this is too funny :) - GoFuckYourself.com

Grapesoda · 04-17-2007, 05:47 PM

These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS : July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that tim e?
WITNESS: Uh.....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
--------------------------------------------------------------- -------
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Scott McD · 04-17-2007, 05:48 PM

Some of those are brilliant !!

Grapesoda · 04-17-2007, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott McD

Some of those are brilliant !!

this one is killing me:

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

Mutt · 04-17-2007, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wanton

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless

Grapesoda · 04-17-2007, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mutt

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LittleSassy · 04-17-2007, 06:30 PM

MandyBlake · 04-17-2007, 06:53 PM

oh my god.
that is pathetic and hilarious.

J. Falcon · 04-17-2007, 07:53 PM

Ive read this before, very funny.

Spunky · 04-17-2007, 07:57 PM

Har har..those were hilarious

Itchy · 04-17-2007, 08:06 PM

couple gooders in there

AllStar · 04-17-2007, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wanton

this one is killing me:

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

Yeah that is brilliant!

Deej · 04-17-2007, 11:26 PM

the last one is bichin

calibra · 04-17-2007, 11:32 PM

Some of them are priceless!!!

Mr. Manson · 04-18-2007, 12:50 AM

I enjoyed some of it

NyLoS · 04-18-2007, 01:02 AM

thanks, great post to wake up with :-D

Mr.Right - Banned For Life · 04-18-2007, 01:07 AM

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

nosey · 04-18-2007, 01:08 AM

good stuff

Danny B · 04-18-2007, 01:16 AM

hilarious! great find!

ADL Josh · 04-18-2007, 06:51 AM

haha, nice!

TBrown · 04-18-2007, 06:57 AM

lol still laughing

Ssv · 04-18-2007, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wanton

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

HomerSimpson · 04-18-2007, 07:30 AM

Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE · 04-18-2007, 07:52 AM

Thanks for the laugh...

shoeaholicanon · 04-18-2007, 07:54 AM

hehe yeah i've had these jokes sent to me a while back. they're witty.

mattz · 04-18-2007, 07:55 AM

some are pretty damn funny, I like the last one lol

Tanya_AWP · 04-18-2007, 07:58 AM

Hilarious! Great read....

Angelo22 · 04-18-2007, 07:59 AM

Niiiiiiice!!

u-Bob · 04-18-2007, 08:12 AM

hehe

KingNigel · 04-18-2007, 08:19 AM

Ace_luffy · 04-18-2007, 08:21 AM

thanks for the info man.

Pumba · 04-18-2007, 10:14 AM

So funny, I had a good laugh. Thanks man

KustomKowgurl · 04-18-2007, 10:19 AM

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Haha! Absolutely hilarious

nAtuRaLbEautY · 04-18-2007, 02:36 PM

omg!!! lmao!!! those ones are so freakin hilarious!

96ukssob · 04-18-2007, 03:10 PM

some of those are great

Dianne22 · 04-18-2007, 04:49 PM

haha! nice

XMaster · 04-18-2007, 06:07 PM

ROFL thank you for sharing this

Big_Red · 04-18-2007, 06:12 PM

i am laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

Big_D · 04-18-2007, 11:58 PM

good shit, brought a smile to my face

tenderobject · 04-19-2007, 12:08 AM

hahahahahah very nice find..

Fap · 04-19-2007, 12:13 AM

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

hahahahahah!

mailman · 04-19-2007, 01:53 AM

lol.. good shit.

polish_aristocrat · 04-19-2007, 02:08 AM

great stuff

BV · 04-19-2007, 02:26 AM

------------

04-17-2007, 05:47 PM	#1
Grapesoda So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 46,238	this is too funny :) These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS : July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that tim e? WITNESS: Uh..... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. --------------------------------------------------------------- ------- ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

04-17-2007, 05:48 PM	#2
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	Some of those are brilliant !! __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

04-17-2007, 06:30 PM	#6
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	__________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

04-17-2007, 06:53 PM	#7
MandyBlake The one and only! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 17,761	oh my god. that is pathetic and hilarious. __________________ Mandy's Playhouse Her First Fat Girl If you're interested in promoting my sites, ICQ me! 178411921

