or where to call. Thank for your interest in Galaxy Media. (and here I just hang them)

We already had some of them come and get on video... so it's all about to turn the tables and make business your way.

[J$tyle$]

Originally Posted by PowerCum

Phone marketers here in Spain are usually women... so when they call the conversation usually goes this way:

- Hello sir, we are blah blah blah company and we are offering blah blah blah service/thing/whatever

- Hi, you have just called Galaxy Media, a pornographic productions company. If you are interested for modeling, please send your portfolio to us with at least 10 non nude pictures and 3 underwear pictures.

- This is a serious call, we are from company blah blah blah etc...

- Ok, and you called my company that does pornographic productions. How much do you make per month?

- About 800 euro (equivalent to $1.2k)

- You can make this same money in less than a week with us. If you are interested you know where to send the portfolio or where to call. Thank for your interest in Galaxy Media. (and here I just hang them)

We already had some of them come and get on video... so it's all about to turn the tables and make business your way.

LOL

Good for you!

[JP513]

This is all well and good but they usually know your name when they call.

The firefighting association just called me and they know my name. I just said I'm too poor wished them luck and hung up. Seems better for me that way.

[Pleasurepays]

if anyone appreciates that type of humor... you'll appreciate this guy:
http://tommabe.com/album.php

he has several albums now of him fucking with telemarkers. one album is him at a hotel during a telemarketer convention, calling others at 2am - 3am etc trying to sell them shit. its awesome.

[Pleasurepays]

this shit is pure comedy gold: http://tommabe.com/audio/cemetary.mp3

[Big_D]

haha great shit

[hentaibee]

telemarketing taught me a lot for the weblogs.

[SmokeyTheBear]

heres a funny one i use when im bored..

I will listen to their speil then pretend like im really interested . "hold on let me go get my credit card" , then i watch tv and every 5 minutes i come back and tell them " dont hangup i'm still looking"

to make this trick work you gotta be really sincere like your really interested "oh my gosh i have been waiting to get one of these , i'm gonna buy one for my aunt and friend too its her birthday next month , this will be perfect"

I have had some people waiting for me for over an hour.

[SmokeyTheBear]

another funny one i do is the old "puppy in a blender" trick..

i tell them i want to buy whatever it is they are selling but i have to check with my wife first. then me and my woman makeup a fake argument

me - " i wanna buy this ___ , where is the credit card"
her - " your not spending any more money , you loser , you dont even have a job "
me - " fuck you ya whore , i would have a job if you hadn't shown up drunk at my work looking for CRACK money "
her " like your one to speak you fucking degenrate"

AT this point they usually are getting the other telemarketers in the call center to listen in on the call

me " you think you and your fucking new puppies are so special , how would you like it if i stuck one in the blender "

her - " get your hands of the puppy you psycho "

i stick some ice cubes and milk in the blender int he background

me " this will teach you to fucking act disrespectfull"

now i turn on the blender while making wild howling dog noises

her scxremaing " ahh you psycho " sobbing wildly..


then i go back to the telephone , and act really calm . " hmm i seem to have misplace my credit card , can you call me back in an hour "