this is too funny :)
 

These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS : July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that tim e?
WITNESS: Uh.....
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Some of those are brilliant !! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

this one is killing me:

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

oh my god.
that is pathetic and hilarious.

Ive read this before, very funny.

Har har..those were hilarious

couple gooders in there

Yeah that is brilliant!

the last one is bichin

Some of them are priceless!!! :1orglaugh

I enjoyed some of it :1orglaugh

thanks, great post to wake up with :-D

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

good stuff :1orglaugh

hilarious! great find!

haha, nice!:thumbsup

lol still laughing

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Thanks for the laugh... :thumbsup

hehe yeah i've had these jokes sent to me a while back. they're witty.

some are pretty damn funny, I like the last one lol

Hilarious! Great read....

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Niiiiiiice!!

hehe :)

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

thanks for the info man.:) :) :)

So funny, I had a good laugh. Thanks man

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


Haha! Absolutely hilarious :)

omg!!! lmao!!! those ones are so freakin hilarious!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh some of those are great

haha! nice

ROFL thank you for sharing this

i am laughing so hard my cheeks hurt.

good shit, brought a smile to my face

hahahahahah very nice find..

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

hahahahahah!

lol.. good shit.

great stuff

:1orglaugh :thumbsup
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