Two pretty good attempts at getting laid - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 12-20-2006, 12:08 AM

A man takes his seat on a plane to Chicago and realizes the woman next to him is hot.

?Business trip or vacation?? he asks.

?Business,? she replies. ?The annual sex convention.?

?What are you doing there??

?Giving a lecture about the myths and truths of sexuality,? she answers.

?Like what?? asks the guy.

?People think African men are the most endowed, but it?s actually Native American men,? she says. ?And another myth is that Frenchmen are the best kissers, when it?s actually men of Jewish descent. Also, a recent survey found that Cajuns are the best lovers of any ethnicity.?

Blushing, the woman adds, ?I?m sorry, I shouldn?t be saying all this. I don?t even know your name.?

?Tonto,? says the man. ?Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Boudreaux.?

* * * * * * * * * *

A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his cock on the counter.

"Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop!" the shocked girl shouts.

"I know", he replies. "I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this."

* * * * * * * * * *

Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

www.jokesbee.com :D

jeffrey · 12-20-2006, 12:15 AM

Lol
Nice

who · 12-20-2006, 12:20 AM

Ice · 12-20-2006, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by who

SlamDesigns · 12-20-2006, 12:28 AM

LOL. The first one is funny as hell!

Kimo · 12-20-2006, 12:30 AM

lmao......

reynold · 12-20-2006, 03:10 AM

Ok, thanks for the early morning laugh.

sicone · 12-20-2006, 03:16 AM

Scott McD · 12-20-2006, 03:20 AM

Pretty good...

zandre · 12-20-2006, 04:20 AM

:D good ones

martinsc · 12-20-2006, 04:38 AM

CDSmith · 12-20-2006, 10:05 AM

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a goddamn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a goddamn
checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no goddamn problem." the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the goddamn lottery and I want to put my goddamn money in this goddamn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

www.jokesbee.com :D

gimo33 · 12-20-2006, 10:17 AM

lmao! i love joke threads...

Praguer · 12-20-2006, 11:37 AM

LOL @ the 1st 1

carol.prime · 12-20-2006, 11:43 AM

that was funny, specially on the first story...God, is it so easy to get laid these days?

bizarredollars · 12-20-2006, 11:53 AM

Haha... The last two made me laugh

Pete-KT · 12-20-2006, 12:03 PM

hehe nice ones

evilangelalex · 12-20-2006, 12:08 PM

Thanx, those were pretty fuckin funny...

Vitasoy · 12-20-2006, 02:14 PM

That gave me a chuckle... heh.

HHwebmonkey · 12-20-2006, 02:18 PM

lmao!!!!!

GlydeGirl · 12-20-2006, 02:23 PM

Loved the jokes! Keep 'em coming!

sickkittens · 12-20-2006, 02:50 PM

*Maybe* alittle funny.

CDSmith · 12-20-2006, 07:18 PM

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

tony286 · 12-20-2006, 07:20 PM

cute jokes

CDSmith · 12-20-2006, 07:22 PM

A nun wearing her black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her and punches her in the face.

Before she can scream, he lands a quick jab and finishes with an uppercut.

She goes down, and the drunk starts kicking her in the sides.

A few of his friends run out of the bar, and as they pull him off the beaten bloody nun, he yells, “You’re not so fuck'n tough NOW are you, Batman!”

:D

Nylz · 12-20-2006, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by who

CDSmith · 12-20-2006, 08:42 PM

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody.
He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who
used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before,
but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

Spunky · 12-20-2006, 08:45 PM

Har har..those made me chuckle

DaddyHalbucks · 12-20-2006, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a goddamn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a goddamn
checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no goddamn problem." the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the goddamn lottery and I want to put my goddamn money in this goddamn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

www.jokesbee.com :D

Hahahaha, that is the American way.

madawgz · 12-20-2006, 08:47 PM

ahaha good ones

NoComments · 12-20-2006, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlamDesigns

LOL. The first one is funny as hell!

and only 10 years young....

Pedronas · 12-20-2006, 09:20 PM

Lol haha
Nice

MyNameIsNobody · 12-20-2006, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by who

made me chuckle..

SPACE GLIDER · 12-20-2006, 10:41 PM

good one!

NemesiS876 · 12-20-2006, 11:05 PM

Ha nice one

12-20-2006, 12:08 AM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Two pretty good attempts at getting laid A man takes his seat on a plane to Chicago and realizes the woman next to him is hot. ?Business trip or vacation?? he asks. ?Business,? she replies. ?The annual sex convention.? ?What are you doing there?? ?Giving a lecture about the myths and truths of sexuality,? she answers. ?Like what?? asks the guy. ?People think African men are the most endowed, but it?s actually Native American men,? she says. ?And another myth is that Frenchmen are the best kissers, when it?s actually men of Jewish descent. Also, a recent survey found that Cajuns are the best lovers of any ethnicity.? Blushing, the woman adds, ?I?m sorry, I shouldn?t be saying all this. I don?t even know your name.? ?Tonto,? says the man. ?Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Boudreaux.? * * * * * * * * * * A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his cock on the counter. "Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop!" the shocked girl shouts. "I know", he replies. "I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this." * * * * * * * * * * Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. www.jokesbee.com :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-20-2006, 12:15 AM	#2
jeffrey Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alberta Posts: 1,864	Lol Nice __________________ Coming Soon!