04-17-2007, 07:53 PM	#8
J. Falcon www.AdultCopywriters.com Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 31,618	Ive read this before, very funny. __________________ Adult Copywriters SEO Content for Porn Sites sales at adultcopywriters dot com

04-17-2007, 07:57 PM	#9
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,947	Har har..those were hilarious __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

04-17-2007, 08:06 PM	#10
Itchy Datetronix.com Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Chill-A-Wack BC Posts: 6,525	couple gooders in there __________________ ICQ: 2588560 Skype: Pornocop

04-17-2007, 11:26 PM	#12
Deej I make pixels work Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: I live here... Posts: 24,386	the last one is bichin __________________ Deej's Designs n' What Not Hit me up for Design, CSS & Photo Retouching Icq#30096880

04-17-2007, 11:32 PM	#13
calibra Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 4,357	Some of them are priceless!!! __________________ GetCyberCash.com

04-18-2007, 12:50 AM	#14
Mr. Manson Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 890	I enjoyed some of it

04-18-2007, 01:02 AM	#15
NyLoS Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 724	thanks, great post to wake up with :-D

04-18-2007, 01:07 AM	#16
Mr.Right - Banned For Life I guarantee it Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 18,314	ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.

04-18-2007, 01:08 AM	#17
nosey Talk Hard Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 14,413	good stuff __________________ \| Domain whois privacy Free \|\| GFY favored Hosting \| $Chaturbate \|\| FpcTraffic FPCPlugs \|\| PlugRush Traffic

04-18-2007, 01:16 AM	#18
Danny B Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,423	hilarious! great find! __________________ Danny B ICQ: 407485488 SKYPE: DAN-DEVELOPMENT

04-18-2007, 06:51 AM	#19
ADL Josh Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 3,026	haha, nice! __________________ ICQ: 395-433-632

04-18-2007, 06:57 AM	#20
TBrown Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,519	lol still laughing __________________ mcbrown

04-18-2007, 07:30 AM	#22
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04-18-2007, 07:52 AM	#23
Jon Clark - BANNED FOR LIFE North Coast Pimp Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: 304-534-757 Posts: 9,395	Thanks for the laugh...

04-18-2007, 07:54 AM	#24
shoeaholicanon Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,003	hehe yeah i've had these jokes sent to me a while back. they're witty.

04-18-2007, 07:55 AM	#25
mattz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: AZ Posts: 7,697	some are pretty damn funny, I like the last one lol

04-18-2007, 07:58 AM	#26
Tanya_AWP Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 858	Hilarious! Great read.... __________________ An Adult IT Staffing Solutions Company email: [email protected] icq: 309516981 Tel.#: 1-702-940-0789 (U.S. Toll Free)

04-18-2007, 07:59 AM	#27
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04-18-2007, 08:12 AM	#28
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04-18-2007, 08:19 AM	#29
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04-18-2007, 08:21 AM	#30
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04-18-2007, 10:14 AM	#31
Pumba Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Cloudbase Posts: 1,094	So funny, I had a good laugh. Thanks man

04-18-2007, 10:19 AM	#32
KustomKowgurl Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 322	ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? Haha! Absolutely hilarious __________________ ALPHARED.COM - 51Gb/s of Capacity 24/7 Live Support Guaranteed No Buffer / No Congestion Guarantee! [email protected] - ICQ 475-983-678

04-18-2007, 02:36 PM	#33
nAtuRaLbEautY Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 6,107	omg!!! lmao!!! those ones are so freakin hilarious! __________________ Prime Outsourcing│offshore solutions│manual labor│staff leasing│full time employees starting at $695.00/month=managed and dedicated \| icq: 309570461 \| live chat

04-18-2007, 03:10 PM	#34
96ukssob So Fucking Banananananas Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: If I was in your ass you'd know it Posts: 12,991	some of those are great __________________ Email: Clicky on Me

04-18-2007, 04:49 PM	#35
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04-18-2007, 06:07 PM	#36
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04-18-2007, 06:12 PM	#37
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04-18-2007, 11:58 PM	#38
Big_D CRAZY MOFUKKA Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,296	good shit, brought a smile to my face

04-19-2007, 12:08 AM	#39
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04-19-2007, 12:13 AM	#40
Fap Just Du It Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 12,094	ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? hahahahahah!