Michael Jackson's best friend says to him: "hey Michael, you know you're a bit of a pedophile?" So he replies...

"Gosh, that's a big word for a 9 year old!!"

michael jackson in the jacuzi with some young boys a bubble a sperm come out of the water !

michael watch them with a smile and say: which one have farted?

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a tampon and ask him which period it’s from.

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS) :

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask," What are you thinking? " She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her?
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? ", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize "it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage! "

Q: whats poerfect ten for Michael Jackson?
A: Two 5 year olds

This one deserves a bump, great thread! :)

2 palestinian women walking down the road, one turns to the other and says:

"Does my bomb look big in this?"


(americans, bum = ass)

lol some of these are pretty bad

lol you guys are hilarious:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

glad to see people bumping my thread. In the spirit of it I'll post a tasteless joke:

Mongolian V.D.

An American tourist goes on a trip to China.

While there, he is sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom.

A week after arriving home, he finds his penis is covered with bright green spots. Horrified, he goes to see his doctor.

Days later the doctor calls and says, "I've got bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare. We know little about it. We have to amputate your penis."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines him and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD."

"What can you do?" asks the man. "My American doctor wants to amputate!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctors always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes!" says the Chinese doctor. "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!"

thats disturbing :)

i'd like to think so yes.

Best thread ever!!

LOL!

i like this thread

Dumbfounding. hee hee.

This thread rocks. Missed it the other times it was on top.

Priceless :thumbsup:1orglaugh

-What's the best thing about fucking twenty-eight-year-olds?

-There's 20 of them!

Bump for my favourite thread. :)

THE OHIO COW

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The
people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Canton, Ohio for
$200.00. They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful. The cow
produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very
happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more
cows so they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.


They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No
matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull
and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very
wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull
approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back,
she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,

"Did you buy this cow in Ohio?"


The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where
they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow in Ohio?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,

"My wife is from Ohio."

:1orglaugh :thumbsup

A man takes his 5 year old daughter to the gynecologist for a checkup. The gynecologist looks confused and asks, " Um, sir, your daughter is a little young to be seeing me already. Is she sexually active?"

"No, the bitch just lays there like her mother."

didn't read the whole thread to check for helen keller jokes.....

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
The rearranged the furniture.

How did Helen Keller's teacher teach her the word "pain"?
She left the plunger in the toilet.

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
She answered the waffle iron.

How did she burn the other side of her face?
Damn thing rang again.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too.

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
You would too if your names was aarrraaarrrppppffff.

Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad?
Neither has she!

How do you get helen keller to keep a secret?
Break her fingers.

Who is the fastest reader in the world?

Conner Clapton 30 stories in 30 secs.

What's worse than finding an worm in your apple?


The Holocaust.

*ducks*

What's the definition of a man ?

A life-support system for a penis.

There's a rabbi , a protestant minister and a catholic priest aboard a sinking ship .

The rabbi says : Lets save the wives and kids first

The protestant minister says : OK for the wives , but fuck the kids

The catholic priest says: Can we ???

That joke is bad and you should feel bad!

Why cant Jesus eat M&Ms?

They fall through his hands

Q: What starts with an N, ends in an R, and you never want to call a black person?

A: neighbor

time travel super bump :)

I always heard it (and told it) as this-

Q: What's the definition of a woman?

A: Life support system for a cunt.

(Did you see what I did there with the double meaning? :1orglaugh )

What kind of sex do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?



Gang rape.

(English, bum does not = bomb)

bump for some more tasteless jokes

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."

great thread :thumbsup

Guy rings up his boss... Says, boss... I ain't coming in today.. I'm Sick...

Boss asks sick? How sick?

Guy replies really fucking sick boss

Boss asks, exactly how sick...




















Guy replies:
















Put it this way, I'm in bed with my 8 year old sister, I'm fucking her up the ass, and I'm loving every fucking minute of it!



SO I AINT COMING INTO WORK!!! IS THAT SICK ENOUGH FOR YAH ?

What's funnier than a dead baby in a microwave?



Nothing.

I definitely picked up a few here

whats red bubbley and taps on glass
baby in a microwave

why put a baby feet first in a blender
the expressions are priceless


how do you make a dead baby float
add a scoop of dead baby to rootbeer or cream soda

hahaha omfg