12-20-2006, 12:30 AM	#6
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	lmao...... __________________ ...

12-20-2006, 03:16 AM	#8
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12-20-2006, 03:20 AM	#9
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	Pretty good... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

12-20-2006, 12:20 AM	#3
who So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ICQ #23642053 Posts: 19,593

12-20-2006, 12:28 AM	#5
SlamDesigns Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,339	LOL. The first one is funny as hell!

12-20-2006, 03:10 AM	#7
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Ok, thanks for the early morning laugh.

12-20-2006, 04:20 AM	#10
zandre Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Prague - Czech Rep. Posts: 281	:D good ones __________________ sign up with AWEmpire TrafficHolder.com - Buy/Sell Adult Traffic <a href="http://www.trafficholder.com/aff.php?zandre0">TrafficHolder.com - Buy/Sell Adult Traffic</a>

12-20-2006, 04:38 AM	#11
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	__________________ Make Money

12-20-2006, 10:05 AM	#12
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a goddamn checking account." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a goddamn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no goddamn problem." the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the goddamn lottery and I want to put my goddamn money in this goddamn bank." "I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?" www.jokesbee.com :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-20-2006, 10:17 AM	#13
gimo33 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,599	lmao! i love joke threads... __________________ Galleries that sells www.highendcreatives.com Avail of the $10 per gallery, promo!! Highend Designs at Low Price. Contact us now!

12-20-2006, 11:37 AM	#14
Praguer Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Prague, CZ Posts: 991	LOL @ the 1st 1 __________________ High Quality-High Definition Adult Content ICQ: 348740763

12-20-2006, 11:43 AM	#15
carol.prime Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Manila, Philippines Posts: 6,960	that was funny, specially on the first story...God, is it so easy to get laid these days? __________________ Prime Outsourcing \| offshore staffing solutions \| manual labor \| employee leasing \| full time employees starting at $695.00/month = managed and dedicated icq.: 309570461 live chat

12-20-2006, 11:53 AM	#16
bizarredollars Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: bizarredollars.com Posts: 1,582	Haha... The last two made me laugh __________________ [email protected] icq: 205-252-550

12-20-2006, 12:03 PM	#17
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	hehe nice ones

12-20-2006, 12:08 PM	#18
evilangelalex Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 242	Thanx, those were pretty fuckin funny... __________________ [email protected] Affiliate Rep ICQ#386601011

12-20-2006, 02:14 PM	#19
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	That gave me a chuckle... heh. __________________ [email protected]

12-20-2006, 02:18 PM	#20
HHwebmonkey Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: California Posts: 44	lmao!!!!! __________________ EMAIL: mojojojo [at] hushinc.com URL: http://www.hushmoney.com

12-20-2006, 02:23 PM	#21
GlydeGirl Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,516	Loved the jokes! Keep 'em coming!

12-20-2006, 02:50 PM	#22
sickkittens I am a meat popsicle. Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,100	Maybe alittle funny. __________________ HIGHEST PAYOUTS FOR NO-CONSOLE TOURS IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY! THIS SIG CAN BE YOURS FOR $200 - ICQ: 78881543

12-20-2006, 07:18 PM	#23
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-20-2006, 07:20 PM	#24
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	cute jokes

12-20-2006, 07:22 PM	#25
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	A nun wearing her black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her and punches her in the face. Before she can scream, he lands a quick jab and finishes with an uppercut. She goes down, and the drunk starts kicking her in the sides. A few of his friends run out of the bar, and as they pull him off the beaten bloody nun, he yells, “You’re not so fuck'n tough NOW are you, Batman!” :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-20-2006, 08:42 PM	#27
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

12-20-2006, 08:45 PM	#28
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Har har..those made me chuckle __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

12-20-2006, 08:47 PM	#30
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	ahaha good ones __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

12-20-2006, 09:20 PM	#32
Pedronas Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: 3fn.net Posts: 581	Lol haha Nice __________________ HUY

12-20-2006, 10:41 PM	#34
SPACE GLIDER Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,550	good one! __________________ EarnCoin - Revive Your Ratios Now! Pain Lessons \|Orgastic Shock \| Snatch Sizers

12-20-2006, 11:05 PM	#35
NemesiS876 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 7,436	Ha nice one